#choi talks

[gamagoori]

after 3 years of actively dating and pining and noncommittal situationships I HAVE A BF NOW..... he's soooo sweet to me and he's also a korean-american communist who likes lifting/calisthenics, which are traits that make up about 80% of who i am as a person so we have a lot of things in common lmao. statistically asian americans are 5% of the country, within that number there's about 2 million korean-americans, and a vanishingly small minority of us care abt leftist politics and our racial/cultural identity. so finding someone among that tiny subset of americans that lives near you and you're mutually attracted to, plus share similar age/hobbies/life stage/future plans with, seemed fucking impossible. i was fine with dating any asian american regardless of race/ethnicity, as long as we shared similar politics, we were attracted to each other, and had similar future plans. so finding a korean guy that fits the mold of my dream husband AND he's into me?????????????? unthinkable. i feel like im dreaming

[strayngekids]

bias list wrecker: *does aegyo*

me: *smiling uncontrollably* it's SO BAD WHAT IS HE DOING IT'S NOT EVEN CUTE?

[gamagoori]

if the ned from try guys cheating drama is true................... like im just in disbelief honestly the most jaw dropping part is that it was with ALEX????? why would either of them do that like wouldnt they know this would be throwing their whole fucking career away im so confused i cant believe they would do that it just seems so idiotic

[gamagoori]

weight training is crazy lol i just slept for 11 hours

[gamagoori]

never doing calisthenics again bc i just busted my tricep doing 5 normal ass regular degular pushups. the feeling of being too weak to effectively do bodyweight exercises for muscular hypertrophy is so demoralizing. if i was a man i'd be able to do this so easily. usually i feel very secure in my male-dominated gym and then something like this happens and suddenly im 15 again, in weightlifting class as the only AFAB person and weaker smaller slower than everybody else. unable to get out of my own head abt being the weakest, jealous of men for being stronger, feeling pathetic for being jealous, remembering i'm not even strong by female standards and wanting to just quit. i recently hit 10kg plates on bench but i feel so stupid being proud of myself bc it's such a low weight still. im not skinny enough to fulfill the feminine gym ideal and im not strong enough to measure up to even the weakest man. i know i know i know you have to put the work in to see the results i know i've improved i know i can improve more but it just feels so far out of reach and i still feel like all the work i've put in has amounted to nothing

[gamagoori]

went to safeway to get ceviche ingredients and picked out tomato cucumber avocado cilantro jalapenos lime juice EVERYTHING..... then went to find shrimp and they didnt have shrimp like i cant believe this how does a supermarket not have fucking shrimp

[gamagoori]

apparently i made this tumblr blog 10 years ago today. today im waiting to see if i got laid off from my job, mourning the fact that a guy i really wanted to be with doesnt want me back, and im too sick to get out of bed. im thinking abt me from 10 years ago, trying to remember what i thought abt back then. i wonder what she would say to me right now. i'd like to think i had the emotional maturity to say something comforting and empathetic. when i was 13 i knew that losing your job was bad, i knew what unrequited love was, i knew what it felt like to be sick. i dont remember exactly how i conceptualized these things though and it's impossible for 13yo me to have known the pain and uncertainty i feel right now. or maybe it was even worse back then. when i was 13yo i didnt even know if i would ever have a good job or if i would ever be loved romantically. maybe 10 years ago i felt even more pain and uncertainty than now. or maybe 13yo me just assumed i would have these things and didnt even worry abt it. i always complain and say that i wish i could fast forward through my 20s and be 30 with a loving partner and stable career and 2 kids, which ig is a big assumption to assume i'll have all that. i always saw getting older as a comfort because the trajectory of your life becomes defined and less uncertain. but i suppose at 30, even if i get what i want, i will just have a different set of uncertainties to torture myself about.

here's to 10 more years of being uncertain on tumblr i guess

[gamagoori]

i just fucked up soooo bad making mac and cheese i feel like i have to apologize to society. im sorry i didnt follow the recipe and thought i knew better