#butsometimes

[maybe-a-little-wicked]

Disclaimer: I don’t normally do edits, and I am a Daenerys Stan, but I had this idea...

[miniaturebelieverbird]

Day 36: Green

Today’s Happy Thing: Anotha shorty

I had a lab exam today for one of my classes, and it went well! The set up was difficult because we had to find certain muscles and bones in the arm/hand...on a Skype camera. Last time we did a Lab Exam, I failed the first part and had to retake it before the next class. I have a hard time memorizing things/words if they sound/look the same. I was disappointed in myself that I confused a few of them in my head, but I wrote the right attachments/movements of muscles. This time, though, I studied for a couple of days and I GOT A PERFECT SCORE!! This is the first time that I have ever gottent this good of a score in this class. I feel so relieved now that it is over and the only thing I have left in this class is the final. And now, I have been procrastinating the rest of my homework that is due tomorrow because I feel so drained. My plan is to get up early and finish it before my skype meeting at 10. And afterwards: maybe a walk! Wish me luck!

-MBB, 04/21/2020

[miniaturebelieverbird]

Day 34: Green

I think I may try something new: writing a little excerpt everyday. I was browsing the ficiton tag last night and I absolutely loved all of the creativity that I was reading. I use to love to write using daily prompts, and it was something for me to do to get my mind off of stressful things. We shall see. 

Today’s Happy thing: Another short one!

My mom and I went on a walk today for the first time in a couple of days. Our weather here has been weird and we had snow and cold weather for the last 2 days. It was nice to be able to get out and smell the proverbial roses. I loved to see all of the wildflowers on the side of the roads, and the trees that are in bloom already. Interestingly enough, this is probably the earliest spring has come to my state in a few years. This both frightens me-- Hello, Global Warming-- and makes me happy. Although I love cuddling up in the winter, I need the sunshine and the outside of the spring in order to keep me sane. I love being outside and I would spend all day out there if I could. If only there were plug ins for my laptop so I can do homework :). Until one amazing person invents that, I will be content with taking walks everyday...or every other day. 

-MBB, 04/19/2020

[miniaturebelieverbird]

Day 33: Purple

Today’s Happy Thing: 

I woke up today, and the sun was shinning. That is my happy thing today. I got ahead with studying for a test on Tuesday, and I started another book today. I was feeling super down yesterday night right before I went to bed, and I couldn’t seem to shake that feeling. I just feel so alone, even in a house with 3 other people. I sit in my room and I stare at my blue walls while YouTube plays in the background. I remind myself of how many days until I was suppose to graduate and I look at my discarded softball schedule. I see that I still haven’t unpacked my clothes that I brought home with me from my house at school. I am stressing about moving. I am stressing about online classes. I am coming to the realization that I may not be able to work the job I love this summer, and I may not get to work at all. But my dogs were happy to see me when I got home from the store. My little one smiled his goofy smile from the deck, and my bigger one sat like the prince he is. The birds were singing this morning, and the robins were in our yards getting worms. Spring is here, and we are healing, ever so slowly. I see the protests that people are doing, and I am sickened at how reckless they are. I put more faith in God now, and I know that this will end soon. I just need to keep waking up, and seizing the day the best I can; Work with what I got. We all have to. Is it going to be rough? Heck, yes. And it is going to take time....loads of time. I find myself forgetting the tragedy that is going on around me and I feel guilty for that moment of bliss. I want to be out there helping in any way that I can, as I know some of you do. But the best way a mundane person like me can help is by staying home as much as I can. Gettting take out a few times a week to help those businesses around me, checking up on those I love who live farther away, and making sure my grandparents are taken care of. I am trying to keep a positive attitude for those around me because I am the queen of optimism; Life is too short for a negative attitude, in my opinion. And sometimes that is hard, especially now. My anxiety wants to get the best of my, but I cannot let it. I will sing along louder to my Spotify playlists, and I will read with a new gutso. I will ace this next test, and turn in my treatment plans before they are due. I will come out of this victorious; we will prevail. Just take a breath, and wait. And remember: sometimes, walking helps. 

-MBB, 04/18/2020

[miniaturebelieverbird]

Day 32: Blue

Today’s Happy thing: 

Another short one today, my dudes! I got to group facetime with my friends that are in my graduate program with me. I haven’t seen them in over a month, and I miss going to class and seeing them twice a week. It was nice to sit and catch up with them, and to check in with them. We talked about how they are dealing with online classes, upcoming assignments, and exams that we are nervous for. We talked for almost 2 hours, and I really, truly needed that. I have been feeling extra down lately and I needed some more light in my life. So, I recommend calling someone you haven’t talked to in a while and catching up. It will get your mind off of things, and create that relationship again. It is good to give a little kindness and social interaction with other people, especially those who might not have anyone else. Give that friend from soccer camp a call, or that boy you went to school with that you were friends with way back when. Trust me, it’ll make the world a little brighter. 

-MBB, 04/17/2020

[miniaturebelieverbird]

Day 30: Grey

Exactly one month in quaratine, and still kicking! 

Today’s Happy Thing:

This one is also going to be short. I was swamped with school work all day, and had lots of Skype Meetings. But, I was confident in myself with my major. I am fortunate enough that I was able to be in a program that let me apply for graduate school my junior year. I got in, and was able to take some of my graduate classes my senior year. I was really nervous when this started in August, but after this last test I took, I feel confident. There is a certain way we have to document our findings in our sessions with our clients and I have had trouble getting the hang of writing a SOAP note. The last question on this test was a SOAP note that took my 45 minutes to complete! I was so nervous that I wasn’t getting it right. When we got our results back today, I had gotten full points for it! I felt so much better after getting my results back, and I gained some confidence points. It made me fall in love with my major all over again and keep me hopefully for the future. I am so excited to work with kids when I get older, and I cannot wait to be able to go on my Level II fieldworks next summer and fall. That is another thing getting me through this chaos. I hope that you, reader, can find that thing in life that makes you smile wide, and makes your heart skip beats when you imagine yourself doing that job. Everyone needs that in their lives. 

-MBB, 04/15/2020

[miniaturebelieverbird]

Day 27: Pink

Today’s Happy thing is going to be a short one: 

Happy Easter, if you celebrate Easter! I was blessed enough today that I was able to spend it with my family, my quarantine crew. I went to go see my grandparents and talked to them for a while, and it was an overall good day! The thing that I am truly happy about is that I didn’t think of one negative thing today! I didn’t ponder-- of something great, my lungs will fill and then deflate...TOP??-- or dwell if this will ever end, or even when the date will be. I was content with my day and going through the day like it was any other Sunday. That’s progress for me. Usually I am so anxious about things that I tend to think about things until they come to fruition. Like, if I need to have a conversation with someone, I tend to think about all of the possible ways that it could go down until I actually have the conversation itself. I was working with a counselor this semester on ways to work through that, and it helped to talk things out with someone who really didn’t know me. I highly reccomend talking to someone if you need it, especially now. Using a fmaily member or friend is great, but sometimes the image they have of you in their head can distort their listening skills. I reccomend going to see a professional about what you need to talk about. I promise it will help! And after you do that, walking helps too. 

-MBB, 04/12/2020

[miniaturebelieverbird]

Day 21: lime yellow

Here we are.... 3 weeks in quarantine... and I have yet to cut my own hair. I am have contemplated it, actually, but I have resisted.

Today’s happy thing: 

My brother finally came out of his dark cave that is his room at around 3 pm today. He ate some scrambled eggs, and then went back in. I was working on a study guide for a test that I have to take tomorrow, and he came waltzing into my room. He asked if I had any soccer cones left, or if I took them all when I went to college. I didn’t know, actually, if I did or not, so we went exploring in the shed and in the attic of our barn. All we found in the dark barn-- jokes on us, we forgot to take a flashlight with us-- was a yearbook of when I was in 8th grade, and J was in 3rd grade. After cringing at the hair style I had, we decided to throw a tiny ball around, much to the dismay of our 2 dogs because they wanted to play catch. My dad came out of the house to see what we were doing, and then proceeded to find us 2 really tiny and really old baseball gloves. We traded the tiny ball in for a softball that I keep in my car, and we moved to the front yard to continue playing catch. Somewhere along the way, we got a football, and an old wooden bat that my brother keeps in his car. I can’t remember the last time that my brother and I played outside together, and I really enjoyed it. We goofed around, laughed until I cried, and took some trips into the ditches because my brother can’t throw a softball to save his life. This made me miss softball and I am still shredded that my senior season ended so early. But, because of my goofy brother, I was able to forget that for a minute, and it was nice to take a break from studying my butt off for this test. We stayed outside until we could barely see the fluorescent yellow of the ball, and we headed into the house. J immediately went back into his dark cave, and I went back to staring at my computer screen. That hour of fresh air really gave me the motivation I needed to finish my study guide, and I know it gave my brother a chance to get out of the house. My brother is one of my favorite people on this planet, and I truly miss him when I am up north for university. And even though he grumbles about it, I know he misses me too; the memes he randomly sends me say so. I highly doubt he will ever find this-- he thinks Tumblr is for “nerds”--, I want to say thank you to him. J, you get on my nerves like no one else can, but you can sense when I am down and need a break from everything. Thank you for making me laugh until I shoot milk out of my nose, and for doing random, mundane things with me. I know you just can’t wait until you move out and go to college, but please stop growing up. You are going to miss these days when you can stay up all night playing games and have no worries except that you have to go to your grocery store job 3x a week. I surely am going to miss doing stupid things with you when we both leave, but I know that you will always be down for an ice cream run. Staying home all day with us sucks, I know, but sometimes....being outside helps. 

-MBB 04/06/2020