i'm finally writing properly again, gay people with mental issues are so <3, and i cannot stop thinking about marcia they are very cute and wbk ilove spice so much, cheers to aubrey for giving me a fic title bc i lost my titling ways in the great war of 2023 (not posting for ages)
they/them marcia, she/her spice, (luxx is there for like two seconds but they/she)
ao3 link
Marcia’s head spun as they stood up to answer the soft knock at the door. Who was the poor soul about to interrupt their mental anguish?
Opening the door, Spice beamed back at them, her bright blue eyes such a contrast to Marcia’s sullen brown ones. Spice for all her friendliness was an absolute idiot to put it nicely, she cocked her head in confusion when Marcia didn’t say anything, just staring at her as she stood in the doorway.
“Uh, you okay?” Spice’s eyes darted around, taking in the withdrawn Marcia in front of her. Though they were quite a bit taller, they seemed to have shrunk, shoulders caved inwards as their head hung downwards, as if making eye contact with her was the worst possible thing to do at that moment.
“Fine.” Short, cold. Two words that rarely describe the blonde’s tone. They were all but begging to be left alone, for Spice not to pry and go off somewhere and forget about the state she had seen them in.
“You don’t look it.”
So much tact, Marcia bit back the snide remark, being rude wouldn’t help this. They just wanted to be alone.
“Thanks.” It came out forced, their voice cracking slightly, shoulders hunching in more when Spice leant into their personal space to look more carefully.
“Have you been crying?”
“Luxx isn’t here, there’s no point hanging around.” Deflecting, Marcia shrugged, about to slink back to their bed before Spice spoke up again.
“Don’t ignore me, have you been crying?”
They stayed silent, sitting back on their bed with the door still wide open. Spice took a step inside, closing it quietly behind her before slowly walking to hover by Marcia’s side.
“Can I touch you?”
They only nodded, chest tight just at the thought of having to verbalise anything.
Spice sat down next to them, wrapping her arms around their shoulders and pulling them into a tight squeeze, her grip loosened after a second, though refused to leave. Marcia tensed up at the contact at first, though relaxed into it when Spice’s hand wandered to gently stroke their hair.
“I know that look, that feeling. It hurts and you don’t wanna talk about it cause that makes it more real, right?”
A muffled hum of agreement came out of the blonde, burrowing their way into Spice’s shoulder as she kept her grip on them.
“Sometimes i get like that after class, everyone always knows what they’re talking about and sometimes it feels like whenever i breathe everyone’s attention is on me cause i’m the dumb one.”
Marcia hummed again, leaning their head into Spice’s hand as she continued to talk.
“It sucks but I get it, I promise I’m not like them.”
“I thought you were only nice to me cause I'm friends with Luxx.” Marcia finally spoke, the tightness of their chest receding as Spice continued, like she was talking to an old friend and not a friend of a friend who she’d never been alone with.
“No? You’re nice! Of course I'd be nice back. I can’t be mean to pretty- uh- well you’re not a girl are you? Are you just Marcia? I know that’s what Luxx says, she’s just Luxx. Or are you a girl but not a girl, some people are like that-” Spice’s rambles got interrupted by a quiet interjection from Marcia
“You can call me a girl if it’s easier.”
“But do you want that?”
“....no.” It took a lot out of them to say that, mulling over what they really did want. Sure the word girl getting used for them made their insides crawl and twist into a knot but they didn’t want to be a bother.
“So what would you rather?”
“I guess a person? I’m just a person. Just Marcia.”
“Okay, I could never be rude to a pretty Marcia”
“You’re silly.” Marcia muttered, finally moving to look at Spice, taking in the soft smile on her face, the way her expression seemed so genuinely caring, the way she continued to squeeze them at any sign of distress.
“I try.” She giggled, Marcia realised they’d never spoken for this long before, they never made her laugh before. Luxx’s obsession with Spice was becoming a lot more understandable the longer they talked.
“I think you’re pretty too. You’ve got a kind heart under all that silliness.”
Spice’s face shifted, her eyes widening as her pale complexion gave way to turning a similar shade as Marcia when they spent too long in the sun. Her eyes darted down, smiling nervously in a way that made her ever cuter.
“Do you want to talk about what’s bothering you?”
Marcia hesitated, though the comfort they felt when next to spice broke down that barrier, the anxiety of letting their innermost worries be known.
“I just, I think i’m too much. Like when I correct people. I know how I look, that I don’t say much when people use the wrong words. Or that I talk too much and I’m annoying. Or why can’t I know what people mean all the time, why does every conversation leave this nagging feeling that I’ve done something wrong even when someone’s made it clear I haven’t. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, what did I do to feel like this?” Marcia blinked, letting all their feelings tumble out without a second thought before processing and instantly turning into a river of apologies.
“You didn't ask for all that you were just being nice I’m sorry-”
“Don’t be. I asked. I wanted to know.”
“Okay, I’m s-”
“No. No you’re not. No being sorry for being sorry.” Spice interrupted a second time, her tone pointed enough to be serious but not enough for Marcia to think they did something wrong.
“Okay I’m not sorry?” They hesitated, snickering slightly at how it sounded.
“Exactly! Now you’re getting it!” There was the gleeful grin she always wore, Spice’s hands finally moved from Marcia’s shoulders, one travelling to wrap around their waist while the other came to squeeze their hand.
“If anyone ever makes you feel like that, just remember you’re not the only one. You’re not broken, we’re just different.”
“I wish we weren’t. I wish I could be normal.”
“I do too sometimes, but other times I’m glad to be the way I am. Other people are so boring, where is their passion? Their creativity? Plus it makes you hotter to be a bit silly.
“You know that well?”
“Of course, I’m the silliest, hottest girl in the city.”
“I wish I had your confidence.”
“Truthfully I just fake it, I’m nowhere near as confident when Sugar isn’t around. She’s the smarter one, I’m just the silly one who makes people laugh.”
“I don’t think so, I think you’re great in your own ways. You can recognise feelings in people without them saying anything.”
“I guess so, I don’t know why we don’t talk more, you’re cool Marshie!”
Any calmness in their body quickly vanished as another knock came at the door, their whole body tensing with a nervous tremble. Spice’s eyes narrowed, squeezing their hand before making her way to the door.
“It’s okay, I'll handle it.”
Luxx stared back, raising an eyebrow at the nervous looking Marcia and Spice staring back at them.
“Should I come back later?”
Spice glanced back to Marcia, shrugging as they looked confused, then overwhelmed as the chatter from the hall came through the open door.
“I’m gonna say yeah, I don't think they’re doing good enough for more companies right now.”
“Fair, I’m gonna go bother Mistress, bitch stole my straightener and hasn’t given it back.”
“Ooh, tell her I said hi.”
Luxx left after that, leaving Spice to silently pull the door shut and lock it once more, scooping the nervous Marcia back into her arms and letting them cry it out.
Muffled sobs soaked through her shirt, though Spice chose not to say anything, holding them gently while their body shook with another pained whimper. The tears slowed after a while, though their head never left its place burrowed against her shoulder.
“It’s okay. I’m here. No one’s getting through me. I won’t let anyone see you like this. I promise.”
“Thank you.” Marcia weakly mumbled, tightening their grip on Spice when her body shifted ever so slightly. As if any sudden movement could pull the one comfort they had in that moment away.
It didn't occur to either of them that this was the closest they had ever been, that some unknown tension had lifted the second Marcia opened up and Spice joined them. It was too much to think about in the moment, but Spice felt something change, her heart sunk at every cry the blonde let out and fluttered when they flashed a small smile whenever she’d try and lighten the mood with a bad pun.
“So, if I wanted to call you cute again, could I call you aww-cia?”
“You’re so dumb.”
“No, I’m Spice.”
Marcia rolled their eyes at that, though the fond smile on their lips dissolved any malice it could have had. Spice continued chattering every thought that came into her head to fill the silence, occasionally joined by the taller blonde though they preferred to sit and listen, feeling calmer the more she went on and on. Even if she jumped between topics every 30 seconds, there was something comforting about hearing Spice’s rambles.
“And then I asked if she was a porch or a bike person and-” Spice trailed off, curiously noting the lack of any real response from Marcia before she noticed their eyes having shut, still leant against her chest, their own body gently rising and falling with calm breaths.
Spice smiled to herself as she leant back to stretch out, allowing Marcia to stay in her arms as she did so. How did she never notice how cute they were before that day. Being close to them like this, she could get used to it.
