#ccg hideyoshi

[coffeandmidnights]

NOBODY'S SOLDIER CH 12: Do i look like him? is up!

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Prepare tissues for this one

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Hide stretched in his chair, while Sayu in front of him tried to piece together all the information he had just received. 'So, Kanou is trying to build ghouls by all means, Amon escaped and is now with us, and someone has a grudge against the Quinx."

"Exactly. It's like having half of a puzzle." Sayu crossed her legs, leaning towards him. "Now that we've put the investigation aside, let me be your psychologist again. I've seen you hanging out with Haise a lot recently."

Hide nodded "That's right, he asked me to have lunch today. For me there is still my best friend and I'm not going to give it up." She smiled. "I know you 'd never do that. But just try to be careful." Hide nodded and stood up heading for the door, accompanied by her.

"As always.''

He opened the door, greeting her with a smile, finding himself facing Akira's brooding face. '’Oh,'’ exclaimed Sayu, surprised, as Hide hurried away.

‘‘Do you need anything?’’ asked Sayu, puzzled. ‘'No. Just...I'm glad Hide is coming to talk to you. These sessions are good for him.'’

Sayu smiled: ‘'I agree. I hope more investigators decide to come here.'' Akira seemed not to take the provocation, looking around embarrassed. '“Yes, that would be ideal.”' She took a step back, not knowing what to say.

''Fine. Good work then, doctor."

Hide placed the paper bag on the table, ready to devour the tasty burger inside. He had managed to buy from Big Girl's, a place that had hosted lunches with Kaneki for years, another phantom reminder of their friendship.

‘‘Call me Sayu.’’

Haise sat across from him, enjoying the fresh spring air.

‘‘Go ahead and eat,’’ he said, noticing Hide hesitating. ‘‘I like to see others enjoying their food.’’ Hide obeyed, unwrapping the sandwich and calmly enjoying it, both in silence.

‘'You know, Haise,'’ he said finally, "I feel like everyone has been telling you the ghoul version of Kaneki. His violent side, his hunger, his strength. I'd like to tell you about his human side." Haise did not answer, but a light in his eyes seemed to beg him to continue. "Kaneki loves reading books, especially pretentious novels full of metaphors. And he never stops proposing some to me, instead of trying one of the comics I recommend. He would live in the library if he could. He loves Big Girl burgers." he pointed to the oily paper, smiling.

‘‘Listen, Hide...’’ began Haise, scratching his chin nervously. "It's very nice to spend time together. The lunches, the outings...the Quinx love you." He stiffened, looking into his eyes. "But I'm afraid you're looking for something that isn't there. I am not Kaneki. I may look like him, but we are not the same person."

Hide remained silent for a long time, gently wiping his hands with a napkin.

"He's always been top of the class, I've never seen him get a bad grade. He likes to cook, especially for others, and he can make a stew to die for. He can't stand noisy places and doesn't like dogs. He is precise in everything he does, but he always does everything for those he loves."

Haise said nothing, his eyes shining with tears, savouring every single word, seeing inside himself that Kaneki: an ordinary student, a bookworm, a normal person to whom horrible tragedies happened. He looked up at Hide, who had not lost his smile the whole time, and reached out a hand towards him, taking the robotic arm in his hands.

"'I did it. Am I right?" Hide was pervaded by that touch, so powerful and delicate, and did not know what to reply.

'You are not Kaneki.“ he murmured 'So no.” he gently placed his palm on Haise's cold hands. ‘You are not to blame.’ Haise lowered his gaze, as warm tears wet his cheeks. ‘If I told you all these things.’ Hide continued, tightening his grip "It is because I see the good things of Kaneki in you. I only ask you to take care of him. We're talking about my best friend."

Akira walked boldly through the empty corridors of the archive, knowing exactly whom to look for.

They remained silent, their hands intertwined, as Haise soaked up every emotion.

'There you are,'’ she said after a few metres, finding herself in front of Haise, intent on fumbling through documents. "We are about to prepare the plan against the Rosenwalds. What are you looking for?" without him having time to answer, she briefly read some words from the papers Haise was clutching in his hand.

"They are the old cases of me, Nagachika and Amon. What are you looking for?" she repeated tensely.

Haise put the folder away, without even looking at it. ‘He was my best friend.’

‘‘What?’’

"Hide was my best friend. He's known me since I was a kid. And you didn't tell me." with each sentence his breathing increased, while in the depths of his mind something screamed to come up. A memory, the last missing piece, hidden in pain, too frightening to reveal.

"That's why you didn't want us to work together, you don't like me talking to him. He knows everything, he knows Kaneki better than anyone. And you forced him into battle, made us investigate together. Why?"

Akira recoiled, not really knowing what to do. ‘‘I didn't want him in battle.’’

‘‘I hurt him!’’ ranted Haise, leaving her breathless. "He loves me and I hurt him! And no one wants to tell me what happened!" He lowered his head as that memory seemed to want to burst through his brain and sobbed silently.

Akira approached him slowly, gently brushing his shoulder.

"Ever since Kaneki was transformed, Hide has done everything to help him. He has covered for him many times and never stopped looking for him." She sighed. "During the attack on the Anteiku, he wanted to talk to you. I don't know what really happened, what you said to each other. All I know is that when I went to look for him I found him...'’ she took a breath for a moment ‘'I found him in a pool of his blood, almost unconscious. His arm was...unrecognisable. I held him in my arms until the ambulance arrived." Haise did not answer, covering his face in shame.

"Hide never told me about that night. He never did with anyone." She moved closer still, surrounding him in a tender hug.

"But he only wanted to protect you. And he still is, because there is good in you. There always has been."

Haise let himself be taken in by those motherly arms, melting into tears. His mind seemed to slowly quiet down and that hidden memory crawled away, not yet ready to show itself. For the moment there was no need to face it. For now he could let others love him, revel in that affection.

There was still good in him.

[coffeandmidnights]

NOBODY'S SOLDIER CH 13: What makes you human is up!

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Sayu stretched out in her chair, looking at the icons on the screen. Ever since she’d snapped back at Arima, her reputation within the CCG had grown, leading several investigators to knock curious on her door, only to be drawn in by small talk and formalities, eventually ending up in her chair, pouring out their memories and traumas, and finally becoming one of the many files on her computer.

She sighed and clicked on a folder, ready to add the day's session, when a soft knock on the half-open door interrupted her.

“May I come in?” Shirazu’s tall, slender figure appeared from behind the door. He had the same confused look as the first time, but now his face was no longer framed by a mop of blond hair, which had given way to a buzz cut.

“Of course.” She smiled, instinctively reaching for the packet of cigarettes on the desk. “Why the new look?” He shrugged. “It was time for a change.” He closed the door, looking around embarrassed.

“I… well, I wanted to apologise. Last time I overreacted and I shouldn’t have. I mean, you’re just doing your job.”

She smiled. “Don’t worry, I’m the one who should be apologising. It wasn’t right of me to push you to open up if you didn’t feel like it.” She held the packet out to him. “What do you say? A peace cigarette?” He didn’t need to be asked twice and took one straight away.

They leaned against the windowsill, letting the smoke drift into the spring air, still tinged with the greyness of winter.

“How’s work going?” asked Sayu, for the first time without any ulterior therapeutic motives, genuinely curious. Shirazu thought for a few moments before replying, “I don’t know. You know I’m the squad leader now.” He took a long drag on his cigarette. “But I haven’t been much use. I haven’t managed to protect them properly, to give them the lead they deserve. I still can’t use my quinque.” He sighed. “Every time I’m about to do it, I still feel her.”

“The ghoul you killed? Nutcracker?” He stiffened for a moment and Sayu feared she’d upset him again, but he recovered straight away. “Yes. I can still feel her on me, crying her heart out, begging me not to kill her.”

Neither of them said anything for a while, trying to drown out their thoughts in their cigarettes. When only ash remained, Shirazu spoke again.

“I talked to Fura about it, from the Arima squad. He reminded me that, despite everything, we’re still taking someone’s life, and that suffering is perhaps the healthiest thing we can do.” Sayu smiled. “He’s right. ” She squeezed the now-extinguished cigarette butt between her fingers. “Ever since we are children, all we are told about ghouls is that they are heartless monsters, evil and hungry creatures, and we believe it. But it is only as we grow up that we realise how much more complex things really are. Every ghoul has fears, emotions and desires within them that we can never know.” She paused, lost in some memory, as if reliving moments that existed only in her mind. Shirazu said nothing, waiting patiently.

“I think realizing that makes you a good investigator. It makes you human.”

No one can take away my humanity

She looked him in the eyes and smiled gently. “And no rank or award can take that humanity away from you.”

Shirazu clenched the quinque in his hands until they almost bled, controlling every breath as if his lungs were about to burst. He stared as Noro’s white flesh coiled around itself and regenerated once more, transforming into giant jaws ready to devour every investigator present.

Shirazu stared at the quinque again, clutching it even tighter, and took a deep breath, ready to give it his all, one last time.

Hide clutched his binoculars, pressing them even harder against his eyes, trying to follow the swift movements before him. He was in the building next to the mansion where the Tsukiyama family had taken refuge, now surrounded and stormed by the CCG. He watched the roof, where a battle of sudden bursts and violent attacks between Haise and Tsukiyama continued to rage.

No one else would die, not in front of him.

He crouched closer to the window to see better, almost holding his breath as he awaited the grand finale. The two stood motionless, as if frozen in time, perhaps savouring the last memories of a life that would never return.

“Update me,” Marude’s voice croaked through the earpiece, “Sasaki is fighting Gourmet on the roof. He’s winning.” Spying on the operation from a distance was perhaps not the brightest idea Hide had ever had, but it was the only way he could infiltrate without being seen, and only Marude knew his position. He was once again powerless, a mere observer, but perhaps now, seeing the situation from above, he could gain some insight into the countless secrets and intricate plans he had walked into. He focused once more on the battle, now drawing to a close, with Haise towering over his opponent, ready to deliver the final blow. Hide couldn’t see Tsukiyama’s face, but he imagined it twisted in despair: his family was now destroyed, everything he knew in shambles, and an old friend looming over him, ready to kill him.

Haise raised his hand, but before Hide could witness the end, the sound of footsteps made him look up.

In the dim light, white hair glinted, framing the gaunt, pale face that had once been familiar to him.

Seidou Takizawa.

“How on earth are you still alive, Nagachika?”

[coffeandmidnights]

NOBODY'S SOLDIER Ch 17: Don't trust the saints is up!

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Sayu looked at the small pile of books on her desk, all marked with the name Sen Takatsuki. Every single ink-stained page written by that strange girl who seemed to know far too much. Pages which, Sayu was certain, concealed far more than tragic tales. She reached out for one of them when the door burst open.

“I was just…” She looked up to find Hide standing before her—or rather, his ghost: he was pale and sweaty, breathing heavily, and staring at her in terror.

Hide had the impression of hearing a door and a voice in the distance, but he didn’t know where he was. He knew only that he was running away and that with every step he felt sicker, everything turning darker. He didn’t know if he could still breathe, if he was still alive. He felt his knees hit the ground, his hands clinging to something.

“Kaneki!” he heard himself scream into the void, frantically searching for a sign in the darkness, a movement that would tell him he was still alive. And he saw him emerge from the darkness, limping towards him, covered in blood.

“It’s all right, I want to help you,” he kept repeating, his voice drowned out by the roar of the sewer below. “I know you’re a ghoul, it’s all right.” He managed to take a breath and was choked by the stench of sulphur and mould in that tunnel. Kaneki stood there staring at him, motionless, his expression blank.

“I want to help you,” Hide repeated. “You have to live.”

Suddenly, a burning sensation tingled on his fingers and ran up his left arm, growing ever stronger and more painful. Hide immediately grabbed that part, that side of his body that had betrayed him, that hadn’t been strong enough to save the only person to who he would give everything.

“Eat me. Do it. Save yourself,” Hide repeated frantically, desperately trying to tear off that phantom arm, that painful memory attached to his body.

“Hide!” a voice finally spoke, and a hand gripped his, firm and resolute.

“You’re not in that tunnel,” the voice said again, clear and firm.

“W-what?” Hide stammered.

“You got out of there. You saved Kaneki,” it repeated, and with every word the voice grew clearer. The darkness faded little by little, and even the stench of the sewers seemed to have vanished. Kaneki’s face transformed, and in its place appeared Sayu’s, staring at him with worried but steady eyes.

“You’re at the CCG. You’re in my office.” Hide didn’t reply, letting her repeat those reassuring words, never loosening her grip on his arm. He began to breathe slowly again, inhaling deeply every scent, the faint fragrance of that room.

He leaned his head back, resting it on the soft cushion of one of the armchairs.

“What happened?” whispered Sayu, still holding his arm. He swallowed several times before answering. “Kaneki. I tried talking to him again, but it’s as if he’s vanished. As if I can’t find him anymore.” He looked up at her. “I always find him.”

Sayu didn’t reply, remaining seated on the floor in front of him and, for the first time in a long while, she didn’t know what to say.

A few months later

It wasn’t the first time Marude had had doubts about the CCG. He’d never been a blind follower of the investigators, right from the start, from his very first kill. Or when he’d first witnessed Kureo Mado’s cruel methods, only to then have to deal with his daughter. But the one who made him doubt the most was the man missing from that meeting. Kisho Arima, once his subordinate who in just a few years had become the CCG’s saint, praised by everyone. Everyone, except him.

“At last, our battle against Aogiri is drawing to a close. A thirteen-year battle that began with the clash against the One-Eyed Owl,” declared Matsuri Washuu solemnly from the head of the table, and Marude let out a snort. “And yet the most important figure is not here.” No one noticed, and attention turned to Sasaki, who was explaining in detail the developments in the fight against Aogiri.

They’d trained him well, Marude thought as he watched that perfect little soldier. Precise, clear, unfazed by attacks and provocations, as he laid out each target. A far cry from his ghoul form, from the fury and violence that everyone in the room had witnessed. Suddenly, the image of Hide in Akira’s arms, almost lifeless, a victim of Sasaki, came back to him. He felt a punch to the heart as he thought back to the nights spent in hospital, the hours by his bedside.

I’m here, son. You’ll be fine.

They should have given him a medal, made him a special class, yet here he was, relegated to the darkness of a laboratory, whilst his tormentor became the new Arima. The new saint.

“As for the One-Eyed King, my colleague is already dealing with a suspect. However, we have reason to believe that their main hideout is on Rue Island, where a team will be sent to search…” Haise was continuing, but Marude had already stopped listening, thinking of Furuta: a stranger, a nobody who had miraculously survived against the Rosenwalds and was now part of the CCG’s biggest operation. Why was he there? Why not Hide himself, the most brilliant, or Akira, who had lost her own mother to the Owl?

His shoulders began to ache, as if all those doubts, growing ever stronger, were starting to weigh him down. He felt his back arch and forced himself to pay attention when someone called out to him.

“Marude.” Haisaki, the director of Cochlea, boomed in his deep voice. “Keep an eye on your boy.

“Pardon?”

The other man smirked. “Nagachika. He does nothing but hang around Cochlea with that shrink. I’ll admit she’s a fine sight, but they’re always in the way. They’re constantly going to Fueguchi’s and babbling about books and research on ghouls.”

Marude found it hard not to let a satisfied smile slip. It was definitely his boy, who so far had never made him doubt it. Who rebelled against the saints and dogmas of the CCG, who managed to see beyond the thickening smoke veil.

“I’ll try to talk to him. But Nagachika doesn’t like rules.” He fixed his gaze straight on Haise, and he seemed to get the message.

It was a threat.

To all of them.

[coffeandmidnights]

NOBODY'S SOLDIER Ch 16: Are we the same? is up!

previous chapter on ao3 and below

Sayu took a deep breath before stepping through the luxurious door of the elegant café that Shiono had pointed out to her a few hours earlier. A tall, slender waiter appeared before her, ready to show her to her table.

“Miss Takatsuki is waiting for me,” she said, hoping to sound confident and decisive, whilst inside her mind too many thoughts were tangled up in a whirlwind: the day before, Hide had launched into a description of Takatsuki's works, all filled with dark storylines and tragic protagonists, and how they were Kaneki’s favourites. She was almost tempted to bring him along, but this meeting was meant to be just for the two of them. Takatsuki wanted her opinion, her work.

The waiter stopped in front of a small, secluded table, lit by the large windows in front of it, and Sayu sat down, smiling politely at the woman in front of her. She was a petite figure and was staring at her with a feline gaze from behind a pair of large, round glasses.

“Good morning,” she chirped enthusiastically, waving to one of the waiters. “Before we begin, let me offer you something. They make a delicious cream cake here, and I’m sure you’ll want some coffee.” Sayu didn’t reply, letting her order for both of them, and after a few moments, breakfast was set before her.

“Miss Takatsuki,” she began, observing her as she enjoyed her cake with relish. “I must admit your call surprised me. It’s not often I meet writers, let alone receive requests about my old article…” Takatsuki smiled beneath a streak of cream. “Yes! I have to tell you, I loved that paper. It’s unbelievable that you managed to write something so controversial.”

“That’s the point.” Sayu moved closer. “They didn’t let me finish it. The piece was never completed and I couldn’t publish a thing. So how did it end up in your hands?” Takatsuki finished the last bite of cake and gently wiped her face, her attitude changing.

“Right,” she said, in a much lower voice than before. ‘‘You get straight to the point.’’ She reached for a black tote bag hanging from the chair and pulled out a bundle of papers. “I have many contacts around the world.’’ She placed the documents on the table and for a few seconds Sayu forgot to breathe: it was the first time she’d seen those pages outside her bedroom or her office, the first time someone had shown them to her rather than the other way round. She reached out a hand, touching the paper as if it were an alien object, reading the words she knew by heart.

“I understand why the publication was stopped,’’ Takatsuki continued. “It was going to reveal to the world that ghouls and humans are the same. Unacceptable to the CCG.’’

“Our brains are the same. Some might say our souls are too, but I don’t consider myself that spiritual. The point is, everything we hear about ghouls is about their thirst for blood and how they’re emotionless monsters. Yet their bodies reveal something quite different.” She opened one of the pages, pointing to one of the many colourful images of brains. “Not only do they feel emotions in the same way, but in some cases they experience them even more intensely than humans.” Takatsuki remained silent for several moments, a smug smile spreading across her face. “It looks like you want to end the CCG.” Sayu smiled, choosing her words carefully.

“I’d like to end all these deaths,” she said bluntly, so coldly that it took the other woman by surprise. “Of course,” Takatsuki lowered her voice, “I imagine working with the investigators isn’t easy, with all the demons they carry inside them. Some of them even end up possessed.”

Sayu bit her tongue, considering her next move. She had ended up in a strange game, the rules of which she was still trying to figure out.

“Why so much interest?” she immediately deflected the subject and, for a moment, she could have sworn Takatsuki was disappointed.

“I want to aim high with my next novel: the protagonist is a ghoul who rebels against the society that oppresses him. What do you think?”

“It sounds like you want to end the CCG,” commented Sayu, and the other woman laughed heartily.

“It’s a brilliant plan! But that’s a task I’ll leave to you. Perhaps there’s another article in the making…”

Sayu was starting to get tired of these games. “At the moment, I’d rather work to help my patients. Anyway, it’s getting late.” Takatsuki was taken aback for a few seconds, studying her like prey, and finally smiled. “Of course. Your information has been very useful, thank you.”

Sayu stood up cautiously, holding out a hand, which the other woman shook. “I expect a copy of the book.”

‘‘Of course! You’ll be the first to have it.”

Eto sat back down, watching Sayu walk away with a light step, and smiled. At the right moment, she would be perfect.

Hide walked heavily across the CCG courtyard, heading towards a figure dressed in black a few metres away. He had spent the last half-hour watching Haise from a distance as he talked with Furuta in the shade of the large trees surrounding them, but only now had he decided to walk over. It wasn’t the first time he’d tried to have a conversation with him, but they’d only ever exchanged a few hollow greetings. Yet, just a month ago, he’d been sitting opposite Haise, eye to eye, hand in hand, reminding him of the good in him. Just when they were close again, just as he was about to have his friend back, Kaneki was snatched away from him once more, ripped from his arms as if it were nothing.

Hide wasn’t having it, not anymore.

“Haise!” he greeted him cheerfully, receiving an icy stare from Furuta. “It’s been ages!”

Haise adjusted his glasses on his nose and offered a polite smile. “Yeah. I’ve been really busy with the Owl case.” Hide faked a little too much enthusiasm. “Oh, of course, you’re the CCG’s top dog now. How’s the investigation going?” Before Haise could reply, Furuta cleared his throat nervously. “Erm, we shouldn’t be revealing sensitive information about the case.” Hide didn’t even look at him, keeping his gaze fixed on Haise. “Oh, don’t worry. Haise and I have worked together before; he knows he can count on me.” He smiled again, but this time Haise didn’t return it.

“Furuta’s right,” he said coldly, without even looking him in the face. “And anyway, you’re not a detective now. It would be best if everyone stuck to their own work, Nagachika, without meddling in other people’s investigations.”

Hide felt his breath catch in his throat, stabbed by those icy words, unable to reply. He didn’t even notice that the two were walking away, and his legs moved of their own accord, walking faster and faster, with no real destination in mind.

He just wanted to escape, to run away from all that pain.

[coffeandmidnights]

NOBODY'S SOLDIER CH 14: Always an angel, never a god is up!

previous chapter

tw: death, distressing themes

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Hide stood up quickly, hastily turning off his earpiece, from which Marude’s voice was shouting something. Takizawa approached slowly, his creepy smile gleaming in the moonlight.

“I like the new look. Black is really your colour,” Hide ventured, without moving an inch. Takizawa stopped, staring at him in confusion.

“Unbelievable. You’re still making the same stupid jokes.” He tilted his head, curious. “And yet you don’t seem surprised to see a dead man.”

“I saw you at the auction,” Hide blurted out. “And I spoke to Amon.”

A guttural laugh erupted from Takizawa’s chest, shaking the damp air around them. “Amon! Amon!” he laughed again. “Do you know what Kanou called him? Floppy! He’s a failed experiment, you know? A half-ghoul that turned out so badly they had to throw him away like trash.''

“It seems to have worked out fine for you. ” Hide tried to offer a smile and moved closer, when Haise screamed in pain from the other building, making him turn around immediately.

“Oh, of course,” grunted Takizawa. “You’ve got to keep an eye on your Kaneki.”

“No,” Hide said straight away, not quite sure how to speak to him. With the old Takizawa, he would have known exactly what words to use, what jokes to make, how to encourage him. But this violent, resentful, sadistic version was the complete opposite of the friend he’d once known.

“No one knows I’m here. I didn’t infiltrate to see Kaneki, but the whole operation. There’s something strange going on at the CCG, something they’re hiding. Think about it—they’ve never come looking for you and Amon…” he said quickly, hoping that explaining everything would calm him down.

“Because they don’t care about us!” Takizawa slowly raised an arm. “And they don’t care about you either. You’ve always been too good to them, and they just exploit you.’’

Hide instinctively raised his hands. “I know, believe me. All they do is push me around like a pawn on their missions, only to throw me away when I’m no longer needed. But I want to figure out what they’re up to…”

Takizawa wasn’t even listening to him anymore; he was getting closer and closer, distracted by the metallic glint of the prosthetic limb gesturing in the air. In an instant he grabbed it, observing the long fingers beneath the black glove. He shifted his gaze to Hide, now silent, and, for a moment, he saw him: the boy who sat with him during lunch breaks, who would sit and listen for hours to his rants about colleagues, work, family and career. The one who always tried to get a free lunch, handing out jokes and advice. The only one who didn’t care about awards, quinques or records for ghouls killed. Investigations move forward thanks to intuition, not quinques.

A weakling.

A friend.

The only one like him.

A weakling. Just like him.

Takizawa let go of his arm. “You’re tougher than I thought,” and, for the first time, he seemed sincere.

Hide tried to speak again, but a roar from the building next door drowned out every voice.

This time they both turned, finding themselves staring at the monstrous mask of the Owl that had just appeared on the roof and was clashing with Haise.

“You wanted to observe the situation?” Takizawa’s face twisted back into a grin. “Then enjoy the show.” And in an instant, he vanished.

Hide took a deep breath before switching his earpiece back on, without taking his eyes off the tangle of the Owl’s limbs and kagune.

“Shit, shit. Hide!” Marude’s voice exploded in his ears. “You’ve got to get out of there now. Now, do you hear me?”

“The Owl…”

“I know,” Marude croaked. “But you’ve got to get out of there. Fuck, it’s a disaster.” Hide quickly gathered his binoculars and bag, moving away from the window.

“What are you on about? What happened?”

A gentle breeze blew through the green trees of the cemetery, a shade of bright green that contrasted with the grey of the endless row of graves stretching as far as the eye could see. The same grey as the sky, which too seemed to be in mourning, hung low over the large group of people gathered before a freshly polished grave.

Marude sighed. “Shirazu. He’s dead.”

The eerie silence was broken every now and then by Saiko’s desperate sobs as she knelt before the letters carved into the stone, the letters that spelled out the name of her colleague, team leader, friend.

Sayu wrapped herself tighter in her long black coat, watching the various detectives gathered at the grave from a distance. She felt an instinctive urge to rub her eyes, as if to make sure they had stopped watering, after she had wept all her tears that morning, in secret, sheltered behind her office door.

She was the CCG’s psychologist, after all. She couldn’t be seen in tears. Not when they needed her.

Yet she still felt a weight pressing down on her chest, digging inside her.

A dead investigator.

No, her dead patient. A young man who, until a few days ago, had been smoking with her on the windowsill, now buried underground.

It wasn’t the first time she’d attended a CCG funeral, but this time was different. This was someone she’d helped, someone on whom she’d perhaps had an impact. Who knows if, before dying to save his colleagues, he had thought back on her words, on their conversations. Who knows if he knew he died as a human. Not as a ghoul.

She snapped out of it as soon as she saw the funeral procession disperse and hurried to offer her condolences to Akira and Saiko, who were leading the crowd; she was met with a soft thank you.

When the cemetery was finally empty, she approached the grave slowly, silently staring at the crown of flowers laid upon it. She looked up, noticing a figure standing apart, and approached him.

“My condolences, Urie.” He didn’t react, merely shrugging sadly.

“Thank you.” Sayu looked around, but then, curious, asked: “Don’t you want to go up to the grave?” He snorted. “Why should I? There’s no one in there.” Sayu’s puzzled look spoke louder than any question. “Of course, you wouldn’t know.” Urie crossed his arms. “Aogiri stole the body. They attacked the van carrying it and took it away.”

Sayu was taken aback. “But why?” And suddenly she remembered Hide’s words from a few weeks earlier. The quinx might be in danger.

“And why hasn’t anyone gone to look for him?” she added immediately.

“What do they care? We’re just weapons; they’ve already got other recruits ready.” Sayu wrapped herself even tighter in her coat, as if wanting to disappear into the fabric, and furrowed her brow, as if slapped by his words.

“You aren’t weapons,” she said coldly, and Urie looked at her in surprise, observing the fiery gaze staring at him from beneath her black hair, ruffled by the wind. She was angry, as if offended by his words, as if she couldn’t bear them being used.

He remained silent, whilst a strong gust of wind made them both shiver. They stood in silence for a few minutes, staring at the sea of gravestones, while Sayu’s words seemed to burn in Urie’s mind. You are not weapons.

Then what are we?

[coffeandmidnights]

NOBODY'S SOLDIER CH 8: Another Chance is up!

here and on Ao3

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Marude sat quietly, while in front of him, Hide was rummaging through papers and files. His first vision of the morning, after Hide stormed into his office, rambling about some theory he just envisioned. "What are you thinking?" He asked, leaning over the table. "Takizawa disappeared four years ago, during the Owl operation, along with Amon." Hide held the report, of which he knew every word. "Then, one of them came back with Aogiri as a half-ghoul." Marude frowned "You're not saying..."

"I am." Hide took another file, with Kanou's name on it. "We know Kanou transformed Kaneki, and he's probably involved with Aogiri."

"I could've told you that. But if you think Amon is a ghoul, why wasn't he at the Auction?". Hide stroked his cheek, indecisive. "I'm not sure he's with them. Let's not forget the mysterious force that killed the fleeing Aogiris."

Marude raised an eyebrow, sceptical. "That's a stretch." He looked out the window. "In any case, two investigators turned ghouls are awful news. Did you tell Akira?" Hide sighed, recalling the daggering words of days before. "To quote her, she can't believe Amon would be so weak to become a monster."

"Damn." blurted Marude, then quickly turned serious. "Be patient with her." Hide didn't answer, holding the papers and staring at the void. "I know that face. What's more?" He hesitated a bit, scratching his face. "If Kanou is taking investigators to create new ghouls, then Quinx are in danger. He could kidnap them and study their bodies." Marude stood motionless, letting those words sink in, transported back in time to all Hide's past cases and insights. He was rarely wrong, always two steps ahead of the rest of the CCG.

"I'll talk to the Director. He won't like the idea of hiding the Quinx, but we can't risk losing our best experiments."

That's all they are. Hide thought, looking again at the files and then getting up. Marude was the first person to know about his ideas, but now there was someone new on the list.

Akira sighed, looking at Haise at her side. "Can you explain again, slower?" Hide smiled, pointing at Sayu. "According to the CCG contracts, outer experts are allowed in investigator's jurisdictions if they can help with a case. Dr Mitsurugi can help with the prisoners in Cochlea." Sayu smiled, reciting the speech they had both planned a while before. "Exactly. I'd like to have access to Cochlea and use my psychological knowledge to help the interrogations."

"Happy New Year!" Sayu smiled as she welcomed Hide into her office. "I hope you had a good holiday!" He returned her smile and immediately sat down in his usual chair. "I did. I went to the Quinx’s party." She sat down in front of him, genuinely curious. "Oh, how was it?" he shrugged, nervously fiddling with his hands. "Nice, Haise even got me a present. Some headphones , he knows I like music." Sayu bent towards him, "You have something else to say. Come on, hit me with it." Hide jumped, a new light shining in his eyes. He repeated every word and theory explained to Marude few moments before, while she listened in silence, her eyes more lively and animated at every sentence.

"I want to show you something." She stood up and opened a drawer of the desk, pulling out a heavy stack of papers. "This was my main research when I was in the US." Hide read the title, amazed " Brain similarities in ghoul and human anatomy. That sounds impressive!" She smiled, taking some pages with brain images printed on them. "Since we're kids, we're taught ghouls are monsters, different creatures whose only goal is to murder and destroy. We grow up believing that they are another species, capable only of violence. But when we look at their bodies..." She gave him a page with two identical brain scans. "Our brains are the same. Even better, these are scans of ghouls and investigators. See this area? They both have an overdevelopment of the fear circuits."

She stopped the frantic talking, waiting for him to react, while Hide stood with his eyes open, amazed. "This is insane! If you'd publish it, everything could change."

"I know." she sighed "But the American CCG stepped in and stopped the publishing. They said it would conflict with their duties." Hide looked again at the papers, his smile wider than ever. "You had the CCG against you and now showing me this research." Sayu shrugged with a smile "Elle Woods never gave up, so..." But Hide wasn't listening anymore, mumbling under his breath, then quickly got up.

Akira crossed her arms, unconvinced. "You're asking for permission then? Haise has only one prisoner. You should talk to the Cochlea director."

"I think they have a point." intervened Haise, leaving the room shocked with surprise. "Fueguchi has been very collaborative, but talking to someone else could give us even more information." He smiled "I agree with the project, and I'll talk to other investigators to cooperate." He looked straight into Hide's eyes, ignoring everyone else, with a light of hope and commitment. I will help you.

Akira stood silently and helpless, as a golden string seemed to bind Hide and Haise's gazes. Their bond was always there, and despite all the efforts to break it, kept resurrecting.

She then shifted her gaze, noticing Sayu. She seemed to catch the boys' connection and looked too happy about it, smiling like she knew something else. Akira clenched her fists, and stiffed with worry. Whatever those three were planning in Cochlea, nothing good was about to happen.

[coffeandmidnights]

NOBODY'S SOLDIER Ch 5: I think I've seen this film before

also on ao3

Previous chapter

"Please wait, boss Suzuya." whimpered Hanbee, following his superior, while Juuzou hopped through the hall, ignoring him and sprinting to a figure in the distance.

"Hideeee!" He yelled in glee, greeting the man in front of the conference room, while the Quinx arrived beside him.

"Yoo Juuzou!" Hide smiled, giving him a big high five. "Long time no see! We are finally working together on something."

"Did you know we're prosthetics pals?" Juuzou exclaimed to the rest of the investigators, making Hanbee blush embarrassed. "Please, don't say that.", but Hide played along. "No, he's right. Look, arm and leg! We're like half of Darth Vader!" They both showed off their glistening fake limbs, meeting with confused looks and condescending smiles. Only Haise seemed to join the gag and laughed appaled, making Hide hold his breath for some seconds, recalling the old sound of that laughter.

"Are you done having fun? We have a lot to discuss." Akira appeared behind them like a ghost and restored the serious atmosphere.

When everybody was sat, Haise got up and proudly announced how the effort of both Quinx and Suzuya squads let them gather precious information about the auction Nutcracker and many other ghouls would participate. "Mutsuki and I will be going undercover as victims of the auction and then attack it from the inside," said Juuzou with a smile. The rest of the investigators agreed in silence and then Akira got up.

"This mission is crucial. It's not only about catching Nutcracker, but most importantly it means dismantling one of the cruellest ghoul activities. Also, it will be a chance to destroy the Aogiri." She looked around the room, then her eyes stopped on someone. "The support of all squads is vital. Director Washuu himself asked to include some investigators who are not on the field anymore." She took a long breath.

"One of them is Nagachika."

Hide stopped breathing, his heart sinking in his chest. Of course, he thought They're not done with me yet. He observed every gaze that stared at him, meeting worried eyes and then stumbled on Haise's stare. It was the first time Hide looked at him for so long, fixated on the face that was once home. Haise seemed as upset as the rest of the room, but there was something else, a light of hope.

Hide slowly got up, without ever breaking eye contact, surrounded by a suffocating silence. He knew exactly why Washuu wanted him on the case. All along, it was a test of his loyalty, an eye on him all the time.

"It's been years since I've been in battle and to be honest, I don't miss it." Akira sighed loudly but didn't interrupt him. "But I understand that this mission is a fundamental step in the fight against ghouls and I'm not one to leave people when they need me. I'll be there." He looked directly at Haise, like a silent promise only they knew. Where you go, I'll go.

Akira swung again her quinque, twirling around like a ballerina, hitting the enemy ghoul with critical precision. Hide was far behind her, clutching to the RC suppressor gun given from the bureau. The Auction raid operation had just started and every squad started its motion in perfect synchronization, with fights sprung from every corner of the facility. His job was to be on the sidelines, supporting Akira's squad as he could. She obviously didn't need any help, handling the battle against Naki like a game, her weapon used as an extension of her body.

Hide looked around, while carefully listening to the many voices coming from the transmitter.

"Urie will escort Mutsuki to the ambulance. Oshiba squad, lead to the administrative office."

He couldn't be still anymore, not with the battle raving around him. In silence he got far from his squad, taking the long road into the bushes around the auction building. There was something off: it was all too smooth, too easy as if the CCG knew already everything. He ended up at the side of the building, the map engraved in his brain from the past nights studying it. He needed a place to observe the whole situation and knew exactly how to find it.

"Rank 1 Sasaki will fight alone. Keep the ghoul as far as possible from the administrative tower." Washuu's voice buzzed in Hide's ears and made him stop, with thoughts rushing back and forth. The first impulse was to run to Kaneki, find who he was fighting against, and protect him, but he resisted the urge to sprint away. Director Washuu didn't communicate with him by accident, especially when giving such sensible information about another investigator. No, it was a way to lure him to Haise. There was still a test being held.

Hide took a long breath and proceeded with his original plan, running to the building and hopping to endless stairs, looking away from the corpses scattered around. The smell of fresh blood permeated the air, coming from humans and ghouls' bodies, all equal when dead on the cold floor.

Hide opened the door of the control room and bolted in front of the large screen, surrounded by small displays showing corridors and little rooms scattered around the building. Without even time to check every detail, a crash blasted from the main screen and the image of the main stage was now occupied by two figures in front of one another.

He froze, horrified by the sight before him. Kaneki lay on the ground, wounded and covered in blood, but what truly struck him was the enemy.

His body was skinnier and emaciated, his hair white as snow, but those eyes and voice. How could it be? He was supposed to be dead. But there he was, a half-ghoul, with a kagune growing from his back.

Seidou Takizawa. His colleague, his friend. A ghoul.

Again.

[coffeandmidnights]

NOBODY'S SOLDIER: CCG Hide fan fiction

As promised here's the first chapter, also on ao3.

(tags: CCG Hideyoshi Nagachika, Alternate universe, angst)

(tl: @moognolia @harpercireth @just-another-tokyo-ghoul-fan @shewhoeatssand)

Next chapter

You live in a world of violence. Cruel and relentless creatures walk among us—horrible monsters who feast on human flesh. Ghouls. They are deceivers, pretending to be human while using and devouring us. The only way to fight them is to become one of the brave Investigators of the CCG. It's what your parents did, and it's what you will become. From now on, the people in this room are your brothers and sisters; you will fight and, if necessary, die together. From now on, you're soldiers.

Only someone like Arima could deliver such a speech to a room full of orphans, children whose only fault was to have parents in the CCG and to lose them brutally because of ghouls. Hide often wondered about those kids, if Arima’s words echoed every day in their minds. They surely did in his, especially when stepping into the CCG headquarters to begin his life as a soldier.

"Good morning!" he greeted the woman behind the reception desk.

Becoming an investigator was his legacy, after all. Just like his father, who died while fulfilling his duty. Hide thought often about him: Youta Kamada. The reason he wore that white coat, the man he should've become.

That’s the word. Should.

"Morning," Hide greeted Marude, entering his office with two cups of coffee. "What's with the gloomy tone?" Marude scoffed, picking up one of the cups and staring with a curious frown. "Oh, it's nothing," Hide shrugged. "Just one of those days." It wasn't rare to see Hide in a dark mood, especially during the last months. Another face far from the bubbly and radiant smile of the early years. This job changes you, Arima used to say, and it was painfully true.

"Well, lighten up; I need you today. My quinque hasn't been very obedient recently." Hide smiled. "Not obeying you? That should be a crime." Marude sipped his coffee with a grin. "See? You're already better." He patted Hide's back. "Come on, we have work to do. Maybe we can talk about feelings later." Hide shook his head and laughed. "Fine. I'll bring coffee to Akira, and then I'm all yours." Marude let him leave, not without another joke about his long face, and Hide went to another office, blinded by the plain white walls of the building, sometimes too bright for him.

Bright like the future I should’ve had.

"Come in," Akira growled, and Hide entered cautiously. "Woah, bad news? I'm not loving the tone." She smiled upon seeing him and welcomed him into her office. "It's nothing. Another disastrous meeting with Quinx and Hirako squads." Hide sat down in front of her. "I thought the Quinx were supposed to be the next big thing. What happened?" She sighed, holding the coffee with both hands. "They're not a team. All the juniors continue to work alone, and Sasaki can't even—"

Hide's face suddenly fell gloomy, and Akira interrupted. "Sorry. I shouldn't talk about him." He shrugged. "It's...fine. I’m the one who asked anyway. "

Akira got up and leaned on her desk, meeting Hide's eyes. The Quinx was a delicate subject for him—especially when it involved Haise Sasaki, or as Hide had always known him, Ken Kaneki. They had been best friends since childhood, until a tragic incident and Kanou's experiment transformed him into a ghoul. More painfully, he became the person who wounded Hide most deeply. Akira's gaze fell to the metallic gleam visible beneath Hide's sleeve—a prosthetic arm replacing what had once been whole.

Her mind flashed back to that dreadful night of the raid on the 20th ward—standing near Hide's broken body, his arm torn to pieces and drenched in blood, waiting desperately for the ambulance. By some miracle, he survived the night, but nothing was ever the same after that. Though she and Marude fought to keep him at the CCG, Hide ultimately chose to transfer to the research department. He had steered clear of investigations all these years, and then Kaneki was back into his life, as nothing happened. Akira smiled softly, trying to erase the bad feeling that lingered. "Well, nothing the great Mado can't overcome. What about you? I heard Marude needed help with his quinque." Hide was about to answer when a loud knock at the door interrupted him.

"Weird," whispered Akira. "Yes?"

The door opened swiftly to reveal a petite girl who stood motionless, her dark eyes—as black as her silky hair—piercing the room. "Good morning. I hope I'm not bothering you." Akira studied her with confusion—she wasn't an investigator or anyone from the administrative office. "If you're here to report ghoul activity, the reception desk is on the first floor."

"Oh no, I'm here for a job interview." Akira could barely suppress her laughter. "I'm sorry?" The girl stepped firmly into the room. "There's an open position for a psychologist here at CCG. I know it's been vacant for years, and many investigators aren't aware of it, but I'd like to apply." Hide leaned back with a smile, enjoying the scene.

"Why should I be the one to conduct the interview?"

"Because every other investigator didn't listen or lead me here. I'm sensing some tension between other squads and you, Investigator Mado. It's something we could work on." Before Akira could reply, Hide got up.

"You should give her a chance. I already like her. Good luck, miss—?"

"Sayu," she smiled politely. "You can call me Sayu." Hide bowed and exited, leaving Akira alone. "Fine. Let's do this interview." Sayu got closer and handed her some papers. "My curriculum. You can see I graduated with honours and—"

"Mitsurugi? Like the Prosecutor?" Sayu held back a sigh. "Yes. He was my father." Akira's behaviour suddenly switched, inviting Sayu to sit.

"Wow. I mean, I knew about his daughter, but rumours said you were to become a prosecutor too." Sayu smiled tensely. "Well, I've changed paths." Akira sat in front of her, reading her credentials with amazed eyes. "You graduated from Harvard with excellent marks. I guess that's to be expected from The Great Prosecutor's daughter." Sayu's smile began to fade as her body stiffened in the chair. "About that, I'd like to use my mother's name here. I don't want investigators to have any bias."

"I didn't say you were hired," countered Akira, reading keenly the list of accomplishments and prizes in Sayu's life.

"But I can't lose the opportunity of having a Mitsurugi in this building. We can't forget what your father did for the CCG." Sayu forced a smile. "Yes. His trials against ghouls were his life, but I want to help investigators in a different way."

Akira got up and extended her hand. "Then I can't wait to see what you'll do. See you tomorrow, Dr. Mitsurugi."

"Call me Sayu, please." she retorted, with a hint of annoyance, but Akira kept smiling.

Sayu gathered her things and left the office, her heels clicking against the pristine floor. She inspired the thick air, sniffling the sterile scent of newly washed floor, as if to wash away the investigator’s wounds. And their sins.