#celestedraconae

[ghostfiish]

Hi, i just saw the sexuality discussion on my dash and it reminded me of a post on why reducing orientation to genital shape is gross, that might be an interesting read for the asker: thaxted. tumblr. com/post/98531579706 (disclaimer that im cis)

thanks!

[ghostfiish]

badrover reblogged your post:Hi! Just wondering if it is inclusive to say I only date people with vaginas (instead of only dating girls, since some girls have penises).

It sounds to me like the questioner needs to decide the difference between their sexuality and romantic orientation.

It took me a while to realize mine, as well.  Sexuality is what you look for when you want to have sex.  (I only want to have sex with penises, and since I’m a guy, that makes me gaysexual)  Whereas who you date, who you’re into romantically, is a whole other story.  I’m still unsure about my own romantic orientation, but I think I may be panromantic…?  hard to say sometimes.

It’s all a super confusing jumbled mess that you can’t really know for sure until you ‘realize’ things about yourself.  If you’re unsure, don’t be afraid to just say ‘questioning’ instead of picking where you fit in right away.

ah thank you! this is helpful too

[ghostfiish]

I think, if I remember right, that might be exclusive to intersex people's, because genitals aren't as clear cut into a binary as we think it is, so it's also like, at what point does the person think it stops being a vagina?... It just seems a lot like if someone said they were sexually attracted to breasts. Okay, when do they stop being breasts? What is the person's definition of breasts? It just seems like something iffy and a thing that the person should probably examine.

this is also a very good point that i dont think i would have had the words to express… ‘when does it stop being a vagina’ is an incredibly important question, that if you try to answer it, kind of shows you exactly what you need to see... that people shouldnt be defined by their body parts. thank you for this input!

[ghostfiish]

Hi! Just wondering if it is inclusive to say I only date people with vaginas (instead of only dating girls, since some girls have penises).

to be honest, i feel kind of underqualified to answer your question (ace, cis, never been in a relationship before) so if anyone else wants to offer their thoughts, im all ears. but i’ll give it a shot.

overall id say youre on the right track? youre absolutely right that not all women have vaginas and not all people with vaginas are women. that part is definitely correct.

um… there’s gynephilia and androphilia, but those describe the overall attraction to femininity vs masculinity on a sliding scale and doesnt really have anything to do with genitals. which it shouldnt in the first place, but you want a word to describe ‘attraction to vaginas’, im guessing?

but, the way that youre wording that kinda feels like…. youre reducing someone to their body parts, and presumably the type of sex you can have with that person because of said parts??? the consequence of which is to imply that it’s a mandatory thing for someone to have in order to date you, and if there’s no vagina, well that’s just a ‘dealbreaker’.

idk what message youre trying to send but thats the impression i get when you say that… and it seems to undervalue the person themselves. the sentiment of ‘only vaginas’ also seems inherently cissexist, because that implies youd date a woman but not a transwoman, because of their genitals, even though theyre both women.  but im… not really sure if theres a more sensitive way of putting a message like that, or if there even IS an inclusive way to express your kind of ‘attraction’… but then, the most concerning part to me about that is that youre not describing your attraction, but rather your ‘willingness to date’. thats sending some red flags to me, as well. so you might want to think for a while about what you’re trying to express and why you want to say that.

i hope this helps.

(if anyone else has some thoughts on the matter, or if you feel i dont have the whole picture either, please share! im still learning myself.)