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and i Do find it fascinating that the person who is sort of the epitome of freedom (which in its own way is sooo crazy bc we kind of see it played as almost the reverse) in the film aka patrick is the openly bisexual character. like aaah there’s so much i could say about this really but i do just genuinely love a film about bisexuality and sexuality in general that kind of says with its whole chest, wanting is freedom, bisexuality is freedom. like ultimately giving into what you want is what’s going to set you free. obviously the movie is an homage to sexuality in so many ways but there is something i personally find so beautiful about not shying away from bisexuality in a film and it’s sort of entire thesis being like yes this is what gives these characters their power and their happiness. like i know i sound insane but it’s actually so important to me

#idk maybe other people feel different but this film never feels like it’s falling into tropes with how it expresses bisexuality so earnestly #and the thesis of it being like yeah this is how the characters end up happy IS SO MEANINGFUL TO ME #challengersmp4.txt

see normally and understandably so a guy so convicted and cocky and determined to get would he wants like patrick would be SO fucking irritating. i understand truly if i was tashi i would hate his ass. but it cannot be understated that the part of patrick’s charm is that he’s a loser! he’s an incredible tennis player and yet he hasn’t cracked the top 100 atp singles rankings gd forbid even the top 200! he’s bisexual and sad he’s broke he’s slutting himself out for a place to sleep at night. but regardless he knows his appeal, he knows his worth, he knows his talent and he knows his pull on them and he is not compromising that knowledge. he is not going to beg for it because he’s accepted how far he’s fallen and that he sucks just as much as he’s accepted that he could get better.

but art and tashi have seen him at his absolute lowest. and that’s what’s so great about challengers! it’s about three people who are incredible athletes and could have beautiful and successful lives if they’d just done things differently but instead they keep choosing and keep not choosing the others, ultimately catapulting themselves all further into loserdome. but it’s there where they are together.

#patrick zweig you are so sexy. i love that you are a loser and are so unwavering in your faith in yourself BY accepting that that’s part of #who you are.#challengers #challengersmp4.txt

imagine you are patrick zweig. you’re seventeen or eighteen, and you’ve had feelings for your best friend for years now, but you don’t tell anyone, there’s not anyone meaningful anyway to tell. and you’re okay with that, keeping it hidden in some part of yourself no one can access. until some day, for gd knows what reason, you’re able to talk to the girl of your dreams with your best friend in tow. and for some reason, she likes you. and she pries out your feelings for him in so many words, because somehow she senses something you didn’t know you she can see. and when she pries for the same thing in him he just laughs and denies it, denies the entire possibility. but you’re okay. and she’s okay with that, because she’s nothing like you’ve ever seen before, not even close. and she brings out this want in you maybe you didn’t even know you had, and suddenly she’s guiding you towards your best friend, without judgement, because maybe she knows what you want even more than you do. and so you kiss, and you kiss, and the world doesn’t end. but in the next moment you and him separate and you’re fumbling over her again. so she says fine, i’ll choose one of you, but you’ve gotta earn it. and you win, so she’s yours, but not completely. because you can’t leave your best friend out of this, not completely. and so the two of them go off to school without you but you still have her, and you know he’s pining for her but you don’t care, because you have him too. until you do something stupid like say the wrong thing at the wrong time, something foolish, and somehow that presses them together, without you. without you. and years go by. and you live. and it seems every time you look more time has gone by, and you sneak your glances, but they don’t acknowledge you, don’t really bring up your name. and they marry, and have a child, and you’re nothing anymore. but you see her one day, one strange day out of the blue and you barely know what to say but the want she brought out of you is still there, still burning. and they’re not completely happy anymore, you can tell, but you’re just for the moment and you don’t overstay your welcome. and suddenly you have a chance to talk, finally, after all these years, and you’re shut down, because you’re just a reminder of all these things they’ve tried to run away from. until you have no choice but to make them see you. and also you play tennis.

#he makes me crazy. i am so normal and can be trusted with patrick zweig.#AND ALSO YOU PLAY TENNIS!!!!#don’t worry patrick i saw your sad as hell narrative #challengersmp4.txt

and she hates loving patrick because it means she’s changed and she resents loving art because it means she’s changed. and yet she needs them both and she can’t stand it. they’re all she has to tether herself to the past they’re the wake-up call to see that she has to move forward. oh tashi….

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like. the match isn’t about a match. match point doesn’t happen when the winning point is struck, match point happens when patrick gets art close enough to the net so that art can cross it, so that they can embrace. so they can understand each other again, in this time, in this place, tashi seeing it all, tashi saying i need you to do what i need for this match, and patrick saying, okay. you’ll have to trust me. and tashi sees it and the only thing on her mind is this: that’s match point. that’s the match. so she feels victorious. because of course she is. they’ve won. they’ve all won.

#I ACTUALLY CANT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT ILL THROW UP #literally GRINDING MY TEETH…. THEY MAKE ME SOOOO FUCKING CRAAAAAZY #challengersmp4.txt

do we think art baby trapped tashi.

#i don’t like thinking of it because while i don’t think art is capable of that much malice towards the woman he loves it’s not beyond me to #think that if tashi had been pro she most likely would never have had a child. so i wonder if it’s a thought like if im not a player maybe #we can have a child. and i know know know they both adore lily with all their hearts but i know they would never have another child.#or maybe lily wasn’t planned but gd they love her #i don’t know how far i want to think about this or touch on it in my fic but it does compel me #challengersmp4.txt

art and tashi do kinda make me sick if i think about them though because for art it’s like. i want all of you i have always wanted all of you. and for so long i had that or at least i thought i did. but i dont and i can feel that you aren’t all mine anymore. and for tashi it’s well i thought i was fully yours i tried hard to make it that way. but i would have told you you fully weren’t mine if you had asked. and for patrick it’s like well i was never fully yours. never fully yours either one of you as soon as you knew the other. and that’s all i’ve ever wanted.

#OKAAAAAYYYYYYY #challengersmp4.txt

SOOO FASCINATING TO ME i love that as patrick reaches adulthood because he no longer feels shame about his sexuality instead his pain comes from the fact that he feels like he’s been forgotten about. because he knows art and tashi have moved on and built a life and it doesn’t even matter if they’re happy or not because they never chose him. meanwhile art is still figuring out an issue that has probably tormented him for years and yet patrick has progressed to an entirely new problem. tbh i don’t think challengers would work for obvious reasons if both he and art were still holding onto some form of internalized biphobia but i just adore that when we see patrick in adulthood theres no pain there, not in the same way. he doesn’t resent his feelings he embraces them the pain just comes from the lack of recognition in the others because he knows they feel it too. OKAY.

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