#calia

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danggg im so cringe. how can ppl easily talk about what they like or are passionate about effortlessly and continuously? I struggle sm with sharing not bc of shame or anything but I am not really as invested or interested in my own thing but when there is an instance i try to do it, I only feel like I'm performing. girl has no autonomy

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experiencing body pains such as uncomfortable stomach pains and chest and back pains caused by mental illness and other factors with an addition of insomnia

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so many ppl and news of death near me... me next 🥰

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if I had a doppelganger, I think theyd do better at life than I am. Or maybe I can coach them but I'd hate her

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I really don't believe in reincarnation but if it is, I hope the me in another life even if it's no longer me, meets the people I have now and deal better with them and with life.

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there's something liberating with me deciding to do it next year that I can be a little more honest, care less, and just let go. I don't like it, of course, at least with letting go but I feel more at peace even if it's lonelier.

everythings been kind to me recently but my mind keeps going places. The harder I try to reroute, it comes back harder and harsher.

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to me,

i created this blog out of impulse because i wanted to write somewhere. i easily could have wrote in my x one but this blog will also serve as a project, as a memory, as something to look back into. this site has features the other app could not, especially with the tag aspect, that will help a lot for this one!

it's completely unnecessary to do this, some part of me wants to be found but mostly hidden because i think the things i will put here will be things i find shameful about myself yet i still do this anyway. im confusing. even if i were to be found by my friends, would they know it's me unless I explicitly state so?

this blog is a live letter, a diary, of all my thoughts, my small world that i don't get to tell my friends and family because i feel ashamed, shy, or i do not wish to burden them. even if I know they wouldn't mind... sometimes there are things that just has to be for yourself.

there is no goal here. ill just keep doing this, writing, reblogging until i can no longer do so because honestly, at this phase of my life, things feel ...nothing. eventually, ill get to talk about it but i doubt anyone would understand and that's okay.

one day, ill not be here anymore but ill at least leave something because ppl might look for answers, I'm not sure if they'll find it here cuz i can't even understand myself. I'm just here to confuse you more LOL. im just selfish.

but if by some miracle, i choose to keep going and things look up later, i can keep this to myself. I survived. I think that's all that matters!

love, 💘