#chippy talks

[chocolatechiplague]

The discord is perfect

[chocolatechiplague]

Ok but I'm curious, what's the difference between having a gay ship and fetisizing gay ppl?

Oh man, this is gonna get long, I have some serious thoughts about this. So warning, this isn’t some short post. Also, any mistakes are because I typed this originally on my phone due to studying for finals next week.

Before I start, the reason I’m tagging Yuri On Ice is because this stems from a post that was in the tag a while ago that I commented on(I’ll find the post and link it later on), also that I see the blurred lines people have between the two often in the tag. I’m not getting into the high level of biphobia i’ve seen either, that’s another rant/vent for another day after finals. Feel free to say what you disagree and all that!

So, a gay ship is about characters thst have connection, that they have multiple interactions and spend time together outside their profession, competition, practice. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a canon relationship but it makes sense the possibility of them. I’m not even in the Voltron fandom but Keith and Lance fall into this. They aren’t canon, but it’s a ship based on their interactions, working together, compatability, spending time together. Yuuri and Victor are straight up canon.

Fetishizing a gay ship/characters is that the reason you like the two together is straight up because they are attractive, because they are ‘gay’, be it headcanon gay or canonly. You get off on the two characters because they look good together. That these two characters don’t even speak to each other or even in the same scene, that they have no interaction beyond light conversation about their friends and fellow skaters while they are watching them skate their hearts out. Where you turn canonly straight, in a heterosexual relationship character gay because you want them together with another character of the same sex and ONLY because that.

I see this with quite a few of the ships in the fandom and hell, I even low key ship them. These are the long as fuck stretch for a ship, the forcing together ones for anything possible that i’ve noticed. Things like Phichit and Seung-Gil, Mila and Sara who have only SAT together and had light talk about their friends yet I’ve seen out right screaming they are nothing but lesbian despite creators saying Mila had a light crush and highly admired Otabek(So fuck yeah to idea of a female bi character!). ANY SHIP WITH GEORGI OR JJ. Georgi can simply be a headcanon of bisexual and no, him being a drama queen with too much eyeshadow doesn’t make a character gay, that’s a damn stereotype of gay men. But JJ is canonly engaged, to a woman, who is his world and he loves.

A few ships that are easy to argue possibly canon but more up to fan opinion are Yuri and Otabek as a very easy to argue as being canon as all hell despite people forgetting they only been friends for few short days, Michele and Emil, Guang Hong and Leo, Christophe and mystery man(that’s mostly a headcanon I personally love though and will fight for) and there a few more.

A HEALTHY gay ship is set on two characters that know each other, interact often, and that you don’t have to alter their entire personality (Seung-Gil as example) to make them 'work’. Fetishizing a gay ship is forcing them together, ignoring facts they don’t even speak, that they only LOOK at each other once across a filled room so they must obviously be in love, where you have to remove a canon, healthy relationship because they are in a heterosexual relationship because it gets in the way of your ship. You simply ship them because they are hot and get you off.

Gays ships can be healthy, fetishizing isn’t, even if the ship you make is rather cute.

There isn’t anything wrong with liking the idea of characters together, that you think they would be good together, but it’s when screaming, shouting, making comments about 'my smol sinnamon roll gays’(seriously, I see this so fucking often in posts where every single character is gay, not even bi or pan or asexual with no ifs, ands, or buts).

It’s easy for people to see and understand the fetish people have about lesbians especially in porn, but it’s completely IGNORED and scoffed at the idea of gay men being someones fetish. It’s something that needs to be realized and talked about, because it hurts so many people. 

[chocolatechiplague]

Something about myself I worry about as the thought came to mind was my eating problems. I already have an eating disorder with Selective eating where more than about 20 foods make me physically sick to even put near my mouth so I only eat certain things, but when in these state of mind, I just don't eat anything until I get badly dizzy and dry heave. I worry it might turn to something worse but I just. . . Don't feel like I deserve to eat, that it's a chore and I just don't feel hungry. Another thing I needed to vent, I'm only tagging this one personal as I don't really want this in the eating disorder tag even if some of me wants advice. This time I'm going to sleep.

[4-side]

I’m gonna be doing some requests for stickers that I might some day make (maybe I’ll never even make them but who knows!)

Anyways if you have a character you want me to draw in a style like this, I’ll draw them! It might take a few days bc I could get loaded with requests!

[chocolatechiplague]

I'll just stand here and scream in excitement.

Me about Fallout 76

[chocolatechiplague]

I went from helping out one friend go get a new phone to bringing four friends with..... I'm so taking us to get coffee and desserts

[chocolatechiplague]

Small personal post

I'm considering changing my anti depressant, not because it doesn't work, it does, but because I often feel pukey and sick after I take it. It works pretty well though, so kinda unsure about changing, more so right before the start of a new college semester and stress. I mean, the best working one I had of the precious three I tried I had to switch because my small normal shakiness turned really bad where a glass of water showed how bad I shook and couldn't hold my hand steady. I was terrified it could have become permanent so I switched, but feeling sick after I don't have that worry, it's just crappy as hell I get dizzy at times and feel like I'll puke, sometimes do. So really considering it. I see my therapist on Monday so imma talk to her about it, haven't really mentioned it before but the more I up the med to make it work more for me and less small slips, the more often I feel sick. So maybe some opinions from someone? Seriously, I don't really bring up my rl problems because I don't care much for those type of blogs, they do get annoying, but venting and kinda talking about it is therapeutic and make me feel better.

[chocolatechiplague]

Just venting, go about your scheduled program as normal.

I had a thing written but pathetic, stupid me further proved I can’t do anything right by accidentally deleting the vent piece. So imma further feed into this hollow feeling, sometimes writing out helps, at least until I further fuck things.

I feel alone. I feel lonely. It wasn’t this bad earlier today/yesterday but I still feel lonely. I shouldn’t I know, and I’d be constantly told and asked ‘why? You have no reason too you just want attention’ and maybe I do subconsciously, maybe that’s why I post my vent pieces, because I’m some kind of attention whore. I can’t really stop these moments of hollow feeling, I can’t do the 'think positive that’s all you need you aren’t trying hard enough!’ thing, never have. I don’t think the feeling of feeling alone helps today because someone who was my best friend from junior high to her first year of college stayed over the weekend. She turned after the first year into quite a bitch who only speaks to me every other month, that every time would talk of her new best friend that is so similar to me it’s freaky and how she’s better than me in so many ways and does the things her and I did better, like our all night chats where we would fall asleep talking because they have to force themselves to sleep or they never would stop talking. Like, great, wow, thanks for the reminder how easily replaceable I am. I know she’s only here because with it summer and her out of college for it, she doesn’t have her friends so last resort. The entire time she’s been playing my video games, reading my books, when I offer to make her some scrambled eggs as I was going to for me, because I don’t have some weird ass cheese, she 'will take sunny side up instead’ which even if I could make them, I won’t. She has this pissy look if I try to talk to her 'too much’ so it isn’t helping how I feel. I already get this shit from my dad and grandmother who tell me constantly I’m nothing but a 'selfish spoiled brat and child’ despite how I don’t scream at people and each other like they do. That I know to walk away when my anger comes up, that I’m trying to have control over being severely bi polar. It really doesn’t help it’s my birthday. Doesn’t help that like many years, my birthday is on fathers day yet again. It doesn’t help I feel so alone that it hurts and that it’s in the way that I just want to be further alone because I feel I don’t deserve better or anyone would do it outside of pity. I don’t know what I want, maybe just to feel normal, be one of the 'nerudivergent’ this fucking site makes out to be criminals while praising mentally ill as fucking superior beings, that feeling this way is the newest fashion statement because it gives oppression points. I just want to be fucking normal. I just want to feel happy and normal without having to take meds, because being depressed and suicidal isn’t beautiful, that my meds keep me from the edge so often and I hate I have to rely on them so much. I hate the people that call others who need them to breath without a lump in their throat and blackhole in the chest are pathetic and don’t try enough. I’m sick of so many things and this all wasn’t what I thought I’d write and I’m not sure how it got here. I’m just tired. Of feeling alone despite having an awesome girlfriend, despite having a few close friends I trust and care for and know they care for me too, that I have a mom and three sisters that love me and a step dad that loves me too. I’m tired of being sick in a way people on this site envy. I’m just tired so much, that my happiness comes in bursts then I slipped back down. I’m tired and maybe because I haven’t been able to sleep and its 6 am, so it isn’t helping. I’m posting this for me I’ve decided, not sure why but it makes sense in a way. I have to be sure and be up because they want to do birthday lunch at a place they like despite how I don’t want to go out. Happy birthday me, welcome to being 23.