He didn’t even grant him the chance to say goodbye.
They threw him out so hard he could barely keep his footing. By the time he regained his stance, the large wooden gates behind him slammed shut. It took him several moments of staring at the closed off gates to register exactly what just happened. Finally, a single word escaped his lips.
“No.”
They couldn’t do this to him. Not without a chance to see her, to at least say goodbye. He stepped forward, slamming his hands against the hard wood. “No! Not like this! Let me back in, I have a wife! Kay, you bastard! Let me see my wife!”
Sir Kay was the Royal Advisor to the late King Arthur, and now to their Reagent, Codor Pendragon. He was seen to be a wise and fair man – but not to Rowan and Hutch. Two knights loyal to Camelot, they had begun to grow suspicious of Kay and his motives. And so they began to investigate him in secret, watching his actions, all in hope of exposing the corrupt intentions of the Royal Advisor. But somehow, Kay caught on. He went to Codor and made a false claim against them, telling their Reagent they were plotting against the throne. He pinned them as traitors and wished them dead. They would have been hung, as all traitors are, but Codor took pity on them. They had served him for years, and he did not have the heart to execute them so quickly. So instead he had them banished from the entire kingdom. Without giving them the chance to return to loved ones, Kay had them thrown out right then and there.
This was how Hutch ended up pounding his fists against the gate, screaming to be let back in.
“Carmen!” he shouted, pressed up against the door. “Let me see her! You can’t do this! Kay!”
“Hutch,” came the calm, deep voice of his friend and fellow exiled knight. Rowan had been watching the spectacle with a soft frown.
“Let me talk to her, bring her here, anything! Just don’t keep me from my wife!”
“Hutch,” Rowan said again. He placed a hand on Hutch’s shoulder. The banging slowly stopped, as did the shouting. No one was answering, nor were they going to answer. Hutch slowly released his head so it fell against the door, his fists uncurling against the wood.
“I will never see her again.” Hutch’s voice, quiet and broken, barely managed to come out. He stood in that position for a long while, unable to bring himself to move. Tears dripped down his nose and fell into the dirt below. “She would have come with me; I know she would have…. But I couldn’t.. I couldn’t even say goodbye. And now I will never see her again.”
Rowan was silent. What could he say to that? Hutch was right. Kay’s men weren’t going to tell Carmen where they went. Hell, Hutch would have been lucky if they even told her anything.
Hutch was going to have to move on, though. Banging his fist against the door was not going to get him back to his wife. They both knew that.
“We must go, brother. Light is fading and we must find place to set up camp.” Rowan gently pried Hutch away, the brokenhearted knight numbly stepping back. Wiping away the trail of tears down his nose, Hutch inhaled deeply, nodding. He what they had to do next. They were going to leave the kingdom and seek out a new place to survive.
Then he was going to find his way back to Carmen – or he was going to die trying.
It took weeks, but eventually the two men found refuge in a neighboring kingdom. The kingdom of Corbenic was significantly smaller than Camelot, and far less prosperous, but they were welcomed all the same. They found kindness in the homes of strangers for several nights, until they came to meet one of the knights of Corbenic. Through this man they were granted an audience with their fair king, Percival. He listened to their story. Hearing they were knights of Camelot, he offered them a place as one of his very own knights, for he had been a close friend to Arthur many years ago. They gratefully accepted, and thus they began their new lives as Knights of Corbenic.
Rowan tried his best to forget his past life. He had been scorned by the betrayal of his kingdom, and he did not wish to return home.
Hutch refused to do the same. He missed Carmen far more than he thought he could bear. Forgetting her, forgetting the wonderful life they had together, would absolutely destroy him. As the months went by, he kept replaying moments of their time together in his head, wanting to remember every single detail about her. He tried to remember how soft her fingers felt as she ran them through his hair, how her jet black hair framed her beautiful face, how incredibly overjoyed he was on the day of their wedding... Desperate as he was to remember every minute detail about her, time threatened to take those cherished memories away. They faded as the months grew on, and Hutch feared for the day he would be unable to remember her face.
In those months at Corbenic, Hutch rarely slept. He tried for the first month or so, but soon gave up out of frustration. Not feeling Carmen’s warm body in his arms each night only reminded him how much he truly missed her – he felt incomplete without her beside him. So instead, he would spend most his nights awake, performing tasks needed to be done. Some nights he would stay up and try to search through those memories he so desperately wished to keep. It was in those nights that guilt stabbed at his heart the most.
Hutch abandoned her. Kay may have thrown him out, but he could have found some way to communicate with her. He could have tried to get a message to one of the knights, seek out her parents, fight his way back in, done anything just to get word to her. But he didn’t, and sometimes he wondered if she thought he had abandoned her. She could not be blamed for being angry at him. In fact, some nights, Hutch kept himself awake wondering if Carmen had eventually moved on. She could have found a new man by now. Fallen in love, start a new life. As much as he wanted to say he wished for her happiness, the thought of her in the arms of someone else nearly brought him physical pain. Carmen was his. If he ever found his way back to Camelot, whether it be days or years later, he would probably run a sword right through the other man.
God, how he missed her.
As time wore on, Hutch’s hope of seeing his wife again slowly dwindled away. The hope was severely crushed when Percival was brought the news that Codor had died… and Kay had taken over as King of Camelot. Life for both Camelot and Corbenic drastically changed when Kay took over the thrown. Camelot was no longer prosperous, and with its descent they cut off all ties to their allies. Corbenic relied on aid from Camelot to aid their growing land, and with the betrayal of Kay, they soon began to feel the threat of starvation.
One day, everything changed. It was the day he rescued a young woman in the woods from Kay’s men. He brought her back to Corbenic to stay with Rowan and him until she found a new home. In her days there, they discovered that this woman was the Princess of Camelot – Adria Pendragon. Upon discovering her identity, Hutch’s the dying flame of Hutch’s hope of returning to his home was rekindled. She could return home and reclaim her throne from the corrupt Kay. Adria refused at first. She had no confidence that she could become queen, and instead decided to hide from her responsibilities. She found love with Rowan, and she did not want to leave.
She remained stubborn in her decision until the day Kay’s men raided the town of Corbenic. He slaughtered dozens of innocent people just to kill Adria. They won the fight, but not without the loss of many lives. Adria finally found her courage and asked Percival to help her reclaim her throne. Hutch was immediately at her side. He would fight for his old Kingdom. He would fight for his wife.
He just hoped he survived long enough to see her again.
The battle was ever greater than the attack on Corbenic. Camelot’s defenses were great, but with Hutch’s knowledge of the working of Camelot’s knights, he was able to help Adria and Percival’s men get into Camelot. They fought their way up to the castle, where Adria made her final fight against Kay. Rowan, who had refused to fight at first, appeared at Hutch’s side as he fought on the castle grounds. Together they fought, keeping the army distracted long enough so Adria to get to Kay. The fighting eventually ceased when Adria returned from the castle, the crown in her hand. They had won.
Hours later, Hutch found himself jogging down the streets of Camelot. He was bloodied, bruised, cut, and exhausted, but none of that mattered. He had to go find Carmen; at least to make sure she had not been hurt in the heat of battle. Hutch did not doubt her cleverness kept her alive and well, yet he worried all the same. The familiar façade of the shop came into view, and Hutch felt his stomach lurch with anticipation. It was exactly the same as he left it all those months ago – save the broken windows, which he would repair for her. Hutch reached for the doorknob and grabbed the handle, then froze. A sudden wave of mixed emotions washed over him. There was excitement to see her again, but mostly fear took over. He feared she might have been hurt, or even gone. He feared she would not want to see him after abandoning her for so long. He feared she would be inside, cleaning up her shop with someone else. Although he had ran this moment through his head hundreds, no, thousands of times, he still had no idea how it was going to play out.
There was only one way to find out.
Hutch opened the door.
He forgot to breathe for a moment. The door deftly shut behind him as he stood there, looking at the backside of his wife. She was busy putting away cloth in the cupboards, telling him that they were closed. Hutch wanted to say something clever in response, but he couldn’t even get his mouth to open. All he could do was stand there numbly as he waited for her to turn around. When he finally saw Carmen’s face, he thought it was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.
“Hutch!”
Hearing her voice call his name brought a bright smile to his lips and tears to his eyes. He could only take one step forward before they collided, his arms wrapping tightly around her warm body. The feel of her arms around his neck was almost unreal, as if this was all part of a dream. But it wasn’t. She was there, and she was in his arms. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” he whispered, even as she told him she missed him. He had so much to say to her that he couldn’t get out anything but a hoarse ‘I’m sorry’ over and over again. He could only apologize for having allowed himself to be away from her for so long. How he survived without her was beyond his knowledge. He should have withered away without her months ago.
She pulled away all too soon, and for a moment Hutch began to worry something was wrong. But it was her who was worried, for she questioned his health as held his face in her hands. Hutch with his red, watery eyes and a smile looked down at her as if he was looking at the last woman on Earth. He opened his mouth in an attempt to assure her he was not hurt, yet her mouth stopped the words from leaving his tongue. A rush of warmth surged through his body at the feel of her lips against his. He held her close, pressing against her body as he lost himself in the kiss. When it (regrettably) ended, they shifted into a closer position, Hutch wrapping his arms around her shoulders and upper back. When she told him the knights had spoken of him as if he were dead, Hutch could only whisper another apology. He was sorry he had to put her through that. He was sorry he left her for long. He was sorry he hadn’t fought through the entire army by himself just to get back to her sooner.
He could have stayed in their embrace all night. It had to end eventually, however, as Carmen pulled away first. Hutch wanted to drag her right back into the hug but refrained, instead finding contentment in holding her hand. He took his free hand and cupped her face, using his thumb to wipe away the remnants of her tears. Surely his face was just as wet as hers. A joyous smile spread across his face as he looked down at her, so occupied with studying her face that he almost missed her asking if he had missed her. He had. Of course he had. He didn’t stop missing her from the moment he was thrown out the gates.
The rest of the night was theirs. Carmen offered him some soup, and he gladly accepted when he remembered that he was starving after having fought several hours non-stop. He laughed when she offered to spoon-feed him, insisting that it was quite all right. As hungry as he was, he found himself unable to focus on his food with Carmen in the room. He took all of five bites before he dropped his spoon and turned his attention solely on his wife, basking in the joy of her presence. He couldn’t help kissing her over and over again, kissing her hand, her forehead, her cheeks, her nose, her lips, giving her passionate kisses, soft kisses, and everything in between. He couldn’t help himself. He loved her far, far too much.
Hutch refused to let her get too far away the entire evening. Even as she helped clean the evidence of war off his body, he made sure to have a hand on her, as if he was afraid she would disappear if he let go. She fussed over his health, almost too worried to the point that she missed him insisting that she get in with him. He had to assure her many times that, yes, he was all right. The extent of his injuries was mostly internal, with his body aching everywhere. There was one noteworthy new scar on his back which stretched in a diagonal from his left shoulder all the way down to the other corner of his back, but as that happened back in the battle of Corbenic, it was no longer an issue. Besides, even if he was injured, he did not want to waste precious moments with Carmen worrying over himself.
Eventually, they found themselves in their bed. At last, he was able to hold her in his arms. They spoke of their time apart, recapping each other of the things they missed. In the moments when she was speaking, Hutch placed kisses all over her body, murmuring about how much he loved her. Hutch lied with Carmen resting on his chest, draping an arm across her back. With her arm thrown over his bare body, he gently placed his other hand on top of hers, his fingers gently rubbing her smooth skin. Kissing the top of her head, he settled into their position. For the first night since he was exiled, Hutch slept the whole night through.
And it was all because his wife was in his arms once again.