I’m sure I dreamt you, I’m sure that you were all a figment of my imagination. That ever since that first moment my eyes met yours a blood vessel burst in my damaged little head and everything since then has been a shadow memory. That in actual reality i’m stuck in a coma and all this, everything around me, all the people that fill my life and more importantly what I am is simply some residual energy courtesy of my remaining brain cells shooting off sparks and creating my own little world as I lie dormant in a hospital bed somewhere.
But that can’t be true when I still feel pain from the fresh cuts on my arms, when my soul aches when I think of your perpetual absence and then there is that soft, subtle yet demanding tingle that rolls through my thighs up into my stomach and down again each time my fingertips touch that place on the arch of my neck that your lips used to call home.
On nights when I can see the moon I stare at her so intently, silently pleading with her to share but one of her many secrets with me. Where are you and do you still think of me like I do you? Her all knowing silence deafens me as I reside to take matters of surviving your nothingness into my own hands for another night.
I can’t keep kissing them and pretending it's you. It isn't fair to anyone. They call me all sorts of names as soon as they find out that my words were lies. That the girl they thought they had found in me was just a charade, that I was only ever what they wanted to see. I don’t do it for them, It’s for my own selfish reasons but the sad truth is I don’t know who I am when I’m not by your side - so I just be what they want, what they need and it works out fine until it doesn't and then I need to go. I need to find a new novelty, a new temporary love that isn't and will never be you.