Seasons 4/26/15 9:23 A.M.
I've avoided the physical action of sitting down and writing for quite some time now. I think it's been because when I write, I ponder and when I ponder, I ask questions, and when I ask questions, I want answers. Sometimes I find that I receive immediate answers and other times, I'm forced to sit and wait. I think the waiting is what gets me sometimes. Waiting can be hard, really hard. I've never really liked waiting. I can even remember being a kid and always hating to wait. I think what's even worse is when you have to wait for something, not really knowing the outcome. I finally feel like I'm myself again. So much has happened over the past two months. Somethings I'm ready to write about, and other things, not so much. I don't mind new seasons, it's the transition between seasons that are difficult at times. Sometimes I feel like, as soon as I pull out my vintage oriental floor rug, hang up my African American Art, dust off all my hand- me -down records, and pull out all of my decorative oddities and rarities and get comfortable in a season, I feel that the very rug I stand on- though large and beautiful- is pulled from beneath my feet causing me to trip. Rug burn usually occurs. Is it considered lost or wavering faith if, I now expect the rug to be pulled from under sturdy ground? Perhaps that's just it: I'm building on rugs when I should build on hardwood floor. Solid ground. It's like the foolish man in the bible who builds his house on sand, expecting the house and foundation to stand tall in a storm- in a transition in life. Certain things you just don't forget. I can forget summer of 2009, when I was out of job and my parents didn't have money to help out, I can't forget the time I fell in love with jazz and blues, I can't forget the time when I stepped into C3 NoHo for the first time and put down my traveling clothes and dusty bag because I was home, I can't forget the first time I decided I wanted to be a director and the joy it brought me, I won't forget this season I just came out of and how hard the transition was.. is. Yes. I do believe that I am in fact still transitioning. But honestly what has kept me, has been God. God has been the only thing in my life that has been systematic. I hate to refer to God as systematic. SMH. What I'm trying to say is, I believe when God becomes first in ones life, all other concerns about well being-etcetera- fall into place. Feels good to move forward and to build my house on solid ground, so that when the next storm comes- and it will- my house will be in order. Unshaken. Unmovable. I don't regret building on that oriental rug- it's vintage. All jokes aside, If I hadn't, I wouldn't know how it felt or the consequences of building on rugs. I know for next time. I blame my mother for buying vintage oriental rugs. Feels good to be writing again.