#cinisxcineris

[xhighbeams-blog]

my hand slipped. a lot.

[xhighbeams-blog]

                                                                            This is a new kind of addiction.

                                                 A different one.

It still makes her head spin wildly, makes her veins run with fire, still leaves one of those dazed little grins on her face as she rides the feeling down, down, down.

Pock marks on her arms feel invisible under dark fingers, familiar hands, but that touch is just as jarring, just as electric, and sometimes she has to remind herself to breathe, breathe, take in every bit that she can, let it envelop her, make her forget all the pain, the loss, the confusion and the fear. She's wrapped so tight in its grip, and it just feels too good.

This drug has a smile, one of those killer grins, and calloused hands — it smells like campfire smoke and paint and it always surprises her how much she’s come to equate that scent with safety, with home. It knows just what to say and when to say it, it knows when not to say anything at all, it does things to her — for her — that leave her flustered and flattered and all the good words in the world. When those arms open she willingly dives in every time and it is always just as fresh and warm and beautiful as the very first time.

It makes her heart ache. Leaves bruises, the best kind, on her neck and along her collar, and she wears them proudly, and so does it, because she is just as intent to mark it as her own.

It’s love. She knows it is. But the words are like a boulder wedged in her throat, stretching out her vocal chords until the thought of moving makes them tighten in protest.

Love has dark eyes and dark hair and a vest with too many buttons, has hoodies that cling to it long after they’ve been shed, serve as substitute when love can’t be there. She takes that fix whenever she can, even though the withdrawal doesn’t leave her sweating, angry, dangerous.

No, love knows to leave her with enough, because she knows it will always, always come back to her, even the nights when it’s the last thing she feels she deserves.

Love took something ugly and broken and showed it just how beautiful a thing it could be. Love didn’t fix her. But it pushed her to move on, fractured as it was. Love knew what left the cracks behind, and she found that her missing pieces just gave love more room to hold onto her. Gave love more reason to.

                                       —— I think you might have saved me ——

Under the blanket of the night sky, where the stars just barely twinkle in the fabric of the dark, shimmer in the reflection of the sound, she wonders if love knows just how true that is.

[straywarrior-blog]

( cinisxcineris replied to your post. )

U USED ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT ON ME. THAT’S IT THE CONTRACT IS SEALED

it's settled we r best friends now no take-baCKS

[reikokutoattakai-a]

cinisxcineris replied to your post: “hallo frandos, hallooooo :D work was DUMB and blehhh but i am home now...”:

OH GOD A RUBY BLOG I'D CRY. and probably make leeloo.

FREEZE THOSE KNEES MAH CHICKADEES BZZZZZTTT //sHOOS EVERYONE AWAY FRANTICALLY

[xhighbeams-blog]

♫ ♈: An argument/topic that you could debate all day (it wont show up weeps)

♫ | An argument that you're sick of hearing

people who try and excuse whitewashing because of convenience (ie, using a white fc for a poc character because there are more icons of said white fc) it just makes me sad. and angry.

♈ | An argument/topic that you could debate all day

the idea that fetch has a lenience to good karma, and eugene as a lenience to bad karma. based solely on their backstories one would assume the opposite would be true but that's obviously not the case. just how the both of them go against the stereotypes of their respective aesthetics gives me life yes good

[xhighbeams-blog]

➸ ✉ ☄

➸ | Something you like about your fandom

wheRE DO I START??? i've been to a lot of fandoms and a lot of them are toxic. but here in the infamous fandom i just?? felt really welcome and maybe that was because i had kels there whispering in my ear convincing me to make a separate blog for fetch but i'm just?? really happy here orz

✉ | Someone you're afraid to approach/unsure of approaching

everyone and i'm not even trying to be funny here. i'm sort of this lump that sits at a desk and types for a while. i'm even afraid to approach kels sometimes. like. anxiety and just. everyone yeah.

☄ | A doubt you have about your writing

how much time do i have? i'm always terrified my prose is somehow purple or i'm just rambling and not making any sense and boring my partner. no matter how many people tell me that i'm good at what i do there is always, always that little voice in the back of my head telling me they're just being nice and they're lying. and tbh it makes me feel awful because it invalidates peoples' opinions of me which just leads to more paranoia and worry and it just never ends. i do worry if i just ramble but i haven't been scolded by anyone for purple prose or what have you so. there's hope.

[xhighbeams-blog]

☣ ☠

☣ | A pet peeve about roleplaying

i have very few things in life that irritate me; books not being stacked according to size/author, uneven spacing between pictures or figurines, but above all else? poor grammar, from native english speakers. i understand that not everyone was raised with english but for those that were if i can’t read what you write without cringing i am signing out of life goodbye

☠ | Something you dislike about your fandom

ohhhh dear. uh. well. i’m.. awfully picky with ocs in the infamous fandom. there are.. a lot and a handful of them have illogical powers or don’t seem to understand how conduits work if that makes sense?? i’m not going to name names, obviously, but i’ve seen ocs with delsin’s power and i’ve seen ocs with a broad category as a power which allows for variety but makes them kind of overpowered which is obnoxious to deal with ic.

[xhighbeams-blog]

♔ ☀

♔ | A character (in general) that you'd like to interact with

brent, brent, brent, did i mention brent? one that will actually stick around and stick to the canon is that too much to ask? also sailor moon bc that was fetch's fave anime and her meeting usagi would trip her out tbh

☀ | Another Mun that you really admire/respect

kels you're gonna murder me but you. you're just?? this force of good intentions and you put up with me when i know i would have walked away months ago but you're just ??? really great.