Discover Top Posts Tagged with #ceasing to exist

YOU KILL SILVER?? OH JAIL FOR ARCHIE JAIL FOR ARCHIE FOR A THOUSAND YEARS

KILL HIM!!!! GET HIM!!!!!!!!!!! its worse because its so sad the energy beam doesnt immediately get to his circuits (hes a robian in this.btw) it just steadily burns through him. he just fucking sits there w shard like yeah im about to die its fine. no dude its ok. you cant even cry stop making those noises

#my hc is that silver isnt that scared of death because as a time traveller he runs that risk of fucking something up and just #ceasing to exist #and he knows that just come to terms with it #its fucked up but yknow #malevolentautism #|hyper key|

I'm considering moving again, to somewhere no one could possibly find me.

#ceasing to exist

It wasn’t exactly that I wanted to die but that ceasing to exist (and being reverently mourned) felt more tangible to me than what I had been told I should want.

#how far the light reaches #sabrina imbler #ceasing to exist #death #2024

"Gibel"

#word of the day #gibel #ceasing to exist #deteriorating #painful #destruction #ruin

can i get a functioning brain? can i PLEASE get a functioning brain

#h #you know whatd be grand right now?#ceasing to exist

i wonder if one day i'll close my eyes but when i open them i wont be here anymore

#thoughts #*dont read further if you have problems with wondering if everything is real or a dream or a hallucination or something*#i dont really mean like dying but just #ceasing to exist #or like #becoming part of the void #or just waking up somewhere to find my entire life was a coma dream #or something #since like who's to say any of this is real

Desperate and pointless rambling

...Okay, they did it in two years, but I digress. I'm also going to retake at least one of my matriculation examinations, specifically Biology. I would retake psychology, but they're on the same day, and I don't think it would be possible for me to study with 100% dedication for both of them. I'm not going to kid myself when it comes to that. I'm not strong or capable enough. I'm also starting a couple of extra courses. One is basic drawing, which last for like, two months but is held 3 times a week, with at least 3 hours each time. The second is a language course, this time German. For the past, what, five years? It's been Japanese. I can understand it pretty well, can hold conversation and read hiragana and katakana. Still can't read kanji to save my life, though.

But, it's like... I only kept studying because I felt that's what I was supposed to do. I started it so might as well see it to the end, right? But somewhere along the line it became... boring. And pointless. It feels that way, anyway. So I decided to switch it up a little, especially since I didn't need to ask mom to pay for my courses this time.

But now these newer courses feel pointless, along with getting the degree. And none of them have even begun yet! Just a couple of days ago I still thought that I would get over that feeling after my internship ends. After all, these last two months have been quite a pain, and a source of deeper depression. Now, I just don't know. I know what I should do. I should work hard to get that degree done on time, study up biology again, actually learn something on the courses, make/get gifts for Christmas and moms birthday, get the books for next years entrance exams, get a job (preferably two) atleast for the summer, save up money and most importantly, stay sane, get along with everyone and pretend everything is still fine. That I'm still fine and totally not having meltdowns almost every goddamn day over the most pointless shit possible.

I don't have a valid reason to complain. I have a roof over my head, a good chance for education, I actually have a choice in what I eat and when, unlike millions and millions of less fortunate people in this world. I have seen three different school nurses, two school doctors, one actual doctor and one actual psychologist. I've also had some sort of family counseling when I was in elementary, but that was for a real problem, not mind made-up bullshit that I'm spewing. I have been diagnosed with dysthymia since middle school, but I'm pretty sure it was just hormones.

God, I just wish I could just cease existing, you know? Holla at existence and be all, 'hey, this has sure been fun and all, but do me a favor and pretend I never existed in the first place, mkay?' and then I would do an awesome 3xbackflip out of space-time-whatever itself with the grace of a falling whale.

It's 2:40 AM, so when I come back in the afternoon or whenever, let's pretend this clusterfuck never happened, alright? Alright.

#hush rain #this is so pointless #i should just give up #ceasing to exist #that sounds more hopeful and comforting than anything else I can think of right now

i'm going under the radar for a while. no internet, no electricity. going to try exist quietly and unimposingly for a while to figure some things out, to try to figure myself out. wish me luck, or abandon me. i'm abandoning what i can so i'll understand.

#me #ceasing to exist