I’m well over a decade late to the Castle party, but hear me out…
I knew nothing about the show going into it. And I’ve been obsessed with the two of them since the beginning. Love. They give me all the feels, and I want them to be happy.
I’m much more invested in Beckett than I am Castle, though, and I just finished the season 5 finale, and I have ✨Thoughts✨.
Putting under a Read More in case there are others like me who haven’t seen it yet.
Did anyone else take issue with the proposal?
Some background on me: I left my husband in 2020. I was pretty well convinced that he didn’t even like me. I was shocked that *he* was shocked when divorce was brought up. The entire time, I knew it would be an amicable split when I got up the nerve to mention it, so color my world rocked when he was upset about it.
I had a ton of PTSD to work through once I got out of our house and into my own apartment. Things I didn’t even realize he had conditioned me to be frightened of. He was psychologically and emotionally abusive and had been for years.
Anyway. All of this to say that I have some trauma. lol Especially when it comes to narcissistic people, and let’s be real. Diagnosed or not, Castle is a bit of a narcissist. Swirl that around with his privilege, and he is wildly oblivious and clueless about so many things.
I wanted more for Beckett. I wanted the romantic gesture. The build up to a proposal. The planned out event, the forethought. Not that it needed to be a spectacle, but I wanted more for her than a lovebomb a few episodes back leading to an apology that was still all about him and then a panicked proposal.
I watched the first episode of season 6, so I know there was more to it than that, but I nearly cried when he pulled out that ring on the swings.
I know he loves her. And I know he wasn’t doing it to get her to stay. But it still felt like an afterthought. It felt like he was tying a rope around her waist so he could tug her back to him when he needed to.
He could have just supported her in that moment. He didn’t need a ring to say, “This is such a great opportunity! I’m so excited for you. I will make a plan to come see you in DC while you’re training, and then we can figure out the rest once you’re settled. This is amazing! You’re going to rock it.” He didn’t need a ring to say, “I want to make this easy for you. Let’s go look at houses this weekend.”
He didn’t need a ring to say, “I love you, and I’m here for this. No matter what.”
And a lot of this likely stems from sadness about missing out on my own milestone experiences.
My husband proposed to me on a bed with a hockey game on after the pregnancy test was positive.
Him: Well. Will you marry me?
Me: Mhm.
No ring. Later, he gave me his grandmother’s ring on the beach with little to no ceremony, and I remember being thankful it wasn’t gold (it was white gold). Not excited about spending my life with him; thankful a gold ring wouldn’t clash with my skin tone.
Months and months later, after a miscarriage and a move to another state, he told me he wouldn’t have even asked me had I not gotten pregnant. Just…said it like it was a normal thing to say in a conversation. Said he cared for me when I asked if he loved me and then told me maybe I shouldn’t come with him on the next move out of state.
We worked through it. But it was always rocky. We did better as friends than we ever did as lovers, and I don’t miss being married to him.
But watching Castle and Beckett’s relationship unfold - watching Castle treat her the same way I was treated - it’s bringing up a lot of things that I thought I had already healed from.
And I think some of it has been because I’ve been living vicariously through Beckett. Enjoying how badass she is. Enjoying watching how competent and skilled she is. Loving watching her kick ass and be tough but still rock a dress. Show up to work in stilettos, kick down doors, and still be vulnerable and sweet.
Only to then be treated like she was a prize won so he didn’t need to try anymore.
Meh.
Bleh.
Idk. I was told very recently that it was “Just a TV Show” while trying to articulate how it was making me feel, so I’m going to cry about it and then let it go.
Good night to the aether that is tumblr. lol Thanks for listening.
