#bya stuff

[centurycolor]

so i woke up later than i wanted and was 5 minutes late to my court hearing and i was so nervous and scared haha BUT the judge waived both my fines and I’m fed and I feel very cute today so it is a good day so far! im excited to get home and get to work on my term assignments!

[centurycolor]

i just listened to pinocchio story by kanye for the first time and actually listened to the lyrics and there are real tears right now

[centurycolor]

ok now assuming he's NOT giving me any extra points on any of my tests, assuming he's NOT going to replace my lowest test grade with my final exam or my best test grade, and he's NOT going to give me any extra point to bump my grade up if i'm JUST barely below the C threshold, I just have to get an 80 on my last test and a 75 on my final

that's only a 16 point increase and then a 21 point increase respectively come on i can do this

[centurycolor]

i've been awake for an hour and today's already horrible

i overslept and missed my opportunity to get bonus points on my last calc test which i desperately need

and i forgot my calc homework at home which i actually needed to turn in for once

and my final is in 18 days and i have another test in calc BEFORE then

and i need to get a really good grade on both of those to pass even though i've yet to break 60 on a test

i can do it though, i have to

i believe in me

[centurycolor]

like, what's my fucking problem? am i studying wrong? because i do every fucking problem in the book that he tells us to do and any that i don't understand i go to tutoring until i can get it? and i can do it fine on paper but when i take the test i ALWAYS fuck it up every single time, since fucking freshman year of high school

[centurycolor]

every fucking time i put effort into studying i'm basically slapped in the fucking face

study all week for calc exam? questions on the test were all from the sections you skimped on because you thought they were easy, and you focused on the difficult problems which ended up not being on the test. 44/100. study all week for physics exam? questions on the exam were nothing similar to the ones on the actual exam. 5/50. 

host a study group for calculus, email the entire class multiple times and make an announcement in class? one person shows up.

study all week for a quiz, and feel confident how to do it? teacher skips the quiz and gives everyone a 100.

study all week for the second quiz, feel confident, oh hey look you accidentally studied the wrong section! (this just happened to me)

go to physics tutoring so you can figure out the formula to you mod/sim assignment? teacher just fucking gives it to you the next day, you wasted about an hour of your time for no reason. 

i don't fucking understand what's wrong with me, i'm trying so fucking hard and it feels like it's all for nothing sometimes

[centurycolor]

IM LAUGHING AT THAT SOUYO FIC BECAUSE its basically how me and aubry talk only im yosuke

fuck

[centurycolor]

Sorry for the erratic way I've been acting today/last night. I've had to make some serious decisions involving something very important in my life, and while it's very upsetting, I think there might be a resolution coming soon. This could end very good for both parties, or horrible for both. This couldn't have come at a worse time, honestly, as I'm about to be entering Exams Week (and I still have a massive programming assignment due on the 30th!). I'm feeling a lot better now; I got my jacket, I'm warm, I think I figured out how to fix this coding problem, and I'm listening to some old metal albums. The rest of today might not be easy for me, or the next few days or weeks, but I think I'm ready to meet it head-on for once.