#c.2013

[writingsofgvearwood]

Thoughts On . . .

Movies - Can't anybody sing and make me happy and feel good as I leave the theater anymore. Enough with the mundane visualization of life. Gone With the Wind - The best movie ever made and not because of its subject or period. It soared, it was honest, and it ended with the most classic cliffhanger ever! Opinions - If you know nothing of contrasting views, just shut up! I don't care what you believe simply because you made a choice without objective, intelligent questions in your mind. Religion vs. Science - Facts do not obviate the presence of divinity; however, how vain and egotistical that anyone could think their request for a lottery win or whatever human triviality could be of import. Heterosexual Women - penis envy. Gay Men - zealous penis envy. Straight Men - discrete, guilt laden penis envy. Lesbians - rubber penis envy. Penises - the joy and bane of man's existence. Art - if you look at it with your eyes, you missed the point. AARP - they could have found Osama Bin Laden the day he turned 50 and every day after that if someone had just paid the damned sixteen dollar annual fee. Soulmate - that one human being who knows you're full of shit and tells you when to flush. Soulmate - the person who understands your vanity and egotism and doubts, and considers our request for a lottery win or whatever human triviality to be of import. Funerals - the need to spend money and share with others your hatred and fear of death, in a dignified manner, whilst disposing of an empty, useless vessel. My Youngest Nephew - A hedonist without a dream in search of himself and confused as to purpose, yet gliding on his own steam of choices that are, whether in reality, good opportunities without expectation of outcome. A good soul who has always wanted to be more than he is, kinda. My Eldest Niece - a very ordinary woman whose every opinion can only be formed after fitful projections as to what her long-dead parent(s) might think or do, and then adhered to as an extension of the mourning process. Moderation - moderation in ALL things, including moderation. Farting - flatulence by any other descriptor remains mephitic, unpleasant, necessary, and as private as an expulsion of feces from the same source. Grapes - nature's candy, especially the seedless red ones. Lying - a means to obviate judgment, whether necessary; or, perhaps fulfilling another's expectations but probably what seems to be the easiest answer at the moment. Republican Money - the method by which one's importance to society is measured. Democratic Money - the method by which a government establishes one's importance to society is measured. Bullying - standing on another's shoulders to fool the herd into the perception that one is taller, somehow better than the shoulderer without whom to stand upon the bully would be equal to the sheep who would drink the sand, if told to .

[writingsofgvearwood]

Three Score Years

I know, I could have just entitled this 60 Years; however, three score has a bit less impact on the psyche.

It is unusually cold and, well, winterly outside replete with a couple inches of snow atop an inch of ice. That's very winterly in Atlanta. The grocery stores have sold out of bread and milk and beer (maybe not beer) and school closings are announced before such weather actually arrives. So, most everyone stays inside and watches continuous news coverage about the weather, snow scenes around the city, comments by a few of the stupidest residents, and of course, replayed similar scenes from previous years intended to by comparison exacerbate (if not exaggerate) the current worst storm. While trolling along on Facebook this evening, I was affected by the post of a young acquaintance who wrote, "Dinner in bed. No work tomorrow. Beautiful guy beside me and movies.... Goodnight America." After a necessary pause, I exhaled a sigh of delight as similar memories scurried around in my head, accompanied by the usual melancholy giggles.

Out of a five year spousal type relationship, there will be a few spikes on the happiness scale that will last for the balance of your life. The spontaneous moments of time when you and that one other person want to be together more than any other want ever wished, and it never matters what you do because you have turned two momentarily matching spirits into the joy, the joie de vivre that is the reason for life. A movie you want to watch for the fourth time even though you've rarely paid attention to its detail, but you both know certain lines by rote and always laugh and kiss after successful voice overs. A day spent traveling three hours in a car to have a two hour picnic before the three hour return drive, but the same trees pique the interest of both of you and you reach for a sure hand to squeeze just a bit, perhaps just to seal the moment. The spikes of such closeness and intense sharing are quite rare in any relationship, regardless of longevity. Some may enjoy such memories together, but the joy each feels and accepts at that moment remain part of each soul, each psyche, each life. That's the good stuff. That's living life, but only if you let yourself "go" and just have fun. Abandoning any distractions or logic - just be.

A gay, white man being sixty years old in 2015 is almost an anomaly. And for those of us still here, there are too many friends who died because of AIDS to leave the large circles of friends we enjoyed in our younger lives. Almost all of the shared moments of peace with long-time friends are mine alone. But that's the good stuff. I lived a lot of lives in my lifetime and soaked in every ray of joy and bliss and love that was available. Now that I am of the age when friends start dying because they've lived a full, long, life, I'm just a bit frightened. Not of the dying or even the just-being-fucking-old, but that I let even one of those most special gifts from the gods slip by without being touched again, without requiring the sighed exhale, replete with the melancholy giggle or laughter or spine shiver, or lump in the throat. Live, young people, but to paint the art that will be your sustenance in years to come, savor, bask, accept, participate, love and strive for those moments of honesty between your soul and another. Incomparable with any other emotion or memory, trust me.