Bad Things Happen Bingo Square Filled: knife to the throat. 1,218 words. Original fiction, Renegade Archangels (could be au or canon tbh) I'm not entirely happy with it, but it's the fist thing I've gotten to write in a long time so that's a win! The first aid in here is....sketchy to say the least. Please do not treat it as acurate, I did very little research, very late at night!!! Please read the trigger warnings, I did go a little farther than I usually take this sort of thing. All ocs make it out alive. :) Trigger warnings: Knife to the throat, throat slashed (windpipe cut only), bad first aid probably, beatings, tortured for information, mentions of blood.
Caelum shivered on the floor of his cell, curling in on himself and twisting uncomfortably against the cuffs on his wrists. He coughed, curling up even tighter as his broken ribs screamed in protest. It had been three days since he and Thane had been captured on the mission. On the first day, they’d pulled Thane down from the chains and had raised a fist--
And Caelum had instantly begged that they take him instead. That they beat him over his friend, his brother. There had only been a moment of hesitation, and then they’d dragged Thane back to his chains, screaming for them to stop, his words ignored as Caelum was pulled down in his place.
And the first day, he had taken the beating in relative silence. He’d cracked a few jokes, made one or two snide remarks, maybe. But overall, he hadn’t spoken. He’d assumed that when they were done, They’d take him back across the cell to his chains and string him up next to Thane again. But that hadn’t been the case. Instead, they had dragged him into the next cell over, and continued the tourture.
He’d been able to hear them asking Thane questions as the night wore on. They’d beat him, leave him to faint from the pain, only to return with even more brutal attacks.
Some time late in the day on the second day, he had broken. After spending the last two days strung up between the two walls and abused, he had finally cracked and let out a small wail. That had of course only spurred them on. By the end of the night, he was sobbing. Choked wails that were met by the sounds of them pressing Thane for information, interrogating him with the promise that once he gave up the information that they were demanding, Caelum’s torment would end. Caelum had begged in between gasps and wails for Thane to hold his tongue. To his credit, Thane had held up. Thane had not said a word.
Caelum coughed again, whimpering as his whole body lit up with pain. He blinked a few times, his view clouded by tears. His ears rang, but as he came to, he became aware of Thane crying out in pain from the next cell over.
“Where is the Base?” The man who’d been in charge of Caelum’s beatings screamed, “Where? Where are your pitiful little friends?”
Thane made no reply, only a small sob.
“Thane…” Caelum tried to pull himself up,only to collapse with an agonized moan as his head smashed into the floor once again. He cried out and writhed on the floor, sobbing as he shifted. The door to his cell was flung open and he winced. Their captor grabbed the back of his shirt, dragging him towards the door.
Caelum whimpered, scrambling to try and get his feet under him as he was thrown to the floor again. He was kicked, and he didn’t even try to bite back the sounds of pain this time. He could hear Thane begging for them to stop, begging for mercy as he was kicked again and again.
“WHERE IS THE BASE?”
“STOP!”
Caelum’s back arched and he sobbed, feeling tears trace through the blood and grime on his face, burning his throat. His attacker stopped suddenly, grabbing a fistfull of his hair and heaving him up into a kneel. Caelum blinked hard, whimpering as he felt the blade press against his neck, a thin line of blood tracing it’s way down to his chest.
“Please,” he whimpered, twisting against the man’s grip and causing the strain on his hair to increase, “please, no…”
“Quiet!” The man snapped, pushing the knife harder into his throat. “Last chance, boy. You give up your base, or he goes.”
“Thane, don’t-”
“I said ‘quiet.’” Caelum whimpered again as the grip on his hair shifted, exposing his neck even more.
The room was silent. Thane was breathing heavily, weighing his options as Caelum’s heartbeat thundered in his ears.
“Tick Tock.” The knife pressed harder against his throat and he let out another quiet sob.
“Don’t--”
There was a crash in the halway, and the grip on his hair momentarily loosened, just enough for him to let out a small breath. Whatever relife he had, however, faded quickly as he felt the knife flick across his skin quickly.
“NO!” Thane screamed, “NO, CAELUM, NO!”
Caelum’s hands flew up to his throat and he coughed, gasping for breath. He crumpled to the ground, curled up and terrified. The interrogator moved to kick him, but the door flew open and a shot sounded, dropping him to the floor. Nyar and Avanda stormed into the room, guns at the ready, with Ewan close behind them.
Thane begged loudly as they searched the room for any other threats, “Caelum, help Caelum, please, please Av, save him…”
Thane’s screams echoed around him as Caelum gripped his throat, sobs seeping out of him as he gasped for air.
Avanda rushed to his side, grabbing his face. “Hey buddy, hey-I’ve got you. Think I can see your neck?”
“H-he-help…” He gasped, “Hel-p me, A-vi…”
“I’m going to, I just need to see what I’m working with here….” She gently pulled his hands away from his neck, nodding. “Ok, I’m going to cover the wound and I need you to follow my instructions carefully, ok?”
Caelum forced himself to give her a small nod, trying to calm himself down a little.
Avanda’s hand clamped down over the wound, sealing it as much as she could. “Ok, take a deep breath for me?”
Caelum obeyed, wincing and crying out. “It hurts--”
“I know. One more?”
Caelum took in another breath, his hands gripping Avanda’s wrists as he stared up at her.
She smiled at him a little, “You’re going to be ok, Caelum. You got lucky, best case scenario here.” She looked up at Ewan now. “Just his windpipe, I think he’s going to be ok. We need to get him to the hospital, no time for the base. Moving him is going to be the hardest part; I need to keep this wound airtight.”
Ewan nodded once, slinging his gun over his shoulder. “Alright, lad, let’s go slow.” He stepped behind him, lifting Caelum’s shoulders and helping him sit up.
“Wait there for a second.” Avanda ordered. “Feeling ok?”
Caelum closed his eyes again and took a few breaths, as deep as he could manage. He finally agreed, and Ewan helped him to stand slowly, Avanda’s hands still pressed tightly to his throat. Ewan draped Caelum’s arm over his shoulder, and nodded to Nyar.
The small group headed back out of the building, Cealum wincing in the early morning light. Ewan helped him and Avanda into the car, then ushered Thane in behind them before climbing into the driver’s seat as Nyar got into the shotgun seat.
“It’s going to be ok, Caelum.” Avanda repeated. “It’s ok.”
Caelum’s eyes slid shut, his breathing evening out as he squeezed Avanda’s wrist a little. “Thank you.” He whispered.
“Hey, anytime. You’re my dumbass big-brother. It’s my job to watch out for you.” She teased.
Bad Things Happen Bingo Square Filled: Hiding An Injury. 1,664 words. Original Fiction: Renegade Archangels. Canon!! May make its way into the book someday!!! Caelum and Thane get hurt on a mission, but only one of them gets help right away.
“Here, here, get him on the table…” Caelum pulled Thane’s arm over his head, lowering the young man down onto one of Avanda’s exam tables.
“Oh my God…” Avanda rolled her sleeves up quickly, checking Thane’s pulse. “What happened?”
“We had...it was an ambush.” Caelum gasped, leaning on the edge of the table, pressing on one of Thane’s wounds.
“Are you hit?” Avanda asked, glancing up quickly.
“No.” The answer came too quickly, and he knew it.
“Caelum. Are you hurt?” Avanda leveled him with a serious look.
Caelum laughed, trying to make it sound easy and light. Natural. He regretted it instantly. “Av, I’m fine! Just take care of Thane. Help him, ok?”
She glanced between the two of them before letting out an angry growl. “Fine. You're still standing, you’re in better shape than he is. But I’ll look you over later, and that’s a threat.”
Caelum waved and backed out of the MedBay, walking towards his quarters. Once the door shut, he let out a soft moan, his hand gripping his ribs as he sank to the floor, tears finally springing up in his eyes.
“Archie, Archie, how bad is it?” He asked in between panting breaths.
“Sir, I recommend that you return to MedBay immediately.” The computer spoke evenly.
“No, just tell me how bad it is.” Caelum’s eyes flicked open as he rested his head back against the wall. “Really. Just stats.”
“You’ve lost a half a liter of blood so far, Sir. Alerting Dr. Avanda…”
“No! No, hold that alert, I’m fine. I’m ok.” He heaved a few more breaths as he heard the chime that the alert had been canceled. “Ok. Alright. Av’s busy. Don’t- cancel all alerts to her about my condition, ok?”
“Sir?”
“Just...Just send them to me at the end of the night, ok?”
“Yes, Sir.”
“Cool.” Caelum’s eyes closed and he took a few deep breaths, slower than he had been taking and allowing himself to calm down some. His mind raced as he tried to figure out what to do next. “Alright. I took First Aid at the Academy… I just...I have to stop the bleeding.”
He stood up, hissing as he was hit by a wave of dizziness. He dug around in his wardrobe, trying to choose a shirt to sacrifice. He finally decided on a plain white tank-top and sat down on the edge of his bed, grunting as he ripped it into long strips. He hissed and pulled off his uniform, whimpering as he pulled the fabric away from where it had stuck to his skin. It was an agonizing few minutes as he wrapped the strips of fabric around himself, fastening it as tightly as he could.
“Ok. There. That should take care of that for now, right, Archie?”
“Sir, I really do think it would be better for us to notify the doctor…”
“Ah, c’mon Arch.” Caelum chuckled as he lay back on the bed, “’M gonna be fine. Just let me know how my blood loss is ...progressing.”
“I’ll need you to put your uniform jacket back on then. The sensors in it will be more accurate.”
Caelum peeled one eye open, peering down to where his jacket was lying on the floor. He frowned, considering his options. “I’ll put it back on later.” He muttered. He shifted again and closed his eyes. “Wake me up in ...in forty five minutes, I’m just gonna close my eyes for a while.”
*******
It had been two days since The mission with Thane. The younger man had recovered, and was back on his feet. Caelum, however could not say the same. His head swam and his eyes watered as he zipped his uniform shut, the close fitting material pressed tightly against his wound. He stumbled a little as he made his way out to the bridge of the ship, where Nyar had called the team for a meeting. He groaned a little as he sat down, head still swimming. He was barely able to focus on what Nyar was saying.
“...Need to be fast, and quiet. It’s a stealth mission, but more importantly, it’s a strike.”
Caelum’s eyes closed. Just another mission. Run of the mill, nothing new. Go in, take the base, hold down the fort until reinforcements came to relive them. Simple enough.
“Caelum?”
The young pilot’s eyes snapped open. “Uh, yeah?”
“I said: ‘You’ll hold the fort while I contact the Regiment.’”
“Oh.” Caelum frowned. “Why...Why will you be contacting the Reg? Isn’t that-doesn’t Thane usually cover that?”
Nyar frowned. “He’s on light duty, he’s staying here with the ship.” He said, a hint of annoyance tinging his voice.
“Oh. Right.”
“Cael, are you ok?” Avanda asked, laying a hand gently on his arm.
Caelum forced a quick smile. “Fine. I just...didn’t sleep well, that’s all.”
“Well you have five minuets to suit up and wake up.” Nyar said with a raised eyebrow.
The crew filed out, all headed for the armory to suit up for the mission. Nyar grabbed Avanda’s arm as she passed by, holding her back as everyone else slipped out.
“I’m worried about Caelum.” He muttered.
She scoffed. “You and me both.” she frowned, “I’ll keep an eye on him on the mission, he may be coming down with some bug or something.”
Nyar nodded. “I will too.”
*******
“You guys holding up alright?” Thane’s voice chimed through the coms as the rest of the Archangels marched on through the mist and fog towards their target.
“My boots are going to be filled with swamp water for a week and a half after this, but other than that we’re fine.” Jadè scoffed.
“Yeah well hang in there.” Thane warned, “Looks like you guys are about to be chest deep in some water here, no way around it.”
They trudged on a little farther, finally reaching the slow moving river Thane had just warned them about. Jalev dipped a toe in and hissed softly, letting out a chuckle.
“God, it’s cold!”
Nyar waded in and hissed as well. “Damn. Shoulda taken your word for it. You’re sure there’s no way around it, Thane?”
“I picked the shallowest part of the river, Sir. Sorry guys.” The young navigator apologized from the ship.
“Alright. Come on then, guys.” Nyar pushed on, followed closely by Jalev and Jadè. Avanda scowled, waiting behind with Caelum.
“Chest deep for you, maybe.” She grumbled, “But that means it’s going to be neck deep for me, I may as well swim across.”
“I’ll stay behind with you.” Caelum promised, “Don’t worry, Avi. I won’t let you go under. Hell, I’ll carry you across if I have to.”
“Thanks, Cael.” She muttered, taking his arm as he offered it to her.
The two of them stepped into the water, both gasping a little as the cold water seeped through their uniforms. Each of them held their guns up in the air, out of the water. Caelum’s jaw clenched as he felt the water lapping at his wound, the skin pulling around it as Avanda pulled on his arm a little, trying to keep her footing as the water came up around her shoulders. Something caught her foot, and she stumbled a little. Caelum’s grip on her arm tightened, and pulled her up.
“Sir, your bleeding is accelerating. You will require medical attention within the hour.” Archie’s voice sounded in his helmet.
“What was that?” Avanda asked, panting as she struggled to keep her head above the water.
Caelum’s head swam, tears stinging at his eyes as his ears rang. His breathing becoming more ragged. “Nothing. Just...Archie--letting me know I have a tear in one of my boots, nothing to worry about.” He lowered his other arm. “Here, give me your gun, I’ll keep it up for you, and you can just focus on staying above the waterline.”
“Yeah, good thinking. Here.” Avanda turned her head, offering him her gun. She gasped, and even behind the black screen of her helmet, Caelum got the distinct impression that her eyes had widened. “Oh my God...Caelum, You’re bleeding!”
“I’m fine.” Caelum gasped, “Really, I’m ok, it’s just a scratch!” He blinked rapidly, tears clouding his vision as he stared down at the water. It was tinged red with hies blood, the current pulling it around Avanda’s body as well.
“Bullshit!” Avanda snapped. “Nyar! Jalev, help!”
“I’m fine…” Caelum’s legs collapsed under him, and he began to crumple. Avanda grunted as she tried to hold him up, his weight pulling her under the water more.
“Help!”
Caelum could feel Nyar grabbing his arm and dragging him back to the shore.
“The mission--”
“Is scrapped. We’re taking you back.” Nyar said as he helped lay Caelum down on the shore.
Avanda unzipped Caelum’s jacket and gasped. The skin around the wound was an angry red, and the wound itself was oozing an ugly, infected color. “Archie, give me stats, now.” Once the system had given her the update, she let out an angry groan. “Caelum this is exactly what I mean when I asked if you were hit the other day!”
“’M fine...really…” Caelum’s hands grabbed Avanda’s trying weakly to push her away.
“Cael, stop it!” She pushed his hand away again. “Thane, bring the ship. We need to get him to MedBay, now. There’s no way we’ll make it back in time on foot.”
“Aye, on my way.”
“Let’s get this helmet off of him, get him some air, ok?”
Avanda reached up and pulled off his helmet. She gently lowered his head down to the ground, and his eyelids fluttered a little. He could hear Avanda giving orders, but the words were indistinct. All he could make out were the vocal tones as he watched the grey clouds swirl and shift overhead. As he lay there, the clouds seemed to drop, lower and lower until they were wrapping around him, pulling him into a dark, cold void.
2501 words. A little longer than I had planned but that’s ok I guess. I’d also wanted it to be a bit more “mind control” but it didn’t quite end up right. TW: Capture, choking, drugged, attacks, friendly fire, hospital.
Adair followed Nyar as the captain pushed the door open, Thane keeping his gun trained on the door as the other two crossed the room to the figure lying on the floor.
"Caelum, hey buddy it's me." Nyar had knelt to the ground, checking his pilot's pulse with one hand, the other still gripping his gun. Caelum let out a startled cry, wincing and recoiling from Nyar's hand. Adair felt his heart break a little for Caelum as he slug his own gun over his shoulder. The room was evidence enough that Caelum had been tortured and abused horribly during the month he'd been missing. The room was cold, with no padding anywhere in sight, meaning Caelum had likely spent most; if not all of his time here sleeping on the floor. Adair's nose wrinkled a little at the thought. It was also obvious that Caelum had been sick at some point in here, and the medic hoped that he didn't have any open wounds, any of which would absolutely be infected by now.
"Nyar, get the blindfold off him." Adair ordered gently, reaching over Caelum and cutting through the ropes that were holding his hands behind his back.
Once the blindfold had been removed and his bonds cut, Caelum's hands flew up in front of his face, his body curling up to protect his head.
"Caelum, it's ok, it's us. We're here to get you home." Adair said softly, trying to pull Caelum's hands away. "I just need to look you over real quick and then we can go, ok?"
Nyar grabbed Caelum's hands tightly, holding them out of Adair's way, "Hey man...hey hey, it's ok, we won't hurt-" he was cut off as Caelum broke free, scrambling into a sitting position and throwing a punch into Nyar's nose before he tried to back away.
Nyar fell back a little, and Adair quickly grabbed Caelum’s arm. Caelum pried it out of his grip quickly, moving to back-hand Adair as he did so. Years of boxing in an underground ring and honing his reflexes were the only thing that kept Adair from getting hit. He leaned back quickly, Caelum’s fingers only just brushing against his nose. He took Caelum’s wrist again, loosely, as he called for Thane.
“He’s in shock,” Adair explained quickly, “I just need him to calm down a little.”
Thane nodded and knelt on the other side of the frightened young man, offering him a smile as well. “Cael, hey just look at me, ok? Just look…”
Again, Caelum lunged to attack his friends and rescuers, letting out a pained scream as he clawed at Thane. Nyar had recovered by now, and wrapped an arm around Caelum’s chest, pulling him back away from Thane.
“GET OFF OF ME! LET GO! STOP IT, LET ME GO!” Caelum’s voice cracked as he struggled against Nyar’s grip.
Thane frowned, looking to the door. “He’s making too much noise. They’re going to come investigate.”
“Snow him.” Nyar grunted, fighting to keep Cealum down, “Knock him out, MacClyde.”
Adair shook his head. “I don't think--”
“STOP! PLEASE, STOP! GET OFF ME!” Caelum was crying now, gasping and clawing as he kicked against Nyar.
“I said knock him out!” Nyar shouted as Caelum threw an elbow into his side.
“I can’t! I don’t know if they’ve drugged him, I don’t want to risk overdosing him!” Adair shouted back as he and Thane fought to keep Caelum from hurting Nyar too much.
Nyar let out an angry growl, shifting a little. “Sorry, buddy.” He grunted before wrapping his arm around Caelum’s neck, pressing his bicep tight against his throat.
Adair felt a wave of horror crash over him, mixing with worry and guilt as he watched Caelum’s eyes widen and fill with panic. The mechanic tried desperately to free himself from Nyar’s grip, his fingernails digging into his arm and drawing blood in thin lines as his face went red. Adair met Nyar’s eyes, which were filled with question, and felt his jaw clench. It wasn’t long before Caelum stopped fighting, his hands falling limply to the ground, and his eyes rolling back as his head slumped to the side a little.
“He’s out.” Adair said, his voice flat.
Nyar nodded, his grip relaxing as he grabbed for the blindfold that had been discarded onto the floor. He tied it around Caelum’s mouth in a clumsy gag, then met Adair’s eyes. “We’ve already wasted enough time, we have to move, now. And we cant really do that again when he wakes up. We can argue in the car.”
Adiar’s teeth ground together so hard that the edges of his vision blurred a little as he helped Nyar haul Caelum up to drag him towards the getaway car.
“Yes, Captain.”
Sometimes, he really did see exactly why Ewan hated Nyar as much as he did.
*.*.*.*
Caelum was warm. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt warm. He frowned a little as he shifted, trying to determine where he was. Nothing felt right. His brain was trapped in a fog and he had no memories past…
...Past Nyar trying to kill him.
His eyes flicked open at the memory, and he blinked rapidly, a hand up to try to diffuse the light as his eyes adjusted.
"Hey, look who's finally up!" He flinched away from the voice on his left. Thane. Thane had been there too. He'd held him down, kept his hands still while Nyar had wrapped his arm around Caelum's neck. If he was here now….
Caelum acted on instinct, gripped by an animal terror as he leapt out of the hospital bed. He ignored the shouting and the painful sting as the IVs and needles pulled against him, chaining him to the bed. He grabbed the front of Thane's shirt and slammed him against the wall, hard; once, twice, before shifting his grip so that both of his hands were wrapped firmly around the younger man's throat. Tears streamed down his face and he squeezed harder.
"You're a lie!" He hissed, blinking through the tears, "You're a lie, you're a lie, you're a lie!"
Thane's fingers curled around Caelum's wrist and his mouth opened as he gasped, trying to force breath into his lungs. His face was red; eyes wide and full of terror and confusion.
"You weren't there to save me." Caelum spat, "You were there to kill me."
The door burst open and Caelum's head spun around quickly to see Avanda burst in the room. He dropped Thane, who fell with a shuddering gasp and a fit of coughing to the floor.
"Caelum, it's ok." Avanda said slowly stepping farther into the room now, "I'm not here to hurt you."
He almost believed her.
Almost.
It would have been much easier to trust her if he couldn't see the rest of them behind her, staring hungrily at him.
"Do you know who I am?"
Caelum nodded, one fist raised to her, the other hand stretched out to shield himself from Thane, should he decide to get up and attack him again.
"Good. That's good. Now I need to check on Thane, alright? I'm just going to lead him out of the room."
She waited until he nodded, then slowly helped Thane to his feet and ushered him out to the hallway before turning back to Caelum.
"You're bleeding. Can I fix that IV for you?"
"No." His voice was hard and his answer fast. "Stay back."
"Caelum, you're hurt. You need help. Please, let me-"
"I said stay back!"
"Caelum-"
He was on her in a heartbeat. She was pinned right where he'd had Thane trapped against the wall only moments before.
"I said: stay back."
Avanda seemed calm. Especially for someone who's windpipe was being crushed by somebody a foot taller than them.
She reached a hand up to his arm, blinking hard and trying to form words. Her hand was trying to move his, but more patiently than Thane had been.
"I'm...s-sorry…" She finally gasped.
Caelum blinked in confusion as he felt something prick at his neck, and he released her to lift a hand to the needle that some one else had stuck him with while he was distracted.
“I’m sorry,” She said again, stepping forward to catch him as he stumbled forward, “I’m so sorry, Cael.”
Caelum let out a choked sob as he sank to the floor, staring at Avanda in terror.
“You lied...you lied too...no….”
“I’m sorry.”
Her face was the last thing he could see as the sedative pulled him away into the darkness.
"You lied."
*.*.*.*
"He's progressing well." Adair reported, flipping through Caelum’s file.
"And he's alone?"
"Yes."
"Good." Nyar nodded. “Good, I think he should stay isolated while he recovers.”
“You’re kidding.” Avanda scoffed, her arms crossed.
Nyar shook his head. “Not at all. He’s dangerous. It’s not forever, Av. He just needs some time to heal, that’s all the longer we’ll keep him on his own, I promise.”
“Nyar, that’s-” Avanda closed her eyes and shook her head, “That’s the last thing he needs right now, ok?”
Nyar scowled, shifting to face her better. “Oh yeah? Remind me, what happened when he woke up and saw Thane? Or what about both times he saw you?”
Avanda shook her head. “Nyar, he was still in shock, he’s been gone for a month, and who knows what kind of torture he’s been going through, of course he’d be scared!”
“Scared? That’s not scared, Av. That’s dangerous.” Nyar pointed towards the closed door separating them from the room where Caelum was, chained to his hospital bed.
“I hate to admit it, but I think Nyar may have a point.” Adair said slowly. “I mean look at how he’s been reacting to staff here during his recovery. Aislin can work with him fine, and he doesn’t fight Johnson at all. But he attacked you twice, and me once. I was there during the rescue, and he clearly misinterpreted some of the stuff that happened that night, so he thinks of me as a threat. As for you and Thane, I think it’s safe to say that whatever he went through, it was probably some sort of...conditioning based torture.”
The room fell silent. Avanda didn’t miss any of the quick glances that were tossed her way, or how Adair had paused before voicing his hypothesis. She sighed a little and chewed her lip, a scowl written across her face as she’s thought.
“He’s scared.”
“I know, Av but-”
“No.” She snapped, “No, you don’t know. You’ve never been through what he’s been through. You’ve never been where he is right now, you have no idea what it’s like to be terrified of the people you love for no reason.” She glared at everyone in the room, challenging them a little as she spoke. “So none of you know how scared he is right now. Or how lonely he is, or how desperately he just wants to feel safe.” She turned on her heel, heading for Caelum’s room as she rolled up the sleeves of her flannel.
She pushed the door open slowly, stepping in and closing it behind her.
“Hello, Caelum.” It broke her heart to see him like this. He was one of her oldest friends, her brother. He was supposed to be cheerful and upbeat, never without a smile and a laugh. Not this traumatised shell with hollow eyes and a tear-stained face.
“You shouldn’t be here.” His voice was rough as sandpaper as he shifted, pulling his knees closer to his chest as the short chains clinking slightly.
“I thought you might be lonely.” Avanda said gently.
“I want to be alone.” Caelum whispered, “I can’t trust myself.”
Avanda nodded. “I know. But I trust you.” She stepped closer to him, moving towards the chair next to his bed.
Caelum fliched, pulling the chains away. “Don’t-don’t get too close to me.”
Avanda sat down slowly, resting her elbows on her knees. “I’m not afraid of you, Caelum.”
He looked up at her with sad, tormented eyes. “You should be.” He finally whispered.
Avanda smiled a little, sadly. “I’m so sorry, Caelum. I wish we’d found you earlier.” When he said nothing, she spoke again. “Do you mind if I touch you? I don’t think you need these chains.”
“No, please don’t.” He recoiled a little, holding his wrists out of her reach, “Please, I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Ok. If they make you feel better, we can leave them on.” She waited for him to relax again. “Do you remember when I first got back from when He’d kidnapped me? How I couldn’t look you in the eyes or stand close enough for you to reach me?”
He nodded a little. “Yes.”
“Do you know why?”
“Because He’d--conditioned you to expect some sort of pain with me.” Avanda hated how guilty he sounded about it. Like he had been the one to hold the lighter to her skin or to blow the smoke in her eyes. How he blamed himself for details of her past that he didn’t even know everything about. She’d never told any of the crew exactly what had happened. Not the specifics anyway, just the basics.
“I wasn’t very easy to be around those first few weeks, was I? I think I may have even hit you when you tried to hug me.”
Caelum let out a huff of what may have been laughter. “No, you didn’t hit me. You just acted like a cat that didn’t want to get picked up.”
Avanda chuckled a little. “Maybe you’re right. But did you ever once think that I was dangerous? Or that I was going to hurt you? That I’d become another person completely?”
“No.”
“What did you think?”
He licked his lips a little. “That you were scared. And that-that I wanted to help you.”
“That’s exactly how I feel right now. Caelum, I know exactly how you feel. I know how scared you are; how terrified you are of all of us, of yourself, I know. But I also know that you’re not going to hurt us. You’re still the same old giant, friendly, sweet, hungry, goofball that I grew up with. And I know that you would never dream of hurting me, or any of the rest of us. You’re still my friend. And I’m not about to just give up on you.”
Caelum looked up at her again, searching her face for any sign of a lie. “Thank you.”
Avanda smiled at him. “You’re welcome. Do you want me to take those off now?”
Caelum glanced at his wrists. “Are you sure you feel ok with that?”
“Positive. I can always put them back on for you if you start to feel worked up.”
Caelum swallowed hard, then nodded a little. “Ok. Ok, yeah. Let’s give it a try.”
