#caleb-maddox

[firelord-zuzu-the-jerkbender]

[Image Description: A semi-realistic pencil drawing of Zuko from Avatar: The Last Airbender. The right side of his face is visible on the page, coloured in grey pencil. He has a wide nose and a large, red burn scar shaped like a handprint over his eye and cheek, causing his eye to be slightly misshapen. His mouth is covered with duct tape, which is slightly ruffled. He is crying, blue tinted tears catching on the ridges of the scars. His ear is burned and misshapen, a fair portion of the shell and lobe of his ear missing. His hair is black loose across his face, just past his eye, but no hair covers his eye. His eye is coloured hazel, almost golden like in the show. End ID]

So, I decided to try and draw Zuko as my first fanart here! I spent 7 hours on it because I don't practice art much as I should but I'm lowkey proud? (Click for better quality)

[whoredad]

UR URL YOU'RE RIGHT AND YOU SHOULD SAY IT I'M GONNA SCREAM~nicostolemybones

THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME SPREAD THE GOOD WORD

[firelord-zuzu-the-jerkbender]

@atlaonline event 01: get to know the members ➢ favorite character: Zuko

Bad skin? Normal teenagers worry about bad skin. I don't have that luxury. My father decided to teach me a permanent lesson on my face! 

[Image Description: a screenshot of young Zuko being bitten on the ankle by a turtleduck. His leg is raised enough that the turtleduck dangles off the path. He has his eyes scrunched and teeth gritted in pain. "Turtleduck pond" is written across the image in pale cursive letters". End ID]

Tw: references to canon childhood abuse (burning)

For a while, Zuko had been unable to come here. Sure, he had lots of great childhood memories of the turtleduck pond, but the more time he spent travelling with the avatar- and the more he'd seen Sokka and Katara with their dad, with each other, the way Toph's parents, whilst restricting, seemed to care about their daughter's wellbeing- the more any positive memories burned to gold and crumbled away. It was hard to look at the positives without remembering how desperately he'd clung to them, to the point that they pulled him closer to his family. Every time he gathered the strength to walk away, he missed the good times, missed the rare glimpses of a happy childhood, and he was sucked right back in.

The turtleduck pond was a reason to stay, in the times he couldn't convince himself of any other reason. It was tranquil, open air, a little escape where he felt hidden away. And he'd watch the turtleducks swim for hours, would come back as often as he could, watch as the chicks grew up. He'd try to feed them bread from his palm, but they wouldn't come up to him at first. Azula would feed them by throwing the food at them, so Zuko tried to copy, and that had gotten Zuko bitten and chastised. He felt guilty about it for weeks, stopped visiting. 

When he came back, they were scared of him. Every time he lightly threw the bread into the water, they'd scatter and swim away until he left. It took a while before they stayed as long as they used to. Zuko would talk to them, sometimes vent to them, and they'd sometimes quack as though they were answering. In a way, when Uncle Iroh and his mom wasn't around, it felt like the turtleducks were the only ones who listened to him.

Returning to the turtleduck pond held a painful nostalgia, a deepest rising anxiety telling him to run, that it wasn't safe here. It took him a while to remind himself that when he left the pond, his father wouldn't be waiting for him.

The turtleducklings had all grown in the three years he was away, and now new ducklings swam around, hesitant to swim too close to him. It felt eerie, being here with the knowledge that as soon as Azula came the turtleducks would flee usually, but Azula wouldn't be coming. She wouldn't be coming to throw bread at the chicks, or push Zuko in when she told him that he was safe and she wouldn't. And it felt eerie knowing that when he chose to leave, he wouldn't be desperate for his father's affection, now knowing how cruel Ozai would be, especially when Zuko was late to dinner. It felt melancholy knowing his mother wouldn't be joining him, but she could, one day. She was alive.

He'd been so small when he used to come here often. Of course, he used to think he was grown, mature, but he was just a kid forced to grow up too fast. He remembers the odd feeling that sitting by the turtleduck pond made him an adult, because kids ran around and played tag whilst adults sat around and drank tea. It was absurd, of course, but kid Zuko didn't care. If they treated him like he should be mature, like he shouldn't get into trouble or speak out of turn, whilst also treating him like a child and leaving him out of everything, then he felt like maybe if he acted grown up they'd treat him better for it. 

He wondered what would have happened if he'd been wiser as a child, if he'd accepted his place, if he'd stayed out of that war meeting.

He screwed his eyes shut, focusing on how his scar tightened, how the skin stretched. It didn't hurt now, but the sensation was different. He could feel the tightness around the edges and around his eye, the way the scar tissue was damaged and had lost its elasticity, but often, if he ghosted his fingers across the surface, he felt nothing. The burn had led to him losing some of the sensation on his skin. He ran his fingers across the rough flesh, pressed his palm lightly to it. It almost fit perfectly, so Zuko folded his arms and snapped his eyes open. He shakily lifted his hand, wondering how similar it was to Ozai's hand, if his hand would be just as destructive and permanent. To be hurt by his father's hand was one thing, but to look upon his own hand and wonder what destruction it could cause was another.

He took a shaky breath, and reached the same hand out to the turtleducks, palm full of bread.

Slowly, one of the turtleduck chicks made its way to him, climbing onto his palm and taking the bread. It gave Zuko a small reassurance, that he could use his hands for good, that the turtleducks were always going to be there when he needed them to be. Maybe he wasn't a monster. 

[firelord-zuzu-the-jerkbender]

Curled Up Small

Read on AO3

Tw: references to canon child abuse

Sokka didn't exactly know what he'd done to be blessed like this, but he wasn't going to question it. They were travelling overnight, taking it in shifts to pilot the bison, keep a lookout, and sleep. Aang was piloting currently, Katara keeping a lookout. Toph was sprawled out in the middle, and Zuko? They certainly hadn't fallen asleep close together, but Sokka had woken up with a dead arm and the firelord napping on his chest. Zuko had his face buried in the fabric of Sokka's shirt, gripping it in his hands like a blanket. 

Sokka was beginning to get cramp in his legs, but every time he shifted, Zuko whined softly in his sleep and frowned, holding him tighter. Sokka didn't have the heart to wake him up, not when he looked so comfortable and restful. Zuko didn't sleep much, and often when he did sleep, it was fitful, full of thrashing nightmares and abrupt wakings. He only really slept peaceful when he was completely exhausted, or when he felt completely safe, although that wasn't always a guarantee. This seemed to be a decent night for Zuko, so it was the right thing to do, really, to let him nap. 

And maybe… maybe Sokka was being a little selfish, enjoying being so close to such an oddly cuddly firebender. There was no way he could cuddle Zuko like this out of the blue, so if Zuko decided that Sokka was a pillow, then Sokka was a pillow if it meant being close to him.

Sokka couldn't help but make small observations about Zuko like this. He didn't snore, but he did exhale tiny puffs of smoke through his nose, kinda like what Sokka would imagine a baby dragon to be like. He breathed slow and calm through his nose- his breathing was barely audible, but his chest moved as he breathed each time. Zuko had freckles, Sokka noticed, but they were pale and barely visible. You had to be close to notice them, but they were dotted over the bridge of his nose and across his cheekbone. Sokka wondered what the freckles on his left would have been like before.

Sokka had the urge to pet his hair, kind of like if the firelord was a cat- although, Sokka figured he shared some traits with cats, like being an asshole for no reason sometimes, being angry but tiny… Sokka reached out, gently smoothing Zuko's hair back behind his ear, lightly scratching at his scalp. Zuko huffed a puff of smoke out of his nose, a few embers landing on Sokka's shirt. He smiled slightly in his sleep, and if Sokka wasn't in love before, he certainly was now. 

Zuko shifted, and for a moment, Sokka feared he'd woken him, but instead Zuko put his leg over Sokka's and rolled further onto his chest. Sokka was pretty sure he was gonna have the worst case of pins and needles when the guy woke up, but for now, he didn't mind. Zuko looked comfortable, and he deserved to be comfortable. He'd suffered so much, struggled so much. Maybe Zuko would only have a brief respite from all of that pain in moments like these, but that's what made them so special. Sokka wanted Zuko to rest, to recover, to be okay.

Zuko shivered, and Sokka supposed it was probably pretty cold for him. The fire nation was hot, even of a night, but where they were now, above the ocean, it was freezing. And whilst Zuko had spent time at sea, he'd been surrounded by fire there, and he had a room indoors. There wasn't a warm campfire or a roof on Appa, and whilst Sokka didn't find it particularly cold, he was used to polar conditions, so he supposed Zuko, who grew up in a warm climate and only carried thin clothes, was probably freezing his nuts off. 

Sokka reached for one of the spare blankets in the pile beside him and carefully wrapped it around Zuko, bringing it over his ears to keep them warm but making sure his mouth and nose weren't covered so he could breathe easier. He even managed to get the blanket over Zuko's feet, so his feet wouldn't get cold. Zuko mumbled, pulling the blanket over his head and burying his face further into Sokka's chest, but aside from that, he didn't rouse from sleep, his breath soon evening out again.

Zuko slept peacefully through most of the night, but at the first peek of sunrise, he slowly began to stir. At first, he just huffed, frowning and burying himself deeper in the blankets with an indignant huff of smoke embers from his nose, drifting back into a short nap before consciousness seemed to slowly start to return. 

And that's when it occurred to Sokka that he was cuddling the firelord, his completely platonic buddy who Sokka had non-platonic feelings for. Zuko shifted again, knee painfully digging into Sokka's thigh. Zuko frowned, forcing his eye half open- the scarred eye was still sealed shut with sleep, and Zuko was trying to blink the sleep away before he sighed and tried to settle back down for another nap, although it was only a minute of shuffling and elbows digging into Sokka that Zuko gave up sleep with a soft groan. 

"Morning," he mumbled, blindly reaching out and patting Sokka's face as he opened his eye a little bit. He cupped Sokka's jaw and kissed him softly without thinking, snuggling back onto Sokka's chest to try and sleep again, and Sokka was having a fucking crisis because Zuko just kissed him good morning and they weren't even dating, were they dating? 

Sokka didn't get to overthink it before Zuko shot up, eyes wide open. "I. Uh." Zuko blushed a blotchy, mottled puce, cheeks ruddy with probably embarrassment and humiliation, and it occurred to Sokka that Zuko hadn't really thought about it, that he'd just kissed Sokka like it was normal. "Um. I- I'm sorry," Zuko apologised, scrambling across to the other side of the saddle. He hunched over completely, folding in on himself like he was ashamed, and he looked about ready to cry.

Sokka took a few moments to process what happened, before slowly moving to sit beside Zuko. Zuko didn't move away, although he did look away. Sokka caught a glimpse of a tear running down Zuko's cheek, heard a quiet sniffle. So he was crying, after all. "Zuko…"

"I said I'm sorry, please, just, leave me alone!" Zuko's voice was breaking, vulnerable. He looked and sounded small, like he was trying to make himself small… Sokka had seen Zuko the opposite, had seen him explode with anger when he felt threatened. He'd scowl and yell and puff his chest out and he'd physically fight anyone, especially if they were taller than him, but now…?

Now Zuko was trying to protect himself, trying to make himself small and invisible. It looked like his hunched posture was an attempt to protect himself, to protect his body. He kept his arms and legs locked tightly in front of his torso, head ducked down and face protected. 

He looked scared, like he was waiting to be hurt, to be yelled at or pushed, maybe hit, or… or burned…

Fuck.

Sokka's heart dropped, because he'd never fully registered just how hurt and traumatised Zuko was until now. "Zuko…" he began gently, careful to keep his tone soft, "I'm not mad at you, or upset. I- I promise. I just want to talk…"

"I'm sorry," Zuko repeated, "I- I won't kiss you again, I- I am so, so sorry that I- that I kissed you, and, I understand if you're uncomfortable about it, and I'm sorry I-I'm gay!"

"I'm not uncomfortable," Sokka replied gently. He scooted closer a little, but Zuko flinched, so Sokka didn't get any closer. "And, there's nothing to be sorry for. You were half asleep anyway, and… I guess maybe I… kind of don't want to forget it happened." Sokka took a measured breath, reluctant to confess whilst Zuko was so upset and distressed, but he knew that if he'd kissed Zuko half asleep, he'd rather be nervously asked out than pretend it didn't happen and have his heart crushed. "I liked the kiss," Sokka confessed quietly. 

Zuko inhaled sharply, going rigid, before he breathed out slowly, his breath shaking, but he relaxed his posture slightly. "Y… you…?"

"I like you," Sokka confessed carefully, "a lot. I'd like to fall in love with you, and all that soppy stuff. Not that I'm not already in love with you, but, I'd like us to fall deeper in love together, if that makes sense? So, uh… yeah, I'm into dudes too." 

"I-" Zuko cut himself off, taking a measured breath and breathing out a small poof of flames. "Have been flirting with you since I joined team avatar," he continued, which certainly isn't what Sokka was expecting, but he certainly wasn't against this unusual development. "Thank you for noticing." That smirk Zuko gave him in the cooler when he breathed fire did things to Sokka, and now Sokka knew that it was meant to. Oh boy, Zuko was good at this and Sokka was screwed. 

"Oh," Sokka replied eloquently, because he was smooth like that. "Cool! Wanna, uh..."

"Do an activity together…?" Zuko added awkwardly, and Sokka snorted at the irony- he'd once said that to Yue, and it was oddly reassuring and endearing to find out that Zuko was just as bad at this as Sokka was. He was an awkward little turtleduck.

"Sounds good," Sokka replied, reaching out to rest his hand on top of Zuko's. Zuko smiled softly to himself, blushing, so Sokka added, "and you're free to nap on me whenever you need to." Zuko lightly shoved him over with a smile.