i'm really fucking scared and i'm not ready for these changes, whether they are happening to me directly or not.
my best friend that has been there with me through thick and thin is going to be starting chemo and she won't be graduating with me, going to senior banquet, she won't be in classes, or at lunch. we won't be able to go out to eat randomly or see a movie and then crash at her house until someone decides to drive me home. we were suppose to finish together, but now all i can do is stand by and watch her lose her hair, lose everything. what do you do when everything is falling to pieces around you, and everything is telling you to give in and let the chaos take you and let endless sleep consume you? i sure as hell don't know. i can't leave this town. i can't leave this school that has been my home for the last four years. i can't move on. i don't want to graduate. i don't want to grow up. i don't want things to change, i'm so shaky and tears are threatening to fall. my right hand is slightly bruised from my brief moment of frustration when my fist made contact with the wall. my foot is sore on the palm where i stepped on the pieces of plastic from the box i threw on the floor, just to watch the cards fly like an explosion. i don't even know how to feel things properly, i'm sorry for disturbing you.
xx