#chronicfartigue

[rainbowbarnacle]

today punched me right in the chronicfartigue

ooohhhh i feel like doody

but luka got me a coffee and i feel a little less like a pair of giant invisible hands have wadded me up

and also I got to listen to like three different stories where people at work had to go to the back of the store to get away from the tornadoing

[rainbowbarnacle]

wow, life is strange X)

I can spend most of the week being all flarey and depressed and “woe is me, how do other people do this all the time, everything is so hard” and then this morning I pop awake at 6:30 AM POING and do all my dishes and take out the trash and make the BEST BREAKFAST CURRY EVER OH MY GOD and then I flit out the door to tiptoe around tidying Luka’s apartment like the quietest domestic fairy thinking holy crap it’s so PRETTY OUT, how on earth am I able to do any of this, I looked at my dirty coffee mugs the other day and wanted to cry--

and theeeeen I realized I let the cold brew green tea steep just a little too long.........

[rainbowbarnacle]

i feel like one of those toys where the batteries are run down and all the creepy noises come out

[rainbowbarnacle]

also

the other day I moved to get off the couch and both hips and both knees all popped loudly at the same time and for a split second I thought I’d legit god-forbid died

[rainbowbarnacle]

one of the crappy things about chronic fatigue syndrome is that talking about it gets really freakin’ boring

oooh noooo Audrey’s skin is on fire again, oh no her joints ache, oh no she couldn’t do choreday again today or clean house or write or do her benefits paperwork on time and a spider drowned in her dirty dishes. sorry spider, sorry god, Audrey doesn’t feel good and so everything is canceled and all these post look the same after awhile and fjkl;dasghdsa;klfjdasfas

like, I’m not ragging on myself (I’m trying really really really hard not to rag on myself because if this was anybody else I certainly wouldn’t gripe at them for having CFS, so the least i can do is extend the same courtesy to myself.) it’s just really upsetting sometimes. 

on the plus side I have friends who don’t mind when i can’t do things and luka made me coffee and let me have some stuff in his freezer so now i have a sandwich and it’s a miracle

maybe tomorrow I’ll feel a little better. I hope so.

[rainbowbarnacle]

todaaay I feel like absolute crap. x_x CFS is kicking my butt again, (burny skin, cracking joints, serious, serious brainfog, I could barely walk over to Luka’s apartment, uughhh i’m so sick of it) but Luka was kind enough to take me to the hippie store so I could stock up on nibbles. SO IT’S TEA PARTY TIME HIPPIE CHOW EDITION, WHOOOOOO

For some reason when I’m having a really horrible flareup, I start craving bitter things, so I end up chugging a lot of iced black coffee and unsweetened green tea and gnawing on bitter vegetables (hello rainbow chard, I am totally going to eat you right out of that bag) 

I would also be scarfing the completely lovely dark chocolate crisps with the strawberry bits in that I found at Cub Foods, but I left it at my house ;_;

I have no idea what that strawberry green tea tastes like, but it looks lovely and the bottle is pretty and it’s glass so I can save it for later.

i also found pad thai and an eggplant sandwich, nom

this... probably makes me look much more virtuous than I am, seriously, I’d add cookies or a donut or something just to balance everything out, but I looked at the cookies and baked goods and actually felt queasy x_x but YAY I FOUND JICAMA STICKS AFTER LOOKING FOR THEM FOREVER, this makes a happy Aud <3

so now it’s time to sit in front of this wonderful giant fan (I have no idea why but blasting the fan directly on me helps) and munch on stuff and watch Almost Famous when Luka gets back home, whooooo

[rainbowbarnacle]

one downside to chronic fatigue is that sometimes all the burny skin and formication and woozy feelings make me have invasive body horror thoughts and images and it’s really awful

and though I feel much, much better today, I still feel all grossed out X(

[rainbowbarnacle]

oohh god I woke up today with burny hands and feet but other than that I felt okay so I thought that would be the worst of it

nooope

we went out and did dogpark things and an errand or two and then I went home and I had a nap and not too long after my skin started to prickle and burn everywhere, and I couldn’t wear rings or my wrist warmers anymore, and my bones hurt, and when luka walked me home he said he could hear my joints crackling

at some point luka told me tomorrow’s supposed to be stormy and Monday might bring snow, and suddenly it aaaall makes sense =_=

it makes me wonder how many meteorologists have chronic fatigue syndrome

anywho i am going to fall over, wake me up when the weather calms down x_x