Saying Goodbye
Still round the corner there may wait A new road or a secret gate, And though we pass them by today, Tomorrow we may come this way And take the hidden paths that run Toward the Moon or to the Sun.
Apple, thorn, and nut and sloe, Let them go! Let them go! Sand and stone and pool and dell. Fare you well! Fare you well!
Saying goodbye like this was something he never wanted to do. Planting so many markers would have been impossible, so they had taken this time to inscribe the names of all of their fallen.
The bonfire blazed, giving the marble obelisk a bloody cast, as it should be, really, with even the fire remembering the blood spilled. Family members - those who’d had family, anyway - stood around, adding their pieces of pitch-soaked wood to the fire. Saying their last goodbyes.
Even Captain Daniel Conaroy’s eyes couldn’t stay dry. These had been men and women who’d counted on him to take them to their delivery port, and back home to their own beds. They’d needed him to bring them home, and he couldn’t even bring home bodies to their families. The guilt hung thick around his shoulders like a water-filled yoke, bearing him down, and down.
Guilt for failing his crew, even though it was something he’d had no control over, and could never have stopped. Something that their two mages and shaman couldn’t calm. Guilt for leaving his Sabine, and causing her pain. Sorrow for each of his dead crew, who he’d hired personally, and watched grow over the years into a competent family.
Home is behind, the world ahead, And there are many paths to tread Through shadows to the edge of night, Until the stars are all alight.
His voice, as the families or his remaining men dropped their burning brands into the fire, rose from a quiet, almost strangled sound, into something that flew on the sparks into the sky. All could hear the grief in his voice, where true tears were something he’d keep till he was alone, the aching in his voice gave some relief to those gathered.
The song was normally sung with gusto, being a simple travelling song, but Daniel’s voice gave it such an intensely sad tone that they wept. They all wept as they’d needed to. Not the harsh sounds that feel as if one will die of their grief. No, these were the tears that began the healing process. These were the tears that helped to truly let the sorrow out.
He sang of longing for home, of adventure, and those we’ve passed by. It was slow, and solemn, for there was nothing about this night that could call for any joy. There was nothing but the fire and the song to bring relief as the stars wheeled overhead.
There was only the grief of loss, and the survivors’ guilt at living while those they’d loved now rested at the bottom of Mother Ocean, food for the life there. There was only the darkness, and the yearning for the lost.\
Mist and twilight, cloud and shade, Away shall fade! Away shall fade! Then world behind and home ahead, We´ll wander back to home and bed. Fire and lamp, and meat and bread, And to bed! And then to bed!
The last aching strains of the song rose into the sky like the embers that danced above the fire, taking their wishes to the Beyond - whatever lay there after life has faded - and to those they’d loved.
The Captain had been slowly trying to die since they’d returned, and Sabine had reacted as she did. Not that he truly blamed her, of course. But his men were home, and he’d found them employment that fit their temperament. He’d found them places to live.
He’d brought them home. His job was done. What else did he have?
He’d resisted this memorial when it was brought up, but when the men had brought the families together, and gathered the bonfire materials... well, what could he say then?
So he’d agreed.
As he sang, he decided. He was going to live, goddamnit. He was going to live for those of his crew who hadn’t. He was going to live to provide for the families who’d lost a husband, father, or son. He would live for his men who’d already lost so much.
He would live, and live well.
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