#cheerios thoughts

[cheeriosandwine]

Every time I listen to Razzmatazz I just wanna name every fic I ever write after the lyrics in these songs

[cheeriosandwine]

Celebrating myself tonight

Putting this under a readmore bc it’s about something NS//FW and probably TMI

I had a major breakthrough with my vaginismus earlier! For the first time I fucked myself with something that not only didn’t hurt but actually felt good! It’s been such a long frustrating process, and I’m just ridiculously happy and proud right now

I was so pissed the first time I used my smallest dildo for its intended purpose, not just stretching, and realized nothing about it actually felt good. It felt like a whole lot of nothing. And while it was a huge step that it didn’t cause me any pain, I was so upset that I didn’t enjoy it. I know p0rn and such exaggerates how amazing penetration supposedly is but I still thought it would feel like something. I think I was mainly angry that I spent much time and effort on trying achieve a goal that (at the time) wasn’t possible. I felt like I bought into a lie.

But after sulking about it, I decided to keep trying. One, because I’m stubborn as hell and, two, because testosterone has me horny all the goddamn time and I figured I might as well put that energy towards this challenge. 

Today when I tried again I wasn’t expecting much but I used the tiny dildo again with a slightly different technique and it was like lightning struck. I was like, ‘Oh that’s how you do it!!’ And then I went to town on myself :D

I really thought that was something out of my reach, that I would never be able to enjoy doing that. I’m honestly blown away by just good that was!

I also own a much larger dildo I’m determined to put to use someday. Although every time I look at it I laugh a little because idk if I was just super optimistic the day I bought that or simply too horny to think rationally. But maybe that goal is a little more realistic now. I’m making progress!

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that I made this achievement after being on T for awhile. I’ve been so much happier and more comfortable in my body since starting T and I think that’s made a huge difference in being able to relax and enjoy myself.

[cheeriosandwine]

My roommate and I were discussing my propensity for stroking my goatee and whether I should be classified as a villain now. And then we came up with a Facial Hair Alignment Chart:

This is our attempt at compromising, it took us so long to decide where to put everything. We probably argued the most over where Mutton Chops should go and what belongs in Lawful Good vs True Neutral

[ID: an alignment chart reading left to right and bottom to top: Sideburns as Lawful Good, Lumberjack Beard as Neutral Good, Mutton Chops as Chaotic Good, Stubble as Lawful Neutral, Clean Shaven as True Neutral, Wizard Beard as Chaotic Neutral, Goatee as Lawful Evil, Pornstache as Neutral Evil, and Curled Mustache as Chaotic Evil. End ID]

[cheeriosandwine]

Conversation with my 4yo niece about my gender:

Niece: So you're not a girl or a boy?

Me: Nope. Some people just aren't either one.

N: But my mom's a girl. And I'm a girl.

Me: Yep, lots of people are! But not me.

N: You're the only one I know who's not a boy or a girl.

Me: I know more people like me. My best friend isn't a boy or girl!

N: Okay. *goes off to play*

We keep having little talks like that. She's in a stage where she's trying to categorize everything and I'm defying the categories she's used to. But she's listening and I'm really glad she wants to understand ❤️

[cheeriosandwine]

I have this angsty wip that I've been working on and off for what feels like forever and if I ever manage to finish it I wanna name it "feels like you're running out of holy places."

That lyric always leaves me breathless when I hear it. And it would fit the story so perfectly ugh.

The problem is I can't write it because I always end making myself too sad to keep going. This is why I usually stick to really fluffy pieces, I can't handle too much angst, even if I'm the one in charge of it 😂

[cheeriosandwine]

Why is my testosterone level lower after I started a slightly higher dose of T?? 😭 What went wrong? Is this why I feel like crap lately??

[cheeriosandwine]

A coworker cautiously asked me if I was now using he/him pronouns because she heard other coworkers referring to me that way and wasn't sure if I changed my pronouns. And it felt kind of delightful?? Both that she cared enough to double check and make sure she was using the right pronouns for me, and also to know that I'm successfully confusing the cishets around me lol. Anyway I told her I still like they/them best but I definitely don't mind he/him

[cheeriosandwine]

My niblings are little tiny people under the age of 6 and they're trying to wrap their heads around me being nonbinary. They kept yelling "You're not a boy or a girl! You're nothing!" It was so funny. I was like, "Yeah I'm neither! But also both!" And they were like 🤯

Also they approve of my tiny beard 👍