So my classmate was complaining that "activists" were against 50 shades for the wrong reasons because the girl knew what she was getting into and she signed a contract and the main guy never physically hurt her beyond sex, therefore it doesnt count as abuse. I wanted so badly to correct her cos she was talking to a bunch of young girls but i'm not articulate enough and I fear that if i wasnt able to describe it correctly, it would just show that I was irrational. How can I explain properly?
Be aware that I have not read the books, so the most I can say is based off of reviews and the like. God I am so not great at articulation either but here we go...
Talk about rape culture, and the idea endorsed in the movie is that women live to pleasure men.
Talk about the scene where he rapes her, because he doesn't stop when she uses her safe word. In BDSM culture, it isn't so much about serving your partner as you both benefiting from a mutually consentual relationship. The girl in 50 shades does not benefit from the relationship, and the guy goes beyond consensual boundaries. It is about trust, and he deliberately breaks that bond.
If a guy cannot respect a woman's wishes/needs in the bedroom, at our most intimate, there is no way we should be able to trust them in the real world. It's not to say that they certainly will physically abuse her, but again, it's the trust between two parties of a BDSM relationship that make it so crucial.
Not to mention, he sexually abuses her. He rapes her even when she specifically uses their contracted safe word. He abuses her trust.
And emotional abuse! Let's not forget that! If your classmate doesn't understand that there is more than one form of abuse, they seriously need to be educated. Just because it doesn't leave scars doesn't mean it can't wreck a person. By emotionally manipulating the main girl, Dorian (?) keeps her submissive and worshipful of him, which is also completely the wrong aspect of a BDSM relationship!
What the main girl is signing up to is a partnership where she trusts the man to look after her, especially in the bed where one is at their most vulnerable. And he betrays that trusts and emotionally controls her again and again.
I hope this helps, and I hope I'm not too late (I've been away for a few days sorry).
Some people seriously need an education on forms of abuse though it sounds like.
