Gif by @pharawee
Neither of them are sure of what they’re doing. All they know is that they are doing it, tentative and scared. Each knows they want to kiss the other, but neither are sure of the other’s feelings.
Still Kenta leans forward towards Pete, to be close to him. To feel at least a piece of the intimacy that he doesn’t have with anyone else. The feeling of friendship and the small kernel of love that is growing inside his heart. But it scares him more than anything because he knows that all of those things that Tony says about him are true. He knows in his bones that he is not worthy of Pete, that Pete is destined for better. A better life, a better future, a better lover. Still if he can steal just this moment of closeness before Pete pushes him away, he’ll be happier than he’s ever been, more than he is deserving of.
But Pete is the one who kisses Kenta. He leans forwards and oh so gently kisses the boy he might just love. The boy who’s always been with him. The one he wants to protect, but ultimately isn’t able to in his current position. He steals this one kiss and wants so badly to do it again. If only they had more time. If only Pete both weren’t terrified of what could happen if they take even just a tiny half step toward. Pete knows that his status as an enigma is going to get in the way, is going to be a roadblock. He knows he has to be careful in the future, but maybe this kiss means as much to Kenta as it does for him.
Kenta knows what Pete’s silence means. Rejection. Polite but still rejection. Pete is too scared to hurt him because for some reason he cares about Kenta’s feelings. Pete isn’t like Tony. He cares about him, doesn’t want to hurt him.
So Kenta runs away. Because he knows he knows he fucked up. Because he’s scared. Because he knows that Tony will not be pleased. Would Tony hurt Pete if he found out about how Kenta feels? Kenta can handle getting hurt, he’s used to it, deserves it even. But if anything happens to Pete because of him, he won’t forgive himself. He won’t let anything happen to Pete. He won’t let him get hurt.
Tony is the one who gives his life purpose, but Pete is the one who makes him feel alive. He needs to ensure that Pete will not get hurt by his actions.