#cherrycherry

[veryluckyclovers]

[baronessvonglitter]

It's the summer before college and you're sure you have your life figured out.. then you meet your new neighbor, single (hunky) dad Joel Miller...

read on AO3

SERIES MASTERLIST | JOEL MILLER MASTERLIST

🥀= angst | 🫧= fluff | 🤍= friendship | 💘= love/relationship

💞 = mutual pining | 🔥= smut | 🚩= TW | 💥= violence

The official Cherry Cherry playlist 😘

🍒 Chapter 1: Austin 🤍 ~ 2K

🍒 Chapter 2: Coffee & Garth Brooks 🤍💞 ~ 1.2K

🍒 Chapter 3: Chicken Fight 🤍💞🔥 ~ 2.2K

🍒 Chapter 4: Ride Along 💞 ~ 2.6K

🍒 Chapter 5: The Party & the Long Walk Home 🥀🤍🔥🚩 ~ 3.8K

🍒 Chapter 6: Daddy Issues & Dads With Issues 🫧💞 ~ 1.9K

🍒 Chapter 7: Swimming in Stars 🔥 ~ 2.2K

🍒 Chapter 8: Fooled Around and Fell in Love 🫧💘🔥 ~ 1.8K

🍒 Chapter 9: First Time for Everything 🫧💘🔥~ 3.2K

🍒 Chapter 10: Secrets & Lies 🫧💘🔥 ~ 3K

🍒 Chapter 11: I Was Made for Lovin' You 💘🔥~ 5K

🍒 Chapter 12: Just Like Heaven 💘🔥~ 2.6K

🍒 Chapter 13: Rough Ride 💘🔥🚩💥 ~ 6.9K

🍒 Chapter 14: 1984 🥀 🔥 🚩 ~ 2.9K

🍒 Chapter 15: Shameless 💘🔥~ 3.4K

🍒 Chapter 16: The Mother Wound 🥀💘🔥💥~ 3.8K

🍒 Chapter 17: What is and What Should Never Be 🥀💘🔥💥~ 5.9K

🍒 Chapter 18: I Wanted it to Be You 🥀🫧🤍💘🔥🚩~ 7.4K

🍒 Chapter 19: Hungry Heart 🥀🫧💞 ~ 6K

🍒 Chapter 20: Baby Loves Me 🥀🫧💘 💞 🔥~ 8.8K

[bananacookies1]

Cherry (Part 40)- wolf!jikook story

The first thing Jungkook processes is the light.

Cracking open his eyes, squinting against the bright sunlight, Jungkook blinks sleepily. The way he’s lying on his side has him facing the window, sunshine hitting him straight in the face.

In his room the curtains are always drawn, allowing not an ounce of sunshine into the room, leaving the area masked in shadows. Especially after Jimin dropped him, he’s had no reason to keep his window open, so it remains locked and the curtains shut. The overbearing sunlight is just another clue that he’s been dozing in someone else’s bed for the past few hours. The question is, whose?

Really, why’s he here? Can’t remember, but he feels… nice. Content. As if he belongs on this stranger’s bed, naked (how did he get naked, anyways?). It’d feel even better if his inner thighs and back didn’t ache, as if he ran a mile without a warmup. Perhaps he slept on the wrong side of the bed?

A mixture of sweet, heavenly smells invade his nose as his eyes adjust, brown orbs examining the room he’s been sleeping in. Blue walls, pictures of famous singers hung in a haphazard fashion, a fish tank bubbling on a messy desk. It looks painfully familiar, but Jungkook’s too dazed to process anything more than that.

When someone grumbles against his neck, the hair on Jungkook’s neck rises, eyes widening in horror. Someone’s been behind him this whole time!? Daring not to breathe, Jungkook sneaks a glance behind him, at the person whose warm chest is touching his back.

At the familiar dark hair and ears, Jungkook sighs in relief as Jaebum continues to snooze. No wonder he couldn’t smell anyone! If only Betas were capable of carrying a scent.

Eyes flicking down his bare collarbones to his toned chest, Jungkook’s mouth pops open at his exposed hips. They’re marked with blues and purples, shapes of fingerprints on such creamy skin, like paint splattered against a blank piece of paper. For a Beta, Jaebum’s nicely packed, something Jungkook would be snorting over if it weren’t pressed up against his bare ass. They’re spooning just right, bodies aligned perfectly. By chance, if Jaebum had to yawn and stretch his arms above his head, it could totally slip in. The tip, at least.

Before he can understand what this all means, a grotesque snore emits from below the bed. Careful not to awaken Jaebum, Jungkook shuffles away from his chest and strains his neck, attempting to see who (or what) is taking up the same space as him and Jaebum.

Sleeping on the floor, curled into a naked little bun, Yugyeom’s nose twitches as he dreams. Similarly to Jaebum, his body is marked with circles, bites, and scratches. One in particular begins on his side and ends by his lower back, bloody and deep, something caused by Jaebum’s nails-

Wait.

Wait a minute.

It was after they’d all popped pills, promising each other a night of fun, that they’d stripped and had sex. Jungkook cannot remember anything past Jaebum screaming as he raked his nails across Yugyeom’s back as they were rocking and shaking in a combined, sweaty mess, their mouth connecting and tongues dancing, lost in their own little world. Jungkook must’ve passed out shortly after losing his virginity.

Slapping a hand against his mouth, Jungkook stifles a shout.

Oh fuck.

[veryluckyclovers]

cherry-cherry(🍒🍒) in creepy land

[veryluckyclovers]

[baronessvonglitter]

Cherry, Cherry 🍒 Chapter 3 🍒

"Chicken Fight"

pre-outbreak! AU! Joel Miller x f!Reader

Word count: 2,231

Summary: at a pool party, your on-again-off-again boyfriend tries to start drama, and you start to realize the extent of what Joel feels for you.

WARNINGS: 18+ Only! Mature and Explicit, language, accusations of cheating/verbal abuse from a jealous bf, accidental(?) hard-ons, brief mention of masturbation, age gap (reader is 18, Joel is 35), reader's race not mentioned, no use of y/n

Series Masterlist

You'd caught glimpses, but not really interacted with Joel since that day at the coffee shop. You wonder if maybe bringing up your sort-of-boyfriend Trevor had given Joel the sense that you were trying to warn him off of you, but in fact you had no idea why you'd mentioned him. And only after you'd invited Joel and his family to your party did you get the call from Trevor that he'd be in town that weekend to come and see you. You'd groaned about it, but there was no way on earth you could disinvite either him or Joel.

Trevor shows up early to help set up for the party, coming straight from his motel (as your cousin would not allow him to stay at the house). Though it's been a few weeks since you've seen him, you feel a lack of excitement when he's around, He tries a couple times to put his arm around your waist or to kiss you, but you manage to sidestep him, wishing to remain polite. Trevor's not the kind to force anything on you, but you can tell he's hurt by your lack of affection.

You cheer up when guests arrive and each time you run to the door hoping it's Joel. Every few minutes you pause to make sure your new swimsuit looks good, accentuating the parts of your body you love and downplaying the parts you're still learning to love. You pull on some denim shorts to keep Trevor's eyes off you.

You start to think Joel won't come by after all, then you hear the doorbell and answer it, finding him and Sarah on your doorstep, along with a younger man bearing a strong resemblance to Joel. You let the trio in, excitedly greeting Sarah, shyly saying hi to Joel, and being introduced to Tommy, Joel's younger brother. You smile and shake his hand, already able to discern their disparate personalities. If Joel is a smirk, Tommy is a grin. You catch him giving you then Joel a look, and you see Joel glance away. What is that about?

Sarah and Tommy head outside to the pool, leaving you alone with Joel. You both start to say something at the same time, then laugh. Trevor joins you at your side, his arm around your shoulders, prompting a questioning look from Joel.

"Oh, uh, Joel.. this is my boyfriend Trevor," you feel your heart pounding as the two finally meet.

Joel's smile almost looks forced. "It's nice to meet you, Trevor. I'm Joel Miller."

Trevor seems polite enough towards Joel, but his cell phone chirps and he excuses himself to answer it. "He's probably going to be on that thing the rest of the day," you sigh. "Do you want a drink? We have beer.. I'll have one too if you promise not to tell on me."

Joel smiles and you feel those little butterflies in your stomach again. "Well, in that case, I could go for one, yeah," he agrees. "A cold one would hit the spot."

You lead him outside where Sarah and Tommy are already in the pool, and a few of your friends and family are also swimming or eating. You grab a couple bottles of beer from the ice chest and pop them open. "Long time, no see," you say casually, handing him a beer.

"Yeah, I guess." He blushes a little and you notice it. He gives a casual glance over your body and you notice that too, while inside you're shrieking in excitement.

But he's a man of few words, this Joel Miller, and you have to remind yourself of that. "How's work been?" you ask. "I'm still hoping for a ride along."

"Work's been fine," he gives a little laugh. You can tell he's trying to keep his focus on your face and not let his eyes wander. "You really want me to take you on a ride along?"

"Would that be okay?"

He is quiet a moment before answering. "Yeah, that'd be fine. Sure you won't get bored or anything?"

"Of course I won't get bored. You're going to play all of country music's greatest hits while we're driving around," you tease.

He laughs. "Okay, you got me. I'll let you know when I'm available to bring you with me."

Surreptitiously you watch Joel sip his beer.. you watch the way his lips cushion the opening, watch the way his Adam's apple bobs as he swallows, watch him lick the tiny droplets of beer from his lips. If you kiss him right now you know just what he would taste like.

Trevor approaches, breaking your little reverie. "Hey. I'm leaving."

You turn to him. "Already? Why?"

"You should fucking know why." He walks away but you put your hand on his arm. Trevor swats you away.

"Talk to me," you plead, following him inside. You realize you're not upset he's leaving, you just don't want a scene made in front of everyone there.

"Who's that guy? The one you were talking with?" he asks accusingly.

"He's my neighbor. I'm friends with his daughter," you defend yourself.

Trevor doesn't look convinced. "He's been checking you out the whole time he's been here. I caught him checking out your ass, looking at your tits. But I guess he's the one you're wearing this slutty swimsuit for, huh?"

You're taken aback by everything he says, but a small part of you burns within. Joel was checking me out?? "Trevor, he's only been here five minutes. You're imagining things."

"Am I? I drove all the way here to be with you. Are you still mine?" He cups your ass, pressing himself against you and you wince. Sensing your discomfort he steps away. "Are you fucking him?"

Eyes wide, your mouth is agape. "Of course not! And stop cursing, my family's here!" But you're blushing. You can feel it and Trevor sees it. He just shakes his head and goes out the door to leave.

"Have fun fucking your old-ass neighbor!" he shouts over his shoulder as he heads to his Jeep. "He only wants you 'cause you're barely legal."

"Wait!" You chase after him, not really knowing why. You watch helplessly as Trevor drives away angrily. Standing in the middle of the street, you think about your fight, about what Trevor has accused you of. Was your attraction to Joel that obvious? You hear your name being called and turn to see Joel. "Hey.. don't mind him, he's being an idiot."

Joel slightly raises his brow. "Did somethin' happen between you guys? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine.. How much of that argument did you hear?"

"Not much of it, but he shouldn't cuss at you the way he did back there, in front of your family. Fuckin' lowlife," he grumbles.

You cast a quick glance at him. "I guess he was just jealous of us talking."

"Jealous.. of us talking?" Joel repeats.

You shrug. "He's the jealous type. He'll get over it." You force a smile. Thinking again about Trevor's accusations you don't sense any of that from Joel right now. Maybe it really was all in Trevor's jealous, overactive imagination. "Come on, let's go back to the party."

Trevor's words linger on your mind as you and Joel sit together, have some food, and catch up. There's not a lot going on in your own little life, but you could listen to Joel for hours, and after another beer he's a little more talkative. Soon Sarah and Tommy join you, and you genuinely enjoy getting to know the Millers. Even your family members come up to say hi to them, and you're glad that everyone is getting along, that Trevor's negative energy is gone.

The music is booming, people are laughing, having fun. The evening turns to night and the tiki lights are lit. The pool lights turn the water a brilliant aqua blue. Sofia and Tommy, who have been getting pretty chummy with each other all day, want to play chicken fight, and ask for another couple to play. They both point to Joel and you.

"Come on!" you tug at Joel to get him to the pool with you. "You ever played before?"

"A few times," he says, taking off his shirt. You watch a moment then look away, pulling your denim shorts off. You wade into the pool where Tommy and Sofia are splashing each other before getting into position to play.

Joel swims up to next to you and you realize this is the first time you'll ever touch in such a way. With a shy smile you get up on Joel's shoulders with some help from him as he lifts you up. You steady yourself, resting your hands on his head and he puts his hands on your knees. Perched on his shoulders, your thighs on either side of his head, it feels almost like an act of intimacy, and it makes you blush. Tommy and Sofia are in position opposite you. "Come on, I'm ready to win," you tell Joel, your fingertips lightly grazing his scalp.

His grip tightens on your knees. "I'm ready when you are."

You square up against Tommy and Sofia in the middle of the pool and push Sofia into the water easily. Joel cheers for you and give you a high five, and you gently tousle his hair. The next round lasts a bit longer, with you and Sofia struggling against each other until she uses Tommy to knock into Joel, causing you both to topple into the pool together. You both laugh as you resurface, wiping the water from your eyes. "We've got to win the next one, okay?" you tell him. He nods as he helps you onto his shoulders again. Once more you're incredibly aware of how close your bodies are, and if you move against him a certain way it creates a line of fire right to the pit of your stomach. You force yourself to concentrate on the game.

Round 3 starts. You and your cousin are tied and you both keep yourselves on top longer than before, both of you putting up a good fight. Ultimately you push your cousin into the water. "We won!" you shout. You get off Joel's shoulders and hug him in the spirit of victory, thinking little of it at first. Then you press a little too close. Joel tries to keep you away, but you already feel it.

Underwater, through his swim trunks, pressed against your belly, you feel Joel. He's hard. For you.

A jolt of desire shoots through you but you step back, unsure of what to do. He looks embarrassed and is obviously doing his best to get his situation under control.

"Best out of five!" Tommy shouts, unaware of what is going on with you and his brother.

"I'm retiring," you joke. "Find someone else to lose to," you smirk. Glancing at Joel, who has completely turned away from you, you get out of the pool.

The night goes on, the music seems to blare louder, the drinks flow freer, and it's mostly the younger crowd who's staying this late. Joel spends his time away from you, catching up with other guests, ignoring every glance you cast him. You can't help feeling pushed to the side. But you consider it's better than attempting awkward conversation with him. That moment keeps replaying in your mind: you'd caused that reaction in him, even if it was only because of the physical closeness you'd shared that was suddenly too much, even if it was just because you're a young woman.

As the party winds down in the wee hours after midnight Joel does finally approach you. "Hey, I can't find Sarah.."

You help him search the house and find her in your bedroom, fast asleep. "Poor little thing, she's tuckered out. She can stay here if you don't want to wake her," you offer.

Joel smiles. "That's fine. Just.. send her over if she starts being a pain. It's about time for me to head home. Tommy's still hangin' out with your cousin."

"Let me walk you home."

He hesitates. "All right."

You start outside, going next door to his place. Crickets chirp, their sound ringing through the Texas humidity. You reach his porch together. "Thanks for coming tonight. I hope you had fun."

"I had a great time," he smiles at you.

"Y'all can come by and use the pool anytime. I'm usually at work and Sofia travels a lot for the airline."

"Thanks. I appreciate that. Maybe we'll take you up on that offer."

"Don't forget you owe me a ride.. I mean, a ride in your truck.. a ride along," you stammer.

He gives you a warm smile. "Oh yeah, of course. I'll give you a ride. We'll have some fun.. in my truck. Definitely."

You blush at his words, the double meaning of them. You remember the feel of him between your thighs, his hardness against your pelvis. "Good night.."

"Good night." he says in return as you leave.

You hurry home. Showering doesn't help you relax. The only relief you find is when you slip your fingers inside yourself, wishing they were Joel's. You remake the night's events to form your own little fantasy, all while smiling. You know now that he definitely likes you back..

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divider by @saradika-graphics 👑

[baronessvonglitter]

Cherry, Cherry 🍒 Chapter 7 🍒

"Swimming in Stars"

pre-outbreak! AU!Joel Miller x f!Reader

Word count: 2,256

Summary: you and Joel enjoy a little one-on-one time in the pool and discuss your concerns about your first time together..

WARNINGS: 18+ Only! Mature and Explicit, age gap (reader is 18, Joel is 35), slow burn, talk of sex and expectations regarding reader's first time, talk of using protection (a must, y'all!), dry humping, reader's race not mentioned, reader wears a swimsuit, story takes place in summer 2003, no use of y/n

Author's Note: this chapter is super significant to me as it highlights just how important communication is when it's going to be a couple's first time together, and especially when there's an age gap.

Series Masterlist

Joel has one rule: that you take your time. He doesn't want to rush you or make you feel like he won't wait for you because honestly, as he tells you before you go your separate ways that same summer night, "You're worth waitin' for."

Naturally it's impossible for you to sleep that night. So much has happened in just a couple of weeks. It seems that the moment you've stepped outside of the safety of the environment you've known your whole life, you're seeing exactly what opportunities await you.

And you really want this opportunity with Joel.

Now the ball is entirely in your court. You call the shots. And you don't even know where to begin except you know you want to spend more time with him. You like Joel a lot, and you want to get to know him better.

You spend the rest of the weekend with your cousin before she leaves for an international flight. Truth is, you haven't spent much time together, and it's nice to get out of the house with her to go to the mall and the movies. But every other thought is about Joel. What's he doing right now? Is he thinking of you?

Your attention is easily diverted from the latest Fast and Furious movie, and when Sofia goes for a quick restroom break you pull out your phone and text Joel: Pool party tonight. Just us. 10 pm.

Putting your phone back in your purse your heart pulsates with excitement at the riskiness of the text. You're not that bold, but somehow he makes you so.

You let the rest of the movie distract you, but truth be told you can't remember the rest of it even five minutes after leaving the theater. It's not until you're back home that you see he's replied: I'll be there, sweetheart

Sofia leaves that evening, and you are alone. You get ready, wearing the same swimsuit as last time, knowing Joel liked you in it before. You don't know what to expect of the evening, because quite honestly you invited him over on a whim. 10 o'clock comes around a lot sooner than you think, and so you lounge out on a lounge chair float, watching the stars, trying to still the rapid beating of your heart.

You hear a knock at the side gate and then a hesitant swinging open of the gate door.

"You gonna join me?" you ask. You see Joel out of the corner of your eye and smirk. "Or are you just gonna stare?"

You hear the low rumble of his chuckle and it makes your heart melt. "I'm a visual guy. I like watchin' you like that. You look so damn pretty. I just about ran every red light all the way from Tommy's place just to get here to you."

Heat colors your skin. "And Sarah? Where's she?"

"At a friend's house."

That fact seems to hang in the air between you. Now you're alone together, the discussion from yesterday seems to be the elephant in the room, so to speak.

"So you're gonna watch?" you break the silence. "Or are you gonna join me?"

He takes a seat on one of the lounge chairs, a playful little smile on his lips. He looks so relaxed, so at ease in your company. "I didn't bring anything to swim in."

"You've got boxers on, right?"

"Maybe."

You chuckle, seeing that he's trying to be hard to read. You climb out of the pool and wrap a towel around your midsection, joining him on the lounge chair, in his lap. Your heart is beating like a bird trapped in a cage but it's so thrilling to finally be alone with him. He sits up and holds you, strong arms wrapping around you. In this moment you're both quiet, enjoying this tender moment. He presses a soft kiss to your temple, fingertips tracing your arms and your sides. When you kiss him it's soft and sweet, almost innocent, the tips of your tongues barely meeting.

"That night at our pool party," you tell him in an intimate whisper, "we were playing in the pool and when we hugged, I felt.. you know."

Joel slows his touch but doesn't stop. "I remember."

"Was that.. because of me?"

He gives a sarcastic little snort. "Sweetheart, your thighs were practically locked around my head. My thoughts of you were indecent. So yeah I was rock hard."

You shiver and he grabs you tighter. "That night, after I walked you home, I touched myself. I fantasized about you." It feels good to say it now, now that it's not a deep and terrible secret.

"Oh god, sweetheart. I did the same."

Every single drop of water in the pool cannot possibly douse the fire you feel in your veins for this man.

"What did you fantasize about me that night?" His breath is warm on your cheek.

"I fantasized about what you would feel like.. inside me."

A low growl escapes his throat. "You still want that from me? Want me inside?"

"Yes," you reply, even as a flurry of turmoil grows in your belly. "Soon," you reiterate.

This seems to calm him, as his breathing evens out, his gentle touch returns. "Might I ask one little favor, sweetheart?" His voice is tinged with honey. "Would you give me a little massage?"

Smiling, you brazenly straddle his lap, gently kneading his shoulders. You love the feel of his skin beneath your touch, and you marvel at how soft yet how strong he is capable of being. "You need someone to do this for you every day.."

And beneath you, you feel his desire stirring. Just a few light layers of clothing separate you. "If there were two of you, then yeah, I'd want this every day."

You laugh. "That's kinky. Why two of me? Are you saying I'm not enough on my own?" There's a teasing note in your voice.

"One of you to give me a massage and the other to make me a sandwich." He laughs as he ducks your playful whack. "What I meant to say is that with two of you.. there's more to admire?"

Nerves afire with your lively banter, you gently push your hips down on his. "Think of all the things you could do with two of me.."

His hands grip your hips firmly, squeezing. "Oh my damn god, sweetheart.. I want you so damn much," he growls.

"Then have me, Joel," you say, so easily, as if switching on a light. Your mind is clouded with lust, and every move you make is based purely on instinct rather than emotion. "You won't hurt me, will you?"

Joel sighs, his eyes soft even as he's hard other places. "Hell no. I'm gonna be so damn gentle with you."

You bite your lip, scooting off him a little to undo his belt but he gently stops you. "I need you to wait," he says.

You freeze. "What's wrong?"

"Sweetheart, you want it too fast. I'm going to give you what you want, but not like this." Frustrated, he buries his face in your neck. "God damn it I just wanna do the right thing by you."

"I guess there are a lot of specifics to work out," you murmur gently, caressing the nape of his neck.

"Such as?" he cuddles into your neck.

You feel a little embarrassed, but if you're going to eventually sleep with him you have to be able to be honest with him. "We have to think of where to do it, whether we should have a date beforehand to lead up to it. And I'm not on birth control, so we'd have to consider protection."

His hand caresses the small of your back. "We could do it at either your place or mine, and I like the idea of having a nice little romantic date beforehand." He gently traces the curve of your face with his fingertips. "I want you to feel safe with me, sweetheart. I'll get some condoms. Hell, we'll probably go through a whole box real quick."

You give a sigh of relief. "I like that we're talking about this, Joel. I don't want to go into this blind."

"I'm gonna be here for you every step of the way, even if you decide you don't want to go through with it," he swears. Looking away a moment he seems to collect himself. "I just don't want to hurt you."

"What do you mean? How would you hurt me?" you gently turn his face to look at you.

He sighs. "I don't want to be too much for you, too intense for you, especially when you've never had anyone else before. You don't know just how fuckin' bad I desire you."

"Joel.. when the time comes for us to be together, I'm going to trust you not to hurt me, not on purpose. I've heard the first time can hurt anyway, but that kind of pain will be worth it, to be with you."

He whispers your name and kisses you, stiffening when you pursue it with more passion, pressing yourself against him.

"I'm sorry," you whisper. "You're right. I want everything right now, but I'm not thinking. Oh god, I need a distraction," you whine. "A cold shower or something."

"A shower's out of the question just now, but I have the next best thing to cool you off," Joel chuckles and picks you up, carrying you bridal style over to the pool and it's only at the last second that you realize what he's about to do and you screech as he drops you into the water.

You surface, sputtering and wiping the water from your face. "What the hell?" Joel's gleeful chuckle sounds in your ears right before he splashes in beside you. He grabs you by the waist, both of you weightless in the water. He's rid himself of his clothes except for his boxer briefs.

"Come here," he says, kissing your lips. "You're one hell of a girl.."

He's easily forgiven. If anything you love that you've brought out this mischievous side of him. "And you're one hell of a man.." you wrap your arms around him, whispering in his ear. "And you let your guard down too easily," you tell him, pouncing on him and pushing him underwater before swimming away, laughing as you swim away.

He comes up and swims right after you, making you squeal. "You shouldn't have gotten in the pool if you didn't want to get wet." you warn him.

"Shouldn't have invited me over if ya didn't want me to get you wet," he quips, pressing you against the side of the pool where you're both semi-shrouded in darkness. "God, sweetheart, you do not know what you do to a man."

"What about what you're doing to me?" Pressed close together you feel his hardness, and now that it's just the two of you you're free to explore this, to feel the rigidity of his desire for you. "Joel.. please just rub up against me.." you ask.

This elicits another growl from him, and even in the darkness you can see the hunger in his eyes. He does as you ask, albeit gently at first, testing to see how much you want.

You gasp as you feel him, thinly veiled by the wet confines of your swim clothes. He knows exactly where you need his touch, and it's like a shock of electricity to feel that pressure on your clit. "Feels good.. right there," you whisper, clinging to him.

He kisses you deeply, pressing a bit harder, smiling when your breath hitches and becomes quicker. "You like this, sweetheart? Oh this ain't nothin' compared to the real thing."

"Joel," you whimper. "Keep going like this.. please.."

The water splashes around you as you try to keep your cries to a minimum. How can only touching feel so good? How many nerve endings can you possibly stimulate? It's as if you've never really known what your body can do, what it can become under someone else's touch.

Touching.. that's all it is. But it's enough to drive you to the edge. There's that familiar feeling, like when you're on a roller coaster and your heart leaps into your throat just before you take the first sharp dive. "Joel!" you moan, kissing him to muffle your sounds as you come: a quick, sweet shot of lightning in your veins.

As your body relaxes, Joel backs off so as not to overstimulate you, but keeps his arm around you, stroking your damp hair.

"Sorry if I was selfish," you mumble.

He laughs and puts his hand on your cheek. "You're not selfish at all. We both wanted it. And sweetheart, you look fuckin' angelic when you come." His voice is husky and sweet as he nuzzles his nose against your cheek.

You're still reeling from this experience, and in the aftermath of your orgasm you have clarity of mind, as if all your troubles have melted away. You know you'll be grateful to Joel forever. "What about you? You didn't even.."

He smiles. "Don't worry about me. You're more important."

"Are you gonna.. take care of it later?" you smirk.

"One of these days I hope you'll feel comfortable takin' care of me yourself," he smirks, making your heart do a flip flop, and you pull him closer before the night comes to an end.

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divider by @saradika-graphics 👑

[baronessvonglitter]

Cherry, Cherry 🍒 Chapter 17 🍒

"What is and What Should Never Be"

pre-outbreak! au!Joel Miller x f!Reader

Word count: 5,924

Summary: Reconnecting with Joel is easy, but things take a turn when you spot a man you never thought you'd see again.

(Warnings contain spoilers, so check beneath the cut if you dare to peek)

WARNINGS: 18+ Only! Mature and Explicit, age gap (reader is 18-19, Joel is 35-36), set in September 2003, angst, family drama, drunk dialing, phone sex, oral sex (m & f receiving), p in v sex, alcohol drinking (only Joel), reader runs into her estranged father who now has a new family, Joel once again using his fists to solve problems which gets him arrested, mentions of blood and gore after a fight (later mention of broken nose and needing stitches), Joel's guilt causes him to break up with you once and for all, reader refuses to take care of herself as a self-inflicted punishment, no use of y/n (if I've left anything out please let me know)

Author's note: this took forever to write because honestly a big part of me didn't want to do it. Thank you for sticking with me, those of you who have been reading from the start!

Series Masterlist

"Stay."

That word haunts you, so varied in its meaning. Stay of execution. Please stay for lunch. You chose to stay with your mom despite the fact that Joel asked you to stay with him in Austin.

It's the first thing you think about when you wake up each morning. That stupid word, haunting you like a specter. And there's that little voice in the back of your head that taunts: 'You could be with him right now, waking up next to him, the warmth of his arms enveloping you as he nuzzles your neck, rousing you with a firm morning hard-on before you have to get up to go your separate ways for the day.'

Then you remember the reason you left him in the first place. It makes you sick to your stomach to think that everything he'd done with you had only been a repeat session of what he'd done with your mom. Who, by the way, has fussed over you since you moved back in. You took a pregnancy test at her behest, giving a silent sigh of relief when the results read negative.

She hounded you for details, of which you gave her none. Her jealousy was disgusting to you, and pitiable. And though you shared a man with this woman, unknowingly, the only difference was you'd given your heart and she had not.

You walk on eggshells around her for the first few days, unsure how to navigate this new territory. You're not sure how to move on from here, unwilling to address what happened yet desperately wanting a sounding board. You can't talk to the problem about the problem. You feel like a prisoner in your own home, deprived of the love you should have been given years ago that instead has become suspicion and doubt. You weren't even allowed to attend your friend's wedding because your mom thought it was in bad taste to attend a ceremony for such a young couple. Even though she herself got married younger.

Meanwhile your phone stays quiet, no calls or texts from Joel, but Sofia is kind enough to give you details. Unfortunately it's quiet on their end. She's still with Tommy, having finally succumbed to being in a relationship despite her initial misgivings. She only sees Joel now and then, and he smiles hello or good evening to her, but that's it. Sarah has been hanging out with new friends and seems happy.

Your stomach twists in knots at Sarah's deceptiveness. You can't help but wonder if Joel knows, if they're on speaking terms, but it's awful to wish that on a kid. If it came between your father and your friend, you might choose the same course she did.

By Labor Day you have your schedule to keep you busy: early British literature at nine, creative writing at noon, and a few other non-major related classes just to keep you from having to think too much on things you don't have a handle on.

At your new university you run into a few friends from school, people who either didn't want to leave home for the adventure of a lifetime, or couldn't get into the more prestigious schools in the state. It's still a good school, just not the one you wanted.

It was embarrassing having to tie up loose ends in Austin, calling Hailey at the cafe and telling her that you've moved, keeping in touch with friends only through texts, with meager promises to meet up soon, make a road trip out of it. You're not naive enough to actually believe any of it, but it's nice to come away from the situation with a little bit of kindness.

Your mom tries to get you to go over with her to her family's Labor Day cookout, but celebration is the last thing on your mind, least of all with her. You stay home alone, reminding her there's no way you can get up to any trouble. She's flattened out whatever spirit was left in you and she knows it but won't admit it.

With the house to yourself, you study in the living room, the TV tuned in to a rerun of NYPD Blue. Your short story that's due this week sits abandoned, half-written as your attention drifts to the screen, watching the cops interrogate a cute goth guy named Dio.

Your cell phone rings, bringing you out of your daydream. Sofia's name shines on the caller ID.

"Hey, cous. What's up?" you lean back on the sofa, a can of Vanilla Coke at your lips.

"Hey there.. babygirl," Joel's voice murmurs over the line. You sit up straight.

"Joel.." you repeat dumbly, in shock. "What.." your mind goes blank.

He chuckles on the other end of the line, and you feel a warmth in the pit of your stomach when he mutters your name. "God damn it I miss ya," he slurs.

"Are you drunk?"

"Naw, baby.. well a little." Wherever he is you can hear Tommy in the background, and Sofia demanding her phone back.

"Came out tonight and thought about ya.. ain't heard from ya and I missed your voice."

"Oh, Joel.." you sigh, different emotions warring within you. "I don't think that I should be talking to you.."

"Cherry!" Tommy's ebullient, voice comes over the line now. "Cherry, Joel misses you! He's been cryin'! There ain't no other woman for him 'cept you!"

Tommy's words become unintelligible. There's a jostling sound and soon Sofia's on the phone. "Sorry about that.. I guess the Miller boys are a little out of control tonight," she says, forcing a laugh. "Joel asked to use my phone but I didn't know he was gonna use it to call you." It sounds like Sofia's outside, away from the blare of the music and sounds of drunkenness.

"It's all right.. how is he?"

"I think he's lonely," she answers. "It was supposed to be just me and Tommy out tonight, but Joel invited himself along as a third wheel. Tommy says you broke his brother's heart," she adds softly.

You shake your head. "Sofia, you were there. You know the truth now. How can I forgive him for hiding so much from me?"

"I can't speak for him, but I will say that we all make mistakes. He's only human."

You sigh, plopping yourself on the sofa after pacing the room. "What should I do?"

"You care about him, right?"

"Of course."

"Maybe just hear him out. Then you can decide what your next step should be."

"Tell him to call me when he's sober."

She chuckles. "No guarantees he won't try tonight."

Joel calls the next day, and you call him the next night, with sporadic texting in between. You're treading carefully, talking about mundane things until it feels okay enough to talk about what happened between you.

He tells you the same story as your mother, and you steel yourself listening to the man you love talk about the life he had before he met you. He doesn't leave out the parts about other women, how he tried to cover his broken heart instead of facing it head on and healing it, how he lost the best friend he'd ever had over a woman who didn't care for him.

"She doesn't love you," you whisper into your phone one night, tucked under the duvet so that you won't be overheard by your mom. "She never did.. but I still do."

It's this revelation that brings you together, has you calling each other "babe" and "love" all over again. Before the end of your first week reconciling you're already whispering filthy things to him over long phone calls, your hands drifting over your body, excited to come for him as he growls his commands over the line, there you go, babygirl, just like that, come on your fingers.. now suck them off, I wanna hear it and you do come for him, knowing there can never be anyone else for you, no matter what.

"I'm comin' to see ya," he tells you one morning as he's heading to work and you're in the university parking lot.

"Joel, you can't-"

"Then come here."

"Three hours away? Four or five with traffic? You're crazy. Mom would come looking for me."

"Then let's meet in the middle."

You consider this. "What's the halfway point between Houston and Austin?"

"There's Brenham," he suggests.

"I've never been there." You toy with the cherry scented air freshener hanging from your rear view mirror. "Could we tour the Blue Bell factory?"

"That we can.. among other things." You can hear the suggestive smile in his voice.

You make the excuse that you have to do extra credit at another campus and are able to get away for the weekend. The drive is over an hour long, and your heart feels like it may just hammer its way out of your chest cavity the entire time. It hasn't really been that long since you've seen Joel, and just as you pass through Cypress you wonder if it's a good idea after all. But your heart is young and easily swayed to the will of your fantasies, among them being that you and Joel are meant to be, just a pair of star-crossed lovers who will find their way together again, beyond the chains of society dragging them down.

You reach the small diner in Brenham, taking a deep breath before you leave the car, then another before you open the door to the restaurant.

And there he is, in a booth in the corner. Your heart skips a beat before it lodges in your throat.

It's only been a few weeks since you've seen him but in that moment you swear it's been an eternity.

It's like a movie in slow motion: Joel rises from his seat as you near him, and without hesitation you go into his open arms, which wrap lovingly around you. The world stops for a brief, beautiful moment.

There's not much to catch up on, you soon find out. It's barely been a few weeks since you've seen him. Everything is the same as when you left, only everything has also changed.

"I can't stop thinking about you, about the way we left things," he says urgently, under the sad and lonely twang of the steel guitar from whatever old country song the diner's jukebox is playing. "But you said you need to figure things out, so I'm givin' you that space you need," he says.

His hands clasp yours across the table, between the half-eaten plates of food you've neglected in favor of discussion. "I meant what I said, babygirl.. I can't see myself with anyone else."

Your heart clenches at the thought, even as the rational part of your brain tells you it's impossible, that you experienced the strongest pull of attraction with a man old enough to be your father, and you both let your emotions get the best of you.

It dawns on you that you've only known him for three months.

It also dawns on you that you only have this one life, this one chance to be happy at all, especially now that you're under your mother's roof again, no escape in sight until you graduate and land a job. Right now, in this slice of a moment, you have complete and total freedom from things you don't want to belong to.

"Joel.." you whisper, and he clasps his hands tighter around yours. "Let's get out of here."

There's a motel across the street, the kind that serves wayfarers and illicit lovers, of which you and Joel are both.

Your fingers are intertwined as he pays at the front desk, and his arm is slung around you as you walk up to your allotted room. The moment the door closes behind you, Joel's self-control snaps like a broken guitar string. He surges towards you, his hands tangling in your hair as he pulls you into a passionate kiss, his lips melding with yours in a desperate collision of desire and need.

You kiss him back, desperately tasting his mouth, molding your body to his in a frantic need for him. His hands travel down your body, rough palms roaming over your curves. His tongue slides into your mouth as he pulls you close, his muscular frame crowding you.

"Yes," you whisper in between fiery kisses. This is the only thing that feels right, the only thing I want in the entire world. You lift your shirt over your head, shove your shorts down your legs before your hand teasingly slips down the front of his jeans, rubbing him through his boxers. A low, guttural sound rumbles in his throat as he presses his hips forward into your touch.

"All for me?" you ask, wrapping your hand around his generous length, your cunt already feeling its velvety thickness inside you.

Joel nods, his muscles tensing as your touch ignites a fire within him. "Only for you," he whispers, voice rough with desire. "I think about you all the time, in places I shouldn't," his breath shudders as you fall to your knees, pulling his jeans down the rest of the way and immediately taking him into your mouth.

"Like where?" you ask, keeping your eyes on him as you swirl your tongue around his cock, itching for him to take you then and there, but you've waited so long and pined so hard that a little teasing is in order.

His thick fingers card through your hair, gathering the length in a ponytail to gently guide you down on his cock. "In my truck, in the shower, in bed.." he grunts as your mouth envelops what it can of him, and he's careful not to push in and have you choke on his dick like he wants to. "Sometimes I even catch myself thinkin' about you while I'm workin'. You're dangerous, babygirl."

A thrill goes through you, an electric shock straight to your senses when you hear this. "And what do you think about?" you ask, pumping him with your hand.

Joel puts his hand over yours, stilling it, not wanting to risk that he's gonna explode after a couple of strokes, like some damn high school kid. "Everything, darlin'.. I think about every part of you: how good you smell, how good you taste, how damn perfect you are. I think about how I want to devour you, take you as mine and never let go."

"Don't let go of me again, Joel.. promise me," you say as he rises you to your feet, pressing your body flush to his, able to feel every contour, the hard parts of him that you dream about on a nightly basis.

His arms tighten around you, his eyes burning with a mixture of desire and regret as he watches your reflections in the dresser mirror. "I won't, baby, I promise." His words are both a vow and a prayer. "I won't let go of you ever again."

His hand glides up your back, his fingers tracing the ridges of your spine. "I've missed you like crazy.." his deep voice is filled with need. "Missed touchin' and holdin' you like this."

"No one has to know what it's like between us," you sigh as his touch ignites your senses. For all intents and purposes, no one knows that you're here, and once again you're a secret.

"No one," he agrees, bringing you to the bed. "Just me and you. No one else has to know, because this?" He slips his hands down your panties, making you gasp, and he growls in return to feel you warm and wet, welcoming. "This is ours, no one else's."

In no time at all you're sprawled on the bed, panties and bra discarded on the motel carpet. Joel's between your legs, pressing a teasing kiss to your mound, his fingers circling your entrance. As you writhe and moan beneath his touch, his tongue darts out to taste you. "So responsive.." his breath his hot against you as he pushes a finger inside.

A needful groan leaves your lips. You haven't been able to match this intensity with just your own fingers since you left him. "Don't stop," you beg. His breath stutters at your pleas, devoting himself to bringing you pleasure. His fingers and tongue work in tandem, stroking and caressing you from within and without. He wants nothing more than to draw out every sound you can possibly make.

"You taste like heaven, babygirl," his voice is rough and heated. "So damn good. I could do this all day, just for those beautiful moans."

Joel watches as you come apart beneath him, your body arching under the onslaught of pleasure he's given you, and his heart swells with desire. "That's my girl," he whispers. "Just beautiful."

You're left trembling, a complete puddle when he's done with you, and you've never been more satisfied in your life. "God, I missed that.."

He kisses his way up your body, leaving a trail of soft, tender kisses along your soft skin until he reaches your lips. When he gazes at you, his eyes burn with love and lust. "I missed it too," he says. "Missed touchin' you like this, hearin' you say my name, seein' you all flushed and breathin' hard. Drove me crazy not havin' you near."

And then he's inside you, burying himself to the hilt, fucking you like it's the last time he ever will. It's like he's twenty years younger, on the verge of coming within minutes, until he shifts you into different positions to stave off the need to cum, not satisfied to help himself to his own pleasure until you're too weak to mumble your own name.

You lose track of all time, lost in the feel of him as he fucks you hard, then softer, desperately, and as if he has all the time in the world. It's a blur of sweat and sighs and tangled limbs for the rest of the afternoon.

The next few weekends are spent in this way: meeting at the motel at the halfway point between your city and his, holing up in the room and only leaving to get food.

"I wanna be with you forever.." Joel slowly kisses his way down your body. The sun is setting, casting a golden hour glow in the room, and you're both resting atop the rumpled sheets and strewn pillows.

"Forever?" you repeat with a love-drunk smile.

"Forever baby," he reiterates. "I don't want a life without you in it," he whispers as he makes his way even lower.

You sigh his name sweetly. "Maybe after I finish college I'll find a place in Austin."

"Really? You'd move to Austin to be with me?" He situates himself between your thighs, a thousand kilawatt smile on his face.

"Yeah.. I actually really like it there.."

"I'd love it if you were closer to me," he sighs. "Plus payin' for these rooms is gettin' damn expensive." He pauses. "Nothin's stoppin' you from comin' back sooner, y'know.."

You search his eyes, seeing the vulnerability there, the love that has drawn you in since the very beginning. "I'll finish out this semester and we'll talk about it," you tell him, delighted when his eyes light up at the prospect of having you with him again.

"You could stay with me.. for good.. forever.." he says, kissing down your body with each word.

You lay naked in his arms, satisfied, yet always aching for him in your heart and in your soul. "Forever sounds so good with you," you murmur, your voice a little hoarse from giving screams of pleasure earlier.

The following week is your shared birthday, and though Joel is less enthusiastic about turning a year older, he loves seeing how caught up you get in planning a little getaway for the both of you. San Antonio is as safe a place as any, and not likely to be too crowded this time of year.

The first night, your birthday night, is spent traversing the colorful Riverwalk, romantically lit, placid, even among the neon signs of the shops, bars, and restaurants. You choose a place to have dinner, sitting on the patio and enjoying the mild September weather.

"How does it feel to be thirty-six?" you ask, watching him with hearts in your eyes as you rest your chin on your hand.

"Same," he shakes his head. "How's it feel to be nineteen?"

"Amazing," you smirk.

"Youth is wasted on the young."

"I see you finally got your watch fixed," you smile, tapping the glass face.

"That.. yeah, Sarah got it fixed for me, gave it to me as a present before I left."

The mention of her still makes your stomach drop and you go quiet.

"She misses you," he says. "Been talkin' about you a lot lately. She wanted me to give you this."

"She knows you're here with me?"

Joel shrugs. "Word gets around. Maybe Tommy said somethin'.. either way, I'm not keepin' you a secret no more."

You plant a soft kiss on his lips before unwrapping the small jewelry box he gives you. Inside is the missing earring you thought you'd lost forever God knows where, probably in a nook or cranny of Joel's truck one hot night, but here it is, the mate to the one in your jewelry box at home.

"Give her my thanks," you tell him, wondering if he knows she's the one who tore them apart in the first place. Talking about it would just ruin the night, so you slip the box into your purse for later. "Looks like I'm getting back everything I ever thought I lost," you smile, holding his hands across the table.

When the music gets too loud to talk over, you write cute love notes on the napkins, reading them quickly before the condensation on the table, courtesy of Joel's beer, smears the ink.

After dinner you stroll along the river, arm in arm, and he leads you back to the hotel, thankfully within walking distance. Once inside your room you can't keep your hands off each other, taking advantage of the night, of the anonymity of being in a different city. The bed is bigger than the shitty motel in Brenham, the sheets are softer, and Joel takes the little piece of chocolate that housekeeping left on your pillow and places it in your mouth, as his lips travel down your body to get you worked up with your tongue. He's promised you a gift but he's saving it for the end of the weekend. Right now he'd drawled, you'll just have to be satisfied with me making you cum.

Joel's up earlier than you the next day. Not even his circadian rhythm goes on vacation. But he's left a note saying he's going out to get breakfast, not content with with having the continental breakfast the hotel serves. An intrusive thought pricks at your mind: maybe he just doesn't want to be seen with you at a hotel, even in front of strangers.

You shake that thought away, getting showered and dressed.

On the way to the front desk to check for messages, you hear a familiar voice as you turn the corner. A middle-aged man, average height, wearing a Hawaiian print shirt and cargo shorts, speaks with the morning concierge.

"..the couple in room 478 was very loud last night. They kept me and my family awake, and honestly that's not the kind of thing I want my young kids to hear.."

You realize you and Joel are the ones in 478 that he's complaining about, just before your breath hitches in your throat. Everything, in fact, seems to slow and still as you approach the desk, nearing the man making the complaint.

Dad..?

He leaves the desk before you can go up to him, only seeing him from the back as he goes in the opposite direction, on his way to the free hotel breakfast. Your feet don't allow you to follow him, mired as you are to the floor. The concierge addresses you three times before you hear her.

"Miss? Is there something I can help you with?"

You've completely forgotten what you came here for, and meager words form on your lips. "That man.. what's his name?"

She shakes her head. "I'm afraid I can't give that information."

"Well.. what room is he staying in?"

"Again, I can't give out that information, sweetie. Is there anything I can help you with?"

"..no.." you answer, voice barely a whisper, walking slowly back to your room.

"Somethin's on your mind," Joel says casually, watching you as he sips his ice cold beer. "I can tell. You tend to wear your heart on your sleeve, babygirl."

The sun is high overhead as you both enjoy lunch on the patio of one of the nicer restaurants in town. You'd initially balked at the priciness of the place, but Joel had insisted. You ate sparingly even though you were hungry. The breakfast tacos from that morning had only given you and Joel more energy to fuck a couple more times before you decided to walk around the city and get some fresh air.

"Nothing," you tell him, faking a smile. But you can't keep up the pretense for long. "Well.. I think I saw my father at the hotel this morning."

Joel puts his drink down, his gaze settling on you, the most serious you've seen him. "You think, or you know?"

You shake your head. "I'm pretty sure.."

He says nothing for a few moments. "Small world if he's here."

Breaking the tension, you tell him about the noise complaint that you're likely to receive once you get back to the hotel, and it earns you a little laugh from him, and pleasure warms your heart to see him blush.

It's later in the evening when you're strolling, enjoying the city as sunset takes over, gold and purple in the autumn sky.

"I'm thinking I wanna give you your birthday present tonight," he says, nodding as if he's just thought of it.

You're a little embarrassed that your own gift is so meager, whatever money your mother gives you going to gas for the car or lunch for the week.

"Spending this time with you has honestly been the best gift I could ask for," you tell him, grasping his hand in yours.

Your sighting this morning is all but forgotten as you and Joel return to the hotel, arm in arm. From the opposite direction comes the man you saw at reception earlier, in a different Hawaiian shirt this time, but he has his arm around a woman you've never seen before, who's pushing a stroller with young twins inside.

He catches your eye and you see that flash of recognition before he artfully conceals it, looking askance, hurrying his stride and whispering something to the woman he's with.

"Dad?" you call out, despite the part of you that wants to pretend it's not him, that the world is too big and too wide to be conceivable that you'd find him here after so many years.

He ignores you, casting his glance away as he hurries, his wife looking at him in confusion.

"Chris." Joel's voice booms louder than yours, catching your dad's attention. You feel invisible as the two men who haven't seen each other in almost two decades, former friends, practically brothers, reconnect.

But it's not as nice as it sounds.

There's history between them that you don't understand.

All you can see right now is your father, with another family, with absolutely no intention to ever speak to you again.

"Joel." Chris's voice is low, indifferent as you've always remembered it, with a hint of curiosity as his gaze flicks between you and him. And you see the last piece click in place as it registers; while his brain lights up his eyes go dark.

"You wanna tell me what you're doin' here with my daughter?" he moves towards the both of you, a charge in his steps as his purpose becomes clear. Joel stands his ground, shielding you.

"It ain't none of your concern, never was," Joel grunts his reply.

"The hell it ain't," Chris grunts back in Joel's face. You sneak a peek at the woman he's with, maybe five or six years older than yourself, eyes filled with worry as she tries to assess the situation, obviously too afraid to step in.

"Chris, come on," she begs, her accent showing she's not from these parts.

But the men are like animals, neither one is going to step down first.

"If you're doin' with her what I think you are, you're in some deep shit, pal," Chris warns.

"She's an adult and can make her own decisions. And you got no say in her life after leavin' it."

"She's my kid, man!"

It's the first time he's admitted this, and a small thrill of victory floods your veins, quickly thinned when Joel retorts:

"You got a problem with it, come see us in room 478. Oh, and we'll try to keep it down tonight," he smirks, knowing this comment will hit him where it hurts.

What happens next you'll review in your head over and over in the coming days.

Joel barely dodges Chris's punch, but the force of the swing creates a gust of air that grazes his face. He retaliates with a jab to Chris's ribs, landing with a dull thud.

"Dad!" you run towards him, fearing for his safety, knowing firsthand how Joel can switch on to violence in a heartbeat. In the midst of the chaos you try to intervene, grab your dad's shoulder to wrench him away. In his rage-filled instinct he shoves you back, the back of his hand connecting with your cheekbone.

In your daze you stumble back on your ass, hitting the pavement as Joel rams into Chris, knocking him to the ground too. The woman Chris is with starts screaming as Joel slams his fists repeatedly into Chris's face. The sickening crunch of fist meeting flesh, cartilage and bone makes your stomach churn, all your own pain forgotten in the melee of the brutality.

Panicked passersby call for help, try to stop the brawl, come and check on you, helping you to your feet. But all you see are the uniformed cops cuffing Joel after successfully breaking up the fight, leading him to a cruiser, and paramedics coming to your dad's rescue, assessing him. You go to him, hovering over your dad, glimpsing blood and gore before he's lifted onto a stretcher and taken into the back of an ambulance.

It's late, past two a.m. You're curled up in an uncomfortable chair at the hospital, waking with a crick in your neck.

Your dad's going to be okay, the doctor tells you. A broken nose, some stitches, nothing major.

You go in to see him, passing by his wife as she leaves, giving you a sidelong glance, measuring you up. It's not known if Chris has told her about you or not, and this is something you'll never know.

He's sleeping, his monitor beeping steadily. The room smells like disinfectant.

And it's at this point you realize you have nothing to say to him. Any questions that burned in the back of your brain are now ash. The man in front of you is a stranger and has been for years now. He's your father only in biology.

You take a good long look before leaving, at peace with cutting him off. Wondering, asking, waiting.. you don't have the patience for it and he doesn't have the honor to offer you answers. Even if he does, you don't care to hear them.

It's a small relief as you exit through the sliding doors and into the still September night. You'd alerted Tommy to what's happened, and he should be with Joel right about now. Your phone rings in your pocket. Joel's number.

"I'm on my way. Are you at the jail, or-"

"Listen to me, baby.. this ain't a good idea."

You turn cold. "What's not a good idea?"

He pauses for longer than you're comfortable with. "Us, baby.. I'm thinkin'-"

"No," you cut him off before he can say anything final. "No, Joel, you don't mean that."

You're in the car, racing through the late night streets, back to your hotel.

"Listen, Joel, we can talk about this."

You're in the backseat of Tommy's truck in the hotel parking garage. Tommy has gone inside to get Joel's things.

"Joel.."

"You're just a kid," he says softly. He's unharmed from the fight earlier, but he's been through just as much as you have in the past few hours.

"I'm not a fucking kid. Would you have done all those things with me if I was a kid?"

"You know what I mean. You're young, you don't know nothin' about life.. need someone your own age, someone who ain't gonna punch every man who looks at ya with judgmental eyes.. let's face it. I've hurt you by hurtin' others."

"Joel, I don't care about them."

"You're still a little girl at heart, y'know?" he murmurs, his voice taking on a vulnerability you haven't seen in him before. "When I got pulled away from the fight, you went straight to your daddy. I can't fault you for that. It's how it oughta be."

You shake your head. None of this feels real. "I love you more than I've ever loved anyone in my entire life," you whisper as tears trace down your cheeks.

He purposely keeps his eyes away from you, knowing he'll break if he doesn't put a stop to this soon. "I ain't blamin' ya for goin' to your dad instead of comin' to me, but it damn sure hurts, baby. The way ain't made clear for us yet. I can't say if it ever will be."

You grab hold of his hand but he slips away from your fingers in a soft, almost graceful move. "You promised you'd never let go of me again.." your voice is desperate, begging. "Joel, why are you doing this?"

"It's over," he says quietly.

Alone in the hotel room, Joel's side of the closet now bare, his toiletries gone, his side of the bed cold.

You've cried every tear in your body, cried so much you vomited. As punishment on yourself you refuse yourself the necessary water to feel better. If you had never spotted your dad or called out for him, you both could have ignored each other, and Joel would still be here. He would still love you. You don't deserve to feel better.

You comb through the drawers in search of anything that Tommy might have overlooked when he was packing, any little item that would give you an excuse to call him or see him again. You hold onto that tiny shred of hope like a dying ember.

You do a double take when you see an unfamiliar jewelry box among your things. Black velvet. It's not yours. Your heart palpitates at what it could be, yet a part of you already knows, is already in mourning for what was lost. You force yourself to be strong and open it.

Nestled within, on a bed of white satin, is an engagement ring.

dividers by @saradika-graphics & @enchanthings

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