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I'm totally hinged, I just read one cross-over fanfic with the Silmarillion days ago so I rooted through my parents' house library books and discovered my ***** sibling ferreted the book last year while my mom said no™ because the Tolkien books are hers™

and now I'm feverishly trying not to read fics about the one elf that I saw in fanarts bc he looked sad.

so I'm here. consumed by rage that I don't have the poor idiot book. and also already having a fav bc I spoilered myself hard on one traumatised, sad, slightly charred evil guy.

#silmarillion #if i catch my sibling....#i'm going to have to buy the book aren't i...#see that's the problem when you start reading books again: you buy more books #twas a hp/silm fic and I don't even know how i got to it bc i don't read fic from either #maybe just clicking on a tag while half sleeping and going “oh nice” in the morning #carping tag #i do like a good sauron/melkor fanart when it cross my dash but that was my only connection to those oldie elfs #my “a few days ago i read...” was in fact 15 days ago. i need to count days. i can't lose any more of them

me, drawing jiumei being an arsonist: you're so cute ( ´･･)ﾉ(._.`)

#svsss #shen jiu #carping tag #just me and my unwoes

you truly can't control the hyperfixation uh?

what do you mean my brain decided to imprint on a character from a book I haven't read yet but am getting increasingly erratic trying to get back the copy one family member has and refuse to lend? what do you mean this minor villain is probably not even mentioned for more than a few pages?

all because I read a mention of The Character in a cross-over fic?

brain hello?

#why is my brain like that #this level of obsession is starting to feel like i'm ignoring something urgent/important/both #i even looked if the local library has it to lend (no i'd need to go to another... and pay to have it a few weeks)#i haven't been to a library since school #decided to buy it but the executive dysfunction is dysfunctionning #carping tag #considering asking it for the birthday so i have an idea to share (bc no one knows what to gift me and ask me as if i knew)#but it's in so loooong (next month)

when words are words but brain not wording

#is it brainfog if i can read #but the words just don't stick into a sentence #misc #carping tag

I love (read: hate) how I'm currently having an insane obsession over the silmarillion from the bits I know of. The silmarillion is in my home. I know where it is 'hidden' for my birthday. I have sneakily read the first pages. I'm thinking of it. but i'm not using all free times (and sneaky times) to read it up despite wanting to.

this too, is executive dysfunction.

#silmarillion #every night i'm “damn i could have read 2 or 3 pages sneakily”#“i WANTED to”#and yet #i have not #misc #carping tag

does someone have the One True Chai Tea Latte recipe? not to overshare but many moons ago [meandering story of my very mundane life. except for the car race] and I got addicted to this small seller's drink but they closed and all my homemade recreations are too watery or too sugary or-

#no but it is a serious question #my neurodivergent brain remembers this drink and no chain chai tea has ever satisfied me #it's homemade or a rebirth of the small seller #misc #carping tag #chai tea

do you have this problem where you focus hard on something, you slow down to take it in and...

... you doze off

#i dunno what the diagnostic is for that but how i am supposed to learn when i fall asleep #i remember doing it in law classes but i had a deficiency AND it was boring #i'm fine and i'm interested now #do i stay a slug forever?#misc #carping tag

I don't know what's happening with me but for the past 2 (?) weeks I've been doing stuff on my to-do list, even stuff that just dropped in, without waiting 3 months. like. what?

#will it last?#who knows #but at least i have a neurologist appointment.#carping tag #also the only thing in my mind is that i keep taking iron past the “you're above the minimum it's fine to stop” bc the dr mentioned-#-ppl as low as me could take it for 6 months (i always stopped at 2-3 bc i didn't have any more pills??). i bought more out of pocket #also very low dose of other vit #i still have 99 other problems tho #and my “i'm doing stuff” might sound like “you wrote you emptied the dishwasher”#anyway #rambling

#carping tag

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