#callmeelle

[theessencesofme]

Entry 2: People Only See What The Want To See

"People Only See What The Want To See" - the statement has so much truth to it it can never be completely understood. As humans we are compelled to this idea of perfection, or a blissful utopia completely free of grief, unhappiness, frustration and angst. I know that I speak for myself when I convinve myself that things are better than they are by only focus on the brighter side. But when there is no bright side to look towards, we discard the emotions, the happenings, the situations completely. I am not a happy-go-lucky person. Some people may say I am, but those who truly know me will say "she smiles but her eyes are torn". Which I am. I wouldnt go as far as to say I am a tortured soul, because I am not. I am a normal girl with teenage insecurities that are simply heightened because of my sensitivity. I have tried to self-harm but I could never go through with it because it would be adding on a physical label to my pain that would brand me and publicise my internal conflicts. I have considered suicide but then I think of the people I love and who I am too selfish to leave behind. However, in reality, I will never be completely sure they love me to the same extent. They may say the words and do occasional acts to express their feelings but there will always be doubt. The amount of times I have tried to tell these people that I need help are too many to count. Ocassionally, someone tries to help, but when I seem unresponsive to their advice or guidance, they give up. That's usually when my relationship with them ends. However, more times that others, I speak of my struggles and they get overlooked. Even the person that matters the most has overlooked them. Sometimes, I wonder if he actually does read my confessions. Because his replies never indicate that he does. All I want in my life, is to find that one person who will see my fears, my insecurities, my burdens and try to help me. And when I don't respond, they'll still stay and try harder. All I want is for someone to see all of me...not just what they want to see....

[theessencesofme]

Entry 1: Good Morning

Greetings. you can call me Elle. I’m a senior in suburban Sydney, Australia. There isn’t much I want to tell you because I want you to get to know me through the entries I write.

To tell you the truth, The Essences of Me was created as an outlet - a way to unleash my emotions and unwind after a long hard day. Being a senior student is stressful. Everyone who is one or has ever been one knows that. Juggling that and a casual job is stressful. Mix in your social life & family life into that combination and you have one hell of a confusing mess. And sometimes, on those really terrible days, all your worries and insecurities add on like a cherry and sprinkles on top. So you can see why I might worry about my sanity during the next two years.

Once again, I am not writing for anyone but myself. But…if as Marshall Mathers III once said in his latest collaboration with Rihanna “if one kid out of a hundred million who are going through a struggle feels it and then relates, that’s great”.