#certified transgender posts

[amyture]

With every passing day I get more and more femme just to make cis people angry

[amyture]

thank you intersex people for literally everything. I’m joking but not really. reading up on intersex experiences has made me feel a lot more comfortable and happy in my body, as someone with an atypical experience of gender dysphoria. autonomy all the way and fuck anyone who tries to rewrite your actual history in order to fit their projected mould. we are all beautiful parts of reality.

[amyture]

Performance

I don’t identify as bigender because of indecision, but sometimes I’m indecisive due to being bigender…

As a man, I am fed up with the idea that doing makeup or wearing “feminine” clothes detracts from my value or defines my personality in any significant way, and I also want to play with hand-crafting beauty on top of appreciating what’s naturally there… But, as a woman, I don’t really want men looking at me like that, and I know damn well that I don’t need to perform for anyone… even if I want to, I’m almost spiteful at the suggestion, as I don’t want to keep contributing to the narrative that curated aesthetics are or should be a necessity in order to respect someone or see them for who they are.

I go barefaced & casual most days just because laziness beats all concepts of gender. LOL. the only thing I consistently worry about serving is health and hygeine 🤷

[amyture]

when I first started my transition, I assumed that the best thing about surgery would be nondysphoric gendering by folks who walked past me. now that I’m actually post-top-surgery I think that the best thing about it is the sensory experience… the ability to exercise (and simply exist in the warmer months) without significant discomfort of one kind or another, mental or physical but tbh usually both… now I can run comfortably whenever I want/need. I found that boobs really got in the way when trying to do pushups, so I avoided doing those, but now I do several sets with ease and it’s great :)

[amyture]

gendering is a selfish thing that others do to me, which I tolerate because it’s ultimately more meaningful to them than to myself. if they’re compelled to do so then I must respect their reasoning and move on with my life.

I have mixed sex characteristics which make it impossible for me to move neatly through male or female “spaces.” anyhow I have no desire to apply that kind of storytelling to what is ultimately just my human life. what separates a male or female space except the language used for their leaders to sell you their points if not products? ah, the presence of psychological triggers for some people, but I’m lucky enough not to have those since my dysphoria has genuinely been cured.

I am a woman, and a man, both- because you make these things out of me. you are a creative writer, without even trying to be such. who ever inquires about the person’s history outside of what is already written on the page?

essentially, I don’t believe in sorting myself in such elementary ways. and well it has never ever worked. I’m not like trans women, I’m not like trans men. I am not cisgender, medically speaking, but I suppose I do just go along with whatever people say that I am, until they start telling lies.

I believe and respect the story you tell of women and men, but clinging to either one identity is all too distracting from the other battles I’m trying to fight in this world. those too are frustrating distractions from the beauty and togetherness which make up the main things which I stay here on earth to work with.

[amyture]

couldn't go to the concert i was super excited for last night, because i have diseases! but i got to talk to family instead, and that's always... ok. we didnt want to talk about anything specific so it was a little weird to try but trying is good and i'm glad 2 know they're still kickin. this is the 2nd time i've bought a ticket to see, then not actually seen, one of the bands involved with that show. it's funny as hell to me, because the group is named after an urban legend... appropriately elusive behaviour although it's not actually on them being evasive it's me. like, bigfoot wants its photo taken, but the cameraman is just really bad at its job.

in my dream last night, while i was in line for something else, i saw the bassist from a different band who was playing that show, and i super-awkwardly told her that i like her music and we chatted for a second... i love it so much, actually. i have a clipping about them from a local music zine on my wall. they are special to me because 1) the music is good 2) the politics are good, 3) they're all trans. until recently, i didn't have any sense of "trans community" aside from my city's 99% corporate pride parade- despite coming out when i was literally 10 i've always felt alone with it. i've known other trans people, i've been friends with other trans people, but it's got a different flavour, to see people like me who are just there to share their creative thought and revel in enjoyment of their & the community's dedication to the craft. they Are trans, but they aren't treated differently for it. it's just that "no matter what you throw at us, people like me are also able to contribute formatively to GOOD NIGHTS, not just exist as a weaponized concept by weak assholes who don't give a fuck about our daily experiences unless we can be used as propaganda". don't get me wrong they are a punk-influenced band and a lot of their lyrics are overtly political... i like that they r the kind of group who would not be upset by someone choosing the health of everyone involved, over just showing up to scream for them....

part of my yearning is just that i miss community... i want to go volunteer, but i can't get people sick. i'm not even friends with any of those people beyond the basic way we're all kind to eachother while on shift... and yet i still miss them. it's a stark contrast to the social burnout what with how thinly my mind was spread from ages 0-18 and all the posttraumatic distrust and fear which severely demotivated nonvital interpersonal contact for most of my time being 19.

ugh over the past month i got so "ready", mentally, to "get out there"... then found out i can't actually go do stuff when the time came!! sadly i've built up some anxious walls again- at first it was paranoia due to cptsd reinforcement events, and then my skills actually grew rusty... but i'm chill now. maybe being sick is more like an oven preheating, than an opportunity lost... i'll be even less hesitant to participate once i'm able, since it's had time to build up. hopefully. gotta keep my goals and focus clear