oh no,,, i'm getting the urge again to listen to a butches problems and run my fingers through his hair while he talks about his life and traumas and worries and loves and play with his fingertips gently while i lay on his chest listening to his heartbeat and trace the lines on his palm while we watch a movie and run my hand through his hair while he drives and place my middle finger on his neck so i can memorize the tempo of his heartbeat and giggle when he drops a glass and it shatters so he knows i'll never hurt him and learn how to make his favourite food just how he prefers and memorize all his friend's names and old pets and what he used to dream of doing and wear his clothes once i get out of his shower after using all his soaps and then ask him to kiss me down into the bed so he's against my skin in every possible way and learn the exact way he moves his hands and watch him so often i recognize his gait and the way his mouth forms words and how his expression changes when he's contemplating and learn how to help him feel better and sit with him when he's upset and get excited with him when he's happy and hold his hand while walking through grocery isles mocking brand names in different voices and get him flowers and make him origami animals to keep on his dash and know him and be close to him through and through until he's so intrenched in my life that it'd feel like there's something missing without him in it. oops