Book Review: How To Win Friends and Influence People
Having a skill in an area by definition means that you’re effective in that area and therefore, you probably like that area – because who doesn’t like being good at what they’re doing? Only exception I can think of is Liam Neeson in Taken – “I have a very particular set of skills…”. Hopefully he didn’t take pleasure in those skills. I digress.
This was a primary reason for including How To Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie on this year’s book list. As our communication and interaction skills increase, so will our effectiveness and, hopefully, our enjoyment of it.
On to the book…it’s quite the classic because it was an early (written in 1936) and popular (15 million sold) source to outline effective etiquette for interacting with others. Although at times we may have felt Carnegie’s message was too basic or perhaps common knowledge, we all would be surprised how often these foundational tips get ignored in the average conversation – especially when we’re running around before a church service or getting ready to host a group or lead a meeting! This book reminds us that when you break it down, a conversation needs things like:
Interest in the other person
And to REMEMBER THEIR NAME!
It takes discipline to pray in the message of the book and begin using it in the everyday grind. As we use this truth in this book in our regular method of communicating with others we’ll see change quickly.
As a refresher, here is an illustration video that’s very effective in summarizing the primary focus of the book: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9X6z0PDLePE
BECOME A FRIENDLIER PERSON
Don't criticize, condemn or complain.
Give honest, sincere appreciation.
Become genuinely interested in other people.
Remember that a person's name is to that person the most important sound in any language.
Encourage others to talk about themselves and then LISTEN well.
Make the other person feel important - and do so sincerely.
The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
WIN PEOPLE TO YOUR WAY OF THINKING
Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say, "You're wrong."
If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
Get the other person saying, "Yes, yes" immediately.
Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.
Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.
Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.
Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
Let the other person save face.
Praise the slightest and every improvement. Be "lavish in your praise."
Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
