Pastor Scott’s Perspective March 2019
“Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing… And we urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all.” (I Thessalonians 5:11,14)
Many of you know that my primary spiritual gift is encouragement. The Holy Spirit has given me other ministry gifts as well, but my preaching, teaching, shepherding and leadership gifts are all influenced by the spiritual gift of encouragement. Different pastors have different gifts or gift mixes that will influence how they conduct their ministry.
Our Equipped for Ministry class defines the gift of encouragement/exhortation as “the Spiritgiven capacity and desire to serve God by stimulating the faith and obedience of others by giving the application of God’s Word.” As with the other basic motivational gifts mentioned in Romans 12:3-8, this gift is a basic inward drive that determines how we see the needs of others and how we approach Christian service. These gifts are not just special skills at special tasks, but rather the eyes to see and the desire and ability to meet certain needs. It’s not just an ability to do a job at church, but it’s what “makes us tick” and determines how we relate to others – and not just church members, but family members, co-workers, friends, neighbors, etc.
The primary motivation of a person with this gift is the motivation to encourage spiritual growth in others. This person delights in seeing people following steps of action toward spiritual growth, overall health and well-being. This person likes to see people making progress in following steps of action to solve problems. This person likes to see their advice and instruction being followed and practiced.
This person likes to see tangible results as people grow in maturity, health and fruitfulness. Wisdom often accompanies this gift, and when wise advice is given, it is expected that it will be followed. Therein lies a potential danger with this gift (every gift has a potential downside). Namely, becoming discouraged and impatient with a lack of follow thru or progress. Exhorting people to do better can cross the line into discouraging people by a performance-based acceptance that leaves people thinking that their efforts are never quite good enough to please the “encourager.” When exhortation is combined with impatience and a critical spirit – it becomes discouraging, and rather than being motivated to try harder and do better, others begin to feel “what’s the point – nothing ever pleases him – nothing is ever good enough for him.”
Of course, there is a place in our mentoring, discipling, coaching and parenting for holding others accountable for following through on action steps that produce growth, responsibility and better performance. That is the exhortation side of the gift of encouragement. But that can be overdone. And when it is overdone – or turns into a critical spirit -- it becomes discouraging and de-motivating.
We need emotional awareness and sensitivity and emotional intelligence to be able to discern whether our words are having the desired effect of motivating someone to do better – or whether our words are proving to be a source of discouragement and exasperation and are actually damaging the relationship.
So the gift of encouragement needs to be exercised with a healthy dose of words of affirmation. Words that build others up rather than tearing others down. Words such as “well done” and “good effort” rather than “you should have done better.” Properly exercised, the gift of encouragement looks for the positive in others and affirms whatever growth and progress is taking place.
And so Paul writes “Encourage one another and build one another up – just as you are doing.” Building up one another with words of affirmation is an important way of encouraging one another. And notice how Paul adds a word of affirmation to his exhortation: Just as you are doing. Practicing what he preaches.
Then he goes on to say: “Admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all.” Encouragement takes different forms with different individuals in different conditions and situations.
Admonish the idle. The idle are those who are putting forth no effort. The lazy. Those who are not even trying to please improve. Yes, they need to be admonished, warned, exhorted.
Encourage the fainthearted. These are the wounded, the discouraged, the grieving, those who are losing heart and struggling to keep going. Encourage them. Comfort them. Instill hope in them. Build them up. Don’t admonish them. They aren’t idle – they’re just hurting and wounded and overwhelmed and sad. They don’t need a lecture. They don’t need additional burdensome expectations. They don’t need more accountability leaving them feeling inadequate and a failure. They need unconditional love. They need comfort. They need a friend. They need simple kindness. They need soothing, healing, comforting words.
Help the weak. They’re not idle or lazy or rebellious or irresponsible. They’re weak. Help them. Bear their burdens. Come alongside them. Be a source of strength and hope for them. Give them whatever practical assistance they need. Don’t admonish them. Don’t make them feel worse about themselves than they already do. Be kind.
Be patient with them all. What is the first characteristic of love mentioned in the famous I Corinthians 13 ‘love chapter’? Love is patient. And kind. Two of the fruit of the Spirit. How many marriage relationships and parent-child relationships and friendships and church relationships could be healed with just a consistent application of these two virtues: Be patient and be kind. Yes, some are slow to make progress. Be patient. Don’t give up on them.
Are you more motivated to change and grow and improve when you are belittled and demeaned and criticized and treated harshly and impatiently – or when you are treated kindly and patiently and with words that encourage you and build you up?
“Encourage one another and build one another up – just as you are doing.” I believe that one of the reasons why Cornerstone is a healthy church is because we have an encouraging church culture here. Yes, there are occasions when we need to exhort one another and hold one another accountable and even admonish one another. But our church culture and normal conversations and interactions with one another are more often characterized by encouraging one another, affirming one another, comforting one another, building one another up.
And may that also be the case in our marriages and families. Children thrive best in an environment with plenty of encouragement. Yes, there are times when parents need to exhort and admonish and correct and discipline and hold kids accountable to doing what’s expected of them. But please don’t let your good intentions to raise responsible, obedient kids cross the line to becoming an unpleasable parent who exasperates and wounds your kids by constantly raising the bar just above where they can reach so that even their good efforts are never quite good enough. Too much correcting of every little flaw or mistake or childish behavior can lead to discouragement. Assuming you’ve done a good job of training and correcting when the kids were young, as kids get older, focus on encouragement. Focus on the relationship more than the rules. Encourage one another. Whether as a spouse or parent or teacher or coach or mentor or friend: Encourage one another.