in previous years the fires have always felt distant. none really in my area. nobody i know in danger. just the haunting orange of the sun through the smoke. that isn’t to say i didn’t care. but i had no idea how much it hurts. hell i’m still on the periphery, i’m still protected from the fires by southbound winds and a whole mountain range. but the czu lightning complex... it hurts so much. there are so many places there that i have been, that i have loved. places where i have laughed and cried and made memories. i chose my name on a camping trip to black mountain, the tallest mountain in the santa cruz range. it’s barely a mile outside of the evacuation zone. russian ridge, where the grandmother and uncle i never met are memorialized, is inside the evacuation zone. and those are just mountains. burn the trees, scorch the soil, they’ll still be there. the pain of losing them seems so heavy and yet it barely holds a candle to the rest. cabins, ranches, towns, cities. native species and heritage breeds. i.. don’t know what to say. i don’t know what to do. the coast is my home away from home. i don’t want to lose it.