List of things my orchestra, chorus, and band teachers have said:
"I need your bows to be infused with the power of christmas and stretch out" (orchestra 1)
"i guess I'll be practicing all week instead of doing homework" "atta girl, you got your priorities straight!" (band)
"it needs to sound like 'ho ho ho' not 'ho ho those damn kids keep takin my cookies'" (orchestra 1)
"you're making it sound like the wrong sleigh! its 'sleigh ride', not" *plays the chord from psycho* (orchestra 1)
"dont drink and run, kids" (orchestra 1)
*mewing* (chorus)
"you guys are so zesty" (chorus)
"it sounds like if you took a box of ornaments and just dumped it all over the tree then threw the tinsel on and then it catches fire and your house burns down" (orchestra 1)
"thats a good mama" (chorus)
*weird voice* "i have flower" (orchestra 1)
"YES, ill let you take my job today" (orchestra 2)
"if you're gonna fart... pose" *strikes some weird pose* (band 2)
"you're supposed to do *makes petting motion* kittyyy kittyyy, pet it gently, not *fucking WHACKS the invisible kitten* animal abuse" (orchestra 1)
"yes, im evil and made this warmup to make you smack yourselves in the face" (chorus)
"i want you to burp so loud and long that even your dad is impressed" (band 2)
"i guess we're teaching sign language now" (orchestra 1)
*steals people's sheet music* "im doing you a favor" (band)
*day before long weekend* "you did so good that im giving you Monday off of school" *collective groaning noises at an overused joke* (band)
*chases oboist around the band room* (band)
"who do you think it is?" *calls on kid with hand raised* kid: "is it-" "its not [name2]" (chorus)
"i need you to pretend you're throwing up" (chorus)
"i cant believe im saying this but... percussion, can you perhaps be louder?" (band)
"I have a funny story...my dad died and when my mom got married again she didn't invite me to her wedding." (orchestra 2) (NOTE: i never had this teacher, i joined orchestra the year after she retired)
"do you know how hard it is to make frosty the snowman sound like frosty the snowman instead of frosty the big wet sad puddle?" (orchestra 1)
"We will accept bribery" (chorus)
"guys, will you PLEASE stop hitting kittens" (orchestra 1)
*at a baritone who has his arm resting on the back [name]s chair* "[name2], i dont think [name] wants to go on a date with you" random kid: "yeah, [name2] is like 'hey, wanna go to the movies and put our hands in the popcorn bucket at the same time'"
SO. thats what i have so far. this is FAR from a complete list. the band 2 is for an extra band where the teacher isnt the same one or one of the ones for band, and orchestra 1 and orchestra 2 are completely different and numbered based on when i joined. 1 is after school and not really a school orchestra, and 2 is a school orchestra.
bonus: things they say a lot
"snailed it!" "open up your vowels, sopranos" "you SLAYED" "does anyone have any hot tea?" (chorus)
"SHAPE IT" "less talking more rocking/less conversing more rehearsing" "lets go! *loud clap*" (orchestra 1)
[insert dad jokes here] (band)
