#caution children

[ominous-signs]

[waddiwitch]

Caution: Children At Play

I have been saying for ages that I am going to finish this fic. So, I decided to edit it and post it on Tumblr and finally get this done. I’m not making any changes to the plot. It’s posted on AO3, Elysian Fields and Fanfiction.net and I will go in an edit it there.

Summary:  Spike and Buffy have been turned into kids. The Scoobies need to figure out how to solve the mystery without them, while Buffy and Spike are stuck spending lots of time together much to their light. This basically is a bit of fluff and hopefully will provide a few laughs.

Chapter One

It had been a long time since Rupert Giles was a child. He had long since forgotten how children thought and behaved. He had no idea how to deal with them and he found himself completely at sea in the situation at hand. After all, the only children he had mixed with for years were teenagers; small children were a completely different kettle of fish. The watcher was stumped as to how it happened. One minute Spike and Buffy were arguing; the next there were two little children in their place. Not only did the children bear a startling resemblance to the vampire and the slayer; they were dwarfed by the adult-sized clothes their grown-up selves had been wearing. He had whipped his spectacles off and blinked once. He put them back on. They were still there. He blinked again, and then once more for good measure. It made no difference. Spike and Buffy were little kids as outlandish as it may seem. Spike’s hair was no longer peroxide blonde but a mousy brown. Likewise, Buffy’s locks were darker than her usual blonde. The two were slumped on the floor looking as surprised as he.

“What happened?” Buffy scrunched up her nose. She looked down at her hand as she pulled herself to her feet. “I’m little – really little!”

Spike got to his feet also likely coming to the same conclusion.  “Bloody hell, Rupert.”

Giles was speechless. When he wasn’t forthcoming, they turned to each other instead. Suddenly, Spike burst into laughter and pointed at the slayer. “Ha!  I always knew you were a bottle blonde.”

She put her hand to her hair reflexively. She narrowed her eyes.  “You’re one to talk.  I should have the known the reason why you put so much gel in your hair is that it’s naturally curly.”

Spike scowled.  He had no answer for that.

Giles decided that he needed to intervene before this got dusty.  “Now, children!”

He succeeded as the two little faces turned to glare at him instead of each other.  “We’re not children.”

However, his satisfaction was short-lived, because a mischievous Buffy turned back to Spike. “Speaking of - are you still even a vampire?”

The boy went into an angry game face in response.  How extraordinary! How on earth had this come to pass? Giles was just relieved that at least the two seemed to be themselves at least.

Almost an hour later, Giles had managed to gather almost the whole Scooby gang in the shop, however, all were still none the wiser. Only Tara was not yet present, although Willow reassured him that her girlfriend would arrive later. The reactions of the gang were varied between amusement from Xander, excitement from Willow and Anya’s fear of the damage four little hands and legs could do to the merchandise.

“Oh, you guys are just adorable.”  Willow smiled down at them.

“Will you quit it!”  Spike snapped.  “Can you just figure out what went wrong and fix it? I don’t much like not being able to see over the bloody table.”

Xander chortled. “Poor little Willie.”

Spike glared at him. “When I’m back to normal I’ll bite you.”

Xander smirked down at him. “You’re neutered remember?”

Buffy rolled her eyes. “Shut up you guys!  None of this male posturing is helping us figure out what happened here.”

Giles nodded in approval.  “Yes – Buffy’s right.  Let’s go through this again.  Talk me through everything you did today.”

Spike and Buffy sighed in unison.

“How will answering the same question for the third time help?” Spike’s tone was irritable. “You could at least get us something decent to wear. These clothes are falling off us.”

“You do look rather ridiculous,” Anya added.

“Thanks ever so.”

“Anya, maybe you could go to the shops and pick up an outfit each for them. Take my credit card.” Giles reached into his pocket and handed her the card. “Nothing too expensive, mind you. Hopefully, this will be over before the day is out but just in case.”

She smiled at him and he felt a sense of dread. Still, it had to be done. She took off happily out the door.

“Now back to the matter at hand,” he began. “Has anybody got any ideas?”

“Maybe it will wear off?” Xander shrugged his shoulders. 

The watcher suspected that he was particularly amused to see Spike reduced to a child.

“I’m sure there’s a spell that can fix this.” Willow had a gleam in her eye, the prospect of looking up magic books and researching.

Giles frowned. “I don’t think we should be casting any spells until we know what caused this.”

“Maybe the books will help us figure it out,” she said turning back to her research.

He had to admit she had a point. They just would have to tread carefully.

Giles turned to the little slayer and vampire. “I think you two should hide out in the back. You look awfully conspicuous dressed as you are. Once Anya returns then you can come out again.”

“You expect me to hang out all on my own with Mr Peroxide.”

“Not like I’m getting any pleasure in spending my time in your company, Princess.”

“That right, Spikey?”  She got right up into his face. “Why then do you persist in hanging around like a bad smell?” She gave him a hard shove knocking him against a shelf containing several expensive objects. Although Giles ran over, he was too late to prevent the tinkling sound of glass breaking.

“Blast it! Those were worth a lot of money.”

“Sorry,” Buffy muttered, with an apologetic look. “It’s all Spike’s fault for being so annoying.”

Giles rubbed at his temple. “Oh, Buffy. Do grow up, would you?”

“That’s kind of the crux of the problem, Watcher,” Spike chimed in.

“Fine. Stay here then and scare away all of my customers. We clearly can’t leave you two alone without some kind of incident. I trust that the training room would be demolished.”

An hour later and Anya still had not returned. Giles was hoping she would arrive back soon and take over the till. The look he was getting from customers for having two rude and badly dressed children underfoot was irritating, to say the least.

A little hand tugged at him. “Rupert, I want my cigs back.” Spike looked up with big pleading blue eyes. He would never tell Spike this, but he really did make an adorable child.

Giles shook his head. “No – it’s a filthy, disgusting habit.”

The doorbell tinkled as a customer walked in. She was a heavily built lady with hair tied up in a bun under a rather eccentric hat.  “Welcome,” he said genially.  “Let me know if I can help.”

Spike tugged at his sleeve again.

He snapped. “What?” The customer looked at him reproachfully.

“I’ll set that nice lady’s hat on fire if you don’t give me my smokes,” Spike whispered. “I still have the lighter.”

“No, you don’t!” A smug Buffy came from behind with the Zippo lighter in her hand. “Here, Giles.”

Spike pouted. “This is no fun. I’m over a hundred years old.”

“I know your pain, Spike.” Anya walked in at that moment and she was holding several shopping bags. The watcher looked in consternation at her.   He really shouldn’t have given her his credit card.

“Did you have to buy out all the shops? I asked you to pick up just one outfit each.”

“Who knows how long this will last, Giles? This could take a while to solve.  Besides, these clothes are so cute. ” She dropped the bags in front of him and then turned her back on him heading over to the customer. He left his place by the cash register and grabbed the bags taking them into the back room.  

Buffy followed him eagerly to find a change of clothing. “Spike, come on,” she called back.

She tore over to the bags as soon as he put them low enough for her. “I really need a change of clothes.”

Spike arrived in shortly after. His lip was still stuck out. Giles sighed. “The sulking doesn’t help your case not to be treated like a child.”

“I’m not sulking,” he protested. “I’m being annoyed.”

“Annoying more like,” retorted the man. “You know it’s hard to take you seriously when you look like a child, boy.” He couldn’t resist the last dig and Spike glared malevolently at him.

A whoop of delight from Buffy interrupted them. “A cookie monster t-shirt! I love the cookie monster.”

Giles could barely suppress a snicker. “You don’t say!”

She looked a little red at her outburst; however, she continued to rummage through the shopping bags, while Spike stuck in the corner of the room watching the proceedings. “Look Spike. There’s got to be something you like in here.”

He walked a little bit too casually as if he was pretending to not care. Giles wondered if it was his imagination or was it just the fact that they were so little, but it seemed as if they were beginning to behave differently. He shook his head, deciding it was his imagination. The vampire pulled out a pair of black jeans.   He then went through several t-shirts before discarding them on the floor.  Giles was astonished when he heard a sudden exclamation of “Cool!” from the boy.  Spike had a t-shirt with the slogan “Born to be Wild” on the front. He looked just as surprised as Giles. “Bugger, I’m spendin’ too much time with you bloody colonials,” he muttered.

When Buffy and Spike returned to the shop, they looked much more befitting of their age. Giles was loath to admit it, but it appeared Anya had indeed done a good job. Hopefully, when tomorrow would come, the two would be back to their normal selves. They both found themselves a chair amongst the Scoobies.  Xander was dozing on the books, Anya was going through their accounts and Willow was still reading through the books to no avail. Spike and Buffy were fidgeting on their seats and their constant movement was making Giles irritated.

 “You could help,” he said waspishly.

They sighed dramatically. Spike started swinging his chair back and forth.

Buffy blew some gum. “Do we have to?”

Giles glared at them. “We are doing this for you two after all. The least you can do is help us.”

He handed them both some of the thinner books. “Now get cracking!”

“Bloody hell, Rupert.” Spike rolled his eyes. “You’re not my Watcher, so you can quit bossing me around unless you’re going to pay me. I’ll help but only because I’m sick of being Peter Pan.”

Giles rubbed his forehead.  He was getting a headache. “Help for whatever reason you wish. I don’t have time for your prattling.”

After another hour of unyielding research, they still were nowhere near figuring out what had happened to the slayer and vampire. Tempers were beginning to flare. Xander and Anya had left when it had been time to close the shop, but Willow stayed to help with the research. Tara had turned up as well. The two that they were trying to help were no help. Spike surprisingly had one of Xander’s comics hidden in a book that he was perusing. Giles didn’t say anything but the thought that William the Bloody had swiped Xander’s comics couldn’t possibly be a good thing and continued to rouse his suspicions regarding the full extent of their magical predicament. He suspected that Buffy had been reading the same page over for the last hour. She was sighing every so often to display her irritation at the task.

“But Giles, I’m much better with the fists than the books,” she moaned eventually.

Spike slammed his book down. “I agree with the slayer. There’s no point reading through all this mumbo jumbo. What we should be doing is finding the tosser that did this to us.”

Giles was finding it very hard to keep his cool.  “And pray tell, how are we supposed to do that?”

“You’ll figure it out.  You White Hats always do, but I’ll be damned if I will sit one more minute reading this tripe.”

Tara coughed gently to gain their attention. “I think we should test out their powers. I know they are little and all, but they appear to have their supernatural strength. I think it would be a good idea to check.” She smiled at Buffy and Spike. “I think you two look like you need some fun.”

“Well Glinda, I can’t say no to that.  Not happy about poked or prodded, but some sparring sounds like a good idea.” He raised a brow. “You think you can best me, Slayer?”

“Always, Spike.”

Giles gave Tara a grateful smile. Maybe this would be enough to diffuse the situation and shed some light at the same time. Once the two left to go into the training room Giles decided he needed to share his rising suspicion with the two witches.

“It’s strange.” He scratched his ear. “Have you noticed their odd behaviour?”

Tara bit her lip. “What- what do you mean?”

“Maybe it’s all in my head. The things they say and the way they say them strike me as out of the ordinary. It’s like they are regressing into childhood, but it’s taking longer for their minds to get there than it took their bodies. If I had to hazard a guess I would say they are six or seven years old physically and their minds are regressing to that point also.”

Tara nodded,  “And at the moment they’re behaving like teenagers. It’s like the spell wasn’t complete. Both the body and mind should have been at an equal age after the spell. I never saw Buffy blowing gum before or Spike reading a comic. I hate to say it but it makes a weird kind of sense.”

Willow went pale at that. “Sense – what sense?  They still seem like Buffy and Spike to me.”

Tara patted her hand sympathetically. “There’s still them – just a little younger.”

“And as I said, maybe it’s all in my mind.” He really hoped it was.

Buffy’s voice sounded from the back room. “Giles!  Can I stake Spike?”

“Oh, joy! I better go and play referee.”

To be continued...

[hsiaoyuchen]

No.177

ig: @ethanol_drawing

[waddiwitch]

Caution: Children At Play (Chapter Six)

Sorry, this is a few days late. I am trying to post every weekend.

Spike and Buffy have been turned into kids. The Scoobies have to figure out how to solve the mystery without them, while Buffy and Spike are stuck spending lots of time together much to their disgust. 

Summary of chapter: Giles has the day from hell.  Sitting Buffy and Spike isn't an easy job.

Chapter Six

Giles was awoken from his slumber by a persistent ringing sound. He grabbed the phone from the dresser. “Hello,” he mumbled sleepily, as he heard the familiar voice of Joyce from the other end of the phone line.

“Rupert!” Her voice was shrill with worry. “I can’t find Buffy and Spike. When I woke up this morning they were gone.”

He sat up suddenly awake. “Good lord. I’ll drop by the Magic Box to see if they are there and then I’ll be right over.”

Those two idiots would be the death of him. Most likely they had decided to go wandering in the dark again. Considering their penchant for getting themselves into trouble in normal circumstances, this did not bode well. He pulled on his clothes so quickly he didn’t realise he had his sweater on the wrong way for a couple of moments. Bugger it. He grabbed his car keys and left his house.

Giles arrived at the Magic Box in record time. He had never driven so fast around Sunnydale. Luckily, the town was quiet as it was still early in the morning. He checked the shop for the presence of little intruders and finding none, he gathered the ingredients to a locator spell just in case. He dumped them in the back seat of his car and he drove to Revello Drive, where he was met by a frantic Joyce. She ran out to meet him at his car as he pulled into the driveway. She looked unlike her usual well-groomed self with unkempt hair.

She peered in the window at him. “I’ll kill them, Rupert when I get my hands on them. I swear I will.”

He could sympathise. He was feeling the exact same way.

“Where are they, Giles? They’re so little and not themselves at all.”

Giles mentally went over the places that they could be and the most likely one came to mind. “Have you checked Spike’s crypt yet?”

She smacked her hand to her head. “Of course – I wasn’t thinking straight.”

“That’s natural, Joyce.” He gestured to the seat beside him. “Hop in, and we’ll go look in the cemetery.”

She opened the door before she paused suddenly. “Hang on. There’s sunlight. Spike needs his blanket.”

She ran inside leaving Giles worried in the car. He tapped his fingers on the steering wheel trying to think of other places that the duo could be should they not find them in Spike’s home. A few moments later she came out with a bundle, which he assumed must be the aforementioned blanket. He had been expecting the rather ratty looking one that Spike normally used to carry around when he was doing his daylight dashes. Of course, Joyce would insist on something cleaner, not that germs were really an issue for a vampire.

She opened the passenger door and sat down alongside him putting on her seat belt. “Dawn will stay at the house in case they come back.”

Giles took one glance back the house where Dawn, looking as anxious as her mother, stood at the door in her pajamas. He patted Joyce’s arm reassuringly. He hoped that was where they were, because if it was anywhere else then chances were they were in big trouble. He pulled up outside Restfield cemetery, and the two took off towards the vampire’s crypt. As they neared their destination, Giles heard squeaky voices and he pulled Joyce behind him and they ducked down behind one of the mouldering crypts, that Sunnydale seemed to have so many of. They stood as silently as possible and gazed around the corner. It turned out the squeaky voice belonged to one of the strangest beings Giles had ever seen. There were two of them. There were small in stature and humanoid in shape. However, they looked decidedly inhuman in appearance. Their eyes were beady and their skin was scabby. They two wore brown robes and appeared to be deep in discussion. The most worrying thing was that they appeared to come from the direction of Spike’s crypt. He felt his heart stop at this realization. Joyce gasped at side most likely coming to the same conclusion. On the upside, neither of the two little creatures looked terribly pleased.

“There is no sign of the vampire,” one lamented with a sigh. “Glorificus will be very displeased.”

The other shook his head. “The warlock says that the vampire and the slayer have become children. Do you think he dares lie to Glorificus?”

“Of course not,” the first answered hastily.

“I should hope not, Dreg. Our mistress would be most angry with you.”

Giles shared a look with Joyce, although both froze when they heard the next part of the conversation.

Dreg quickly attempted to change the subject. “Should we go directly to the Slayer’s house?”

The other replied, “No, the most glorious one told us to go to the crypt for a reason. We should report to her first.”

Dreg nodded and the two strange creatures continued on their way.

“Oh god.” She was close to tears. “If they aren’t at the crypt, then where are they, Rupert?”

His mind was running a mile a minute. Ethan was somehow connected with the hell god. Oh, this was not good at all. He tried to remain calm.

He removed his glasses and pinched his nose. “Let’s double check first before we panic and if they’re not there then we can do a locator spell. I have the supplies in my car from the Magic Box. We’ll call Willow and Tara and they can go and look after Dawn.”

They walked cautiously to the crypt making sure the creatures were well out of sight. Giles walked in Spike’s home first in case there were any unwelcome guests inside. He gestured for Joyce to follow him. A trap door in the floor suddenly opened and there were the two little monsters standing right in front of him.

“Hullo, Rupert. Hullo, Joyce.” Spike was wearing his customary smirk, either unaware or more likely uncaring of all the fuss their disappearance had caused.

Buffy giggled, but she had the decency to look a little sheepish at least. “Hi Mom, Giles!” She bit her lip anxiously as she looked up in her mother’s direction. “There were these scabby hobbit things here. We had to hide downstairs.”

Both Joyce and Giles were wearing equally foreboding glares. Buffy gulped and Spike started scuffing his shoes off the ground.

Giles suspected Buffy was wearing the most contrite expression she could muster. Her eyes were wide and her lip was trembling. “We fell asleep, Mom. We meant to be back before you even noticed.”

Giles smiled grimly and looked over at Joyce, who burst into relieved tears and grabbed hold of her daughter and the vampire enveloping them both into a hug. If the situation hadn’t been so dire, he might have laughed at the deer in the headlight expression Spike wore at the sudden hug. He coughed after giving them a few moments.

Joyce pulled away wiping her eyes. “Don’t you ever do that to me again!”

Her warning was not only for her own child but also for the troublesome vampire. This time the vampire was wearing a much more repentant expression. It seemed even soulless monsters could be swayed by Joyce’s generous and loving nature.

“We need to get back to Dawn and call in the rest of the gang. It seems that this Glorificus and her minions are trying to abduct one or both of you. We need Willow and Tara to see if they can do some sort of spell to keep them out of Revello Drive and we can’t risk leaving you two unaccompanied again.”

Spike scoffed. “We may be smaller in size, but we still have our strength. We’re not completely helpless. And what’s this woman want with us anyway?”

Buffy answered. “She wants to find out about her key.”

Spike raised his eyebrow. “I know sod all about a key, but I bet you all do. Care to enlighten a bloke?”

Giles decided to put his foot down right away. He couldn’t trust Spike to keep the secret. He may have some unfortunate influence on Summers’ women, but he wasn’t about to be swayed by his angelic appearance.

“No, you don’t need to know.” Giles looked at Joyce and Buffy warningly. “And Spike, I mean it about not leaving unaccompanied. If you were so confident about being able to handle yourselves then you wouldn’t have been hiding would you?”

Of course, the vampire had no answer for that. Giles suppressed a superior smile as Spike glared at him. Joyce looked at him with a disapproving expression. No doubt she felt he was being too hard on the vampire, but Spike was as annoying child sized as he was adult size, and he had a gift for making the most even-tempered lose their cool.

“Let’s go,” Joyce said, tossing the blanket at Spike, who grabbed it eagerly.

“Oh, you brought my blankie  ̶  I mean my blanket.”

This time Giles couldn’t prevent his lip from twitching. There were some things you never thought you would hear a master vampire say, even if it was Spike. Buffy didn’t even try to suppress her giggles at his slip. If vampires could blush Giles was sure that was exactly what Spike would be doing now.

Buffy was looking curiously at the blanket. “What’s that on the blanket?” She tried to grab it from him.

He held it away from her. “It’s none of your business, Slayer.”

Despite his best efforts, she managed to get a good look at the blanket before Spike could stop her. “Oh my gosh. Is that an angel?”

“No, it isn’t.” She raised an eyebrow and he sighed. “Okay, it is. Just don’t make a deal of it. I like it because it’s warm and furry not because of the picture.”

She bit her lip thoughtfully. “I think it looks like Angel.” She started to giggle again. “Oh is that why you like it? Ooh, Spikey, is Angel your comfort blanket?”

Spike glared at her. “Shut up, Slayer!”

Try as he might Giles couldn’t hold in his laughter any longer. This was too much; the idea of Spike cuddling a blanket with Angel on it.

Joyce looked at both Buffy and Giles reproachfully. “Buffy stop teasing William, and Giles, stop laughing.” She patted Spike on the shoulder. “Come on, Dawn will be worried.”

It was this emphasis on Dawn’s name that brought Buffy and Giles to their senses. The vampire looked at them suspiciously. The watcher worried at that; Spike had always been a good reader of people and intentions. If he had to guess at what was going on under that mop of hair, he would bet that Spike’s brain was still scrabbling for connections trying to figure out what this key was.

A few hours later, Giles was alone in Revello Drive with Buffy and Spike. Joyce had to leave the house and he was left with the task of watching the little monsters. Willow and Tara had been and had put a spell on the house to prevent anybody that wasn’t invited entering. He would have preferred to take Spike and Buffy to the Magic Box, he had a lot of books he wanted to peruse. However, the only spell that was suitable to keep out a hell god and her minions would also keep out his customers so he opted to stay at Revello. There was no way he would trust his own home to the bickering children. In the hour since Joyce had left they had managed to break two vases and a picture frame. Giles had to get his kicks where he could and he took great joy in telling the two again that they needed a babysitter now that they couldn’t be trusted not to run off. They had been complaining about not being left to their own devices.

Spike was apoplectic with anger. “Oi, I object to the use of that word. We don’t need a babysitter.” He practically spat the word babysitter.

Buffy was resigned to their fate, but it didn’t mean she was going to accept it without complaint. “This is a total overreaction, Giles. Can I please go outside?”

“No,” he said shaking his head. “And you know why.”

She threw herself on the sofa in a huff. “I’m so bored.”

Dawn popped her head in the door of the sitting room where all three sat unhappily. “Anybody want to play a game of cards?”

“No!” Giles and Buffy answered in unison.

Spike got up. “Well, it beats sitting around with this miserable lot. Lead the way, Bit.”

Dawn grinned in response. “In the kitchen, Bitty Vampire.”

He sighed dramatically as he followed. “Can’t anybody give me a little respect?”

Giles snorted at that. He figured now was as good a time as any to read through the books he did manage to bring with him. They were having no luck in isolating the spell that had been used. It seemed their best bet in figuring this out was finding Ethan. The problem was their discovery today meant that the possibility of doing so was even more remote. With Glory on his side, he would surely be impossible to find. What puzzled him was what Ethan could possibly be getting from this. His old friend always enjoyed causing a stir; helping a hell god was not really his usual pattern. 

Lost in thought, Giles hardly noticed Buffy clamber up on the seat beside him. “Can I just sit here beside you?”

“Of course, Buffy.” He smiled down at her and picked up a book.

He had only managed half a page when Buffy interrupted him. “Giles, what if we can’t fix this and we have to stay little?” Her tone was plaintive and he felt his heart constrict at the fear in her voice.

“We will fix this.” He spoke firmly. “Don’t you worry.”

“D’ya promise?”

“I promise, my dear.” He ruffled her hair. She was closest he ever had to a child and it really hurt to see her in pain. She smiled up at him, satisfied, and he turned back to his book.

“Can I see?” Buffy peered into the book as well. 

Over the next five minutes, she peppered him with questions regarding the book before going quiet. She had never shown as much interest in books as her older self. She hadn’t spoken a word for a few minutes when he noticed she had fallen asleep, her head on his lap. He smiled fondly at her and was soon engrossed in his reading again.

After an hour’s reading and no luck, Giles got up, careful not to wake up Buffy, and went into the kitchen. He put the kettle on to make himself a cup of what the Americans called tea. Dawn and Spike had abandoned their card game and were playing a game of monopoly instead.

“You gave up on cards, I see.”

“Nibblet didn’t much like being beaten.”

Dawn narrowed her eyes. “Only because you cheat!”

“I don’t have to cheat.”

She rolled her eyes and turned to Giles instead. “Janice will be here in half an hour.”

He nodded as he poured out his tea. “Let me know when you are leaving.” Joyce had told him Dawn was to be going to the cinema with her friend that evening. That meant that he would be left alone with the two. When he returned to his books, he found that Buffy was after waking up.

He chuckled as she rubbed her eyes. “It’s your fault you know.”

Giles was perplexed by her words.

“I don’t normally sleep during the day,” she said, with a mischievous grin. “It was your boring books that made me sleepy.”

She jumped off the seat and ran in the direction of the kitchen. He shook his head thinking despairingly of how the gang would cope if he wasn’t there to do the research. After Dawn left with her friend, Spike and Buffy had settled down to watch the television. Giles struggled with his reading as the words began to blur. It wouldn’t matter if he rested his eyes for a moment, would it?

To be continued…

[waddiwitch]

Caution: Children At Play (Chapter Eight)

Summary: Lorne wants Buffy and Spike to sing for him but they just want to mess around.

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

After all the introductions were made Joyce offered refreshments to everyone. Only the two vampires didn't follow her into the kitchen.

Spike glared at his grandsire. "I don't want you here."

Angel smiled. "I wouldn't have missed this opportunity for the entire world."

Spike could tell he was really enjoying this. "I hate you," he grumbled.

Angel reached down and rubbed his hair. "Calm down there, sport."

Spike balled his fists. He knew his grandsire was trying to bait him, but he had never been one for self-control. His temper was even closer to the surface these days.

"Why're you here, Peaches?"

Spike wished he was taller so that he could reach that smug face and punch him. It was bad enough that he was vertically challenged as an adult but now all kiddie-sized it was much worse.

"I came because Buffy needed me."

"Buffy doesn't want you here," Spike hissed.

"You keep telling yourself that, Willie."

Spike stamped his foot with frustration. "You always come and steal my things? Dru was my girl and you kept stealing her. And Buffy is my -"

"She's not your girl," Angel interjected.

Spike found himself backtracking quickly. "I know. She's my enemy, who's a girl and I play with sometimes."

Angel burst into laughter. "Oh, Spike. You're the one that goes after my women, not the other way around. Oh, it's so pathetic, it's funny."

"You could just have sent Sparkles. It's not like you'll be much help. The last time you were here you made her cry."

Angel's grin grew even bigger. "Oh, I've figured it out. Little Spikey's got a crush on Buffy."

"No I don't," Spike protested.

"But you do," Angel sneered. "But you have to know she'll never give you the time of day when she's back to normal. You've no soul. Buffy' s better than that."

"You've got it all wrong."

Angel was about to start lecturing him again when he was saved by the arrival of Buffy with a mug of blood each for them. The rest of the chattering occupants of the house started to gather in the living room once more. The two vampires gratefully took the mugs from the slayer.

"What ya talking about?" she asked.

The two vampires met each other's eyes. "Nothing," Spike lied.

Buffy looked suspiciously at the elder vampire, but he just shrugged.

She abandoned the topic when neither was forthcoming. "Mom said Giles thought you would be able to keep an eye on the house in case Rayne turns up again."

That answered the question he had been putting to his grandsire, but it didn't make his presence any more bearable.

Angel nodded importantly. "Seeing as neither of you are at full strength, you need somebody watching out."

Giles walked over to the trio hearing the conversation. "Willow and Tara's spells can only do so much. I did think it would be prudent to have someone strong and capable around."

"Hey!" Spike could see his indignation was shared by the slayer.

"I beat up Willy!" Buffy pointed out.

"And I helped," Spike felt the need to add.

"You watched," she corrected. He stuck his tongue out but immediately regretted it knowing Angel was enjoying this exchange a little too much.

Giles shook his head. "Be that as it may, Willy is called Willy the Snitch, because he is known to be a sniveling coward. Ethan is a very different kettle of fish. Besides if you both could behave yourselves then we probably wouldn't be having this conversation."

Spike met the slayer's eyes. They both knew the game was up. His ears had disappeared but the memory of them was still fresh in his mind.

Angel had been watching the whole conversation keenly. He looked surprised to see that Buffy could be mischievous when she wanted to be. "Spike's influence, I imagine," he suggested.

Joyce and Dawn walked over during the last portion of the conversation and they started to laugh loudly.

"Buffy was always a rambunctious child." Joyce smiled fondly. "She didn't need Spike's help with that. Buffy ran me ragged when she was really little."

Buffy went red. "Mom!"

Angel pinched his jaw thoughtfully. "That might be true, but I've got to be honest. I don't like the idea of Spike hanging around. He's soulless and can't be trusted."

Spike clenched his fists. The prat was talking about him like he wasn't there.

Dawn snorted. "You've no business deciding what's good for Buffy or not since you decided what was best for her that you leave her."

Spike's dead heart swelled at the Bit defending him. Angel looked even more slacked jawed than usual.

Buffy was rolling her eyes. "She's right Angel. He hasn't been my enemy in ages, you idiot."

Spike smirked at her words.

Buffy continued, "He's been here helping when you've been in LA even if he has to get paid for it. He's the pain in the ass that I can't get rid of. He's the stinky shadow that follows me around."

His smirk fell. "Hey!" More fool him to think that she was softening towards him but at least she was annoyed at Angel.

Lorne and Angel were conversing quietly in the corner. Spike had nothing against the jolly green demon; however, he couldn't say the same for Captain Forehead. He shot a glare in the direction of his grandsire every couple of minutes. Spike was sitting in between Dawn and Joyce on the sofa and Buffy was sitting on the floor. He knew Peaches didn't like that and he would take what little he could get. He heard Giles ask Angel to come outside into the porch. He watched as the vampire got up leaving the room. Spike was so distracted by listening into the conversation between Giles and Angel, he hadn't noticed Lorne coming over to him and Buffy.

"Earth to Spike," Buffy was saying and waving her hands in his face.

"Bloody hell," Spike muttered.

Joyce nodded at Dawn. "Let's go and make dinner and leave Lorne to talk with Spike and Buffy."

Lorne smiled at the ladies as they left. He turned back to Spike and Buffy then. "So, do you kids think you can sing your uncle Lorne a song?"

Both Spike and Buffy were less than pleased at the moniker, which made the demon backtrack a little. "Sorry, I haven't met you all before and I'm having difficulty imagining you little cuties all grown up."

"Not helping," Buffy said.

Spike had enough. "What the bloody hell do you want?" He went into game face and Buffy punched him on the arm with an annoyed glare. "There's no need to be mean," she scolded.

"I'm evil," he mumbled. There had been no need for it though as Lorne didn't even flinch. Being in this child's body really sucked; he couldn't work up a good scare anymore. Even with the chip, he could still be intimidating to humans and he could wreak havoc with any demon.

Lorne cleared his throat. "I have a special talent and it might be able to help you get back to your normal selves. I need you both to sing me a tune."

Spike looked at him incredulously. "You've got to be kidding me!"

"Just sing him a line of a song," came Angel's voice. Spike turned baleful eyes on him once more and noticed that he had brought Giles with him back into the house.

The watcher fiddled with his glasses as he was wont to do when he was frustrated. "Angel is right. This is why I called him. Willow told me about Lorne. She met him the last time she was in Los Angeles."

Spike shook his head. "I'm not singing a sodding song." He had some pride. It might not be much but he was determined to hang on to the little he had.

"Me either." Buffy put her hand on her hips as well. "I'm with Spike on this one."

Spike gave Angel a smug grin. So there, Peaches.

Lorne sighed. "You need to sing so I can read you. If you sing for me I might be able to tell how you can get out of those little bodies and back into your adult selves."

Giles rolled his eyes impatiently. "Do you want to remain little forever and grow up again? Besides, Spike, you may never grow up. Imagine being an undead child forever. At least Buffy has a chance at growing up. This might be your only chance to figure this out. I didn't believe you could possibly be more annoying than you already were. Yet as a child you truly are the spawn of Satan."

Buffy let out a giggle at that.

Giles pointed a finger at her. "And you are a whiny pain in the arse."

That shut her up. It was Spike's turn to smirk this time.

Lorne sighed loudly and turned to Giles and Angel. "You two are not helping. Maybe you two should back off and let me talk to them. I've been told I'm good with children."

Spike and Buffy met each other's eyes in mutual disdain. Angel and Giles left the room.

Lorne sat down on the sofa next to Spike and Buffy sat on his other side. "I own a nightclub and people come there from all over for me to read their aura. I'm good at it and I might be able to help you if you let me."

Spike turned to look at Buffy and he could see her resolve was wavering. "Maybe we should," she said softly. Truth be told his own resolve was waning too. The idea of being in this sodding body forever wasn't fun at all.

"Fine. " Spike threw his hands in the air. "As long as, it's only us three. I'm not having anybody else listening in."

"Well halleluiah!" Lorne beamed at them.

Spike was scowling and Lorne patted him on the shoulder. "Here's a little story that might make you feel a little better about it. Angel sang for me once and let me tell you that is an experience I never want to repeat."

Lorne was right. It did make Spike feel a little better. "Did he sing Barry Manilow?"

"He murdered "Mandy" and it was vicious."

"Who's Mandy?" Buffy scrunched her nose in confusion. "Was he Angelus then?

""Mandy" is one of Manilow's best-known songs," Lorne explained with a grin. "Now, any ideas for a song?"

Spike sighed noisily. "Bloody hell! Let's just get this over and done with."

Buffy turned to Spike with a gleam in her eye. "What about something from New Kids on the Block or the Backstreet Boys?"

Spike knew she was only half teasing him. "No bloody way! If I'm going to make a fool out of myself I've got to sing a proper song. The Ramones or The Clash?"

"Your proper songs are just noise," she retorted. "I don't know any of them."

An exasperated Lorne was rubbed at his temple. "For goodness sake can you just decide already?"

Buffy rolled her eyes. "I have an idea. How about a Michael Jackson song?"

Spike shook his head and put his arms across his chest.

"Ah come on, Spike," she wheedled. "Everybody loves Michael Jackson and we can even sing "Bad". It would be fun."

She pouted for good measure and he felt his resolve weaken.

"Bloody bossy boots," he murmured.

"Hey, did you just call me a bossy boots?"

"No," he exclaimed horrified at the childish words that kept leaking out of him at the most inappropriate time. Buffy would never leave him forget about it. That was the straw that broke the camel's back. He was going to sing even if he was completely mortified. At least when he was returned to his adult body then he could forget all about this whole embarrassing week.

"You're insufferable," he said determined to speak properly and not like a child. He sighed dramatically. "Can you remember the words then?"

"Let's start from the chorus. One – two – three."

The two started to sing: Buffy with enthusiasm and Spike with resignation. Once they were finished singing Lorne smiled wistfully at them. "Good news and bad news. The good news is that when you're both back to your adult selves come back and see me. The bad news is there is nothing I glean with regard to your case of kiditis."

Spike kicked at the chair in anger and knocked it over. "You mean I've sung a ditty for nothing. Bloody hell."

Buffy started to giggle.

"What?"

"Spike – I didn't know you could sing that high."

Spike knew he would be red if he wasn't a vampire. "I'm all kiddie-sized ain't I? The voice isn't broken and all that. I couldn't sing like that since I was a rugrat."

Buffy eyes sparkled mischievously. "I don't know. Your voice gets kinda high when I kick you in the nuts."

Lorne chuckled, while Spike sent a withering glare at the slayer. Why did she have to be so high and mighty all the time, putting him down?

"Seriously though," Lorne continued. "Make sure you call me when you're all grown up. There's a message I need to give you."

Spike scoffed, "There won't be any point if you can't reverse this bloody spell."

The day went from bad to worse. Angel was walking around the Summers' home like he owned it; the superhero who came to save the day. It made Spike sick to the stomach to see Buffy paying too much attention to the idiot. Spike and Dawn were sitting cross-legged on the floor of the living room playing a game of cards. Dawn had planted herself firmly on Spike's camp and the pair of them were taking turns in making jokes at Angel's expense.

"I can hear you, you know," Angel said.

"I know," Spike and Dawn replied in unison.

Joyce clucked her tongue. "Stop making fun of Angel. It's not nice."

"But it's fun," Spike snarked.

"Now, you stop that young man." Joyce waved her finger at him. "I'm disappointed at your behavior tonight. Angel has come to help and he deserves your respect."

Spike pursed his lips and crossed his arms at the rebuke. He was humiliated in front of Angel and he had an urge to bawl his eyes out. He shook off the urge, knowing he couldn't give Peaches the satisfaction. It was bad enough for this grandsire to see him like this. He was very stung by Joyce's defence of Angel. He had been quite sure she didn't like his grandsire at all. He was supposed to be her favourite vampire.

Trying not to show how affected he was, Spike asked, "Why haven't Red and Glinda been around?"

Joyce frowned. "I suppose they have been busy with all the research."

"They were the only ones who'd play games with us," he said. "You're too busy at work and the Watcher is too busy yelling at us."

The woman smirked at him. "Aren't you always reminding us that you're not really kids?"

He pouted at that. Whatever it was about Joyce, it was even harder to remember he wasn't really a rugrat when she was around. She had a way of mothering him and even as an adult vampire she reminded him of his mother, but he was still mad at her for embarrassing him in front of Peaches.

Spike crept silently around the living room. So much for Angel's hero role, the dark-haired vampire was fast asleep in the armchair. Spike was determined to show them all he was better than Angel. He was going to find this Ethan bloke himself and end this nonsense once and for all. He didn't think through how he could manage that being all bite-sized, but then he was at his best when winging it. His plans never really seemed to work anyway, although he was aware that was mainly due to his impatience rather than his incapability of thinking up a good plan. He pushed open the door, pausing for a moment and making sure Peaches was still sleeping. Once he was satisfied, he let the door close softly behind him. Spike relished the freedom of being outside once again. He and Buffy were in lockdown since their past escapades. Maybe there would be clues in his crypt? He was shorter and therefore closer to the ground, maybe the Scooby gang missed out on something. It wasn't far from here. He tried to ignore his sense of unease as he entered Restfield.

"I'm a Big Bad, an evil vampire," he muttered to himself.

Despite his attempt at bravado, he gasped when he saw a large, burly demon with curling red horns like a bull. His skin was the colour of cement and he had black eyes. Spike froze in his tracks and gulped.

"Hi there, little fella," said the demon, "What's a little boy like you doing wandering the streets at this hour?"

The boy felt a prick of fear at the huge demon towering over him. What am I doing? I'm a vampire. "Not a little boy," he roared before he went into game face and growled, catching the demon by surprise. He watched in satisfaction at the slack-jawed expression and took off at speed before the demon could regain his senses. Yeah, I'm still bad. He smirked as he ran full pelt. When he finally reached the crypt, he threw himself down on the sarcophagus exhausted. His little body wasn't as strong as his adult body. When he had rested for a few minutes he went down the bottom part of his crypt and looked around for anything out of place. He found nothing and went back up to the upper level to check there. He was disappointed to have nothing to show for his walkabout. He knew he couldn't afford to wait around any longer. Angel could wake up any minute to find him gone or perhaps he had even woken up already. He grinned widely when he spotted the skull, he used as an ashtray, just where he left it.

"Hmm that could be interesting," he said aloud, a plan forming in his mind.

Spike ran back to Revello Drive as fast as his little legs could carry him. He crept back in the house through the window he had left ajar. He was relieved to see Captain Forehead was still sleeping and didn't notice he had company. He jumped as Buffy leaped out in front of him.

"Where have you been?"

He stuck out his tongue. "Out for a walk."

She puffed up indignantly. "I'm telling."

He grabbed her arm roughly. "Don't! I have a much better idea that I think you would like."

She arched a brow. "You have one minute to convince me."

"Don't you think Peaches should be awake not sleeping?" Spike asked. "I never should have been able to get out of the house."

"I guess so," she said, sounding bored. "What does this have to do with your plan exactly? Time's ticking, Spikey."

"What if we were to teach him a lesson?" Spike suggested.

"Spill, Spike. I'm getting impatient." She tapped her watch.

"We let him think I'm dust," Spike explained. "I found some ashes in my crypt and if we place it carefully we could let him think he has let me get dusted."

He pulled out a cigarette box from his pocket and Buffy looked inside and sure enough, there were ashes inside.

"Spike, that's kind of mean," Buffy said.

"Ah come on, Slayer," Spike begged. "He deserves it. Remember what he did to you? He broke your heart. Besides, no one gets hurt. It's just a joke. Evil and inspired? Sure, but just a joke."

"Spike, it's a pretty awful thing to do."

Spike groaned. "First good plan I've had in a while and you have to tear it apart."

"I didn't say no," she said.

Spike punched the air and Buffy stifled a giggle.

"We can just put it outside on the porch, knock a few things about like there was a struggle and I'll go hide," Spike said.

"Under my bed," she ordered. "I'll put out the ashes on the porch and then I'll go wake Angel, telling him you're missing."

She looked at Angel. "I can't believe he fell asleep like this. Anything could have happened."

Spike felt a sense of satisfaction at her annoyance at Angel. Perhaps the Slayer was coming to her senses about Tall, Dark and Brooding at last. There heard a noise from across the room. They turned to look at Angel, who had moved in his sleep.

Buffy pushed Spike in the direction of the stairs. "Now go!"

Spike crept into Buffy's room and slid under the bed. He listened very carefully to what was going on downstairs.

"Angel! Wake up!" Buffy was saying.

There was a thumping sound and Spike guessed Angel must have knocked something over in fright.

"What's wrong, Buffy?" Angel asked.

Spike clucked his tongue. Peaches really thought he was the big hero.

"Spike's gone and I don't know where he is."

Spike had to hand it to Buffy; she was a superb actress.

Angel was trying to reassure her. "I'm sure he's around here somewhere. You know it's hard to get rid of a bad thing."

Spike had to clamp his mouth shut to prevent a growl. He clenched his fists hard. This was going to serve Peaches right.

"Could he have left the house?" Buffy asked innocently. "Surely you would have heard him, right?"

"Sure, I would," Angel said gruffly.

"I have checked everywhere," Buffy insisted.

"Let's check again," Angel said.

He listened to the sound of the two going from room to room in the house. They weren't making much noise, careful not to wake the rest of the occupants. Spike figured Angel was saving face and hoping to solve the matter before everyone else got to find out about his carelessness.

"I can still smell him," Angel said, "I think he can't have gone far."

They walked into Buffy's room as expected and he was relieved when Buffy said she would check under the bed.

She winked at him as she put her head down. "No, he's not there, Angel. Maybe we should outside in the front and back."

"The little brat," Angel snarled. "I'm going to kill him."

If Spike didn't know better, he would have thought there was a real concern in his tone. Spike waited until he heard the front door slam and got out of the bed and went over to the window, which was ajar. Angel was staring at the ground. Spike smirked and decided to announce his continuing unlife. He jumped out of the window and landed right on top of Angel. His grandsire's mouth was open doing an imitation of a fish and Spike took a swing at him.

"That's for saying it's difficult for getting rid of a bad thing."

Angel pulled him and held him away from his body. "You little bastard. I thought you were dead."

"Actually, already dead-" Spike said before he was interrupted by a surprising hug.

Spike briefly relaxed into the embrace before they both caught themselves and pulled away embarrassed. Buffy looked amused and let out a little laugh. This seemed to remind Angel of the Slayer's presence.

Angel turned to Buffy with narrowed eyes. "Were you involved in this?"

Buffy went bright red and Angel shook his head disbelievingly.

"I'm going to have to tell on you both," he said.

Spike smirked. "Then you would have to tell Joyce you fell asleep on watch when you were meant to be making sure her daughter was safe. She tried to hit me with an axe once so I wouldn't recommend you being on the wrong side of her. She's a tough lady."

"And for some reason, she does seem to like Spike," added Buffy.

Spike beamed at her words. Maybe today was going to be a better day, after all? He could see the sun was starting to rise. He had better go inside before he really was dust.

To be continued...

[waddiwitch]

Caution: Children at Play (Chapter Ten)

Spike and Buffy have been turned into kids. The Scoobies have to figure out how to solve the mystery without them, while Buffy and Spike are stuck spending lots of time together. A whodunnit! What mischief will Spike and Buffy get into while trying to figure it out?

Summary of the chapter: More playtime for our favourite duo while Giles tries to get info from Ethan Rayne.

Chapter Ten

Spike awoke to find he had fallen asleep on the sofa with Buffy. Someone, most likely Joyce, had placed a blanket over them. The lights were off but he could hear voices coming from the basement; the watcher appeared to be giving their new house guest the third degree. He looked at the clock on the wall. It was half-past one and Joyce and Dawn were gone to bed. Spike could hear the sound of footfalls outside on the porch. Angel was probably skulking about like a guard dog outside. Bloody idiot. He looked over at the sleeping Slayer and decided he didn't want her to wake up with him cuddled up next to her. It wasn't until Spike tried to move that he realised there was a weight on his arm; Buffy was lying on him. He snorted in disgust at the drool dripping from her open mouth. Good job he wasn't wearing his duster. Spike rolled his eyes and pulled his arm roughly from under her, the force of his movement caused her to fall off the sofa onto the floor. Buffy woke with a start and Spike chuckled quietly as she blinked confusedly. Her mouth opened furiously, but before she could utter a word Spike came over to her and put his hand over her mouth.

"Mmph." Buffy struggled in his grip trying to pull his hand away.

"I want to hear what's going on downstairs," he said. "If you start yelling we're not going to hear anything."

Buffy stopped struggling and he removed his hand from her mouth. Before he could feel too smug, she stomped hard on his foot. The malicious bint wore a devious expression and he bit his tongue trying to stop a loud curse.

His eyes narrowed dangerously. "There was no need for that, Slayer."

She put her hands on her hips and her nose in the air. "You would say that, William."

Bloody, superior bint. Despite her attitude, Spike knew she was just as curious as he was and that was the only reason she hadn't punched him in the nose as well.

"Well then!" Buffy demanded. "What are they saying?"

He had lost track of the conversation while he was arguing with the Slayer. Whatever it was about her that got under his skin so much. Everything else seemed to pale into significance when she was around.

He shook his head trying to concentrate on the matter at hand before hissing, "If you just shut up I might be able to tell you."

Buffy stuck her tongue out in response. "Stupid vampire hearing," he heard her muttering.

Spike smirked. "If that's the way you feel, I won't bother fillin' you in. I'll keep my stupid vampire hearing to myself."

He narrowly avoided a cushion thrown at his head. He really loved getting a reaction out of the chit. Since he had been chipped, he had fewer chances to get his kicks and he would take them where he could. Buffy tapped her foot giving him a meaningful look. He shook his head in amusement and finally turned his attention back to the interrogation in the basement.

"You better tell me exactly what it is you know about Glory," Giles was saying. "If you want protection, then you're going to have to earn it."

Spike almost shivered at Giles' chilly tone despite himself, but Big Bads didn't shiver, even little Big Bads. Nevertheless, he had to confess he'd underestimated the man. Under that stiff upper lip and the bumbling facade was a man of steel. For the first time, he realised you crossed Rupert Giles at your own peril.

The mage sounded rattled. "I've answered your questions, Ripper. What more do you want from me?"

Ripper? Spike wondered where Giles got the name.

"You have to know something that can help us," the Watcher continued.

"I have told you all I know about the spell, haven't I?"

Spike heard a loud thud from the basement and from the pained yelp, he figured Giles was responsible and giving the mage a thump.

Buffy stood at the door straining her ears. "I can't hear anything."

Spike finally took pity on her. "Not a lot to report, Slayer. Your old man is taunting the mage, tryin' to get some info."

"No," Ethan choked from the basement. "Killing me won't do any good. Could be that I remember something of use later."

Spike had to admire the man's balls. "The bloke's not biting though."

Buffy pouted. "I wish I had vampire hearing too."

"I think you'd make a pretty good vamp, pet," Spike confessed.

"Would I?" She seemed strangely chuffed with the idea. "It's cos I'm scary, right?"

Spike grinned wickedly. "If only the monsters knew just how cranky you are in the morning."

Buffy scowled at him. "Yeah - well you're a smelly boy."

"I don't smell."

Buffy scrunched her nose and began fanning her face. "Eugh. What's that smell? Oh yeah - it's William."

Spike pursed his lips, and then retorted, "You've stupid hair. No wonder you and Peaches get along so well. You probably talk about shampoos and hair gel all the time."

Spike knew his comeback was pretty lame, but he wasn't going to let Buffy have the last word.

Buffy's mouth was twitching. "You're the one with the yen for nail varnish. You're such a girl."

Spike's mouth dropped open. "I'm not girly." He spat the last word.

Their voices had risen with their banter and they had momentarily forgotten about the conversation going on in the basement.

The front door flew open and Angel walked in. "Can't you two quit bickering? You're going to wake the whole house."

Buffy poked her finger at Spike's chest. "It's all Spike's fault."

Spike gave her a two fingered salute. "No - it's Buffy's fault."

Angel sighed dramatically. "I thought Spike was bad. I would have thought you would have more sense, Buffy."

Spike snorted and rolled his eyes. "Oi Buffy, what did you ever see in this berk?"

There was a disapproving sniff from behind them. Spike whirled around to see Giles standing in the doorway.

"Disruptin' your pow-wow are we, Rupert?"

Giles took his glasses from his nose and started polishing furiously. "Indeed!"

Buffy walked over to Giles and pulled his arm. "Can I come down and watch you? I wanna help. I can help. "

Giles looked up from his task. "No - you should go to bed. You look exhausted."

Spike thought Giles had a point. She did look rather tired, her eyes were red-rimmed and she was yawning.

"I'm not tired," she protested with another wide yawn. "Please, Giles. I promise I'll be good."

Giles shook his head. "I'm sorry, Buffy. You're not exactly yourself. I know what I'm doing."

More like the tosser didn't want Buffy seeing the real Giles, Spike thought.

"You don't let us have any fun," the Slayer complained throwing herself back on the couch. "And I'm still not going to bed."

"I tell you what, Slayer," Spike said. "I'm sick of staying inside all day and night. It's like I'm a prisoner and I'm getting cabin fever. I say we go outside. "

Buffy's face lit up and she jumped up from the couch.

Giles gave in with a sigh. "I don't see why not as long as you keep in Angel's sight at all times."

"You're giving me babysitting duties?" Angel asked incredulously.

Spike met Buffy's eyes in exasperation at Peaches' choice of words. The large foreheaded idiot wanted to babysit, then he was going to get it.

"Well, have you got a better idea? They'll tire themselves out and then we'll a couple of hours peace."

They were doing that bloody thing again of talking to one another about them as if they weren't in the room. Bugger that.

Spike tugged Buffy's arm, "Let's get out of here, Slayer, before those two bore us to death."

Buffy gave the vampire and man a seething look before nodding vigorously. "The last one outside is a rotten egg."

She pushed him hard and he almost fell over with the force of the push.

"Hey!" he yelled.

She tore out the door with a giggle and Spike stomped quickly after her, Angel in his wake.

"You're a cheat!" He accused her once he had come face to face with her on the porch.

Spike spotted a football in the neighbours' garden and quickly hopped over the fence.

"Spike come back here," Angel ordered.

Spike grabbed the ball and came back over the fence. "I'm not back cos you asked me. I'm back because I want to."

Buffy stifled a giggle and Spike threw the ball at her head, but her slayer reflexes let her catch it easily.

"Wanna play?" he challenged her, his eyebrow cocked. Knowing Buffy the way he did, he was sure she wouldn't disappoint.

"Prepare to be humiliated."

Satisfied Spike turned to his grandsire, "How about you Angel?"

Peaches turned his back and started to pace around the perimeter of the fence. "Somebody has to stand watch just in case Glory or her minions come."

"Spoilsport!" Buffy called out.

Spike kicked the ball to her and was surprised to see her give him a wink. She placed the ball carefully before kicking it in the direction of Angel. It landed smack bang on the back of the vampire's head.

"Spike!" he growled.

"Sorry, Angel," Buffy lied. "I'm a really lousy shot."

Angel's mouth was open so wide he was danger of swallowing the ball if either of them kicked it at him again.

"I would have got you in the goolies if it were me," Spike couldn't resist pointing out.

"Come on," Buffy pleaded. "Play with us. Learn to live a little."

Angel picked up the ball from the ground where it had fallen. "I must be insane."

**************

The following morning, Spike arose to the sound of feminine giggles. Angel, Buffy and he had spent an hour playing football before they came inside. The Slayer was exhausted and if he was honest he had been quite tired as well and they had finally agreed to try and sleep. As soon as they had arrived back inside Giles had left to get some much-needed sleep and Angel had taken over the role of playing prison guard.

Spike walked cautiously into the kitchen making sure the window was obscured. Tara, Willow, and Joyce were laughing over pancakes and coffee.

Joyce looked up at his entrance. "Sorry, did we wake you?"

Spike shrugged and pulled himself up onto the stool. "Some pancakes to share?"

Tara handed him a plate.

"Thanks, Glinda," he said and shoveled some pancake into his mouth. "Joyce, you make the best pancakes."

"You can be a right charmer when you want," Joyce said with a smile.

"It's why women find me irresistible," he replied, "even those playing for t'other side."

He was rewarded with a blush from Glinda.

"Stop flirting with my woman," Willow joked.

"So, tell me, how long more do I have to go about climbing up onto stools?"

The three women looked at each other and Spike was filled with a sense of foreboding.

"The spell isn't going well then?" he asked.

"The problem isn't the spell," Willow responded. "The ingredients are rare, really rare."

"We didn't realise just how rare until we tried to order them," Tara added.

"How long are we looking at?" he queried.

"At least a couple of days if not a week," Tara said gently.

Spike scowled. "Bugger."

*******************

When darkness fell, Spike and Buffy managed to convince the adults to let them outside again. The situation with Glory meant they had to be careful, but there had been no sign of her or her minions in recent days. After an hour the pair returned inside, determined to nag Joyce into making them cocoa. Joyce and Giles were in the middle of a conversation and didn't even notice their return.

Joyce sounded pained. "When we get Buffy and Spike back to normal, we still have to defeat Glory?"

"Don't worry we won't let her get at Dawn," Giles said soothingly.

"God, I still can't believe she's not real. She feels real. I don't care where she came from, she's still my baby."

Everything just started to fall into place - all the secrecy and the worry. "Dawn's the key," he muttered watching Buffy's face lose all colour.

"Does she know?" he pressed her.

Buffy shook her head, for once seeming lost for quips.

"Don't you think she has the right to know a hell god is out for her blood?"

Buffy found her voice. "No, Spike," she said firmly. "Dawn would freak out. She doesn't need to know. Promise me you won't tell her."

He made a zipping motion with his hand. "She won't hear it from me, but I'll have you know it's the wrong thing to do. She's better off finding it out from you."

"You better not tell Glory either," Buffy hissed.

Spike's mouth dropped open in surprise at her words. To his surprise, Spike felt hurt as not being trusted. He had been doing his utmost of late to be of help to Buffy and the Scoobies, even if he usually demanded payment. But he was fond of Dawn and only she and Joyce were kind to him and treated him as a man, not a monster. Spike had an urge to slam the door, which tried to suppress out of respect for Joyce, but he stomped out of the room in temper nonetheless. He always had been quick-tempered but he found his emotions closer to the surface these days. He knew there was a reason he hated children besides their ear-piercing mewling. Soddin' childlike emotions. He was supposed to be the Big Bad after all. He clenched his fists tight, digging his nails into the palms of his hands. He couldn't let anyone see him like this.

"Spike?"

It was Angel, the last person in the world he wanted to see. Of course in this useless little body, he couldn't be trusted to defend himself. How pathetic! He was careful to keep his back to the other vampire. In a normal occasion, he would never give his grandsire a chance to stab him in the back.

Angel grabbed him by the arm, "Get inside. The sun's up any time..." One look at Spike's miserable face silenced him.

Spike pulled away. "Let go of me!"

"What's wrong?" It was almost funny to see the conflicting emotions flit across Peaches' face.

"Nothing," Spike lied.

"You're a useless liar, William. Always have been and always will be."

"Don't have to tell you if I don't want to."

Angel scowled. "Suit yourself, but if you don't come in soon you'll be vampire flambé."

"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" Spike glared at him. "I'm stuck in your ex-honey's house and her mother likes me a lot more than you. Must make you sick."

"I'm not the one they kept the truth from though, am I?"

Spike slouched, "No matter what I'll never be good enough. I'm like Marcia in the bleedin' Brady Bunch. I'm not evil enough to be Angelus or good enough to be Angel."

Angel was doing an impression of a fish and Spike realised he had spoken aloud.

"Bloody hell," he moaned. "Don't tell anyone I said that, Angel."

It seemed like Angel was struck dumb even though he had often accused the younger vamp of being jealous of him.

Spike balled his fists. "Come on, are you going to make some jokes at my expense?"

Angel shook his head. "I'm going to forget about this and put it down to you being a kid. Somehow, I just don't have the heart to mock a child."

"Hey, I am not!"

"Doesn't mean I won't tease the hell out of you when you're back to being the thorn in my side. Come on, let's get inside."

******************

Spike and Buffy sat sipping at the hot cocoa. He didn't say much as he was trying to wrap his head around the fact that Buffy's little sister was an inter-dimensional key. He was also a little embarrassed at his emotional outburst, but Angel didn't say a word. Buffy kept glancing at him as if she was going to ask him a question.

Finally, she spoke, "Why have you been acting all weird or should I say weirder than normal?"

He turned his back to her. What he wanted to do more than anything was to ask why they never trusted him with the secret. She would just laugh that he thought he was part of the gang.

"Well?" she demanded.

"I want to know why didn't you tell me about the Bit?" 

She looked confused. "You're evil, Spike."

"Maybe I am, but I'm fond of the chit. Do you really think I would sell you out to Glory?"

She didn't reply, which was answer enough.

"You're wrong, you insufferable bint, and I will protect the Bit whether you like it or not. Your Mum likes me, and little sis does too, even if you don't."

"I like you, Spike." Her voice was so low if he hadn't been a vampire, he wouldn't know what she said.

"You do?"

"Well, I hate you, but you're alright sometimes."

He looked away trying the hide the big smile on his face. "You're not so bad either, Slayer."

"We're cool then?" she asked.

He turned back to her, trying to look nonchalant. "Yeah."

"Good. Now, let's pretend this whole thing never happened. There's only so much mind-bendy things I can accept happening. Pinky promise?"

He felt like such a prat but he held out his finger. "Pinky promise."

To be continued...

[waddiwitch]

Caution: Children At Play (Chapter Nine)

Summary: Giles is concerned about little Buffy and Spike’s closeness while Angel and Lorne locate Ethan Rayne.

Chapter Nine

The following morning, Giles arrived early at the Summers’ house. The watcher was disgusted that the arrival of Angel and Lorne hadn’t brought them any new leads. Still, he had to admit he did get pleasure out of the looks on Buffy and Spike’s faces when he told them that Angel was coming. Although Joyce had been angry at the mischievous duo, she had made Giles fully aware of her displeasure at his part in the kids' shenanigans the previous day. Falling asleep when he was on watch was becoming a bit of an embarrassing habit although it was better than being knocked out he supposed. He also knew she was happy at the arrival of Angel, given the vampire’s history with Buffy. Nonetheless, Joyce was ever the lady and since Angel had arrived she didn’t let her dislike for the vampire show. Dawn didn’t have the same manners and Giles suspected the young girl had a bit of a crush on Spike. It seemed all three Summers women had a bit of an attachment to the peroxided pest. His lips pursed at the thought. He only hoped he was reading too much into Buffy’s recent interactions with the vampire. It was understandable that she would gravitate towards the vampire when they were the only ones affected by the spell. Still, it made the Watcher feel uneasy. It was not the natural order of things.

Giles heard the sound of two squabbling voices the moment he walked in the door. He didn’t know how Joyce could manage it at all. She really was a remarkable woman. He could see Buffy was right in Spike’s face and the vampire was glaring right back at her.

“Stop trying to steal my mom,” Buffy was saying.

“I can’t help it if she likes me better than you,” Spike replied, with a smirk.

Buffy narrowed her eyes. “She does not!” 

“She does too!”

Giles sighed loudly. “Do you two ever stop bickering?”

Both of the children turned to scowl at him, temporarily united in irritation at him. As always it was a jarring feeling when the two agreed on anything.

“Is your mother around?” Giles asked Buffy.

Buffy nodded. “Uh-huh. She’s in the kitchen hiding from William.”

The scowl on Spike’s face at the use of his given name was priceless. “No - she isn’t hiding from me! Your Mum likes me.” Spike crossed his arms. “And don’t call me that.”

“Mom said you’re William as long as you stay in this house.” Buffy stuck out her tongue. “So, there.”

“I hate you,” Spike spat. 

“Not as much as I hate you!”

Leaving behind the squabbling pair, Giles made his way into the kitchen. Joyce was sitting at the table with a mug in her hands.

“Rupert!” She smiled warmly at him. “Would you like something to drink?”

Giles sat down at the table. “Have you any tea?” She got up and turned on the kettle.

“Are you hiding in here?” Giles asked.

Joyce laughed. “I’m just looking for a little peace and quiet.”

“Hard to get that around here at the moment,” Giles remarked.

Joyce handed him a mug of tea. “Understatement of the year, Rupert.”

Giles suppressed a snort and gratefully took a sip. He was surprised by the taste of the tea. It tasted more like the tea back home than the usual rubbish they sold in the States. “Where did you get this tea, Joyce?”

Joyce smiled. “Spike recommended it to me actually.”

Giles blinked. Well, that was unexpected?

“I thought vampires preferred blood to tea,” Giles said dryly. “Well, I have to admit he has good taste in tea.”

Joyce nodded her head. “He loves my hot cocoa too. I’ve not met too many vampires, thank God, though William strikes me as very unusual for a bloodsucking fiend.”

“You should never forget what he is, Joyce,” Giles said quite seriously.

“I’m not stupid, Rupert.” He could see from the look in her eyes where Buffy got her strength of mind from.

He stood his ground feeling the words needed to be said. “I would hate for you and Buffy to be taken in by another vampire.”

Joyce’s eyebrows went up at that. “Taken in by another vampire? I think you’re projecting your own issues onto me. I never liked Angel. You were the one that trusted him.”

Giles had no answer to that and reached for his glasses and reached into his pocket to get a cloth to polish them with.

“You’re absolutely right of course,” he confessed. “Point taken.”

Joyce was far from finished. “While I’m speaking my mind, I have to say you’re being deliberately antagonistic to William, and it isn’t fair as he isn’t in his right mind.”

“He’s still a vampire, Joyce, even if he is being, and I use the term loosely, cute.” His sarcasm wasn’t lost on her.

“Don’t mock me, Rupert,” she snapped.

“I’m not mocking you,” he argued. “I’m just concerned that Spike and Buffy are spending too much time together.”

“Well, that can hardly be helped at the moment,” Joyce pointed out.

Giles sighed, “I know. I’m just worried that he has developed a bit of an infatuation with Buffy and I can’t see that ending well. I don’t want her to get hurt again.”

Joyce's expression softened a little. “I know you’re concerned for Buffy’s welfare, but would it kill you to be a little nicer to him?”

***************

It wasn’t long before the two little cretins joined Giles and Joyce in the kitchen. Spike was looking quite smug and Giles wondered if perhaps he has been listening in to the conversation. He would certainly get off on the idea of Joyce defending him.

Spike grinned at Joyce. “Hullo, Joyce. Can I have some blood?” That butter wouldn’t melt expression didn’t belong on a soulless fiend even if he had a chip in his head.

“Help yourself, William,” Joyce said.

“Thanks, Joyce.” Spike went over to the fridge and pulled out a bag of blood. He must have been hungry as he never bothered to heat it up, just put it straight into the mug and gulped it down.

Buffy stuck out her tongue in disgust. “Bleurgh! How can you drink that icky stuff?”

Spike smacked his lips obnoxiously. “It’s yummy.” She didn’t look convinced and he rolled his eyes. “It’s life, dummy.”

Buffy glared dangerously at the vampire. “Stop calling me names, pea brain.”

Giles tried to suppress a smile and caught Joyce’s eye. Her expression was too much and he barely managed to stop laughing.

Spike glared at Buffy. “I’m not a pea brain, and you have funny hair.”

“Mom!” Buffy looked at her plaintively. “William called my hair silly.”

“I heard him, sweetheart.” She looked reprovingly at the vampire. “Say sorry to Buffy, William.” Then she turned back to Buffy, “and you apologise to William, Buffy.”

Buffy opened her mouth furiously, before sighing in submission. Giles watched in astonishment as the two bickering children were silenced.

“Sorry,” they mumbled, sounding anything but. When Joyce wasn’t looking they went back to sending poisonous looks at each other. Maybe he was putting too much credence in the belief that Spike had an obsession with Buffy? He certainly hoped so.

***************

Several hours later, Giles was sitting in the living room, when there was a sound of a scuffle outside. He jumped to his feet, Joyce beside him. Giles was looking out the window as Dawn, Spike and Buffy came tearing down the stairs.

“What’s going on?” Buffy asked. 

“I don’t know.” Giles searched the darkness for the answer. He spotted Angel and Lorne walking up the drive, holding a struggling man between them. Joyce rushed over to the door to open it. Buffy and Spike stood side by side, looking on in interest, while Dawn nervously bit her lip. It wasn’t until the three came stumbling in the door, that Giles got a good look at the mystery captive. Ethan Rayne!

Angel flung the mage to the ground. “Do you recognise this piece of vermin?”

“It’s Ethan Rayne,” Buffy said, with a scowl.

Spike narrowed his eyes. “So, this is the mage with the magic stick up his ass.” The little vampire stepped forward. “You did some good work that Halloween, and I did enjoy the Watcher going all Fyarl.”

“Shut up, Spike,” Buffy interrupted.

Spike ignored her and continued to address Ethan, “I don’t appreciate this piece of mojo that turned me into a little sprog though.”

Ethan took no notice of the angry little faces staring up at him; his eyes were only for Giles. “I see you’ve lost those rabbit ears, Ripper. A pity – they were quite becoming.”

Giles shook his head at the sheer arrogance of the man. He was captive by a vampire and he barely reacted to it as if it was a daily occurrence.

Spike snorted his amusement at the jibe. “They were.” He paused suddenly. “Hang on one minute. What am I doing just standing here? You’re responsible for my little problem.” Spike balled his fists and went into game face. He turned to Buffy. “Want to sort him out, Slayer?”

“Hell, yeah!” The two children made a dash to attack the mage. Spike grabbed Ethan by the arm and bit down on it. The chip kicked in and he doubled up in pain, holding his head. Buffy had no such barrier to hurting the mage and punched him right in the nose. Giles winced at the sound of cartilage breaking. Ethan put his hand to his face, holding his nose, which was pouring blood. “

Get off me, you brat!” He shoved Buffy away.

Spike seemed to have recovered from his headache and was practically salivating at the smell of the blood. “Can I eat him if she kills him?” He licked his lips.

Buffy was still attacking his old friend and Giles was satisfied to see that Ethan finally looked uncomfortable. “Oh come on! You’re supposed to be the good guys.”

“Why should we help you?” Giles asked. “Unless you’re going to help us.”

Ethan answered from under his hands, which he was using to shield his face from Buffy’s blows, “Fine – I’ll tell you.”

Giles nodded at Angel and the vampire scooped up Spike and Buffy, the squirming duo less than happy at the indignity of it all. He deposited the two on the settee next to Dawn. “Oh, yeah, I can bite demons,” Spike declared before trying to take a chunk out of Angel’s arm.

“Why you little bastard,” Angel shouted, the little vampire swinging off his arm, fangs embedded deep.

“William!” Joyce chastised and Spike immediately let go of Angel’s arm, but not without a glare.

Giles turned his attention back to the captive on the floor. “Well, Ethan, what on earth were you doing getting involved with a hell god?”

Ethan made a clucking noise with his mouth. “You can’t say no to Glorificus, Ripper.”

Giles narrowed his eyes. “Not if you only want to save your own skin.”

Ethan rolled his eyes. “At the end of the day, we all want to save our own hides, and damn everyone else. At least I’m honest about it.”

Angel stepped in. “Tell us how to end this spell.”

Ethan laughed. “Oh, you fools. That was never the point. It was all a distraction while Glory brain sucked as many people as she could. She had some foolish idea that if she increased the amount of energy she was taking in that she could permanently take over her vessel.”

Giles’ eyebrows went up at that. He needed to have a good long chat with his old friend. The return of Buffy to her normal state was the most pressing matter.

“The two brats will be back to their usual selves in no time,” Ethan continued. “The spell will wear out eventually. I surmise it only has another few days in it.”

Giles gritted his teeth. “Tell us about exactly what Glory wanted to distract us from?”

“Not unless you can guarantee me protection from her.”

“Despite my better judgment, I would never let her harm any human, but don’t test me because I have no compunction letting Angel have at you.”

Ethan gulped. “I just wanted to cause a little havoc, Ripper. The whole turning the vampire and slayer into kids was the full scale of the deal. I wasn’t meant to be involved any further.”

“Could you be a little bit more specific?” Joyce interjected. She tapped her foot on the floor and had her arms crossed.

Ethan sighed. “She figured after the spell getting Buffy and Spike to tell her about the key would be a piece of cake, but then she changed her mind. She turned her attention to me and told me I had to come up with a spell to locate the key instead. You know what insane types are like.”

Giles clenched his teeth together. “I order you to lift the spell right now.”

Ethan flashed him a grin. “I’ll need supplies.”

“It can wait till morning,” Joyce interjected.

“I’ll keep an eye on this piece of filth,” Angel offered.

“Take him down to the basement,” Joyce said.

Spike and Buffy were being suspiciously quiet and Giles wondered what they were up to. When he turned around, he saw the two had fallen asleep on the sofa.

Dawn shook her head. “One minute they were shoving each other and the next they were fast asleep. I’m going to miss being the big sister.” The teenager got up and stretched. “I’m going to bed.”

With a wave, she walked up the stairs and Giles was startled to see Joyce had started to sniffle. “Oh, I don’t know, Rupert. Can we keep them little just a little longer?”

Giles starred incredulously at the woman. “Are you insane?”

“They’re just so cute and little,” she said watching the two sleeping bodies.

He snorted. “Little demons more like.”

She smacked him on the arm. “That’s my daughter you’re talking about.”

He stuttered at that. “I didn’t mean to-” Joyce laughed at his wide eyes expression.

“I’m kidding,” she reassured him.

They turned their attention back to the sleeping duo once more. Spike shifted in he is sleep and moved closer to Buffy.

Joyce frowned. “What you were saying earlier made me think. I’m worried about them, Rupert. I’m afraid Buffy’s falling for another vampire and as much as I like Spike I want a normal life for her.”

Giles was disturbed at her words. “I know Spike has feelings for her, but I didn’t think they were reciprocated.”

She sighed. “At least he is better than Angel.”

The sound of the door opening interrupted them as Lorne walked in. “How are the little tykes?”

When he rested his eyes on Spike and Buffy, he smiled. “It’s a good job Angelkins isn’t here to see this.” He looked up at Joyce and Giles once more. “Aren’t they just adorable?” 

Joyce laughed. “I was just saying that.” She pried her eyes away from the sleeping duo and turned to her guests. “Would either of you like something to drink? Tea? Coffee?”

“I think I might need something stronger if you have it,” Giles replied. “I’m going to have a private chat with my old friend and see if I can get him to explain exactly what he meant about a vessel.”

To be continued….

[waddiwitch]

Caution: Children At Play (Chapter Four)

Spike and Buffy have been turned into kids. The Scoobies have to figure out how to solve the mystery without them, while Buffy and Spike are stuck spending lots of time together much to their dismay.

Summary of the chapter: Joyce gets a visit from Giles who brings two little surprises with him. 

Chapter Four

Joyce Summers hadn't been expecting any company. Her youngest Dawn was out for the evening with her best friend Janice and wouldn't return until the following day. Her oldest Buffy was off at university and barely came home any more. She was sitting on her couch with a glass of wine and a weepy movie all set to relax for the evening when she heard the doorbell ring. She set down her glass with a sigh and got up to answer the door. She gasped in surprise as she saw Rupert Giles there. "Oh, Rupert!"

"I don't quite know how to tell you this," he began. He was wearing a nervous expression and that caused alarm bells to ring.

She frowned. "Is there something wrong? Is Buffy hurt?"

He shook his head. "She's not hurt but –" He trailed off.

She was getting frightened now. "But what?"

"Buffy is not injured or hurt in any way I assure you, Joyce. Maybe you should just see for yourself?"

He moved away from the door and it was then she noticed a little boy. With blond hair and blue eyes, he reminded her of someone. "Oh, he's just adorable. But what does this have to do with my Buffy?"

The boy's little face lit up at the compliment and he gave Joyce his best winning grin. "Hullo, Joyce."

Her mouth fell open. "Spike?" she asked.

A familiar looking little blonde haired girl stepped in front of him. "Hi Mom, it's nice that you noticed me!"

"B-B-Buffy?" What in God's name had happened to her little girl?

Buffy was rolling her eyes dramatically as she pointed at Spike. "And Mom he's a disgusting vampire. He isn't adorable."

She felt faint now. She reached for the wall to steady herself as spots appeared in front of her eyes.

"Buffy, is that really you?"

Buffy raised her little face. "Uh- huh Mom it's me and I'm little again."

The poor woman was too confused to even respond. What on earth could have turned her daughter and a vampire into children? She turned to Rupert for an explanation. She had yet become coherent enough to form words, however, the Watcher seemed to understand her unspoken question.

He was polishing his glasses, as he was wont to do when anxious. "I'm afraid there was an accident. Somehow they got turned into children."

"I can see that," Joyce managed to say drily. "How?"

"I'm not quite sure," he confessed. "We're working on returning them to their usual selves of course."

She glared at him. "I should hope so."

"This was completely unforeseen. There was nothing we could do, but we think that a man by the name of Ethan Rayne might be behind it."

"Sorry," she said. "It's just a shock. I didn't mean to make it seem like I blamed you. I'm just confused."

"That's quite alright, Joyce. Initially, when this happened they were more like themselves although they seem to have regressed somewhat into more childlike behaviour now." As if to confirm the man's words, Spike gave Buffy's hair a light tug and she responded by stamping on his foot. Joyce raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah –keep talking about us as if we're not here." Spike's tone was short tempered. "I might be a tad shorter, but I still have my vampire hearing." Her initial suspicion had been correct she surmised. The vampire was getting annoyed at being spoken about as if they really were children.

Buffy crossed her arms across her chest and was nodding. "As much as I hate to admit it I agree with the bratpire."

"Oi!" He glared at Buffy and she stared right back.

"I was agreeing with you, dumb ass."

"You were calling me names, Blondie."

Rupert gave Joyce an apologetic smile. "We were wondering if you could look after them because they are destroying the Magic Box. None of us have much experience with young children and to be frank, they have been running wild."

Spike scoffed. "You think that was bad, Watcher?"

Rupert ignored the little vampire. Joyce could readily imagine what mischief they could get up to, knowing how rambunctious her daughter was as a child. Add in a restless vampire child and no doubt, mayhem would ensue. Someone had to take this situation in hand and it looked like it was going to have to be her.

She sighed deeply and made a decision. "Buffy, go inside and play with William."

Both slayer and vampire protested - Buffy at being told to play and Spike at being called William. Joyce brooked no argument. "Buffy, you will do as I say. And William, Spike is not a suitable name for a boy. In my house, I will call you William. When you've fully grown again, I'll call you whatever you like."

Buffy stamped her foot in a huff, but grabbed Spike's arm all the same and dragged him inside.

Rupert raised his brows in surprise at Joyce's seemingly easy management of the situation.

Joyce sighed once more. "Wish me luck." A sound of broken glass came from inside. "I'm going to need it."

He gave her an apologetic smile. "Good luck, Joyce."

She watched him walk away. The shouts of angry children were drifting outside.

"I hate you, Spike!"

"I hate you more!"

These two were going to be the end of her. She knew she better get inside before the nosy neighbours would peak out their windows.

"Buffy, William, why are you making such a racket?"

There was a broken vase on the floor. Two guilty faces immediately gazed up at her. She knew when it came to children you had to start as you meant to go on no matter how adorable they looked. Otherwise, they would run circles around you.

"I'm very disappointed in you both."

Buffy shuffled her feet a little. "Sorry, Mom."

She looked at Spike and saw that his eyes looked suspiciously bright, but he met her gaze with bravado all the same. "I'm not sorry. Vampires are evil. I may be little, but I'm still bad."

She narrowed her eyes. "Well then, if you don't apologise you won't get any cocoa with marshmallows."

He bit his lip, but he recovered his resolve quickly. He crossed his arms and looked down at the ground. "I don't care."

"Fine," Joyce said. "Come along, Buffy, and let's get your treat." 

Buffy followed her excitedly into the kitchen. She set about making the cocoa, while her daughter sat on a stool, swinging her legs back and forth.

"Mom?"

"Yes, honey."

"Why does Spike have to stay here?"

She turned and smiled reassuringly. "You're both not yourselves and someone has to keep an eye on you both."

The little girl pouted. "Couldn't somebody else look after him?"

"Well, apparently you both were so bad Mr Giles had to remove you from the Magic Box."

Buffy bowed her head in shame. "Sorry, Mom. Spike makes me so angry."

"And you don't antagonise him?"

"I guess," she admitted with a sheepish grin.

Joyce finished making the cocoa. She made two mugs on the off chance Spike would apologise. They returned into the sitting room, where the boy was spread eagled on the couch, shoes and all. He jumped up with what looked like a guilty expression. Joyce waited for the apology. Nothing came.

She waved the cup a little in his direction. "Well then, I'll just pour this down the sink."

She turned around to go back into the kitchen, catching her daughter sticking out her tongue at him.

"Buffy, it's not nice to tease. Give me your mug too. Neither of you are getting a treat."

Both children spoke in unison. "Sorry." 

Spike's apology was so quiet she could barely make it out but it was a start. She handed Spike the mug and sat down beside him on the sofa, gesturing for Buffy to join them. Joyce decided she would turn on her weepy movie anyway and there was only a half-hearted protest by the vampire. 

The movie was almost over and the two had dozed off. Spike's head had fallen onto her lap and Buffy was nestled on her other side. She ran her fingers fondly across the top of her daughter's head. She was amused to see Buffy was eating her hair in her sleep. Oh my - she had forgotten Buffy used to do that. She smothered a laugh and turned to examine the vampire. He was sucking his thumb, which had to be the most adorable thing she had ever seen him do. Mr Big Bad Attitude sucking his thumb. For now, though she was too comfortable to move and despite the abnormality of the situation, Joyce thought it felt kind of nice. That was her last thought before she too started to drift off into slumber.

Joyce woke up a few hours later with a terrible crick in her neck from her awkward position on the couch. Buffy and Spike were still fast asleep. She gazed in wonder at them thinking all the while about how bizarre this whole situation was. Before she knew about Buffy's secret double life, she had thought that the Summers' clan led a reasonably normal existence. She knew better now. It was scary in one way to know the danger her firstborn put herself into every night, yet she also knew without a doubt how amazing Buffy was at being the slayer and she couldn't be prouder. She carefully extricated herself from the two tiny bodies. Neither awakened and she contemplated moving them. She could put Buffy in her own bed and leave Spike to sleep on the couch. She picked Buffy up and carried her up the stairs. She took off her shoes and cardigan, and then placed her under the covers. Buffy was still fast asleep and Joyce kissed her lightly on the forehead as she tucked her in.

"Good night, Buffy," she whispered.

The woman went downstairs once more to check on her other charge. The vampire was lying where she left him. She really should get something to cover him up. She didn't know exactly what it was about Spike that always made her want to mother him. Even as a vampire there was something that made her want to look after him. It was ridiculous really seeing as he was meant to be a soulless monster. Yet he was so human in many ways. She went back upstairs and started rummaging in the airing cupboard for a blanket. She pulled out the first one she could lay her hands on and placed it over him.

He stirred for a moment. "Thanks, Mum," he mumbled sleepily. His eyes were closed and he said no more so she reckoned he must be talking in his sleep. She chuckled quietly. What was it her Aunt Arlene used to say? Ah yes. Bless his little cotton socks. When Spike was back to himself he was going to be mortified; she would make sure to remind him. As she went to turn off the lamp she took a first proper look at the blanket she had laid over him. It had a large picture of a sombre looking, darked haired, angel on the front. Actually, to look at it now it reminded her of the vampire that broke her daughter's heart. Her lips twitched upward. Whoops. Spike's not going to be happy when he wakes up to see that on his blanket. She was about to leave the room when she thought better of it. Maybe it was a bit mean to leave him with that blanket after all. She went upstairs to the airing cupboard once more and fetched a plain blanket instead. Once she came downstairs and tried to take the angel blanket she discovered he had an iron grip on it. She tried to ply the blanket from his grasp but he held firm to it. She bit her lip to keep herself from laughing. Well, I did try. She shook her head amused and went up the stairs once more to where her comfortable bed called after the strangest day she had ever had.

The following morning Joyce whistled quietly in the kitchen as she made breakfast. Neither of her two houseguests had gotten up yet. It was Sunday, so she had no work to attend. She would have to call Rupert later to find out if there was any development in the research and to ask him to arrange for someone to look after Buffy and Spike during the week while she was at work. The gallery was really busy these days and she couldn't afford to take more than one day off unless it was really necessary. There was a loud bang from the front door. Joyce winced knowing that Dawn was back. Nobody could bang a door like her Dawnie. Her confused daughter walked into the kitchen.

"Mom, why is there a little boy sleeping on the sofa?"

Joyce quirked her eyebrow. "No good morning Mom?"

Dawn responded in typical teenage fashion with a roll of her eyes. "Good morning, Mom. But can you can answer my question now?"

"That little boy is Spike," she said pointing the direction of the living room.

"No way! You're kidding me."

"Buffy and Spike have managed to get themselves turned into kids."

Dawn opened her mouth to as a question but Joyce raised her hand dismissively. "Before you ask we don't know."

Her daughter narrowed her eyes. "Are you really serious?"

"Absolutely!"

Dawn's face broke into a smile. "Oh – can I take pictures?"

Joyce nodded. "Take plenty of them."

The girl rubbed her hands together. "I'm never going to let Buffy live this down. How long is this going to last?"

Joyce looked at her gleeful expression. "We don't know how to switch them back to themselves. We don't know how long this is going to last."

The girl's expression fell at this. "Oh?"

Joyce patted her arm reassuringly. "It will be fine. I mean – Mr Giles and the gang are working on it."

Dawn cheered up at that. "Do I get to babysit? Oh please, Mom tell me I can babysit Buffy. I'm the big sister now and she will have to do what I say."

"Dawn, there will be no teasing."

"Mom!"

Joyce shook her head. "You better behave young lady. Now, are you going to help me prepare breakfast?"

Dawn sighed but started to help all the same. "Mom, did you have a visitor this morning?"

Joyce frowned. "No. Why would you say that?"

"There was this English dude parked outside our drive. He said good morning to me as he drove off. I thought it was odd but I forgot all about it when I saw Spike fast asleep."

The woman's mouth dropped open. "Ethan Rayne," she mumbled.

The teenager looked at her in confusion. "Mom, what's wrong?"

Joyce went over to the phone and dialled Rupert's private telephone number.

To be continued…