Uncertain.
I really dislike this feeling.. I'm afraid to hope that everything will be okay just to have it shatter. I'm scared I'm going to say something stupid that will ruin everything. I have no idea how long I'm going to feel like this, and really all I can do is just take everything one day at a time. I hate feeling so paranoid but I can't help it, I don't want to lose someone so important to me.
Sigh.. this is how my over-thinking gets me all twisted around. I really need to stop worrying over the things I can't control. I'm doing my best to focus on the good and positive things, but those nagging thoughts keep slipping in. It's like right when I start allowing myself to just be happy, the panic of it being taken away sets in. It's probably from all the disappointment from others and in myself, it's like I expect it.
I've let go of a lot, but there's still a few issues from my past that are reminders. I don't want to forget and act like they never happened, I want to remember what never needs to happen again. The people who act like they didn't do anything wrong, who show no remorse, are the ones who didn't actually learn from it. I've done some shitty stuff, but I'm not a shitty person.
I just hope one day I can feel that safeness again, and not be scared of everything falling apart.