Q&A... On Trusting A New Youth Leader!
youmakemewannabebrave asked:
hey Lee, so I was just reading way back through your blog and theres a post called 'The Reason People Don't Grow' & you talk about letting someone have a back-stage pass to in your life. I totally understand and agree with this but here's where my dilemma is: In my church we run cell groups & when I started I was in a group with a leader that I trusted and was able to go to with anything and I knew that she would love me regardless, & she would be honest and wasn't afraid to call me out on my behavior etc. Our cell group grew a lot - so we split into smaller groups as leaders developed. I've been in my new cell group for almost 12 months but I really struggle to open up and trust my new leader, I've prayed about it heaps and heaps, but I still can't seem to let her have access in my life, and now I feel like it's effecting my walk with God. What would you do if you were in my situation? Thanks :)
Hey Brydee - always awesome to hear from you!
So, the first thing I would probably do in your situation is find some time to talk with your old cell group leader about the whole thing. (you may have already done that) - sometimes small groups shift and change shape - and it can be disorienting for people. I know that I have college kids who I discipled when they were in high school who still come to me with problems and issues even though they live in different cities and go to different churches - and that’s because they feel comfortable with me and I was there for them at a critical moment in their life, so we formed a bond. There’s nothing wrong with retaining that relationship when the group has moved on and no minister worth their salt will have a problem walking you through this transition.
The next part though is this: How do you transition your trust to a different leader?
I think the biggest thing is to get into a one-on-one situation and be completely honest about the whole thing. Tell the new leader how you feel. Tell her what you’re afraid of in the prospect of letting her in. It may be that down deep, you have some of those classic feelings of not wanting to let this person in because you’re afraid that you’re the only person in the world who is like you or struggles with the stuff you do... those are powerful feelings and they can make you shut down completely, but know this: You are not alone. You are not the only person that’s like you. You are not weird, and we have all been there.
If you were here in Tennessee instead of New Zealand, you might be cautious about opening your heart and life up to the girls who help me lead our high school Bible study, and I can understand that. Here’s the thing though: If you were here, with our leaders and you just decided to go ahead and give them a chance, you would find leaders who have been there - just like you - who have struggles, temptations, fears and are walking with the Lord to grow through all of those. You would find girl leaders who would love you, pray for you and befriend you as you walk through high school... in short, you would find friends - sisters in Christ who are there for you.
I know you’ve prayed about it, and I know you are an awesome girl who completely rocks. Maybe it’s just time to give this new leader a shot. If she’s even one fraction as good as my volunteer leaders, you’ll find a life-long friend who will probably change your life. (Now, she may not rock as much as my leaders, but what can I say... not everybody does)
Thanks Brydee! Hope this helps, and if you need to work it out more, you know where to find me!
oh, and if you want to read the post Brydee referred to, check it HERE.
