Jun 23
love the phenomenon of discovering that a phrase I knew solely as a fic title turns out to be an incredibly popular song lyric
seen from Singapore
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seen from Kenya
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seen from Malaysia
love the phenomenon of discovering that a phrase I knew solely as a fic title turns out to be an incredibly popular song lyric
Jaskier agreeing to disguise himself, marry, and then fake his death, entirely consensually, for dozens of women throughout the Continent who’d like to be in the financially independent position of widowhood without going through a lot of fuss and bother about it. (Often, they get access to their dowry; Jaskier takes a percentage.)
He has recommendation letters from women happily mourning their ‘dead’ spouse and suggesting that future spouses of definitely-not-the-same-man particularly enjoy the wedding night if that’s their thing, what with the experience that comes from having fifty (“It’s eighty-four now,” Jaskier clarifies) wedding nights prior to theirs.
Geralt discovers Jaskier’s side hustle, naturally, after having been hired by a not!widow’s friend to avenge disguised!Jaskier’s not!death via imaginary!vampire.
The friend turns out to be a real vampire who is 1) afraid their not!widow friend has been conned, and 2) disgruntled at all of Jaskier’s exaggerated vampire publicity when they’ve gone to all the trouble of keeping a low profile.
(“A bite on the neck! I fear I have become the prey of some foul creature of the night! Should I disappear, you will know that a VAMPIRE has UNDOUBTEDLY CLAIMED MY LIFE.”)
Geralt has to keep Jaskier’s ruse from being revealed to the town at large, figure out how to satisfy both the not!widow and the vampire friend with his investigation (spoiler: they end up together), and somehow still manage to get paid.
Damn it, Jaskier. They didn’t train Geralt for this kind of nonsense at Kaer Morhen.
Headcanon that after meeting the elves, Jaskier looks at Geralt “If you must kill me, I’m ready” of Rivia and is like, This is a man with no self-preservation instincts. He needs looking after.
Meanwhile, Geralt sees a bard who refuses to abandon him even after an incident that nearly ended with both of their deaths, and is like, This is a man with no self-preservation instincts. He needs looking after.
And they are both absolutely correct in their own ways.
2021 Tumblr Top 10
1. 2,484 notes - Oct 16 2021
Jaskier agreeing to disguise himself, marry, and then fake his death, entirely consensually, for dozens of women throughout the Continent who’d like to be in the financially independent position of widowhood without going through a lot of fuss and bother about it. (Often, they get access to their dowry; Jaskier takes a percentage.)
2. 2,058 notes - Jun 12 2021
AO3: Double Act
“Good news! The tavern keep has given me leave to exercise my craft in her glorious establishment. No, don’t say it!” Jaskier held his hand up to Geralt’s mouth, might have pressed his fingertips to Geralt’s lips if Geralt hadn’t grabbed his wrist.
3. 1,973 notes - Jun 2 2021
AO3: Reasons to Bite
She bites things, worries them between her teeth and doesn’t let go, chews until the tree branch—shreds; the fence post—mangles; the rope around her neck—snaps.
4. 868 notes - Feb 26 2021
AO3: Feathers
“Have you thought about selling these to a millinery?” Jaskier asked. He plucked one of the griffin’s massive brown-and-amber wing feathers, waving it in the melodic shape of ‘Toss a Coin.’ What a spectacular hat accessory it would make. The flare! The vim! The height!
5. 349 notes - Jan 1 2021
Witcher Shanties
6. 344 notes - Jan 11 2021
Jaskier is a music teacher as well as a performer. Do you think he has apprentices all over the Continent, from Vicovaro to Kaedwen, people who sing and play instruments and watch him perform and then corner him the next day to ask him musical questions that nobody from around there knows the answers to? And maybe they only see him for a night or a week, but it’s still long enough for them to absorb some tips, for them to remember him, for him to inspire them to keep practicing and growing?
7. 323 notes - Jan 23 2021
There is one winter where Vesemir and Lambert communicate solely via eavesdropping on each other while they are doing a daily version of the “Telling it to the bees” tradition.
8. 263 notes - Feb 14 2021
Planning Ahead
Jaskier doesn’t have a horse of his own, but he will one day, he tells the university hostlers, not-quite-lying, and in the meantime he borrows one occasionally, mostly so he has an excuse to get on the good side of the stablemaster. Hestif loves her stable’s horses as much as Jaskier loves music.
9. 237 notes - Jul 2 2021
AO3: Kid-Proofing
Various rooms in Kaer Morhen had “Lil Bleater doors,” goat-sized wooden flaps installed at floor level so she could get in easily. Hard for her to do that thing where she looked at you and you pet her and then you felt a little better about life if she couldn’t get to you. Also, Vesemir not-so-secretly enjoyed the dismayed groans of a sleeping-in Witcher getting woken up by Bleater jumping on them with her happy little hooves.
Her happy, pointy, relentless little hooves.
10. 236 notes - Jul 12 2021
AO3: Spicy Like Strawberries
“–and I know that the Eskel songs use a lot of the same structures as the White Wolf songs,” Jaskier said, “but that also serves to reflect some of their similarities as people or characters, and sticking to certain technical conventions encourages the perception that Witchers are a positive part of society.” He was chatting mostly to himself as he followed Lambert on a shortcut through some Redanian woods.
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What I’m taking away from this list is that I enjoy tumblr being a place where I can post not only fic but also the premises of fic that I don’t have the spoons to write. Hooray for Witcher shanties and willing-to-widow!Jaskier!
Notably, most of these were from the first half of the year; the mid-October post seems to have been my last gasp of creativity before grad school took over all of my brain space for the semester. (Lol, this is also when my physical planner turned into a lot of empty pages as well. Me during October-November: ‘I TURNED STUFF IN. NOTHING ELSE HAPPENED APPARENTLY’)
For 2022, I’m hoping to keep writing Witcher stuff and keep doing 007 Fest (a month-long Bond fandom event) in July!
Wait.
Geralt loots bodies all the time in W3.
Geralt also scolds other people for looting bodies.
What if...instead of this being a result of game-mechanic/characterization conflict, Geralt actually knows what he’s doing and he’s just hoping he can guilt people into leaving more stuff for him to take
if I had photoshop skills, this would one hundo percent read “SEX” and there would be some kind of knitted lingerie set (cock sock?) up top somewhere. Thanks, vintage WWI poster.
Things I love about Witcher fandom:
So many of us are willing to accept various faux-medieval circumstances, but we DRAW THE LINE at Geralt not being able to have hot water whenever he wants. This fandom sees a tepid tub and is like, “YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!!”
Occasionally someone might pipe up like, “Fire doesn’t work like that?” and we’re like, “We have the wish-fulfillment fire hand sign; let us have the wish-fulfillment hot water hand sign too.”
We are all just vicariously having excellent baths and we refuse to endure the mortifying ideal of lukewarmness.
Mission status: recovering from No Time To Die