#chinkbreezy

[vlha]

12/14/12

Dear Kathy,

I was a bit hesitant on this writing you this because I'm not sure what I should say to you. Actually, I wasn't sure if it was right to say the things that I want to, but it's your birthday so you should at least know that I haven't forgotten. I'm not even sure if you're going to see this.

At the least, I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday. You're finally 21 now, and even though I'm not sure how you're doing I wish for the best. Time passes by so fast. When we first met, we had barely graduated from high school. Now you're 21. We've both grown up quite a bit during this time and it still gets me every time I think about it. Around this time last year, I remember how I was on the phone getting screamed at and lectured by your mom when I tried to get you down here just for a few days to celebrate your birthday. We tried to pull the Disneyland thing, but it didn't turn out so well. I ended up on the phone for about an hour talking about the most unreasonable situation ever. Within a year's time so much has happened. So much has changed. We barely know each other anymore, but the time we spent together just seemed like a figment of my imagination that ran wild through the months that past by; A daydream that was so close to reality that when I finally woke up I was a different person. For that, I just wanted to thank you for helping me through the times when I was at my lowest. For all the times that I couldn't hold myself up and you were there to help me bare the weight on my shoulders so that I didn't have to walk through life alone; and because of that I sincerely want to apologize for everything that you had to endure because of me. I never wanted that to happen and it wasn't something that I wanted anyone to experience. I truly am sorry for everything. I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you like how you were there for me. How I couldn't be there for you when I wish I could have been. I'm sorry I couldn't be the person that I longed to be, for you. And I hope you know I really do mean it when I say thank you for being there for me, for caring for me when I didn't even care for myself. Our lives have crossed paths and I guess I strayed too far off my own, and now as I trace my footsteps it's difficult to see things behind me. 

But I hope you're happy. I hope that you've found someone that is everything I could have been but wasn't. I hope because that's all I can do for you. And today, I hope that you have a great birthday. I hope all your dreams come true. I hope you get to where you want to be, you deserve nothing less. And I really hope you watch yourself, being it your 21st birthday, I hope you don't get wasted. I know how much of a lightweight you are. But do enjoy yourself. It's your special day. 

Happy birthday Kathy, I miss you.

[lilytrang]

Dear faggot ass Kathy,

Hi, faggot ass Jiejie. HAHA. You're in LA right now as I'm typing this up. I'm glad you arrived safely in LA, you sucker. I hope you're having a good time!Anyway, we haven't been talking for a while because we've been too busy for each other, but you know I'm still here for you if you ever need anything. I know you've been having trouble with a lot of things lately, but just know that whatever you do, you'll be okay eventually. You just have to keep your head up and stop over-thinking so much! You have that bad habit of yours, but over all I just want to say thank you for being in my life for such a long, long time compare to others. To be honest, I didn't think we would ever grow so close to each other when I first met you. Regardless, I'm glad we did. I'm really, really glad that I met someone like you. You've been there for me when I felt like shit and when I kept crying and I didn't know how to stop, you listened to me and I think you made me open a lot about myself I haven't told others. So, thank you for that. I know you'll always keep it safe with you.

Honestly, I still remember when you told me that I seem like the type of person who have a difficult time opening up to people and that meant even towards you and I honestly felt that bug me so much because a part of me want to open up to you and be able to confide in you, but the truth is I have never opened up to anyone completely and all I can say is I'm grateful that you understood. I'm really grateful for all the times we've talked whether it was 4 in the morning or late at night.You are a great person, Kathy. You have a lot of love to give even after what happened to you again and again. You do a lot for the people you love and you do it no matter what happens and I think that's love. Love in any way whether it's romantic or just friend/ family wise. You deserve a lot in your life and I know you'll be alright wherever you choose to go. You will be completely happy one day, Kathy. I know you will be and I really genuinely hope you will be because you deserve it more than a lot of people I know.Oh, Kathy Lai. I would say so much more and whatnot, but I think I would be running in circles, but my point is that I appreciate you and I love you a lot, alright? I hope you'll stay in my life for a long, long time like you have been and no matter how busy we are, I know you will always come back to me just like me to you.And no matter what setback you're going through, please, please keep your head up. I know I don't always hit you up, but I hate seeing you sad. So whoever makes you sad, you have to let me know so I can beat them up with my lame comebacks, okay? Okay. So stay happy and remember your own worth!And now my brain is spiraling down. My brain is dying at this point. FDJLFKDSJ. I've been taking medication, so I'm sorry if this message got cut short and that I rambled so damn much. Okay? Okay.Love,LT. 

[vlha]

May 27, 2012 (12:02am)

Dear Kathy,

First and foremost, I want to let you know that I did receive your letter than you've been anticipating for so long. I bet the anxiety was a bit harsh huh? I do apologize though, I think I got it a while back but I've been so busy lately that I never really sat down at home and just took a breather. Luckily, you did send it to the correct address.

I am sorry that I can't really write you a letter. I haven't the time to sit down with pen and paper. I don't even think I have paper. x_x It would have been a lot better, but this will have to subside for the time being.

I'm not sure where to begin with this really. I guess I can by just genuinely thanking you for all that you've done for me. No matter how you look at it, you've placed such a heavy impact on my life towards the positive end. Thank you for all that you've done and all your efforts that you put into our relationship. Thank you for all the happiness, the smiles, and those memories. I never would have thought I'd get into something like that, but it was worth every minute of my time. Neither of us wanted this relationship to end. No matter how you look at it though, it was not something that we would have held on to with me working full time and you living so far away. I felt like one of us needed to say it and I guess I just obligated myself to it to save both of us from the heartaches. In the end, I wasn't always there and I know how hard it was for you when it got to that point. I'm so sorry. I really wish things didn't turn out the way it did. I wish I had the free time to give to you. I wish I could have put in more effort.

You're right though, I do feel like this relationship is unfinished and there isn't a day where you don't cross my mind. Maybe it just wasn't the time and place for it to happen. Distance is always a factor regardless of how much you neglect it. Maybe one day we can start over and go back to how things were. I miss you so much. Nothing's the same. We can hardly hold a conversation now, but don't doubt for a second that I'm not here for you still like I said I would be. I'm always just a phone call away and if it's within my ability, you know for a fact that I'd help you in a heartbeat. It just still feels off in a sense. I can't even go about how your day was anymore. Temptations got the best of both of us though and slowly things won't be as harsh anymore, I promise. As much as it seemed like I didn't care, I did and I still do. I just want what's best and with a relationship that was just lingering on, it just didn't feel right at all. For what I put you through, I am ashamed. I don't know how many times I can apologize but it was never my intention to have it like this.

When the time is right we may be able to continue what was there, but for the meantime holding on is not what either of us should be doing. Work towards the future and what you want but take it one step at a time. There's no reason to rush things, there's still time. Let's just wait and see what happens.

I hope you're doing alright.

[lilytrang]

Why are there so much porn on my dash? Oh my gosh, why? It's so gross. Stop. Please. Kathy. Ben. You two, mostly. There's still a little girl awake here. Okay. :(.

[vlha]

I'm not sure if I should be concerned or...

Kathy Lai : i think i laid an egg

[lilytrang]

When I see Kathy again, I'm punching her tits. Yeah, that's right. I said her tits. Hi. 

[lilytrang]

Those moments when everything is just pure laughter and smiles.