❊ —- June Evaluation —- ❊
[Performance: Samsara - Tungevaag & Raaban Tina Boo Choreography]
The piercing sound from the beat and melody coming from the booming speakers fills the otherwise silent room making the air seem alive. This is one of her favourite parts when it comes to dancing. That moment when she is introduced to a familiar sound, the way the vibrations strikes her body, captures and observed into her very system. Simply feeling the rhythm and allowing her body to fully take over without much thought in it. Yet her mind burst in colours excited by the new stimulation. Everything just fades into the background, from the judges and to the purpose of why this routine is made and performed, for this brief few minutes she allows herself to just feel.
This time around instead of allowing the looming experiment and competition suffocate her with pressure, Chaeyeon allows herself to just enjoy the process. Similar to some of the other trainees part-taking in the whole competition, she has forgone the ‘pure’ girl concept some time ago. Maybe two months into the project, when her choices for solo performance did not necessarily reflect on the theme being pushed to them by Sphere. It was not as though she is going through a rebellious phase but rather using the solo performances as an expression of her own artistry. Whether it is that Sphere approves of her approach is something she still does not know but at least they have not eliminated her out of competition so that was something.
For a month she created and perfected this routine. Chaeyeon does not consider herself a veteran trainee or even a well-seasoned one, even though she is competing for a part to debut in the group. But she’s been around long enough to know that for a successful evaluation it’s not enough to just know a routine as though it’s always been a part of a trainee’s life but rather emotions and confidence must be clearly seen, as a performer. Her coach back in KT once said that is what truly distinguishes an idol from a trainee. As the music comes to a close, she hopes she’s able to show that to the judges, even if it's just a glimpse of it Chaeyeon would take the whole thing as a success.
❊ —- May Evaluation —- ❊
[Preperation + Mention: @rktaeyang]
Everything is quiet. With her back on the wall, she slowly slides down until she could crawl into the ball. She doesn’t remember how the whole day went by or how she got into the private practice room. All that matters is that she is finally alone.
Wretched sob tears away from her lips, tears finally pouring out of her as though she switches on a tap in her eyes. This is the first time she has seen him since they have broken up, Chaeyeon remembers more than enough his preferred days to visit the Samsung building to know when to avoid it. Or perhaps she was just lucky enough never to cross paths with him there. Well her fortunate has clearly run out.
She was getting better when it came to moving on from him, even found a way to be able to sleep properly without aching for him. Today was supposed to be one of those days that she finally allowed herself to do something relaxing outside the comforts of her own home or work. When they announced the three-day event, Chaeyeon took it as a chance to take her first step back into ’normal’ life. One could say she’s got the worst time ever, as she watched Taeyang walked into that ballet class earlier this morning.
With what felt like a herculean effort, she finally calms herself down. Wiping her tears away, she fishes for her water bottle inside her duffle bag, quickly taking big gulps as though she replenishing herself with the water she's lost. Chaeyeon sets it down beside her, almost empty, then proceeds to produce her music notes in one hand while the other plays out her chosen song for this month's evaluation on full blast. This was all done in a robotic manner. Yet the high, raw emotions were clear in her melodious voice as she has begun her practice that long evening.
Before you start your morning workout session, a staff member approaches you and Seo Youngho without giving much information and leads you to a private meeting room so you can talk properly. It takes the young man a couple of minutes to organize some papers and folders before turning his attention back to you. “Good morning! I’m sure you both are wondering why I called you here. Well, I know you have experience with modeling…” He starts but continues as he’s not expecting a confirmation. “As you probably know, Fashion Week season is is just around the corner and we approached the organizers to give some of you an opportunity to walk for one of their shows. Some brands showed interest and decided to invite you.” Youngho hears about his offer first, then the staff looks at you. “Now, Chaeyeon ! Your opportunity is with the brand Kye.”
He proceeds to open one of her folders and slide a sketch to you. “This is the outfit you’re going to wear on the runway, so we need to update your measurements and send it to them. I’ve already discussed it with your coaches and they allowed you to miss practice for a couple of hours for fittings and you get a day off on March 20th for the show.” He explains the other details, putting a soft tape measure on the table. “The final choice is yours, but I wouldn’t turn it down if I were you.” Once you’re done and you give your answer, he leaves the room and you’re instructed to return to practice.
People were buzzing. Walls were closing in. Pressure weighing down her shoulders. Tension wrapping itself around her thin neck. Everything is moving except Chaeyeon.
When the month started, the young trainee thought she had everything figured out. As though the stars have aligned and given her the break she worked so hard for. Away from the nagging of her mother, settling into a great circle of friends and making time to finally move forward in her relationship with Taeyang. Now opportunities knocking on her door, be it being a part of a debut project and this, a chance to walk the Seoul runaway. Everything was made.
But nights grew exhausting as she transitions from one company to another. It took her so long before she could finally get into a comfortable situation in KT that by accepting to be a part of the debut project meant that she would move into Sphere for a time being. Though she does have friends within the new company she is joining, routine in itself without the pressure to socialize is overbearing. Preparations for too many things in a new environment but Chaeyeon pushing through with her ambitions and perseverance.
The fashion show preparation though an easy concept became tedious. Times that could be spent to recover or more time in training is time given to fittings and ‘walks’. Her body taking a different sort of toll as the bruises appear in her calloused feet, trainers and heels are out to get her. Seconds spent barefoot are a special occasion. Another reason why she looks forward to going home, slipping in bed next to him, to fully recuperate in what she’s known to be her sanctuary- Taeyang’s embrace.
Yet she pushed through, Chaeyeon has only recently started to stand up on her own. Be it through physically leaving the confines of her parent’s home to taking sole decisions in both her career and private life. Even so, she carefully listens to her seniors and those who care for her, preferring to step towards the direction of their guidance. Old habits are hard to break.
So when he took a call to end it. She silently agrees, her heart and mind meeting as it breaks knowing-feeling that if this is what would make him happy then she would sacrifice her own solace to give him that. Chaeyeon knows that Taeyang loves her as shown through his consistent actions and reassuring words, she could feel it in every moment they spend together. This is exactly why she agreed to let him go because she feels the same intensity of adoration for him, she would do anything for him. Plus a striking punch of guilt that hits her when she realizes how much she’d neglected her love during her ambitious hours.
With all this to consider, everything moves except Chaeyeon. For that brief second, as she comes up and waits for her turn to walk that runway. Time stood still. Physically she no longer controls her actions, automated by routine engraved in her bones. Mentally her mind is numb, void of any thoughts that occupied it the last few days. Emotionally she is broken, no one told her this sort of pain existed, she wouldn’t wish it on even her worst enemy.
Suddenly, just as the hasty events that have occurred within the month, she is nudged closer to the runaway. There. She walks.
