#cardboardnotes

[kutubuku]

Hello, Life.

Look what you’ve done to me.

It’s been harsh and tough these days.

But I still look forward for our journey ahead.

Just hold me tight thru these times.

20210608

[kutubuku]

So this is one of the best fan cam recording I ever watched. Still wondering why it’s so touchy. Is it because the fact that a nice face could sing well? Is it because the song is beautiful? I wonder why I feel like crying when listening to this.

[kutubuku]

I remember... You were cute, most loyal, and diligent.

That's a line I remember from our phone conversation with my ex piano teacher who suddenly contacted me after she had a dream about me earlier today. I forgot to ask, what kind of dream she had. But then, our ten minutes short talk this morning brought me to another random thoughts and questions for the entire day. What is love, what is loyalty. Piano. Life quests. Journey. Routes. Enroutes...

Talking about piano is always feels like talking about an eternal lover. At this point, I think I have to put it in a frozen storage. I should set a distance where I know I won't miss piano too much or forget it. I've been not drawing about piano for months. But, oh. I remember I found that public pianos that placed in some areas in Dongdaemun Design Plaza and I got to play one of them. So.. Why did I have to go thousand miles to know that my fingers (and my heart) were just fine that day?

Today's call gives me some alternatives. I am not so sure about them. In such situations, where thoughts-worries-hope are mixed up inside, I just want Your extra coverage over my life.

[kutubuku]

Sometimes you work hard, but you get no rewards. Sometimes you hope for miracles, but there's none. Sometimes you pray for things, but the answers is silence. Sometimes you do things diligently, yet no luck, no recognition.

Sometimes you want to quit. A lot of times, you worn out yourself. But you just can't.

[kutubuku]

So with the least amount of sleeping time last night. I had a strange dream. I was walking around with this infamous korean actor, helping him to go away from his fans and found a secret route. In the end, we arrived at a safe place. But then... I woke up.

The questions are, why him, why that kind of story, why I have these strange feelings since I'm not the type who used to have these kinds of dreams.

[kutubuku]

Rain falls a bit more and earlier this year. I remember how short they were last year, and we had a longer humid hell-ish summer. I woke up in cold tonight. It's raining outside. But then I grit my teeth, took a bath and washed my hair.

It's only around 25 degree celcius here. But I feel it's a bit too cold already. I wonder how far this city has changed me again, although I still feel I can't fit to it. I wonder how far my physical condition adapted to this place. I remember how I enjoy 20 degrees celcius or below, 4-7 years ago.

I look back, and there's nothing left. I look forward, but I'm not sure what's next. Maybe rain and silence are the best answers at the moment. Still not so far from new year, I still hope I can be more ready than ever although life won't wait.

[kutubuku]

오늘도 비가 와요. 날씨가 촣아요. 내 마음의 행복에요.

[kutubuku]

Oh, hello. Here’s my first notes for 2019. Just tried to open Tumblr from my mobile phone and found out it’s no longer blocked by mobile internet providers here. I hope this is for good.