#cfb2024

[cantfuckbracket]

Welcome to the Can't Fuck Bracket, where YOU vote for the character who has the most unfuckable swag

Do you love characters that don't fuck? Characters whose dicks would make U-turns and whose pussies would clamp itselves shut if they ever came close to performing a sexual act? Characters who would try to fuck and end up leaving snot all over their poor partner? Characters who have never ever ever made their partner cum? Well, this bracket is for you!

Submit and vote for YOUR favorite unfuckable characters and let's find out who Tumblr crowns the least fuckable of them all!

Rules and clarifications:

"Can't fuck" is different from "doesn't want to fuck". This is about characters who either suck at sex or could never find a willing partner, not asexual/sex-repulsed characters

This is also not about being a virgin or inexperienced, this is for characters who could fuck a billion times and would still suck at it

You can submit both your beloved blorbos who have 0 game and characters you hate with a passion

"Can't fuck" can mean both "could never find a willing partner" and "would suck shit ass in bed". It's up to you

Last year's contestants are only eligible if they did not make it past the group stage. So check that your submission isn't featured in this post to make sure they're eligible!

Goofy from Disney will also not be accepted. I've seen things I can't unsee

No real people unless they've been dead for at least 100 years.

"Being dead" is not in itself a reason to be considered unfuckable, otherwise this would become a deadguybracket 2.0. It's fine if that's mentioned but it can't be the only reason

Propaganda is not only encouraged, I'd say it's the whole point! You can tag me in it and I'll reblog it

Be nice to each other and also to me. I'm just making a silly little poll. It's not life and death. Also I have other things going on in my life

You can diss your opponents if you want but practice common sense when doing so

And that's all... For now! You can use this form to submit your characters! Go crazy go stupid!

[cantfuckbracket]

If your unfuckable champion is not Elias Bouchard, Larry Butz, or Luo Binghe, they only have 1 submission!

Number of submissions isn't the only criteria to be accepted into the tournament, but it's probably the easiest way to qualify, unless you want to gamble on me agreeing with your reasoning or thinking you have shown enough enthusiasm to make me want to include a character who only one person seems to care about. If you want to have greater chances of slandering your champion's pussy's name in public, I'd recommend getting more people involved!

Submissions are still open, so make sure to spread the word and convince others to campaign for the dustiness of your fave's genitals! Love y'all!

[cantfuckbracket]

CAN'T FUCK BRACKET... 2!

(If you didn't participate last year, check out this post for a more coherent explanation)

[ID: A diagram full of ups and downs that say "we are so back" and "it's so over" respectively. Overlaid with it is the unfuckable pride flag. End ID]

Somehow, it's been a year since the beginning of the competition that proclaimed Lord Farquaad the ultimate unfuckable. And as threatened, I mean, promised, I am doing it again this year!

It is time for everyone to fight tooth and nail for their unfuckable faves, or their beloathed nemesises that make all the pussies clamp shut!

You can use this form to submit as many characters as you want, so long as you observe the rules of unfuckability:

Last year's contestants are only eligible if they did not make it past the group stage. Meaning, anyone who was on round 1 is inegilible, but characters who made it to the group stage and didn't advance are fair game. That's right, there's still time for a redemption arc for Reigen Arataka or Jiang Cheng! Although it seems the latter wouldn't deserve it. Thankfully, the world isn't fair. So check that your submission isn't featured in this post to make sure they're eligible!

NO Goofy. I can't go through that again

No real people unless they've been dead for at least 100 years. That's right, the criteria is looser this year! Unlike th- [i am shot]

"Being dead" is not in itself a reason to be considered unfuckable, otherwise this would become a deadguybracket 2.0. It's fine if that's mentioned but it can't be the only reason

The same applies to being ace and/or voluntarily celibate. This is for characters who CAN'T fuck, not characters who DON'T WANT to. Some people, however, fall into both categories, and that's okay 💖

"Can't fuck" can mean both "could never find a willing partner" and "would suck shit ass in bed". It's up to you

Just like last year, the whole point of this is propaganda, so you are legally required to start bloodbaths! (But practice common sense when interacting with actual real breathing people such as myself and the person campaigning for your adversary, please) Feel free to tag me in anything you create!

You can submit as many characters/historical figures as you want, but this year the amount of submissions will be part of the criteria to be accepted, so make sure you get other interested people to submit too! I am ready for the 300 Reigen submissions, I promise. (This is, obviously, my ploy to get Tumblr famous. Really though, last year many people submitted 73637383 characters and then only got involved with one of them, so I want to make sure people are actually interested in these characters this year)

And that's all, folks! Hope you're excited because I sure as hell am!

Submit characters here

[cantfuckbracket]

[ID: The "no bitches?" meme, edited to read, "The Can't Fuck Bracket fandom is dying, reblog if you're a true cucker". End ID]

REMINDER THAT SUBMISSIONS ARE STILL OPEN!

If you have a blorbo or anti-blorbo who sucks in bed and/or could never find a willing partner, there is still time to get them nominated for the title of unfuckable champion 2024!

Check the rules and get the submission form here

[cantfuckbracket]

Fuck or die? That's easy, I love dying

-A character who should probably be in the can't fuck bracket

If you could immediately think of someone to blorbo tag this post with, make sure to let me know by submitting them to the tournament here! Don't forget to check the rules first, and knock yourself out! Let's spread love (or hate, your choice) to dusty hole ass characters (or historical figures, if they've been dead for over 100 years)

[cantfuckbracket]

Can u share some of the funniest submissions youve got so far or do we gotta wait with bated breath for the actual bracket 👀

i was gonna be like idk sounds cool to be mysterious but then i remembered that i never shut up and also have already posted some submissions of note so

i'll avoid posting any of the actual fuckaganda tho since that'll be on the bracket and i want to be neutral somewhat. once it's done y'all can ask me what my favorite fuckagandas were lol. but here are some of my favorite "anything you'd like to add"s:

[ID: Collection of text that reads, "my goal with this one is to make non-bg3 players post the horrified mcdonalds drive thru cashier meme", "anything you'd like to add?" "I could fix him", "hypothetically if he were less depressed he could fuck but he will never be less depressed. being depressed is his whole thing.", "we should run him over", "anything you'd like to add?" "I'm sorry. You are so strong", "making sure to add some failwomen", "Can you add Margaret Thatcher as his +1 please his emotional support awful woman", "anything you'd like to add?" "no one cares abt this but me", and "I love him but he deserves this". End ID]

.

And the full submission for "My OC Thargaret Matcher":

Former Prime Minister of the nation of the UK (United Kungpowpenis), basically fucked over every last poor person in her country, ruined everyone's lives, then tried to get away with it by starting a war against a much poorer nation because they wanted the land that she stole back from them. Sometimes I worry that I made her too comically evil lol, but definitely unfuckable (also, atrocious hair)

[cantfuckbracket]

to the person who added "you're lucky I didn't submit the onceler": please god I've been waiting for someone to nominate the onceler this whole time and it's been driving me crazy that no one has. can someone please nominate the onceler i feel like i'm going insane here

[cantfuckbracket]

Criteria for submissions

Given that the rules outlined in this post are respected, the criteria for acceptance of your submissions will be:

Number of submissions. Characters with more submissions will be given priority over characters with less submissions

Enthusiasm of submissions. So even smaller fandoms can make sure their characters will participate if they show passion for their faves/beloatheds

Reasons outlined in the submission. If the reasonining is sound and good they will probably be accepted

:

[ID: Words from the "anything you'd like to add?" slot, which say, "Thank you for running this tournament! Remember to drink water and take breaks if you need it!" End ID]

This one is getting accepted automatically because that was very sweet