God damn it, Carly
This is about the funniest thing I’ve ever seen. As a writer, I would be thrilled to consistently come up with things half as funny as this.
http://www.cnn.com/videos/politics/2016/04/27/carly-fiorina-vice-president-singing-sot-erin.cnn All I can imagine is the discussion that Cruz’s handlers must have had with Carly before this. SNL needs to bring back Cherie Oteri to play her going forward. ————————————— (Carly sits in the hairdresser's chair, seconds before going on-stage) Carly: …and if anyone looks me in the eye again, I will have their entire family ARRESTED! Staffer #1: (Choking with terror, quietly jumps out the window) Carly turns her attention back to Cruz’s campaign manager, who has been trying to finish two sentences of prep for 3 hours despite the constant stream of junior staffers whose interactions mostly end with them jumping out the window. Campaign Manager: One second, Mrs. Fiorina – (turns to assistant) – we really need to close that window. Carly: Okay, so I think I’ll end my speech with that insane thing I did during one of the debates where I sort of said the pledge of allegiance while adding in a little flair during my closing statement. Campaign Manager: Well…maybe we should save that for later on? Not that it was the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen or anything like that, just, maybe…let’s save it for later. The room immediately becomes deadly silent as Carly contemplates being told “no” to something. Thankfully, another Junior Staffer walks in holding an empty soup can Staffer #2: Mrs. F…Fiorina – here’s your morning tin can. Carly grabs the can, bites it in half, and begins to happily chew away. The horrified Staffer #2 jumps out the window, smashing through the glass and screaming in terror on the way down Carly: Well, it looks like it’s time to go on stage. Campaign Manager: (desperately) Fine, but please, please, please, if you will only remember one thing- Carly: (indignantly screaming) I was the CEO of a major corporation and in the top 25 people running for president, I think I know how to handle myself! Carly storms out, tossing the mostly consumed tin can at the Campaign Manager’s feet The Campaign Manager turns and sadly peers out the window, slowly gazing over the field filled with young staffers' bodies and chewed tin cans Campaign Manager: (to himself, sadly) Please, please just don’t sing…