I was relistening to file 12, The Love of Mother today, and I was reminded of just how good the centipede metaphor is and what they represent as well as soooo many other really good details added in Sydney’s flashback monologue
This quote is absolutely insane. So, let’s start analyzing. We’re going into this with the understanding that the centipedes pretty clearly represent Sydney. The centipedes are “kept only in mockery,” which implies that the people who pinned them to wall (Lucille here but in the larger metaphor probably referring more so to Jeididiah) had no respect for them. They’re just bugs after all, so what they would want after death is never considered, they can’t possibly have any thoughts on it, so the humans decide for them, and they decide in a way that only brings joy to them, not to the centipedes, the centipedes have no choice. When they say that many wish to believe that it is an extension of their existence, when it is actually a suppression of their idea, that’s referring to how Jedidiah views his resurrection of Sydney. He sees it as extending Sydney’s life, he thinks that he is doing a good deed for him, but in reality, he’s completely suppressing Sydney’s wants and desires. Sydney did not ask to be brought back and tethered to a camp, that was all Jedidiah wishes. Sydney is never asked what he desires because he’s just a marginalized dead boy, his opinions matter no more than the opinions of a bug despite how much those who pinned him to the wall insist that they’re doing it for his own good. Yet, he still says that it makes him feel safe. This is what is familiar to him, he’s kept in this never ending cycle, and he may not be happy, but at least he feels safe and protected, even if it’s just an illusion that comes at the cost of his autonomy. Then he says that “there were no centipedes in that kitchen. Only the lack of them.” Which is clearly important because he then repeats “there were not centipedes in that kitchen,” again to end off the paragraph. If the centipede is Sydney, then this implies that Sydney does not exist, at least not in the way that he did before his death. They brought him back, but only in a way that is palatable to them. He is only allowed to exist in a glass case with no freedom where he can’t hurt anyone.
Also, I think it’s really interesting to note that just before that, it is mentioned that the wall paper in Lucille’s house is yellow, which could be referencing the short story, “The Yellow Wallpaper,” which is about a woman with post parting depression who is confined to a room covered in yellow wallpaper as treatment who goes mad from being stuck in there, and the story is a critique of medical malpractice and how it is connected to the patriarchy. Which, the similarities to Sydney’s story are pretty obvious. He’s not experiencing post partum depression obviously, but he is mentally ill, and while Sydney isn’t a woman, I think that the narrative makes it clear that his status as a feminine trans man does not exempt him from misogyny. He’s looked at as weak and fragile, and other characters take control of his life and confine him to places. He’s not confined to a room, but he is confined to the camp, and in this instance when he’s at Lucile’s house, he is in a room with yellow wallpaper. Just the like the main character from They Yellow Wallpaper, Sydney lacks autonomy and is being driven mad as everyone around him refuses to take him serious land believes that they know what is best for him. Yes, the mentioning of the yellow wallpaper in the episode is brief, but I don’t think it is accidental, and they must have known what they were doing when they included it.
Also absolutely love the line where he says that Lucille’s house was “cozy and safe, like a prison.” It conveys soooo much about how Sydney reluctantly takes comfort in being trapped, because it is all he knows. Because, technically, yes prisons are safe from the outside world, but inside, well, I think we know how messed up the prison system is, and Sydney is essentially treated like a prisoner, completely lacking his autonomy, and not a person with feelings to be respected, nothing more than a centipede, but one must remember that centipedes do have venom, and one day, he will bite back
