one thing I really loved about cc3 is Ruhn getting a Proper Apartment because he's like "well....it's time to be an adult" and how he gets an apartment with two bedrooms so Lidia's kids can stay over, like that's my man 🥰🥰🥰
I first read the Maasverse (excepting HOFAS) four or five years ago, before Sarah J. Maas' books had the insane popularity they do today. I remember googling what order to read the Throne of Glass series in, and finding different answers--which confused me; why was there more than one option? I made it to SJM's website, though, so thankfully I read the series in the correct order (SJM-recommended, publishing order). I had a hard time connecting to Celaena, and honestly I read the series not out of interest but simply because I needed to know what happened in the books. If I had stopped there, I probably wouldn't have reread the books.
I then read the first two Crescent City books. This left me confused as hell, as you can imagine. I did not know what order to read the series in, so that turned out to be a mistake haha. Last came the Court of Thorns and Roses series, which I really loved. This is the series that actually got me into SJM's writing.
Since that time, I have reread all of SJM's series at least once, and I finally finished my ToG reread just the other day. Since then, I've had a few thoughts regarding the differences and similarities between the series, especially since the internet constantly seems to be attempting to pick a "best SJM series" or "rank the SJM series," particularly when it comes to ToG and ACOTAR.
I'm not here to do that. I just want to share some insight I had regarding the three series.
The later books in the Throne of Glass series, as well as a few of the ACOTAR books, are deeply emotional in a way many books can only dream to be. This, I think, is one of SJM's writing superpowers. There are a wide variety of characters within each series, all with very well developed personalities and stories, making the worlds richer and more inviting to a wider variety of readers. Every reader is likely to find a character they strongly relate to because of this ability SJM's writing has. This deep emotional connection, then, ties readers more strongly to either Throne of Glass or Court of Thorns and Roses or to Crescent City.
It's not a debate of which series is best--it's a matter of which spoke most strongly to you, personally, as a reader. I will state with no hesitation that ToG and ACOTAR, in particular, are exceptionally well written. That does not change even though not every reader loves the books. That's an unrealistic expectation, anyway.
Welcome page/post thx 2 A Court of Questions by @lavendarneverlands
This is my (secondary/“side”) blog for my #FirstRead (& adoration of) the Maasverse! — But take this as a heads up: I mix up the two pages frequently😅😂 sorry in advance for any confusion! — Think of this page like a historical Potterless (except probably not half as cohesive & good as the podcast lol😂). I love enjoying the series with the fandom so please feel free to reach out or go to my old “First Reads” tags under #ReadAlong or #ReadWithMe (it’s why I’m on Tumblr; no one I know reads these). 🫶 also check out the tumblr community “@maasverse-first-readers” for more :-) plus just general fandom love!
Header image: Blue illusion Art & Profile pic: Beth Gilbert Art
LET’S FANDOM ABOUT IT
This is a Maasverse related blog, thus it does discuss the series & spoilers (depending on where you are in the books) HOWEVER I try to keep up to date with spoiler warnings (often in the form of: #tags, red, 🚨, or what I call the “more” bar of safety) & I hope it makes it accessible for all readers! I also really try to keep this blog inclusive & friendly for everyone (any character, any ship, any reader, any person… or fae I suppose too :-) & use proper content warnings (as I greatly appreciated that in others too) … so thank you!!
— I have read ALL of ACOTAR,
— I have read ALL of Throne of Glass,
— I have read ALL of Crescent City!
And I look forward to reading more (because I will forever be hoping for more TOG & in the meantime enjoying the ACOTAR6 theories & CC4 countdowns) Be warned: I’m a rambler of posts & content posting, and autocorrect is my true enemy😂🤣😊I do my best to do my due-diligence and properly credit, & use TW’s whenever I can (as I need it in my life too <3 )
I leave most “reaction” posts up from my first reads. Opinions of course change over time! I try to edit & update (& or re-tag) but some stay old… a lot of this blog has fallen into this category over time🤣
Currently favorites and majority are:
ACOTAR
I EMOTIONALLY IDENTIFY WITH GWYN BERDARA
I love the Archeron sisters (Feyre is dear to me, I think Nesta is an important kind of character, and I look forward to more Elain in what I’m calling ACOTAR 5&1/2)
I also need Mor x Emerie in that book please!
THE Valkyrie (Gwyn esp.)
I can go any which way with the Elriel/Elucien/Gwynriel/Gwynlain/etc. “debate” (like I said though I’m here for all fans and prefer to keep it generally positive/friendly; we’re all just enjoying stories & art😊).
I love Feysand (sry Tam-Tam😅 I struggle with him)
If you want to go give some ship love @gwynlain you can also find me there :-) 💕 because yes I am that fandom obsessed I have a side page for the side blog😂
TOG
I adore Celaena & Aelin (for posts on both I tend to call her “Aelin Sardothien” cause I love ❤️🔥 fireheart ;-)
Rowaelin is my fav ship (though you will find it was not an immediate love for “bird-boy”😂 from page 1😅) the “Team Chaol” force was once strong long ago (I don’t hate him now, I just like them as friends) though I’ve also shipped all the ships at some point🤣 (I like a lot of fandoms and have a very “SQUIRREL!” personality😅😂 so I do make a lot of references, despite this being my Maasverse page) there was a time for Dorlaena & of course Samlaena too
and Sam Cortland always deserves more (I love him & am still sad😅). My beloved "Assassins of Adarlan"
As will Dorian ALWAYS be beloved as a character,
I think in another life I’d like to be Yrene
Lysandra is a favorite.
Manon and the 13 are everything to me… till darkness claim us & beyond…
I still want a spin off with the cadre
I could make this list really really long because these books are one of my all time favorites
— Abraxos & Fleetfoot (TOG) & “The House” (ACOSF) as characters hold a candle to no other. —
“CC” Crescent City
I LOVE LIDIA CERVOS & SHE IS AN ALL TIME FAV FOREVER!!!
(Day x Night are my fav ship in the series aside from Fury x Junoper obvi)
I love my kick-ass gals; Bryce rocks, & of course the pack of devils & I LOVE Danika (her & Bryce’s friendship meant a lot to me… I never jumped on the “hate Danika” train🤷♀️), plus Baxian, and again of course Fury x Juniper (their my bb’s).
Syrinx is a fav, I love all the animals!
I wish I liked Hunt more… I am just dissapointed… (and secretly hoping for Bryceriel)
THE CROSSOVERS ARE EVERYTHING!!!
Thank YOU “fellow dreamers” for coming along & welcoming ME! into your feed & Maasverse!
& to my “first time readers” Welcome to you too! Enjoy a catalogue of spoiler free reactions! 💕
+ All you old-time followers & fandom peoples THANK YOU for your loving guide notes & support (for ALL THE FANDOM FEELS😂) as we continue to enjoy the Maasverse in the next non-first read chapter!
… And yeah… Hi! Much love❤️💚🩷🩵🧡 all are welcome!!! This blog does NOT discriminate & is a safe place to enjoy fandoms (because it’s about enjoying stories!) regardless of race, nationality, ability/disability, gender, sexuality, belief, age, etc. Feel free to message & tag😊 + if it helps in the matter of communicating:
I identify as she/her (please always feel free to tell me your pronouns if you like :-) 🏳️🌈LGBTQIA+🩷💜💙 if you wanna call me by something other than my blog name/names you can call me Lila (as an anon nickname), I’m a Zillenial (21+), Chronic Illness advocate. & I look forward to enjoying stories with you!
Amazing illustration as usual for this Chapter is drawn by @audiovizualna and it could be viewed HERE or click http://audiovizualna.tumblr.com/image/157649416029
Check it out to be able to visualize a scene in the story!
Story is also available in AO3 + precious chapters’ links available below:
Ch 1 Ch 2 Ch 3 Ch 4 Ch 5
Ch 6 Ch 7 Ch 8 Ch 9 Ch 10
Chapter 11: Melting Snowdrifts
*Third Person POV
The jumpship is floating amidst the Temporal Zone with its current pilot not knowing where to land and where to go. Inside, from the control seat, Leonard unbuckles his seatbelt and leans his elbows on his knees, hands clutched together and up to his forehead.
“Daddy?”
He looked up only to see the watery blue eyes of his little girl. “When is mommy coming?”
Leonard ignored her question and faced the console. “Gideon,” he sharply said, “what is happening in the battlefield?”
Almost immediately, the AI answered: “I only have the view of the Waverider, Mr. Snart, and from the moment the jumpship took off, the ship’s surveillance cameras have recorded some of the heroes go inside the warehouse after disabling all the men attacking the ship. Ms. Snow was forced to use her powers when men entered the ship. I could detect fighting continuing from the inside of the warehouse. Not more than half an hour ago, a futuristic sphere landed, carrying Merlyn, Darhk, and Thawne. All headed towards the warehouse.”
Snart sighed, refusing to think about all the possibilities that could happen with all the heroes stuck inside a warehouse with the Legion and their remaining men. “Where’s Sara? Can you connect me to her comms?”
“I’m afraid I can’t, Mr. Snart,” Gideon replied. “It would appear that Mrs. Snart’s comms have been knocked out of her when she was in the middle of the ambush.”
Leonard almost slammed his hands on the console when the AI immediately added—“but I can hear Captain Rory talk to Mrs. Snart from his comms. I believe that they’re together.”
Luke stood up from his seat and went over to his father to hold his hand. As young as he is, he understood how difficult this situation is. He understood his father. And neither of them have the heart to tell little Lily that their mom won’t come to them anytime soon.
The kid then remembered what his father used to tell him all the time: “Be a big boy. Think smart. Protect the family.”
“Gideon?” Luke softly spoke. “Is there a chance we could fly the jumpship back to the Waverider instead of waiting for Mommy and the others to find us? Is it safe?”
Gideon answered. “There are no immediate threats surrounding the Waverider, but its defenses are down since no one is controlling from the inside.”
“Fly us there, Gideon,” Leonard said, regaining his composure. “I know someone who could help.”
---
It took longer than it usually does for the Waverider to pull in the jumpship but the door lit up, signaling that the jumpship is attached to the main ship. Leonard removed the kids’ seatbelts and immediately opened the bolt door.
“Missed me, Mr. Snart?”
Rip welcomed the man and the kids with a hand on his hips. Luke already gave him a high-five and Lily is currently wrapping her arms around her Uncle Rip’s waist.
“No. You killed my wife once,” Leonard said walking past Rip, not really meaning the harshness in his voice. He then lifted Lily up for him to carry.
Rip groaned and followed Snart. “That wasn’t me! I was under the influence…”
“I know, Rip. I was just kidding. Come on, we’ve known each other for years. If I really hated you for killing Sara, you’d be long dead.”
After releasing a deep breath, Rip immediately followed Leonard to the bridge. The former captain once again stood at the Captain’s seat and tinkered with the console.
“So you called me from the Vanishing Point to, what, fix the ship and get the guns ready and the ship running once all twenty one of you are out?” Rip asked, finally standing to grab the tools from a hidden compartment and eyeing the kids who quietly slid onto the vacant seats.
“And take care of the kids,” Leonard supplied, checking his Cold Gun’s energy.
“Seriously? I travelled all the way to babysit?”
“Stop complaining, Hunter,” Leonard said. “I died trying to save your family. Babysitting isn’t that hard. You two will behave, won’t you?”
His question was met by an intense nodding from a small girl and raised thumbs up from the boy. Once Leonard turned back, Rip saw Lily made a silly face, mocking him. A Snart, indeed.
“Are you ready to go?” Rip said, still tinkering with the fallen panels and fried wires around the ship.
“In a bit,” Leonard replied. He then walked towards the kids who are currently lying on the couches of the captain’s study.
He sighed, moved his Cold Gun out of the way to crouch down. “You two keep safe, okay? I’ll go get your mom and we’ll be back.”
Leonard ran his hand through Lily’s hair, “Don’t give Uncle Rip too much trouble, okay?”
“And you’ll come back?” a small voice crept on him.
“Of course.”
---
With a deep breath he opened the metal doors of the warehouse, just to see an actual fight that’s as if it came straight from Star Wars. But instead of white troopers, there were dozens of black ones--all of them were ready to blindly sacrifice their lives for Darhk’s stupid plan of building a brand new world.
“Not today you bastard,” he thought to himself before shooting the first blast from his Cold Gun. After a few minutes of chasing the targets, his attention was caught by two geeks sneaking out of the main hall--Raymond and Cisco. His instinct told him to follow the two.
Leonard found them kneeling in front of some kind of device, lying on the floor next to protective masks.
“Nerds! What you’re up to?”
A low drawl could be heard from another end of the room, which of course made the two of them jump the moment they heard it. They relaxed shortly after seeing familiar face.
“Shh! No one followed you here, Cold? Please tell me you didn’t leave a trail!” Cisco pleaded.
“What are you doing here anyway? You were supposed to protect your kids!” Ray seemed quite worried saying that, but patiently waited for the response of the man in question.
“No, Cisco,” Leonard said, almost in a growl. “As far as I know, I’m alone. I left my kids in good hands, Raymond. Period. I came back for my wife. Now…where is she?” His glare became serious, almost scary because Ray swallowed loudly, before he answered.
“We lost sight of her when she got shot and ran inside the warehouse. Rory escorted her in. The wound was bad, but from what I saw, she could walk.”
He spoke faster and louder with every word to assure Snart that his wife was alive when he last saw her. Seeing that Leonard took a breath of relief, Ray came back to connect the last wires of the device beside him. As they were about to finish, Ray stopped and asked, staring at his hands, “Wait. None of us are left on the ship. Cisco and Felicity are both on the field and Caitlyn had no choice but to fight. With whom did you leave the kids?”
“Isn’t it obvious? The only person who is not here is Rip. So I called our busy Time-dad from the future to move his ass here,” Leonard explain, annoyed that Raymond would even think he left his kids alone.
“We need him more than ever. I explained to him what’s happening and after a few minutes, he showed up. Now he’s trying to control situation from the ship,” Leonard seemed quite pleased with this smart move. It temporary solved the problem. “Now gentlemen, you didn’t answer my question. What is this?” he asked, grabbing the masks.
“That’s one part of our plan to trap Merlyn about three corridors from here,” Cisco proudly said pushing the time button, clock ticking audibly.
“And since you are here, we’re gonna need your help,” Ray finished, giving Len one of the masks. “Will you help us, Captain Cold?”
As much as he was concerned about where Sara is and how she’s holding up, he couldn’t say no to accomplish this one first. One step at a time.
Snart exchanged the looks with both men and said, “Fine. What do you need me to do?”
The plan was simple but extremely dangerous. Since it was him who the Legion wanted the most, Leonard agreed to be used as bait. He had to lure the Dark Archer to a dead end of a certain hall and cut the other way, creating an ice wall with his cold gun. That would leave him and Malcolm one-on-one and pray that the sleeping gas device will work, as the nerds planned.
Then the crook had to put the protective mask and wait until Merlyn fall on his knees, without killing him in the process.
“I can’t believe I trust those idiots,” he spoke silently while splitting up with the nerds. “When did I become so soft and hopeful?”
It didn’t take long to find Malcolm Merlyn in the middle of the fight. It took less effort to grab his attention, fighting with some minions next to the door.
The archer waded through the crowd as fast as shadow, but he wasn’t fast enough to reach Len disappearing behind the metal door.
“You want to play it one-on-one, Snart? Very well! It would still be an honor to kill you even without an audience.”
Just like he expected, the former member of the Legion tried to play cat-and-mouse in this labyrinth. He was willing to play, counting on Len’s eventual mistake.
“There’s nowhere to hide Cold! We’ll find you anywhere, anytime! First, I want to hurt you physically and then I’m going to tell Darhk to take your beautiful wife right here, for you to see her die slowly and in pain.” He did not know why he said that, but the rage Malcolm felt that at moment fizzled his senses.
The explanation for this behavior wasn’t surprising at all. Damien managed to manipulate his mind and getting rid of the humanity, just in case Merlyn decided to leave the Snarts be.
It was a huge mistake because chasing Leonard through the maze of dark corridors, kept his mind only busy, but not prudent enough.
When men finally reached the destination Cisco showed before, the master thief turned around slowly, successfully pretending to be a bit scared of another man’s actions, tightening his grip on the Cold Gun.
“Now, where were we, Leonard? Is this the part where you’re going to beg for mercy? Because from what I see, you’re all alone, pinned to the wall like a helpless kid from juvie, waiting to be beaten to death by the big boys.”
Those cruel words froze the blood in Len’s veins for a moment and were ended with creepy laugh from his opponent. He had to act fast if he wanted to survive.
“Since when did Darhk start controlling your mind, Merlyn? This maniac turned you into a puppet! You can cut the strings that he and Thawne put on you. Deep down you’re still human. I know because some time ago, you let my children go. I want to know why! Why didn’t you kill them when you had a chance?”
There was a flicker in Malcolm’s blue eyes, like he remembered the reason why--like he remembered seeing Thea and Tommy in Lily and Luke Snart, though it seemed brief.
“Enough with the games, Snart! This ends today and my mistakes will be fixed quicker than you can imagine. Besides...I remember you used to like being our puppet, didn’t you?” A wide smile disappeared from his face when he prepared bow and arrow, ready to shoot any moment.
“You’re correct. This ends today.” Len whispered loud enough for Malcolm to hear and threw himself on the floor to avoid being shot. With the most powerful blast from the Cold Gun, he formed an ice wall behind archer, cutting his way out, just like Ramon said.
Distracted and blinded, Merlyn tried to clear his vision from bright blue light which stroke him a moment ago. That was Leonard’s chance to give Cisco a sign to release the gas.
“Now would be a perfect time, guys!” the crook shouted, putting his mask on. Malcolm was able to catch him and started strangling his neck.
Breathlessly, Leonard tried to push him away of his body, but there was a second, when his blue eyes shone with fear and finality, and his thoughts swirling.
“That’s it Snart. You probably won’t make it but you’re hero, buddy. You saved your family, as you promised. They know how important they are for you. You told them so many times.”
His eyes opened forcefully when he felt archer’s flaccid body on his own. He also heard Ray’s voice behind the frozen wall and a loud sound of explosion, like glass broken in million pieces. Len felt strong arms helping him to stand up and followed by a ‘congratulations’ from his friends.
It took him half a minute to adjust his lungs to the damp air in the basement but when Leonard saw the Legion member on the floor and figured the plan worked out, he immediately touched his right ear.
“Queen!” Leonard yelled through the comms.
“Snart? What’s wrong? Where are you?” Oliver responded in the middle of a fight, a bit surprised with Captain Cold’s voice.
“We were able to set a trap on Merlyn in the west part of warehouse basement. You should be just above us right now, so move your sorry ass and come here before this one wakes up!” Len answered breathing out.
“I’m on my way. Hold on there,” Green Arrow said, making his way through Legion’s minions until he reached the stairs leading him down.
What he saw a couple of minutes later was shocking even for him. Leonard Snart, Cisco Ramon and Ray Palmer were standing next to the unconscious Malcolm Merlyn, taking off the gas masks off of their faces.
When he appeared, Len stepped forward and gave him the archer’s black bow and a quiver of arrows.
‘Why are you giving me this? You had every right to kill this man, Snart,” Oliver’s voice almost concerned.
“Well Queen, there was a time I would have done it, but... maybe today should be about justice, not cold blooded murder. From what I’ve heard you’re trying to be specialist on that matter. He’s all yours,” the tall man stated kicking Malcolm’s side almost lightly. After that, he gave two men behind him a sign to help other heroes.
“Snart. He’s responsible for hypnotizing Thea and telling her to kill Sara--your wife, for God’s sake!” Oliver could not understand why the man standing beside him is holding back from this task.
“That’s why she should do it,” Leonard finally conceded. “But Sara’s not here, is she? I have to find her, right now. She can still be in danger, so I’m asking YOU to do what you think is right. You’re the only person who’s worthy to decide about his fate. He partly ruined your life too, after all.”
Leonard then slowly but decisively stretched his hand towards the guy in a green hood, breath held and eyebrows furrowed.
Oliver didn’t even resisted and willingly shook tall man’s hand. He even wanted to say something, but Snart already headed in opposite direction.
Opening the door, Cold turned around and drawled.
“You know, Robin Hood, there might come a day that I’ll start asking you to join me in a bar somewhere for a drink or two,” he smirked putting back his goggles.
“I can say the same about you Snart. Now go get your girl back and bring her home safe. The last time I saw her, they were at the back of the warehouse with Firestorm and Rory assisting her.”
Leonard couldn’t even hear archer’s last words, because he started running, where Arrow told him.
---
Jumping three steps up, Leonard reached heavy door leading to east side of a huge building, avoiding the main fight area. Sara was his priority, even if he saw Kid Flash got hit by Thawne and Vixen was wounded as well.
“Mick’s going to be pissed about Amaya being knocked down,” Len thought, passing large metal boxes, scattered all over the place.
He saw tiny movements from behind one of them and sharpened his senses. This could be anyone--an enemy or a friend--so he tried not to make a sound as he came closer.
The next few seconds were a blur. Mick and Firestorm wanting to burn him from both sides. Sara screaming at them to stop. Apologies from his partner and the burning man. Len running to his injured wife—her side still covered in blood. Sara asking questions about Luke and Lily. The man reassuring her that the kids are left in good hands, while giving her a long hug and stroking her hair.
“You don’t have much time, lovebirds,” Mick interrupted. “There’s an exit at the end of this hall, opening to the base but I don’t know if there are any minions waiting outside. I assure you that I landed the Waverider just across. You have to be careful and I suggest Firestorm to come with you two.”
The couple nodded in agreement and Len took Sara and placed her arm over his shoulder, prompting her to lean on him as they walk out. When the crook stood up, he said to Rory with soft voice. “Thank you for taking care of my girl, Mick. Now you have to save yours. She’s hurt and needs your help. Go!”
“Urgh!” Mick growled quietly. “Pretty boy is supposed to cover her. He’s so screwed up.” With those words, the broad-shouldered man ran towards the main hall to, indeed, save his girl.
Leonard saw Firestorm’s worried face, so was Sara, who calmed him down with small smile.
“I’ll be fine Jax. I always am. We’ll follow you. Now go and check if we have free pass outside.”
The man lightly touched his friend’s shoulder and did what she said with a quick “Okay” on his mouth.
Len finally decided to carry her bridal style all the way to the door, careful not to widen the wound. All the things they wanted to say to each other were visible in their eyes and heard in heavy breaths.
Finally Sara spoke almost crying.
“You came for me. You came back despite of what I told you about taking care of our babies. Where are they now?” Her voice weaker with every word she said.
“I’ll always come back for you Sara. You know I wouldn’t come if Lily and Lucky were not safe. I’m going to take you to them. They’re on the Waverider with Rip.”
He hesitated saying the last words, not knowing what her reaction would be, given she still sometimes dream of when Rip shot her and crushed her windpipe.
“How so? How did you even manage to contact him?” Her breath caught in her lungs for a moment from shock and relief.
“I know my ways, besides he owed me. Rip owed all of us. Now hush, little bird. We’re almost there.”
Firestorm came back to let them know they’re clear and led them out.
“Be careful, you two,” Leonard said, addressing both Jax and Stein. “Go back safe. All of you, do you hear me?”
Firestorm nodded an agreement, before flying back to the others.
Leonard saw a clear opening towards the where the Waverider was originally landed. A couple of steps away from the hatch and that’s when Sara’s strength left her and she fainted completely in her husband’s arms.
--to be continued--
Just one chapter left and an epilogue (and probably a deleted scene) because the next chapters are fluff--my favorite--and PANDArt and I got a little too excited <3
Thanks to those who are still holding on to this story. My first ever multi-chapter fic and first ever collab with someone so amazing. It was a blast. <3
Warnings: alcohol ; situation involving someone cheating on their partner ; ANGST
A/N: surprise! i decided to make a mini-series out of this story (a continuation of this ask) because i just can't stop myself 😂 and I'm procrastinating writing for my other series sooo this is from Javi’s POV so enjoy the angst y’all! 💕💜 (masterlist in bio)
AO3 | fic inspired by the song Crystal Clear by Hayley Williams
I jump in with the rush in my head only to find the water was concrete
She’s engaged, Javi repeats in his head for the hundredth time since he discovered the ring on your finger. Downing his third glass of whiskey, all he can think about is the look on your face after you kissed him earlier that day.
The kiss starts out slow, almost tentative as your lips connect for the first time - is this really the first time we’ve kissed? Fuck, I’ve wasted so much time, Javi thinks when you thread your fingers through his hair. It only takes a second before he’s gripping your hips and tugging you even closer to his chest, a gasp falling from your lips when he swipes his tongue along the seam of your lips.
As soon as you open for him, he loses his fucking mind - every desire he’s kept locked away takes form in the desperate way his mouth devours yours. But the passion isn’t one-sided, because every time your lips break apart, your hands flex along his scalp, closing the small gap between you once more.
Your mouths move hungrily against each other, like the two of you have been wandering through a desert for weeks, slowly dying of an agonizing thirst until finally discovering the source of life within one another. And that’s the only way Javier can describe how he’s truly felt about you all this time - like he’s been suffocating and you’re the air he’s been gasping for, for his entire life.
All the yearning and sorrow he’s suffered from years without acting on his feelings for you leave him in a state of depravity that no other woman he’s ever been with could cure. And no matter how hard he tried - how much liquor he drank or how many women he fucked - he could never force you out of his mind.
Or out of his heart.
Suddenly, you pull back from the kiss, pushing against his shoulders to keep him at a distance. He grips onto your arm - not unlike the way you had held onto his arm just before admitting you couldn’t deny feeling something for him.
Your eyes grow impossibly wide as the two of you stare at one another, chests heaving and breaths mingling in the little space that’s between you. He licks his lips, still tasting you on his skin and it takes everything in him not to pull you into his arms again.
“I-” you swallow hard, your expression growing more worrisome, almost to the point of looking like you’re about to be sick. Your eyes fall to where your left hand rests on his shoulder as you croak out, “We shouldn’t have done that.”
With a look of concern, Javier raises his hand to tuck back stray pieces of hair that have fallen out of your ponytail, but once his finger grazes your cheek, you flinch away, taking a step back from him.
And he’ll never admit out loud just how deeply that small gesture pierced his heart.
You wrap your arms around yourself, not meeting his eyes as you shake your head lightly, “I shouldn’t have done that - I-I’m sorry, I can’t.” Keeping your eyes cast downward, your shoulder brushes his as you head back in the direction of your house, but he catches your elbow just before you’re out of reach.
“Can I...see you again, bonita? Just to talk, I promise,” he pleads, hoping you’ll see the sincerity - along with the fear of losing you - in his eyes.
You hesitate, looking around as if to make sure none of the neighbors are watching your intimate exchange with a man who isn’t your betrothed. When your eyes land on his again, they soften though they remain laced with uncertainty, “I don’t know if that’s a good idea, Javi.” The regretful way his name falls from your lips makes his stomach drop but your next words give him some semblance of hope.
“I just...need some time to think, OK?” you offer him a small, reassuring smile as you bring a hand to his cheek. The gesture feels so natural and warm, yet foreign all at the same time, and all he can manage is a nod in response, his voice failing him.
He doesn’t miss the sad glint in your eye either as you turn and walk away from him for the second time that day.
Signaling the bartender, Javier asks for another whiskey as he reaches into his jacket for his pack of cigarettes. He releases a heavy sigh as his drink is placed in front of him, if there was ever a reason to get fucking plastered, reuniting with the love of your life when she’s already engaged to another man would be right at the top of the fucking list.
The moment he felt that ring on your finger, his heart clenched painfully in his chest, because he knew - he knew he was too late and he only had himself to blame. All those years ago when he left for Columbia, he thought he was doing the right thing - that you’d be better off without him.
When he’d learned you had feelings for him as well - because if he’s being honest with himself, he’s been in love with you since you were just kids - he was shocked, to say the least. He never once even humored the idea of having something more with you, beyond the close friendship the two of you have shared for decades.
But the way you looked at him that night, your eyes glistening with unshed tears as you bared your soul to him, there was no way he could tell you he’d already been assigned to Columbia and was set to leave the very next day. It crushed him to hug you so close that night, knowing he was a coward for saying nothing - about how he felt the same about you, and about how he’d be gone for what was sure to be years, as the hunt for Escobar would be no easy task.
So he’d kissed you on the cheek and promised that the two of you would talk everything out the next day, though it was a complete lie. And the hopeful look you gave him - one full of love and tenderness - it pulled the air right from his lungs. But he forced himself to walk away before he changed his mind and confessed the truth to you right then and there, telling himself you deserved better than a coward like him.
You deserved the world, but he could never be the one to give it to you.
“Something got you down, partner?” the bartender asks, a slight Southern twang in his voice. Javi resists the urge to roll his eyes at the man’s use of the word partner as he takes a drag of his cigarette before responding, “Just...lady troubles.” He’s surprised he divulged even that little bit of information, but it’s most likely due to the alcohol now weakening his inhibitions.
The bartender - who’s not much younger than Javier - offers a knowing smirk, “Ah, yup, that’ll do it.” He chuckles to himself and Javi glares at him, though the other man doesn’t seem to notice as he wipes down the counter, grinning to himself, “Glad I don’t gotta deal with that anymore.”
Javi raises an eyebrow, only slightly intrigued by the meaning behind his words as he takes a swig of his drink. The other man runs a hand through his light brown hair before continuing, “Been with my lady for years now and we’ve never had any problems - well, none that I’m aware of, at least,” he chuckles again and though the guy seems genuinely nice, something about him rubs Javi the wrong way. He’s just not sure what.
But he doesn’t have to wait long to find out as the door to the bar opens behind him, calling the bartender’s attention as he exclaims, “Well, speak of the devil - here’s my pretty lady now.”
Javier downs the rest of his drink, deciding to head out before he gets stuck in an hour-long conversation with this guy and his pretty lady. He hears light footsteps approaching on his right and just as he sets his glass back down, he hears a familiar soft voice and freezes.
“Hi, honey. I brought you some food,” you grin as you place a large paper bag on the bar top and lean over the counter to plant a light kiss on the bartender’s - no, your fiancé’s lips. “Aw, thanks, baby - you’re too good to me. But, were your ears ringin’? ‘Cause I was just talkin’ about you with my new friend here, uh - sorry, man, what’s your name?”
You turn with a bright smile on your face, but it quickly falls once you meet Javier’s eyes - your warm expression being replaced with one of sheer panic. Javi can only imagine what’s going through your mind right now, but he’s almost certain it’s something along the lines of “Oh, shit.”
“Javier, nice to meet you…” putting on his best poker face, he extends his hand out to you, assuming you want him to play dumb so your fiancé doesn’t suspect Javier had his tongue down your throat just hours before.
As if this situation wasn’t fucked enough already.
You clear your throat a little too harshly as you extend your hand out to him, saying, “Y/N, it’s...nice to meet you, too,” and when your skin comes into contact with his, it sends a shock up his arm and straight to his heart.
While Javier’s world is tilting on its axis, the bartender sifts through the bag you brought - seemingly unaware of the shift in the air. “Baby, did you bring your momma’s hot sauce?” he looks at you expectantly, though your eyes are still fixed on Javier.
“Uh - oh, n-no. Shit, I forgot, sorry,” you turn and offer an apologetic smile that appears strained, at least to Javier’s eyes. Este pendejo doesn’t have a clue, does he?
“You feelin’ okay? You look a little pale, darlin’,” the bartender - what the fuck is his name - asks with a look of concern, and Javi almost feels bad for the guy. Or at least he would if he wasn’t currently engaged to the love of Javi’s life.
“Yeah, I’m just...tired. I was outside most of the day, trying to fix the garden,” your voice evens out as you speak and Javier can’t help but admire your talent for masking the anxiety that must be coursing through your veins. She’s almost as good a liar as I am.
The other guy is about to respond when someone catches his attention on the far side of the room, “Gimme a minute. Don’t go anywhere, baby, and I’ll fix you another drink when I get back - OK, partner?,” he winks before sauntering off in the direction of where he was called from.
As soon as he’s out of earshot, Javier laughs, the alcohol in his system making the whole situation seem much less serious than it is, “Really, bonita? Him? Since when have you been into gringos?” His words come out harsher than he intends as he glares at you and you glare right back at him with a fire crackling in your eyes.
“Since a couple of years after a certain tontito left the country and never even tried to contact me again,” your words land like a blow to the stomach and Javi visibly winces before you continue, “and he’s actually a really kind person - he doesn’t deserve this.” You sigh as you plop down on a bar stool, making sure to keep one empty between you and Javier.
“And what exactly is...this? I’d love to know,” he rests his elbow on the counter, leaning his head onto his hand as he angles his body toward you. “I mean, we didn’t exactly go over all the details after you had your tongue in my mouth,” you gasp at his lewd comment, but he remains unfazed as he continues, “por favor, dime qué somos tu y yo, bonita.” His words are starting to slur and his vision’s a little fuzzy but he can still make out the blush on your cheeks.
“Keep it down, will you?” you whisper harshly as you lean closer to him, planting a hand on the empty stool between you. “This,” you gesture between the two of you, “is nothing, OK? I can’t - I won’t put Jackson though that,” you lean back, your expression stern, yet weary.
So the pendejo’s name is Jackson then. Typical southern name to match his southern accent.
“Through what?” Javi asks and he knows he’s being an asshole, but that’s easier than admitting that his heart is shattering with each minute he spends looking at your beautiful face, knowing that you belong to someone else.
“I’m not doing this with you, Javi. We’re - we’re not even friends anymore, so let’s just leave it alone and...go our separate ways,” you nod as if trying to convince yourself this is the best option for everyone, but your eyes say different. Even in his intoxicated state, he can see the confusion and stress that plagues your features. At that moment, he’d give anything to hold you in his arms and kiss away all your sorrows.
“Bonita-” he starts but is stopped short by the bartend- Jackson rejoining the two of you, “Oh, “bonita” - that means pretty, right?” He grins between the two of you as if he didn’t just intrude on one of the most painful conversations of Javier’s life.
And the way he said “bonita” is the last straw for Javier. Clenching his jaw, he slips off his stool with surprising ease and pulls his wallet out of his back pocket, his cigarette long forgotten in the ashtray on the bar.
He mumbles, “Yeah, it means pretty-” he looks at you with a level of intensity that makes your heart race, “or beautiful.”
Dropping a few bills on the wooden surface, he nods his thanks to Jackson while clenching his fist at his side and turns to you once more, a wistful look in his eyes, “Nos vemos...bonita.”
And he walks out of the bar, his soul in tatters.
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Translations:
pendejo - dumbass
gringos - white men
tontito - idiot
por favor, dime qué somos tu y yo - please, tell me what we are.
nos vemos - see you
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aaaahhhhh what’d y’all think?? i hope you don’t mind I'm taking a tiny break from Mariposa - i got stuck so i decided to just do another series lmao fuck
| Crystal Clear | a Javier Peña x Reader fic series
summary: started out as a request (”I always made you think your feelings for me were totally one-sided…that wasn’t true.”) and turned into a miniseries, in which Reader and Javier reunite when he returns home from Colombia. Lots of angst, lots of feels, lots of Javi.