Gonna tuck this away behind a cut, because it reads as an incredibly self-important and vain humblebrag, but it is actually something that I struggle with, so I guess I'll say it anyway.
While I am obviously a big show-off who goes around unceasingly performing my best attempt at Charm and Wit, because I really truly think that all the world's a stage and desperately want people to think I'm a dazzling raconteur who they find enormously rewarding and fun to hang out with (because I also think I have no value outside being able to entertain others, haha, don't look at me), but sometimes it's like... very exhausting to be The Funny One and for most people I meet to not really have any interest in... me. Or in engaging with me as a person even a little, instead of just enjoying being around to hear whatever weird or clever thing I say next, because I'm Funny.
And I do like being funny, but sometimes I just want to have more people in my life who'd like me and want to spend time with me even if I didn't compulsively perform my 24/7 lifestyle stand-up comedy, y'know? And sometimes I want an improv partner to yes-and rather than an audience to be funny At.
And I also want to know how to consciously switch this shit off, because it's hard to be fair to my friends and give credit for sticking around even when I'm not On if I am almost always on, without any mechanism of turning it off besides being so distressed that all the masks slip away and I break.