gin isn’t expecting to get so much truth in one dose, when it comes. it’s a shock of cold water to the face. it’s a sharp twist of a knife in his gut. sometimes charlie is his friend. sometimes charlie is something else. (is that how i think of you? is that how you think of yourself?) they don’t want to be forcibly reminded of exactly who they were in another life. they don’t want to be responsible for thrusting that on another person. (their mind naturally drifting to him anytime something needed doing!)
charlie’s low-risk. the reward in this situation is the security of having a pet at his beck and call — a loyal one. HE’S MINE REGARDLESS. I CAN DO AS I PLEASE!
(he’s mine, and i’m hurting him.)
the ebb and flow is ｃｈａｏｔｉｃ sometimes. gin’s needs or wants fluctuate like flickering flames. but there’s always a steady pull, a gravity. whatever our souls made of, yours and mine are the same. something aches with a fervor, only growing when he’s around charlie. fever pitch of noise, cacophony demanding recognition.
starlight eyes search charlie’s face. puppet, character, his humanity on display. cracked open like an egg, gaze low and flickering. hesitant, anxious. gin feels the same. something soft and cottony exposed in his chest.
“you are mine,” they say quietly. it feels like a good place to start. they find themself reaching out, untangling charlie’s fingers from his braid. smearing kisses across the back of his hand. “i want to keep you forever.” is that wrong of them?
if i caged you in my beating heart, you could wander from ventricle to ventricle. if i breathed you in, i’d let you find your way into every branching pathway of my lungs. i can feel you deep inside me.
gin mouths up his arm, nibbles at the crook of his neck. it’s not an apology, but it could be one. i wish, i want, we could be. “i know you.” something thrumming and insistent about it. desperate kisses trailing up charlie’s cheeks, prickle of stubble, gentle bump of noses, then wet, biting kisses and tongue delving into his mouth.
words are hard. words are dangerous. touch is human. (touch is enough.)
gin pushes charlie flat on his back. they’re weightless, three feet above the floor, and charlie’s along for the ride. his braid’s falling into soft sections, the locks gracefully floating around his head like a merman underwater. they wrap their hand in it, take a chunk of it and yank his head back. swallow the noise that results. “i know you and i want you.” darling, darling, let me swallow you whole. i’ll take such good care of you.
they can hold him close, chest to chest, clothes melting off, ʎʇılɐǝɹ corroding around them. there’s the ship, then there’s the void, then they’re surrounded by stardust, then greenery, then blood — worlds ｂｒｅａｋｉｎｇ one into the other. they’re falling, they’re flying. caught in orbit, endless cosmic dance! be mine. stay with me forever. we’ll never have to be alone again.
where are you now? blinding light as they slot together, searing heat and pleasure deep as pain. torn asunder, shattered bone, subatomic, and pieced back together as if it’s the simplest thing in the world.
it’s an eternity and a blink. feeling of yawing sideways, turned ǝpısdn uʍop. caught in the ｆａｂｒｉｃ of spacetime, wrapped carefully around charlie. kitten in a towel. where are you now?
the only living creature in this existence.
soft thump of a heartbeat all around. air brushes over charlie’s skin. rhythmic breeze, rise and fall of goosebumps on his skin. the sky is dark, shadowed, a billion stars scattered across its surface. it’s breathing.
and you’re in the middle of an endless field of wildflowers, unbroken in every direction. you aren’t alone.
somewhere else, gin is curled sideways in charlie’s bed, giggling, giddy, both hands wrapped around their middle. eyes squeezed shut as if looking inward, feeling the perfect, ticklish sensation of you, caught inside. butterfly in a spiderweb, sending warm tingles up their spine.
(i don’t ever want to let you go. is that alright? will you let me keep you forever?)
