Discover Top Posts Tagged with #butt scoot

Home Sweet Sunroom: The Beginning

This fanfic features my bittybones but is not part of the Bittybones series.

See end of fic for bittybones credits.

When I found out that our local eldritch abomination, Marsh, had created a bittybones version of everyone’s favorite bara cowboy skeleton, Mars, I decided that I simply must adopt one. Adopt one or die, I vowed, and I’m alive to write this. I painstakingly drafted, edited, and published (read: mailed) my application and waited (im)patiently for a response. As I mentioned before, I am quite alive, so you must have guessed that I received confirmation for my miniature Southern gentleman.

I couldn’t wait to bring him home, but first I had to create the perfect home to bring him to. I converted my sunroom into a bitty-sized farm, complete with astro-turf carpet and a small ranch style house for my Mars bittybones to live in. A cowboy needs livestock, so I visited the local pet store to round up some little doggies in the form of guinea pigs. I left the other bittys at home; two out of four of them (Ritz and Buttons) were well-behaved. I reassured myself that Red and Brassy could behave for just a few minutes as I left, feeling optimistic. I should have known better.

I returned with three cardboard critter carriers to find my Brassberry bittybones unashamedly peeing along the sunroom door threshold. At my surprised gasp, he glanced over his shoulder at me, nonplussed, still peeing, swaying his hips slightly for better coverage I suppose.

“Brassy!” I screeched, startling my precious cargo; the boxes emitted nervous whistles and the skittering of tiny feet.

“Yes?” He replied evenly. Unhurried, he finished, shook himself, and then regarded me with open innocence; I’m fairly certain my eye twitched. At the sound of a bittybones sized snicker, I whipped around to see my little Edgy bitty peeking around the hall corner, watching Brassy with apparent glee. Twitch, twitch.

I carefully deposited the livestock in the sunroom. I carefully pulled the door shut, avoiding the pint-sized puddle with a disgusted scowl. I pointed, first at Brassy who still regarded me with a look of misguided pride, and then at Red, who I suspected had something to do with this. “Family meeting. Living room. Now.” I growled, stalking off to find Ritz and Buttons, who were playing a game of Viva Pinata in blissful ignorance in the living room when the three of us arrived.

Ritz and Buttons paused their game and came to sit in front of me, with Buttons perched on Ritz’s shoulder to see better. Red sat down in a huff, knowing that he’d be catching the tail end of the trouble from this fiasco, and Brassy nestled down on the floor, still looking blissfully ignorant of his crimes.

I took a deep breath. “I should not even have to say this,” I started, “but there will be no more peeing in the house. Peeing in the house is officially banned.” Ritz and Buttons looked shocked, but then Buttons’ tiny skull slowly pivoted until he stared accusingly at Red. Nice guess, I thought at Buttons, but this time the culprit is Brassy.

(wait, does this mean we used to be allowed to pee in the house? because if i had known that...) Red quipped.

“No!” I shouted, throwing my hands in the air.

(but Assberry peed in the house! that’s not fair!) he argued.

“I wasn’t 'peeing in the house,' Momma,” explained Brassy imperiously. “I was marking so the new bitty would know that the sunroom is his and the rest of the house is mine.” He looked at me expectantly, as if I should congratulate his ingenuity.

(ours) grumbled Red.

“If Brass peed there, doesn’t that make it his?” asked Buttons, who had overcome his disgust to point out the hole in Red’s logic.

“Yes,” answered Brassy seriously, at the same time that Red shouted (NO!)

Glaring at Brassy, Red let his shorts drop to the floor, summoning an ectobody. (fine!) he hissed.

This time it was my turn to shout “NO!” Fortunately Crackers saved the day, face practically glowing with gray blush as he scooped Red into his goop, effectively covering him up and preventing him from doing anything gross.

“Thank you, Ritz,” I said as Red struggled and finally succumbed to his gelatinous black prison.

“N-no p-problem, Momma,” Ritz said, embarrassed by the praise, or perhaps concerned that Red might just decide to pee anyway.

“As for you-” I glared at Red “- and you-” I glared at Brassy with equal intensity “- you are both grounded. No desserts for a week!” Brassy pouted, but accepted the punishment.

(i didn’t even pee yet!) protested Red. His use of the word yet let me know that I had been wise to deal out anticipatory discipline. I had the feeling that Red would take the soonest opportunity to even the score by peeing in the house. I had come to accept his bad behaviors with little reaction or fanfare.

“Red, if you pee after I just warned you, Brassy will get your desserts for a week after you’re done being grounded.” Now both of my troublemakers were equally pouty, each rewarding my firm parenting with icy silence. Perfect.

Ritz released Red who sat on the floor pantsless, ignoring me. Brassy scurried under the couch to hide in shame. Buttons tugged at the tall Crackers bitty’s turtleneck and whispered quietly to him. I saw the taller bitty explain to the youngster that marking was an alpha thing and not to worry about it. Red did a rude little butt-scoot across the carpet before teleporting back to his bitty house, probably to slay some watermelons in Fruit Ninja... or pee on something important.

I sighed. I hadn’t even picked up my Mars bitty yet, and it turned out that I never would. Life is funny sometimes, ha-ha funny or weird funny depending on the situation, and the best laid plans of mice and men probably don’t work because mice don’t follow directions well. Either way, my days of mopping up jealous bitty pee were (hopefully) over.

The Beginning (you are here) | It Takes Two to Tango | An Egg-citing New Arrival

INDEX

Edgy bittybones by bittybones-au (Red) Brassberry bittybones by ammazolie (Brassy) Blank bittybones by gigglesbittyblog (Buttons) Crackers bittybones by skelegtvt (Ritz)

#vex-bittys #slice of life #home sweet sunroom #bittybones #bittybones-au #edgy bitty #brassberry bitty #blank bitty #crackers bitty #mars bitty #skeletalegastertalevoidtale #lordtypos #local eldritch abomination #butt scoot #well two of them are well behaved anyway #peppi #this is your husband