#celemis curses

[magiciancelemis]

[QUICK UPDATE]

I FOUND *ONE* (1) oF MY POST(S) FLAGGED BY tumblr I HAVE YET TO FIND MORE FLAGGED THINGS

NOW I’M MAD

AND MY LIFE IS BUSY RN I have yet to explain BUT some personal friends must know about my sister AND I as of now

I MUST LOG OFF

FOR NOW

I’LL BE BACK for -- NEW YEAR’S yEEET 2k19

[magiciancelemis]

I want to quit soon--because I am not confident in bringing friends (or a mutual group) together to have a good time, creating memories and moments in part of the fandom we’re in....In all the other times I’ve tried to do that, I was overwhelmed and had too much on my plate already.

It wasn’t like this before. I was fine as a duo, or even as an individual--But to move up into a group, is really taxing--even the climate with friendship/acquaintances is temporary, and it breaks my heart to have such ephemeral feelings for people I barely know in the first place.

Also, it’s just a waste of money if you’re not recognized for it in the long run. Even if you invested so much in it, how far would if ever get you?

It’s one of the few things I hate myself for....

[magiciancelemis]

####

I don’t remember

[magiciancelemis]

I may or may have not swallowed a sewing pin

[magiciancelemis]

Fuck it, love sucks

When you ladies finally get laid, yet you are uncertain if the condom did its job--

You begin to have doubts

And you worry about your genitals, as they are doing heavy cleanliness shit (getting wet, discharge, etc.)

But you wonder if your period is coming,

If you’re fertile,

Pregnant

--I might as well disappear for a few months

Getting my damn life straight, in education and love

I’m so scared

[magiciancelemis]

Hello, Anxiety

I finally know what you do to me, how it feels, and how it works

It begins with one thought, as you quietly think to yourself as it slips from your mouth:

I want to smash this vase

I’m wasting my time here

I need to run away from this place

I want to call 911

Irrational behavior.....impulses, convolutions, violence. Succumb to them and you’ll make life miserable for you, yourself and I, along with your close friends/family.

I don’t have to smash that vase

I’m not wasting time, I’m working on this right now

I don’t need to run, I can be here

I don’t need to call 911, nor anybody

Combat these thoughts.....there’s NEVER a need to act upon such irrational behaviors...

That is all for today.

[magiciancelemis]

I’m dead again

I don’t know how relationships work anymore....

[magiciancelemis]

I love all my friends....be it cosplay friends, convention friends, acquaintances, and old friends....

But I can’t help but react....and think I’m no longer need, they have their own friends, not me.....

What would ever convince me I’m still their friend?

How much would it take to invest in these friendships?

It was only recently I sacrificed so much for so few friends I made....

This is why I want to say goodbye....soon....very soon.....