Jan 24, 2013
Maptastic
Woo doggy. We're even more internet famous than we were before.
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Maptastic
Woo doggy. We're even more internet famous than we were before.
We heard something about someone but we're too afraid to write about it on the Internet
Fortunately, Alcamoth Citizen our journalist from Xenoblade Chronicles is in a place where the press can't touch her. She truly has freedom of speech. So Alcamoth Citizen, lay it on us. What's the haps?
I think that that says it all. I hope we haven't implicated anyone directly or indirectly with this post....
Final Fantasy III
I got ill for Christmas. Cold sweats, runny nose, the lot and because I was in lands-a-foreign, the only thing I had to see me through moments when I wasn't delirious was a DS and a random selection of games. I needed to play a game that wouldn't mind me running away to snot every few seconds and also one that I could play in all three positions (laying on my front, reverse cowboy and neck propped up). Turns out Final Fantasy III was the only game that I had on me that fits the bill, annoyingly. I say annoyingly for three good reasons. Firstly, in something that might be called RPGitis I've been stuck on the same bit for years now. If you ever played an RPG, particularly a Squeenix one, you'll have no doubt experienced something similar. When I load up my game I find that I'm outside a city. I go into the city but from the way everyone is welcoming my guys like heroes, it's clear I've just finished what I needed to do for these city dwellers. I have no godly idea what to do next. Really is a memo pad too much to ask for? Especially in these older RPGs where the story doesn't make a frigs bit of sense. Go here, kill a dude, get a key, give the key to Mandoor who gives you a mallet. Take the Mallet to some city halfway across tha globe and then a secret mountain pathway will appear. Eventually after visiting ever single city (and after a thousand random battles) I discovered I missed talking to a guy who let the rest of the game progress. Thanks dude. Secondly, I was one of thos kids who was really sold about RPGs after Final Fantasy VII. For me that was and still remains a good RPG. All these internet people keep banging on about the older ones so when FFIII eventually came out for the DS I thought I'd have a go. Just no. No. I've played VI, II and III now and they just don't have the same magic as VII. Everything feels disparate and unconnected. I've invested 14 hours into III and I couldn't recall one detail about the story. Well, that's a lie here are the four things I know about FFIII 1. One of the guys in my team is called Assex because ass sex wouldn't fit. 2. At some point I had to toad all my guys 3. Something about Crystals/Dragons? 4. Sometimes you have to change jobs in order to do something out of battle AND that person has to be the first one in your party but that's never really explained. I remember being so gripped by FFVII, FFVIII and to a lesser extent FFIX but the pre-VII (and post IX [excluding X-2]) ones really aren't doing it for me. Environments are bland and repetitive, the jobs make no sense and the world seems very flat and boring. Lastly, there's a whole part to the game that involves sending messages to other people that have the game (Onion Swordsman and Final Dungeon are the two unlockables). Of course, the two other people who I know who had this game no longer play it and also, the gimped online with the DS means that even if they were playing it right now I couldn't send them letters anyway. This winds me up. The kind of fleeting content that is time sensitive and ruins a game experience for OCD people like me. The wonder of Resident Evil? I can stick it in and play it to my hearts content. I won't miss out on exclusive content or awards for online achievements that I can't get because nobody is playing it anymore. With the letters thing in this game though I feel that I've been robbed of content that should be mine. I've paid for it. it's on the cart! Anyway, I'll plug on with it I've just left the floating continent and now there's yet another world map to explore. Normally I'd be happy that a game just kept giving but I'm feeling a bit [RANDOM BATTLE] sick [RANDOM BATTLE] of this [RANDOM BATTLE] already.
Needed: Fanfiction
Well the Hunk competition is over. After two years we've had no entries. This can be taken as proof that you can't trust the Machinima community. Fuck you Machinima community. Fuck you. How will the fanfiction guys fare? We're running another competition (wow now we're just like the official Mega Man site!). As you may well now, Wesker is to appear as a rip off DLC pish in Lost Planet 2. What we want to know is how did he get there? Feel free to dick around with the "Resident Evil Canon" as Capcom so frequently do but do make sure your fic. contains the following elements: 1) Barry Burton's daughters Polly and Moira. 2) Tits McGee from Dead Rising. 3) Dante slicing a whole train in half. 4) A non racist justification for Sheva's totally racist costume in RE5. 5) Jill and Rebecca talking about who they fancy in S.T.A.R.S. 6) Cheryl Jones' supplementary mission in it's entirety. 7) A recurring joke about how Mega Man is into Moira Burton. 8) Tofu. 9) Morrigan x Nemesis. Don't make it too long. 14 pages should be about right. And remember, be sure to make sure that the story isn't outlandish and we don't want to see any High School AU, Cookie Cutting, Mary Sues or OOC. You have until October 2011. Cheers.
New SI Unit approaching!
In the past humanity has got by with descriptions of the passing of time using the seconds, minutes, hours etc. units of time measurement. However, today TGAM is proud to launch a new unit for the measurement of time. It is the TTECNK. Which stands for Time it Takes the Escapist to Copy News from Kotaku. It is pronounced Time it Takes the Escapist to Copy News from Kotaku and is the standard measurement of time it takes writers at the Escapist to copy and paste news articles which Kotaku stole from around the web and to publish them. It is equivalent to 'about six hours' in the previous units used to measure time. Here's some tips on how to use the new unit in conversation: "I haven't seen you in three TTECNKs" "It was a short game it only took me a TTECNK" "She only lasted for 1/20th of a TTECNK before climaxing. And to think I'd waited 2920 TTECNKs for it" That is all.
Hideo Kojima updates site with cryptic message
Hideo "hasn't made a decent game for quite a while and won't be continuing Metal Gear series" has been updating the Kojima productions site with all kinds of bullshit. Scenic imagery, counters that countdown to more counters and other crap that has Kotaku and nobody else even remotely excited. Until this morning that is. At 4am this morning GMT the above image went up on the site. What does it mean?
The REAL reason why EDGE-Online's Whole Team Quit
Because copying and pasting articles from the magazine and news from Kotaku can get really really tiring quite quickly.
Chortle
Been playing a lot of SSBB recently and this video really struck a chord. Gotta love Captain Falcon even if you hate his games.