I hate my dad's wife. she is a gold digger, and she fights with me and is rude to me because she is angry my dad spent money to help pay for a car for me. He made her leave for a few days after screaming in my face, (pt1) (tag cas25)
(Pt2)(tag cas25) but he had her come home and then bought her card & flowers. Pretty much rewarding her for screaming at his daughter. I don't feel comfortable around her. And I resent my dad for choosing her over his kids. (continued..)
(Pt3)(tag cas25) i could just live at my mom's house, but I do love my dad and don't want to hurt his feelings. But he is hurting mine! And letting her be rude to me and make me uncomfortable in my own house. My whole family hates her. Idk what to do
Hi friend,This whole situation certainly sounds awful! Your dad is living out the flipside of what you are going though, and I imagine that none of you are enjoying it much. Your father needs his relationships with his wife, but maintaining it means dealing with her being shitty to you. You need your relationship with your father, but it means dealing with his wife being shitty to you. His wife’s shittiness is sort of the key pillar here.To play parent for a second, I can absolutely see how your dad could kick this woman out (go dad!) for a few days, only to meet her with flowers at the door when she returns (the hell, dad?). As a parent, your loyalties can be divided between your spouse and your kids. You can love two people who do not get along. Keeping that running can mean doing these kind of “I am mad at you! - We will discuss this (a part that could occur without you knowing about it) - Okay, we’re good again. Let’s make up!” things. They seem weird from the outside - you are punished! Now you are rewarded!” Relationships are tricky like that. Sometimes there is no best answer, so you end up with the least bad answer, which can end up being pretty contradictory and weird.Were I the parent in this case, in love with my new wife, but stressed out because my new wife and my kid don’t get along, here’s what I might want to hear from you.“Dad, I love you and I love being able to stay here with you. But you know how Barbara (or whatever her name is) and I do not see eye to eye. You can guess who I think is responsible, but I’m sure there’s evidence out there suggesting I may be the tiniest bit at fault, too.“Anyway, I know it’s hard for you to be totally fair to me and fair to Barbara when she and i are not seeing eye to eye. I hate putting you in that position. I love you and I don’t want to make things hard for you. I think it’s probably best if I live with mom for a while so Barbara and I aren’t always at each other’s throats. I want to have a schedule where I can come over and spend time with you at [whatever times each week or whatever - it has to be clear that you still want to spend a lot of time with him]. Maybe taking out the pressure of me living here will even help Barbara and I come to an understanding.“I’m not moving out because of anything you did. I just don’t want to add to the stress and put you in that position of managing the disagreements Barbara and I have. I love you and we’ll start with regular visits. Hopefully, we can make things work better from there, and I can come back if things are in a better state between she and I.”Something like that? If you can have time with your dad, but not have to live there all the time, maybe you and Barbara can come to a better understanding. Or, without you there, with just Babs, he’ll realize how awful she is and she’ll be gone. I’m kidding! sort of!But yeah, I’d get out of there, even temporarily. I think that might be your best bet for permanently reducing the tension. At the very least, it will keep you from having to interact with her as much as you do now. You can still have those chances to see your dad, but you won’t be living right next to a woman you cannot get along with.Pete